Title: He Saved Her
Author: Jennifer Campbell-Hicks
Fandom: Dollhouse
Spoilers: Episode "Omega"
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: The show Dollhouse and its characters belong to people with a lot more money than me. Please don't sue.
Notes: This story attempts to fill a glaring hole (at least to me) in the narrative of an otherwise decent season/series finale.
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"You saved her," Caroline said.
That was the moment, the one Paul Ballard had been waiting for. He looked up at Caroline – it could be Echo or some imprint, but to him she would always be Caroline – on a metal beam two stories above. Then his eyes fell to the wedge in his hands. It didn't seem like much, but it was so important she had risked her life to retrieve it. Her gratitude as she looked back down at him – that moment – was enough to justify the weeks and months of investigation and obsession.
He stood under Caroline as she inched her way off the beam to safety, then took the wedge with him into the building. He had to find her before Langton did. Not that he had anything against the other man – he had even started to develop respect for Langton's skills – but Ballard needed to talk to her. Alone.
They met on a landing between staircases. Again, he was struck by her natural beauty and charisma, could see why she was so popular with Dollhouse clients, but the childlike innocence of an active was gone. She appeared more self-aware than any other time he had seen her. She also favored one shoulder, wet with blood. That would need medical attention and soon.
He waited for her to make a move, but she just stared at him. Would she run? Rebel against him as she had when he tried to help her escape the Dollhouse? He stood ready for just about anything.
Finally, she said, "I know you. I fought you."
"In the Dollhouse, yes," he said.
"No, before that." She moved closer and stroked one hand down the stubble on his cheek – to trigger a memory, perhaps. He didn't move. "We were in the back of a restaurant. I had been sent after you, to kill you. And to deliver a message."
"You remember that?"
She nodded. "I remember everything."
"Do you know who sent the message?"
"No." Her forehead wrinkled and eyes tightened; to Ballard it looked as though she was struggling to recall something through the cobwebs of her mind. "But I know your name. … Paul Ballard. Right? You're an FBI agent."
"Suspended agent." It still hurt to say that. "But yes, I'm Paul Ballard. Nice to meet you, Caroline."
She gave him a thin smile. "You're holding Caroline."
"What? You mean this?" He held up the wedge. "This wedge is you?" He laughed when she nodded. "So I really did rescue you, after all."
"You rescued what I could be. Right now I'm nothing, just a body, albeit one that Alpha filled with more than he should have." She must have seen his confusion because she went on. "He downloaded every imprint I've ever had, all at once. They're all in here now," she tapped her temple, "rattling around, fighting with one another."
"My God," he muttered. It sounded horrible. "We've got to get them out and put Caroline back where she's supposed to be."
"Paul …"
"If Alpha put all of them in there, then he has to have something here in this place to fix you, right? Some machine?"
"He has a chair, yes."
"Then let's go."
He took her hand and started up the stairs, not having the slightest clue where he was going, but it felt good to do something. Besides, this was Caroline's chance to escape for good. They had to do it before Langton found them. Ballard knew what Langton would pick, given the choice between restoring Caroline and taking her back. The other man had spent too long in the Dollhouse, serving their agenda, to do anything else. He would even think he was doing the right thing.
Before they could go more than a few steps, though, Caroline pulled back her hand. Ballard looked at her, saw her regret, and despaired. She wouldn't go with him.
"I'm sorry," she said.
"Don't you understand? They'll take you back to the Dollhouse. They will wipe you clean and force you to be their slave again."
She looked at her feet. "I know."
"Don't you want to be free?"
"Yes, but I also have my reasons for going back."
Ballard threw up his hands. "This is insane."
"Paul?"
At the sound his name on her lips, he looked back at her.
She took a deep breath. "You need to come with me."
He snorted. "Now that really is insane."
He started to walk away, but she got in his face. "You know too much about the Dollhouse for them to let you go. You have to realize that. So as far as I can tell, you have three choices: Walk away and wait for them to kill you, get in the chair –"
"Not liking this so far," Ballard grumbled.
"… Or become a handler. Specifically, my handler."
That stopped him short. He had agreed to help find Caroline and take down Alpha, if he could, but had assumed his association with the Dollhouse would end after that. In return for his help, he could leave. Now he realized how naïve his assumption had been. Caroline was right. He had forced the issue, had found a way into the Dollhouse, and now he didn't have a choice but to pay the price.
Still, this could have a bright side. He had his mission from some unknown source, the one who had told him through both Caroline and Melie to find the true purpose of the Dollhouse. He might find that much easier from the inside. Then there was Melie, or November, or whatever they called her. If he played his cards right, he could use this change in circumstance to help her, too.
"Paul?" Caroline said. "Were you listening?"
"I was just thinking: Why do you want me for your handler? Isn't that Langton's job?"
She looked sad. "It was, for a while, but he has a new job now. I trusted him, and he protected me. I trust you, too." She took his hand in hers, so warm and alive, such a contrast to what she would become if they went back. "I know it's hard, but I need you. Please, I need you to keep this body safe until it's time for Caroline to come home. Will you do that for me? For Caroline?"
"For Caroline," he repeated, voice gruff with emotion. Yeah, I can do that."
"Thank you."
They walked back down the stairs together, each lost in their own thoughts, out an open doorway into the sunlight.
"You won't remember any of this tomorrow, will you?" he asked.
She shook her head. It must be hard for her to go back to that willingly, but it also would be hard for him to watch the awareness vanish from her eyes. Ballard wondered, as they headed toward the car, whether he could live with that on a daily basis. Had he been too brash, too quick to answer? Should he have taken more time to think about it?
And what would this turn him into? A sellout? A double agent for an unknown master? Would he fall into the same trap as Langton, believing that protecting the Dollhouse is the right thing to do? Too many questions.
"Only time will tell," he muttered.
"What was that?" Caroline asked, and he realized he had spoken out loud.
"Nothing." He put on a brave smile and pointed to Langton, waiting up ahead beside a black van. Sierra and November were there, too, still in bounty hunter garb. "It looks like we have people waiting."
Caroline grimaced. "Those women are my friends, and they don't even know it."
Soon enough, neither will you, Ballard thought.
"Let's go home," he said.