This is what I get for listening to Death Cab for Cutie at late hours. I don't have much to say about it. This is based off the Death Cab for Cutie song of the same name. It's slightly unrealistic, but I don't really care at this point.
I own absolutely nothing.
Her name was Sarah.
She was young, she was pretty, and she was all alone in the world, save a tenuous connection to one other human being who was now gone, and her name was Sarah.
She hadn't wanted the baby. Probably would have gotten an abortion if she had realized it soon enough, if she hadn't needed to think until it was too late. So she had to carry it to term and she did all that was right for it. She still didn't want the baby though. The baby would be adopted; someone who wanted a baby could have it.
Her name was Sarah.
She sits in her hospital room alone, waiting for the pain of labor to come. Dr. Karev ends up sitting with her. He stopped by to tell her that her labor would probably have to be induced. He ends up sitting down and talking. She is all alone in the world and he felt she deserved that courtesy.
When Addison—as she'd promptly and cheerfully informed Sarah she could call her; a treat saved for her younger, scared patients, Alex knew—enters the room, she is obviously surprised to see him sitting there.
They make a big show of being completely professional as Addison explains the procedure to come and Sarah smiles as she recognizes the act as being completely bullshit.
Her grin only gets wider as Addison stammers her way out of the room. "So what's up with you and her?" she asks Alex. Alex because she had somehow managed to wrangle that permission out of him.
"Nothing," he replies, because it was nothing.
"And that's a lie."
She stares him down until he answers. "Fine," he sighs in frustration. "We almost kissed. I don't know."
Sarah studies him in silence for a long time. "You love her," she proclaims suddenly.
"Where's your family?" he returns. If she can go poking into his personal life, he can return the favor.
"Mom disappeared when I was seven. Dad kicked me out of the house when he found out I was pregnant. Disowned me, actually. And Rick, that's the father. Well, he… he had cancer."
The look on his face telegraphs a sudden horror for asking. "Oh."
"So you and Red. You should go for that."
"Nah," he says nervously.
"As previously stated, you love her."
"I don't. Love is… Love is wanting to be with someone forever and wanting them to never leave you. That's not… that's not what I feel."
Sarah shakes her head. "You're wrong there, Dr. Karev."
"I'm not wrong."
"Love is wanting the best for someone, whether or not that's with you. Love is wanting to stop someone from hurting."
It occurs to him that Sarah is far older than her twenty-three years could betray. That feeling only gets stronger when she continues.
"Love, Dr. Karev, love isn't big and grandiose. It's the little things. It's doing things because you can, because you want to. If it's wanting to be with someone, it's only because you don't want them to be alone. Love has nothing to do with you. Love is…"
Her voice cracks here and she trails off. "Love is what?" he pushes.
"Love is watching someone die."
He can't think of anything to say to that. But he doesn't need to, because she soldiers on. "If you think love is big, sweeping gestures and long kisses in the rain, you're sadly mistaken. That's wonderful for a time. But just ask yourself, Dr. Karev, who's going to watch you die? More importantly, who do you want to watch you die?"
He doesn't speak.
"Actually, scratch that last bit," she thinks. "You should ask yourself who would you doing anything for, who you would save if you could save one person from watching you die."
He would respond, maybe with a heartfelt answer, maybe with a smartass remark, when she starts moaning, clutching her stomach.
She's in labor. They monitor her for awhile, but the baby just will not come down. Addison decides she needs a c-section and tells Alex to get an OR ready yesterday.
In one of her rare moments of lucidness between pains, Sarah grabs a pen and paper. She quickly scribbles something and leaves it on the table next to her.
0ooo0
Alex watches Addison rips off her scrub cap and slam it down against the sink as if it were the reason for her distress. "That shouldn't have happened," she growls. "I should have been able to stop that bleeding."
"There wasn't anything you could have done. She was gone too quickly," he speaks up.
She shakes her head. "What good is being the best if you can't do any good?"
"Addison," he says harshly. "You did good. You saved the baby. You did that. It was some weird fluke. But it wasn't your fault."
"I'm going to go check on the baby," she says, shaking her head.
0ooo0
"Hey," she says quietly, entering the NICU several hours later.
He grunts a greeting, but says nothing beyond that.
"You okay?" she frowns, noticing him clutching a piece of paper with white knuckles. "What's that?'
He hands it to her.
I have a bad feeling. So if I happen to die, I would like my daughter to be given to Dr. Alex Karev. Signed, Sarah Levine
"Oh."
"Yeah."
"What are you going to do? You don't have to, if you don't want, probably."
"I don't know."
Her brow furrows. "So you're just suddenly going to have a daughter? Alex, no offense, but I hardly think you're ready for that responsibility. Especially on your own."
"I know."
They're quiet for a long time, staring at the nameless infant.
"Let me help," she offers suddenly.
"What?"
"If you're going to do this, you're going to need help. Just let me take her when you need a break or whatever. You shouldn't go through this alone."
Abruptly, he recognizes exactly what Sarah meant by the note, by this opportunity. Looking across the infant that could easily become his daughter at the woman who just unselfishly offered to help him, he knows the one person in the world he would want to watch him die and the one person he'd want to save from that pain.
"I'd appreciate it," he says, crossing to her. She shifts a little uncomfortably when he gets too close, but she wraps her arms slowly, almost hesitantly around his neck and kisses him back.
"Have you thought of a name?" she asks when they separate, discreetly coughing and running a thumb along her bottom lip.
He's surprised. He thought she would require an explanation. But she seems to be perfectly content to ask him about baby names.
He turns to the sleeping girl. "Sarah," he smiles. It's obvious. There is no other choice. She smiles and they look at the newly christened Sarah, their hands touching and eventually entwining.
Her name is Sarah and she is perfect.
This one makes me nervous for some reason. Thoughts are much appreciated.
-Juli-