Disclaimer: I don't own the work of JRR Tolkien.
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Him
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I can not tell him.
Oh how I long to tell him!
But I cannot.
He walks arm in arm with his Queen, the beautiful Evenstar. Her blue eyes sparkle. Her hair flows like a cascade of velvet night down her back. Her lips are like roses, her skin like porcelain. Grace is visible in her every step; she is the embodiment of perfection.
But she is not the one that has captured my heart and caged it.
He walks in glory, the pride and blood of the kings of old visible in his every step. And upon his head rests a crown, a reminder to me of who he is, of what he represents. His hair is brown and wavy, often falling in unkempt strands about his face. There is a little fuzz of a beard on his chin. How different from me, from my kind. His muscular body deceives those who think he is slow. How quickly he can move when he needs to attack, a speed that belies his build. And his eyes…I could lose myself in them so easily. Just forget who I am and who he is…maybe, just maybe live a moment of my dreams. Blue-gray orbs that hold wisdom, the knowledge and intellect of royalty. He will be a great leader; I can see it.
And who am I?
Only another Elf.
Granted, I am privileged enough to be considered his close friend.
But I want more than that. And what I want…can never be.
He loves his queen. That much is evident in his every gesture, that simple yet genuine love that can be seen in his eyes when he looks at her.
And my heart sinks with despair each time a smile graces those lips as he stares into the eyes of his beloved, knowing that he will never look at me that way; that he will never smile at me that way. I look away from the joyful sight of him and his beautiful bride.
How selfish I am! Perhaps spoiled by my position as a prince?
Nay. I am but another lovesick fool, one who shall tell another tale of unrequited love.
But he is the one I love, and I cannot change that.
He is the one that has my heart in a golden cage, unknowingly refusing me the key to that cage.
I love him.
But I know that this is not my place. So I will just sit here amongst my anguish and bear it…for that is all I can do…
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I see him.
For a moment, I glanced away from my beautiful queen.
And I saw him.
He is speaking with some of the Elves from Rivendell, smiling and nodding occasionally. I saw how so many crowded around him, wanting to be in the shadow of his light, that light that attracted so many.
He is…beautiful.
The epitome of beauty in a male.
And all love beauty.
I look back at my queen. Yet even now, an image of him stays in my mind.
His hair is up in the traditional braids that signify a warrior. The rest spilled like golden silk, like melting honey over his shoulder. His lithe build concealed his strength, his slender build giving him an elegance that made others feel clumsy and awkward. He was the one who could still have every hair on his head still perfect after a battle.
I used to tease him about being vain. He would just laugh and tease me back about the inability of Men to stay clean.
And his hands…seemingly so delicate! Like a child's hands. But those hands could draw an arrow quicker than the eye could see, those hands that were stained with the blood of many. Oftentimes had his opponents underestimated him because of that childlike innocence that seemed to be part of his very being. It made me wonder how such an experience warrior could have such a naïve curiosity about everything about and around him.
How his appearance contradicted him!
And his face…the high cheekbones that an artist would have cried to see, so perfectly sculpted they were. His high forehead, fine eyebrows, and delicately pointed ears fit him perfectly. His face was usually animated, the expressional features always laughing or smiling or frowning. Yet at times, his face would become unreadable, that skill that all Elves seemed to inherit. And not one thought would escape.
But as is often said, the eyes are the windows of the soul.
And his eyes would give him away. Clear blue, like the blue of a sky right after rain showers. A blue as vast as the sky, as deep as the ocean…a blue that one could drown in, where one could lose his soul and never get it back. And those cerulean pools often gave him away, becoming clouded when he was troubled or exceptionally bright when he was cheerful. He was a being of emotions, a child of the land and sky, untouchable, unreachable.
I heard his laughter ring out. It reminded me of bells tinkling, lovely, silver bells that rang infinitely over and over until the sound was fixed into your head.
He is beautiful.
And it was then that I felt the ache of loneliness, of want, of need.
But I am but a Man.
A king of Men, but a Man nevertheless, undeserving of this Prince among Elves, of this one whom so many loved.
And how could I be like this? I had the love of the Evenstar of the Elves, my future wife, the future Queen of Gondor. How blessed I was in that, and here I was, asking for more. What a selfish bastard I am.
I do love her…
But I love him more.
He is the one I want, the one I need.
He is the one I love.
But I can never have him.
For I am the earth and he is my sky. No matter how much I reach for it, I can never touch that cerulean sky, and the sky would never reach for the lowly earth.
So I shall marry the Evenstar and try to be content with what I have. I shall fill my days with work, and eventually he will leave, and maybe…just maybe…this ache in my heart will fade as well.
Ha.
Ever have I been a jester.
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O_O wow…very spur of the moment. Who would've thought that I'd write something like this? U can guess who was who, right? ^_^ well, anyways, tell me what you thought and maybe I'll continue…
~Tears of Eternity~