Searching for You
Everything was black. I was lost, adrift in a sea of nothingness, the darkness within my soul.
Alone.
"Where are you?" My voice echoes in the blackness.
"Rinoa!"
Had I lost her? Was she, like me, searching through time, lost and alone? Or maybe she didn't make it.
Had all the events of the last few weeks been for nothing? Had everything been pointless?
I closed my eyes for a second, my heart filled with sorrow. The moment I opened them, I noticed my surroundings had changed. No longer was I enveloped in infinate darkness. I was walking in a vast, endless desert with nothing in sight.
"Rinoa!"
I'll find her. I have to. I can't lose her now, not after all this. Not after seeing her drift off into space, into certain death. I didn't save her just to lose her again. I can't let her die. I won't let her die.
I will find her.
I thought back to the time we spent inside the Ragnarok. The first time we ever really spent alone. I remembered the wonderful feeling of having her close to me, of me being able to hold her and protect her from the world.
That was the first moment I realised the truth.
I love her.
I didn't want that moment to end. It felt so perfect, so right.
I can't believe how stupid I was not to embrace it. I told her to go and sit down when all I really wanted was for time to freeze, to stop still, so I'd never have to let her go.
But that was just what I did.
I didn't want her to go to the Sorceresses Memorial, I just couldn't tell her. I'd spent so long without anybody who cared that I'd grown accustomed to not voicing my feelings. I wish that I could have told her. I tried, but the words just wouldn't come.
Now, she might never know how I feel about her.
I need to tell her that I love her, that I care.
If only I could have protected her. If only I could find her.
I don't know how long I walked until I came to the edge of the desert, a deep chasm falling away in front of me. My heart fell. There was nowhere else to go.
I fell to my feet, overcome with the realization that I might never find my way out of this place, that I may never see her again.
Something slowly drifted past my eyes.
A pure, white feather.
It looked so out of place in this desolation, almost like Rinoa. I always thought that she didn't belong in such a violent and desparate world. The world that I dragged her into.
I held out my hand, and to my surprise, it fell straight onto my palm, causing a pair of angel wings to flash before me. In this intant, I saw her.
"Rinoa."
She didn't turn around, she couldn't hear me.
"Rinoa," I shouted louder. It was as if I wasn't there. As if I meant nothing to her.
Maybe I was nothing.
Closing my eyes, I could see everything that had happened to me, as if my life was flashing in front of me. She was there, in the ballroom, asking me to dance. Only this time, her touch was cold, as if she wasn't real. We danced, faster and faster, I could no longer see the room.
I could see the stars as I flew through space, unable to stop myself.
She was there in front of me, unconscious in her space suit. Just as I had found her a few days before.
Only this time, I couldn't slow down. I couldn't stop myself.
The glass in her suit smashed, and I was back in the desert.
A tear fell down my cheek and I finally gave in to the darkness.
I stood up, not knowing where I was.
There was nothing around me.
I couldn't even feel any air flooding into my lungs.
Was I dead?
Had I failed her?
Suddenly, a light appeared in front of me, blinding me for a second.
Was this the end?
"Squall. Squall?" a distant voice sobbed gently.
Rinoa.
"Squall, come back to me."
I frantically ran towards the voice, not really knowing where I was heading, just hoping to find her somewhere amongst the blackness.
"Squall."
I opened my eyes.
"Squall." She was there, in front of me. She was alive. She was safe.
"Rinoa," I managed to gasp weakly, putting my arms around her neck, pulling her closer to me. "I thought I'd lost you."
"No Squall, I'm right here, where we promised." I looked around.
We were in the flower field, where I had made my promise to her. Where I had pledged to be with her and protect her.
"I thought I'd lost you. I thought I wouldn't get to tell you."
"Tell me what Squall?" She gently ran her hands through my hair, sending a shiver up my spine.
"I love you."
Everything was black. I was lost, adrift in a sea of nothingness, the darkness within my soul.
Alone.
"Where are you?" My voice echoes in the blackness.
"Rinoa!"
Had I lost her? Was she, like me, searching through time, lost and alone? Or maybe she didn't make it.
Had all the events of the last few weeks been for nothing? Had everything been pointless?
I closed my eyes for a second, my heart filled with sorrow. The moment I opened them, I noticed my surroundings had changed. No longer was I enveloped in infinate darkness. I was walking in a vast, endless desert with nothing in sight.
"Rinoa!"
I'll find her. I have to. I can't lose her now, not after all this. Not after seeing her drift off into space, into certain death. I didn't save her just to lose her again. I can't let her die. I won't let her die.
I will find her.
I thought back to the time we spent inside the Ragnarok. The first time we ever really spent alone. I remembered the wonderful feeling of having her close to me, of me being able to hold her and protect her from the world.
That was the first moment I realised the truth.
I love her.
I didn't want that moment to end. It felt so perfect, so right.
I can't believe how stupid I was not to embrace it. I told her to go and sit down when all I really wanted was for time to freeze, to stop still, so I'd never have to let her go.
But that was just what I did.
I didn't want her to go to the Sorceresses Memorial, I just couldn't tell her. I'd spent so long without anybody who cared that I'd grown accustomed to not voicing my feelings. I wish that I could have told her. I tried, but the words just wouldn't come.
Now, she might never know how I feel about her.
I need to tell her that I love her, that I care.
If only I could have protected her. If only I could find her.
I don't know how long I walked until I came to the edge of the desert, a deep chasm falling away in front of me. My heart fell. There was nowhere else to go.
I fell to my feet, overcome with the realization that I might never find my way out of this place, that I may never see her again.
Something slowly drifted past my eyes.
A pure, white feather.
It looked so out of place in this desolation, almost like Rinoa. I always thought that she didn't belong in such a violent and desparate world. The world that I dragged her into.
I held out my hand, and to my surprise, it fell straight onto my palm, causing a pair of angel wings to flash before me. In this intant, I saw her.
"Rinoa."
She didn't turn around, she couldn't hear me.
"Rinoa," I shouted louder. It was as if I wasn't there. As if I meant nothing to her.
Maybe I was nothing.
Closing my eyes, I could see everything that had happened to me, as if my life was flashing in front of me. She was there, in the ballroom, asking me to dance. Only this time, her touch was cold, as if she wasn't real. We danced, faster and faster, I could no longer see the room.
I could see the stars as I flew through space, unable to stop myself.
She was there in front of me, unconscious in her space suit. Just as I had found her a few days before.
Only this time, I couldn't slow down. I couldn't stop myself.
The glass in her suit smashed, and I was back in the desert.
A tear fell down my cheek and I finally gave in to the darkness.
I stood up, not knowing where I was.
There was nothing around me.
I couldn't even feel any air flooding into my lungs.
Was I dead?
Had I failed her?
Suddenly, a light appeared in front of me, blinding me for a second.
Was this the end?
"Squall. Squall?" a distant voice sobbed gently.
Rinoa.
"Squall, come back to me."
I frantically ran towards the voice, not really knowing where I was heading, just hoping to find her somewhere amongst the blackness.
"Squall."
I opened my eyes.
"Squall." She was there, in front of me. She was alive. She was safe.
"Rinoa," I managed to gasp weakly, putting my arms around her neck, pulling her closer to me. "I thought I'd lost you."
"No Squall, I'm right here, where we promised." I looked around.
We were in the flower field, where I had made my promise to her. Where I had pledged to be with her and protect her.
"I thought I'd lost you. I thought I wouldn't get to tell you."
"Tell me what Squall?" She gently ran her hands through my hair, sending a shiver up my spine.
"I love you."