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Morgan glanced at the shaking heap on the bed that was Reid. This was only their sixth case after losing Emily and Reid still hadn't slept in any hotel they've stayed at. Not one. He never slept on he plane anymore either. Morgan knew the kid only pretended only to get Hotch and Rossi off his back.
"Reid? Are you alright?" Morgan sat up in his hotel bed staring at him.
"I'm fine. Kind of cold." Reid's voice was quiet.
"Do you want to talk?" Morgan suggested.
"Not really but i can tell by the tone of voice you aren't going to stop pressing me about it so the only way I could escape you was if I fell asleep and I'm not sure if I can do that so...sure. Let's talk."
"Dang. Somone's grouchy." Morgan tried to tease Reid.
"I'm not grouchy! Hotch is grouchy. But me? I am definitely not grouchy." Reid sqeaked.
"Okay, okay. So, what's keeping you awake at nights?"
Reid sat up and faced Morgan on the bed.
"I'm not sure. Stress? I haven't been able to sleep at all lately." Reid's voice was shaky.
"Reid. You're going to die of exhaustion if you don't get some sleep. Go see a doctor about so-"
"I don't want to take any medication," Reid cut Morgan off brisquely. "But it's not just that. Whenever i actually sleep i have really vivid nightmares."
"About what?" Morgan knew he was prying and he probably wouldn't get an answer.
"Everyone leaving. Everyone dying and In the dream there isn't anything I can do about it. I' hopeless. I'm strapped to the chair with..with Tobias drugging me while he kills everyone right in front of me. Then after I wake up Ian Doyle is standing in front of me holding Emily then he kills her too. I just don't understand them. I don't know what to do. They don't make sense. I'm done with all that. With all that Tobias stuff." Reid's body relaxed, as if it had been killing him to hold it all in.
"All that Tobias stuff?" Morgan asked confused and surprised he had gotten an answer.
"Morgan. It was...hard. after Tobias gave me all the drugs. I wasn't coping very well. I felt like I was weak and I needed the drugs."
"Are you serious? Why didn't you ever tell me? Or Hotch? Did you tell anyone?" Morgan had to keep himself from shouting.
"I went to a few meetings but that's all. I was so ashamed Morgan. I felt like I couldn't handle what life was throwing at me."
"You should've told me. I could have helped you."
"Morgan. I felt totally alone in the world at that point. And then straight after that Gideon left. I felt even more ashamed after he left. I felt like it was my fault."
"Reid. Nothing bad that has eve happened has been because of you. Understand?"
"I guess. But let me ask you this, Will they ever stop? The nightmares?"
"Remember what I told you way back when? About the nightmares?" Morgan asked, remembering when he told Reid about the nightmares that ahd kept him awake at
night, afraid to sleep. How the eyes followed him wherever he went. But now he didn't have those nightmares. They were all about Emily now.
"Yeah but...but...gideon...he isn't here." Reid mumbled into his pillow.
Shit. As if the kid didn't have enough abandonment issues, I just had to bring it up again. The kid could barley say Gideons name. Morgan thought.
"No. He isn't. But I am. I'm here. I'm always here."
"I kmow you are. But for how long? How long before you leave too?"
"I won't ever leave."
"How do I know that? What if you got shot or stabbed tomorrow? You don't know you'll always be here."
"I'm not going to leave, Reid."
"That's what everyone says. That's what my dad said." Reid said somewhat loud.
"Reid..." Morgan tried to calm Reid down.
"Morgan. My dad left with no explanation. He left me with responsibilities is wasn't ready to handle. And Elle. I should have seen it when Elle was going.I should've known. I shouldn't have been so hurt by her departure. Gideon..I never expected him to leave. I thought he would always be there. He didn't even give me a real goodbye, Morgan. He left a letter, Leaving me with more questions than answers. Emily's death blindsighted me, she was the only one I could talk to. And now she's left me all alone in the bullpen. Youd don't know how many times I have gone over that case in my head, trying to think of anything that would have helped me think faster. Trying to think of a way to catch Doyle is how I spend most of my spare time. I feel like I'm falling apart and there isn't anything I can do about it. Do you know what that feels like?"
Morgan sat there for a moment, stunned at Reid's out burst, Then answered: "Yeah. I do, kid. It feels like hell. But you are strong. You are the strongest person I know. You will make it through this."
The next day, after the plane had landed and they all said their goodbyes Reid went home, layed on the couch and somehow fell asleep.