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There's this kid in the candy store: he wants the chocolate bar there. It's the most delicious kind of candy in the entire department. All he wants is the chocolate. He lives to taste the chocolate bar, he lives to just feel that chocolate slowly melt into his mouth; it would make his entire life... His life. The candy is so close; he wants it, he really wants it, but unfortunately, it's the candy that's too expensive, his mom says. So near, yet, so far away. Still, he has failed to understand why he can't obtain this prize...
This kid is not selfish.
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It's Tuesday night, February 27th. The brisk, cold winter's night air envelops everything around it, forcing everyone to feel the effects of the blazing snow and keeping them all aware that season is still, far from over. But, my problem goes deeper than the weather patterns. This problem has gradually graced the surface of my heart, from a small thought, manifesting itself into a hidden passion all its own.
My name is Son Gohan; I am 22 years old. Videl, my fiancé, has grown into an impeccable, beautiful work of art. It's been two years since we've been engaged (and I still don't know how the hell I managed to gather up enough courage to ask her to marry me), plus, three months since we've bought a house together. (See, we could've gotten a house right away, but me, being the responsible person that I am, told Videl to let me take care of it.) Even though it's been three months since we've been lived together, can you believe it's only been four days since we've been sleeping together? No, no… I don't mean 'sleeping together', involving sex, I mean 'sleeping together' as in us sharing the same bed. Me, holding Videl in my arms, while drifting off into the content of our minds….is pure bliss.
But, how is it that I can hold this woman in my arms… this amazingly fantastic woman… without feeling so helpless… that I want to give in to that hidden passion… to give in to all my feelings and senses… To make love to this woman like I've always wanted to all of these years. As I fell in love with her more, the more that daring idea had begun to take over my mind.
Videl… you've casted a spell on me… I love you so much I can't stand it. I just want to kiss you all over… to enter that sacred temple that my mind and body has ached and longed for so long. Even though we promised to calmly await till the day we were wed to give in to this dark reward… to this nightly demon… I don't know how much longer I can keep this up. "Calmly awaiting" hasn't worked for me. It's only made me want you more. That fire inside my heart is raging so out of control that you can almost see it burning within my soul.
Videl, help me please. I'm almost begging you. Help me relieve this pain. How can I keep this blazing, hidden passion under control?
"Gohan, would you turn that T.V. off?" she interrupted me, glancing off to the side. "How are we ever going to get any sleep with that static on all night?"
"Aie… sorry, Videl…" I replied, smiling humbly, turning the T.V. off. She smiled back at me and began to walk towards the bed that I was already sat in.
"I don't know. I've just been tired all day… But, when it comes time to rest, it seems I can never fall asleep, you know?"
"Yeah, exactly…" I prompted my head on my hand, and continued to stare at her as she finished removing the rest of her outer clothes. She slowly stripped off her sweater like she knew I was watching. Like, she knew that I wanted her so badly and she just wanted to torture me. It was going to be another hard night of forcing myself to wait. By the time I'd snapped out of my state, she had already finished and was looking at me now. Maybe she caught me watching her…
"Son Gohan, what are you gazing at me like that for?" she asked.
"What… I can't lovingly stare at my fiancé while she's preparing for bed?" I questioned her with a small grin. She started to look sternly at me with a sort of annoyed look on her face.
"Idiot," she responded, hardly audible, while tossing the balled-up sweater in my face.
"Hey…" I told her, pretending to be upset. She only chuckled lightly.
"Go to sleep, Gohan-kun." Were her last words of the hour.
Forty-five minutes later… And, I was holding my fiancé in my arms once again. Through the night, she had found her way on top of me, parading her way in between my legs where the passion had worsened the most. I tried to moderate my breathing, hoping she wouldn't notice how badly I had to try to keep myself from pinning her down right there. I was struggling to just keep that up. So in retreat, I forced my hands down from Videl's tummy where they lay, to my sides. I couldn't stand it. I had to keep myself from getting too exited over this. Am I just a monster? A perverted monster?
"Ngh… Gohan…" Videl moaned, waking up from her sleep. Hearing her cry out for me just then made it worse. I don't know what she did, whether it was in her voice, or something else, that made it so enticing to me.
"Y-yes, Videl…?" I stammered.
"Keep them there…" she replied, holding my hands and guiding them back up on her stomach where they lay before…
"Aie…" …Is she trying to kill me?
I started to go uneasy with my breathing once again. This time I couldn't control it as much as I though I could. I felt my manhood slowly piercing up from my underwear and meeting my fiancé's bottom. No… not now. Why now? …Videl although I love you so much and no matter how much I, myself want to wait for you… my body is just trying so hard to violate these rules. It wants you just as viciously as I want you. I hugged her closer to me, well aware that she probably felt my member as it continued to graze across her lower body. I'm sorry, Videl.
My heart began pounding faster, as I tried not to think about this predicament and this passion. I knew there were no way I could forget about Videl… but maybe I could just block out the demons that were making me think of all these erotic fantasies, that were pushing me to lose it all in front of my fiancé… I closed my eyes and tried to get rid of this damn demon that had taken over me these past 4 years. I held my breath in for as long as I could, and then gradually released it out again.
I knew Videl was aware of my sudden breathing pattern, and I could tell that she knew something was stirring within me.
She brought up the question, "Gohan, you need to relax… I'm not making you this nervous, am I?"
"Ha ha ha… sorry…" I tried to lightly laugh off. This was distressing me; I mean it, this was seriously distressing me. This isn't working, Videl. The more I try to forget it, the more it consumes me. I know I should tell you about this, about what I've been feeling. It wouldn't be fair to you any other way. Or… maybe I'm just selfish. Maybe I'm selfish to think of these things and confessing to her. Like, professing my love for her will solve all our problems. What about how she will be feeling? Like revealing my hidden eroticisms, will satisfy myself, but what new emotions would that bring forth in Videl?
No, that can't be it. She knows that I only want the best for her. Would telling her that I've wanted to make love with her (since forever, it feels like) really be an awkward thing to do? Even though we've promised to wait, I am still her fiancé. And, just look at the position I am in… a gorgeous woman that I love, lying on top of me; how could I not want to just spin her around and kiss every inch of her body? If only you'd let me, Videl. To just think about touching and tasting your bare skin is so tempting to me. I just want to enjoy every moment of you, slowly licking you, wherever you tell me to. Or, if you want it, let me be in control. I'll give you the most sensational night of your life. To feel your passion; hear that heavenly voice call out my name; and seeing that look on your face, knowing that I've satisfied you, will definitely be my heaven on Earth.
I could be so much more to you. I could do so much more for you. Just give me the chance.
By now, I had been thinking of her so much, that it had gotten really difficult to attempt to suppress my secret desires, and maintain my somewhat calm demeanor. My entire body became uncomfortable then, sustaining that partial erection for so long. But… although this situation was causing me such pain, although it seemed to hurt so much, somehow it felt … great … enticingly great.
My breath had gone completely out of control now. I was panting and huffing like I had just ran the distance from the Earth to the moon. But, this breathing wasn't caused by fatigue … but in intense, severe longing. She was right there for me, but I couldn't have her…
By this time, I knew Videl had known something was wrong with me. I could feel her heart beating faster from inside her tummy. I finally decided that I was going to tell her.
"Videl…" I softly spoke, "I need to tell you something." I finally said, taking a breath
between each pause. I tried my best to relax a little as I continued on. "Now, please, don't think of doing anything just because I am talking about it. I want you to make your own decisions about this subject. I just needed to tell you how I felt…"
I begun moving my hands softly, delicately across her stomach as I finally let it out, "Videl… you make me nervous."
She hadn't said a word.
"Videl, These last four years have been wonderful with you, and these past four days have been spectacular. But, Videl… there's no way I can continue to go on like this … without wanting to make love to you as badly as I do." Oh, my God. I said it. I actually said it. "Now I know we promised to each other that we'd wait until we were married next year to do it, but… honestly… I really don't feel as if I can last two more hours…" She still didn't respond; only remained silent as I continued to brush my fingers across her belly. "Being this close to you… and loving you this much…" I spoke, as I then hugged her close to my body," Is making my desire worst, day by day. You make me so happy when I'm with you, Videl, but at the same time… you make my heart ache. Because I know I can't have you."
My breathing started to calm down now. "I just want to caress every spot on your body… kiss your beautiful lips –both sets– and fulfill your every fantasy. I want to love you so badly, Videl… and I don't understand why you just won't allow it. Whether if it's a selfish thought or whether it isn't… it's what I'm feeling. And, I want to know what you've been feeling… I used to want to find out how I could control myself… but, know I want to know…why won't you let me make love to you, Videl…?"
Why…?
…. After I was finished with my little confession, I wondered what Videl was feeling at the moment. Hopefully, she wasn't completely revolted or disgusted with it. But, I didn't know because she just quietly lied there. I nervously begun to shake, and I felt my heart sink lower into my gut as I awaited her response. What was she going to say? What would her response be?
I wrapped my arms around her waist, as I then heard her answer me…
"Gohan…" she spoke softly. That angelic voice sent shivers down my spine. She leisurely turned her body toward mine, so that we could now be face to face as she told me her words. Slowly inhaling, then exhaling, she continued on… " Gohan…" she said again, "How long has this been going on ... these intense feelings for me...?" Her lips lightly grazed across mine; I could feel her slow, warm breathing combine with mine. She gazed at me so intensively, like she was trying to understand me; like my face had contained the answer she was seeking. She delicately touched the little hairs from the small of my neck; ... I could've sworn being right there, so close, I was about to kiss her... I tried to sit up to get away from her hold and rested on the back of my elbows.
"I-I don't know exactly when it started... But, over the past few months living with you, is when ... it's gotten so fierce..." She used her hands to bring my body back down with hers so I'd be underneath her again. "So fierce, Videl..." I said unsurely, as my breathing commenced to quicken its pace again. Oh, no, not again. You could probably hear my nervous heart pounding loudly from inside my chest. "Videl, I don't feel--"
"Shh..." she replied, "Close your eyes, Gohan-kun." she told me ... and complied I did. I wanted to know what she was up to, but what could I do? I could only now rely on my other senses to know what was going on. She had begun combing through my hair with her fingers as I felt her starting to stare at me again. She had to be. I could still feel her sweet breath against my face, as she released out a big sigh. "Hmm... Gohan..." she resumed, stopping her grooming. "I'm not doing this to torture you..." ...What?
I opened my eyes.
"I'm not doing this because of what our families might think, or what the public might think." ... "It's not that at all..." She continued, "Gohan, don't you remember the reason why we made that promise to each other in the first place? ...To wait until marriage?" I looked at her through those blue eyes. Of course I knew the answer. But, I could tell she wanted to respond to the question herself, so I remained quiet. "It was because we said we wanted to feel ready. So, it wouldn't seem like we were rushing or something; but..." She stroked my cheek with her hand and stared back at me. Trying to ease my tense body, I anxiously took her hand from my face and softly kissed the palm. I didn't know what else I could do; I still didn't say anything. "Well, now, I'm sure that both of us feel like we're more than ready to do it now ... we're both 22, we share a house, we sleep in the same bed together... The only thing we're probably not that comfortable with yet is being completely undressed in front of each other..."
I paused with my kissing. "...Gohan, it's gotten deeper than that ... to just wait until we were ready. We're both ready, probably ready than we'll ever be, but now I want to know if you will wait with me for a different reason." I didn't know where she was getting at with this. "You said yourself that your passion grows each day we're together. I'd wanted to make love to you myself every day, but... just think to wait until next year ... to wait till our longing is so powerful, at the boiling point..." and she grinned. "...That it'll be the most fantastic thing we've ever experienced together, Gohan." ... I could do nothing but stare.
"Don't you see it...? If we wait, Gohan, it'll be so much more, it'll mean so much more to us ... to save it so it'll be more special." But, it would already be so special, Videl... She developed a sincere look on her face now. "...But, Gohan, I want you to understand... I'm all here for you. I'm saving myself only for you, I'm not going anywhere..." She lightly touched the top of my mouth with her fingers, causing my frame to tremble. "So, Gohan...You really don't think you can wait one more year for me...? If not an entire year, then would you try to just wait however long you think you can hold it in? I didn't want to give you an exact date, so you'll be counting down the days or something... I just wanted to save our virginity until our marriage day. Or, at least try to..." She then sat up on top of me, and placed her hands on my chest, extending her arms out. "So, please, would you try to wait for me, Gohan-kun...?" she spoke her last words with a cracked, hopeful half-grin.
I just looked at her, with understanding, but wondering how I was going to complete this rigorous task and wait. I opened my mouth to say something... but nothing came out... What was I going to do? I wanted to wait; I've wanted to wait until Videl felt like she wanted to. I never wanted to rush her in any way. I'm already so scared and terrified of hurting you with my unruly power, and I don't want to risk the chance of hurting you with my actions or feelings either.
I've waited all my life for this woman; all of these 22 years. I'm still not sure yet... how I'm going to control this demon inside of me, but... " Videl..." I said, with a considerable amount of concern in my voice. My hands were shaking, as I elevated my hands to her face. I felt like I wanted to explode; like a volcano on the brink of leaving behind it's core and erupting it's lava all over the Earth's crust. And, Videl, you are my Earth. You are my World. "Videl..." I repeated, stroking her shoulders firmly, yet smoothly. "I'll... I'll wait for you..." I lastly said.
Her face began to beam, and she ran a hand through her shinning, ebony hair. I smiled back, and sat up also, while she folded her legs behind my back. I didn't know what I was saying, or if I even made any sense; all I knew is that I made my Videl happy again. Which is all I ever wanted since forever. I wrapped my arms around her waist again and gave her a close hug. "I don't know how I'm going to do it, being so close to you, now that our relationship's gotten far more serious... but I'll try for you. I'll try my best..." Even though it would be so hard for me-almost unbearably hard- I knew I could do it. I'd have to. "I want to spend the rest of my life with you ...I'd wait forever for you, Videl..."
She took my face into her palms, and simply gazed into my dark eyes. Maybe to see the truth as like before... But, no... Her smile faded.
She kissed me. She kissed my lips and I did the same back to hers. Her mouth slightly opened, enshrouding my judgment for anything else with it. We gently laid back down on the bed, and continued to engorge ourselves in the tastes of each other. Mmm... she smelled unlike any other aroma that's ever hit my nose before. Almost indescribable. Almost overly alluring. Almost. My breathing escalated just as beforehand; but, we abruptly stopped our exchanging passions before we lost our self-control. I laid there, gasping the air for more oxygen, and looked up to her. She reclined her body across mine, and enwrapped her arms around my shoulders as she caught her breath along with me.
"Son Gohan..." she said, holding me closer,"...I can't wait till I'm 'Son Videl'..." And, I smiled back.