Author's Note: Yeah, I still don't own Final Fantasy. Also, I know I said I wouldn't do any more FF7 fanfiction. I'd fully intended to keep that promise. And then... inspiration!

Reno's New Battlecry

Of all the titanic battles Cloud had fought, of all the times where steel had flashed, and the sky brightened with magical fire and lightning, and the sound of gunfire threatened to deafen him, none had provoked such a response from him as that of the scuffle with the Turks on board the Gelnika.

It had started simply enough.

Cloud, Tifa, and Cid had boarded the downed ship under the sea with the aim of looting whatever Shinra tech and salvage they could for their cause. After all, stealing from Shinra wasn't really such a crime, and as the protectors of the Planet, were they not worthy?

But within the wrecked ship, deep under the currents of the ocean, they'd encountered Reno and Rude.

And as always where the Turks were concerned, a fight broke out.

And between all the water around, and Rude flinging his 'Grand Spark' attack about, Tifa's shirt had gotten wet.

Now, Cloud was a warrior. He knew how to keep his cool, and his attention where it should be. Even Cid, vulgar and laid back, could keep his mind on the game. And Rude, of course, didn't even register it.

But as soon as it happened, Reno blurted, "Nipple!"

There was an awkward pause in the fight, as everyone stopped for a second, and tried to process what Reno had just said. And more importantly, look at the source of the comment without actually looking at it, lest they incur Tifa's wrath.

"Oh, right," Reno said. "Fight. Sorry. Fight on!"

And with that, the two sides clashed again, weapons meeting weapons, magic meeting magic, grenades meeting dynamite.

But a few more moments passed, and Reno exclaimed, "Nipple!"

"Quit that!" Cid snarled. "We know!"

"No no, the other one!"

Cloud sighed, and found it difficult to hold his sword upright, which was as ironic a turn of phrase as any given the circumstances.

Tifa was busy turning scarlet.

And then Reno said, "Nipple! Nipple. Niiiiiple. Nipple nipple nipple!"

And then, oddly enough, Rude laughed.

They all stared at Rude, as the big, bald, silent man laughed. And laughed. And guffawed. Cid joined him. Then Cloud felt his shoulders shaking, and he, too, succumbed. And finally, with a last cry of "Nipple!" from Reno, Tifa fell into the cadence of the laughter.

It lasted only a minute, but afterwards, there was another awkward moment, and Reno finally said, "Eh. You can have whatever's here. I'm not in the mood anymore."

And then he looked pointedly down at his pants, frowned, and said, "I need to get shorebound fast."

Rude, any semblence of humor now completely gone from his face, joined him.

Cloud, Cid, and Tifa all swore they'd never discuss the moment with anyone ever again, and hoped that it would never come up again.

But just a few days later, in the train tunnels underneath Shinra Tower, they fought the Turks again, and as Reno fled the fight, he gave one last cry of, "Nipple!"

Author's Note:

I literally wrote this in twenty minutes after reading a comment on the Genesis Awards forum from spopococ that stated that excessive use of the word 'nipple' can get silly, and become hilarious. I decided to test this theory. Only time (and reviews!) will tell.