My Deer Jily

Chapter 1

Lily's POV

I don't want whatever I want. Nobody does. Not really. What kind of fun would it be if I just got everything I ever wanted just like that, and it didn't mean anything? What then? -Neil Gaiman

I pulled my head out of my book as familiar voices approached my corridor. Soon, James Potter and Sirius Black came into view from around the corner, talking in low voices.

I sucked in my breath as he got closer. He must have sensed my presence by now, but unlike him, he didn't shoot a line at me or even glance in my direction. He kept his eyes fixed on Sirius. Ignoring me.

A year ago, I would have thanked the gods. Finally, Potter was leaving me be with my book! But as my dream played out in front of me, I realized that I didn't quite get the satisfaction I was hoping for.

As he passed me, he didn't say anything, but his wide brown eyes locked with my green. At that moment I registered the hardness in his usually jovial features.

He didn't change his expression and didn't look away from me as he and Sirius finished their walk down the passage.

James Potter had spent the last several years here at Hogwarts berating me senseless. I had spent WEEKS in my dormitory crafting up a perfect comeback to parry all of his suggestive remarks. I even practiced my delivery in my mirror, I recollected sheepishly to myself. And just as I'm given the perfect opportunity, with Sirius as a witness, he comes around the corner and doesn't utter a single word? Snubs me? It was almost embarrassing. My cheeks flushed.

I planned to avenge my humiliation over the years, and yet here I was, as equally red in the face as when James hung my pink knickers from a dripping candle in the Great Hall. What gives, Potter? I mentally cursed him as I snapped my book shut. I had thought I hated his taunts, but I realized just then that I hated being ignored more.

At dinner that night, I casually noted that neither James nor Sirius was present. It's not like I was on the lookout; I just made a simple, sharp Head Girl observation.

I was enveloped in a large embrace just as the dessert was charmed in from the kitchens. Remus Lupin, the Marauder I abhor least, released me and plopped down on the bench beside me, hungrily scooping some apple custard from the serving dishes and heaping it onto a plate.

"Whoa, slow down Loopy, it's not a race," Marcy Bracey said flirtatiously from across the table. Remus was polite enough to stifle his eye roll at the last second, which instead gave the impression of an awkward face twitch. I cracked a smile.

"You look like you haven't eaten in days," I said quietly, ruffling his shaggy hair and petting it down so it didn't stick up. It wasn't unclean, it just was messy. I'll bet he was taking lessons from James, with hair as wild as that. Which reminded me.

"Hey Remus, what's bothering Potter? He looked pretty ticked when I spotted him in the corridor earlier today."

He paused from his sweet for a microsecond, scanning my features with an incredulous look on his face.

The silence made the tips of my ears turn bright red. It probably blended really appealingly with my firetruck hair.

Finally, Marcy spoke up, her pert little nose turned slightly upward, as if she could sniff out a pending piece of juicy gossip. "Why would you care what's bothering Potter? I would have thought you'd be the first to congratulate whoever caused it."

"No reason," I mumbled hotly, looking down at my pastry. "I was just guessing why Lupin looks like he just escaped the Whomping Willow. Probably caught up in another one of Potter's stupid schemes to get into the girl's lavatory."

Lupin gave a yelp of mock betrayal, and I ruffled his hair before standing up. "I'm sleepy. I guess it's off to bed for me."

I was just outside the Great Hall doors when I felt a hand on my arm.

Remus spun me around to face him. "I didn't want to say anything with Marcy there, but don't blame James if he seems distant over the next couple of days, okay? We've been under a lot of stress lately. James especially. He -" Remus stopped himself.

I was intrigued. "He, WHAT, Remus?"

He seemed to be weighing his options. "I'm not sure if I'm the appropriate person to tell you."

I was about to push for more information, but speak of the devil and James and Sirius are guaranteed to walk around the corner.

"REMUS," Sirius said, rushing to his side with flourishing strides. "PLEASE tell me you stocked up on food for upstairs. I could eat a horse right now."

Remus awkwardly shifted his feet, and Sirius looked him up and down, registering his empty hands.

"Come on! Don't tell me we were too late for dinner! I finally convinced James to come down! The man needs food!" I mustered up the courage to peek at James for the first time, and could only find a slight trace of confidence left on his usual brazen features. His tan skin was pale, and his eyes were still intense, but murkier.

Meanwhile, Sirius finally acknowledged that I was present. He dropped to his knees in front of me, ready to display his perfected ass-kissery. He grabbed my hands and gave me clear, brown puppy eyes.

"Lils! Sweet, sweet Lils, do you think you could possibly be a darling and sneak into the kitchen to rack up on leftovers?"

I rolled my eyes and shook his hands off me. "And what do you suggest I do when the house elves catch me and turn me into Filch?"

He deftly matched his tone to my sardonic one. "Well, obviously, you won't GET caught, because you'll hide all the treats safely by stuffing them into your - "

"I'd love to stick around and CHAT," I interjected, cutting him off and glaring at him, "but I really must be going. Go be melancholy and hide things from me somewhere else."

I turned my back on them to head up to my room, but I felt pulled back just as I had spun my heel.

It was James.

He shifted his eyes when he spoke. "I want to talk to you."

I swallowed, and my heart beat just a tad faster. My heart rate always quickened around him, but that was normally a reflex to dodge a charm that he could send my way.

But no. This was different. And I could sense that no was not an option. I yielded and followed him down the hall, escaping the gaping eyes of the Marauders and stray students.

James led me down a corridor that I had never been before. This part of the castle was eerily quiet, and I was about to inquire where exactly he was taking me when he stopped in front of a broom closet.

Oh, Merlin, no! How could I have been so foolish? I can't believe I thought he was actually going to tell me what was troubling him, when in reality all he wanted was the opportunity to snog me in the closet!

I spun on him quickly, my voice ice cold. "You know what, Potter? I should have expected nothing less from you." I made to run out toward Gryffindor dorm.

"Lily, wait!" He shouted. I turned.

"What?" I said caustically.

"I don't want to snog you. Well, actually I do, but that's an entirely different matter that can be resolved sometime else. I just needed a private place to talk. I can't tell you everything; I just wanted to..."

He trailed off anticlimactically.

"What, Potter? You just wanted to what? Imperio me so I can strip for you or something? Save it."

"I just wanted to clarify that I'm not mad at you in any way."

Oh. Well. I stuttered to think of a response, but couldn't. I let him lead me into the room, which was a spacious closet with some dusty textbooks and old brooms lining the walls.

He spoke up. "I got the sense that you thought I was mad at you. Today. And so I decided to mollify your guilty conscience."

I snorted. "Guilty conscience? You wish."

For a millisecond, James Potter's customary smirk appeared in the dimly-lit closet. "Who wants to see such a beautiful face like mine frown?"

I laughed sarcastically and sharply. "Did you drag me in here to gloat, Potter? Come on, spit out what's eating you already, so I can fix it and go back to making fun of you with no remorse!"

His eyes searched the floor. "It's probably nothing, really. Yesterday some Death Eaters attacked the village near where I live. I was worried sick..you know, because my parents are Aurors, and they were the only ones assigned to the mission..."

I gasped, all traces of gaiety wiped away. "What happened? Are they all right?"

"Yeah, thank Merlin, I just got the owl from mum that she and dad made it back home with barely a scar. That's why we weren't down at dinner yesterday or today. I was waiting for the mail, and my friends were kind enough to put up with me awake all those hours."

"But they're safe now," he continued, running his fingers through his dark hair, "so that's why I lightened up a bit to come downstairs for a bite. But naturally, I'm still shaken up." He let out a contented sigh of relief.

"Oh," was all I could mumble out, still in wonder witnessing this burst of emotion from James. I had no idea that he was so protective of his parents.

The air seemed lighter after it was established that everyone was safe.

It was silent before I finally spoke up. "I believe that this is the longest conversation we've had without you asking me to Hogsmeade."

James let out a huge laugh, and threw his arm over me, leading me out of the closet. "So what do you say, Evans? You, me, and every flavor of bean that Bernie Bott can think of?"

I sighed. What in Nicholas Flammel's name was I thinking when I said I missed our quips? I pried off his arm. "In your sweetest dreams, Potter."

"Well then I'll sleep well tonight, Evans." He walked away towards the dormitories, leaving me in stunned silence at the entrance of the closet.

The next day James was back to his old self (as in, being a complete pain in the arse). I couldn't help but notice how easily he could blow that sensitive side away and resume his troublemaking, all in 12 hours' time.

During Divination, he conveniently forgot his Unfogging The Future textbook and used that opportunity to share mine. To prevent my eyes from falling asleep from the teacher's droning words, I occupied myself with watching Potter be a complete idiot and fool around with his wand. He was concentrating unnaturally hard on a small scrap of parchment. When my curiosity got the better of me and I leaned over, he caught my eye and grinned at my attention. I quickly turned back to my book.

On the left side of the page, a miniature animal made of James' parchment trotted into my line of vision. Inspecting it a bit closer, I saw that it was a cute little folded female deer. I reached my hand out toward her.

"LILY." I heard a voice from the front of the room, and I snapped my head toward the board.

"Yes, Professor?" I said, hurriedly trying to hide the paper forest animal from view.

"Perhaps you can tell us what lies in your crystal ball?" Professor Trebble said, a bit impatiently, as if this was not the first time she had asked me this.

"Oh, yes," I mumbled, embarrassed. My hair shielded James from view so I could concentrate on my clear ball. I literally saw not a single thing.

"Er, I see...a dark gray...hand." I stumbled out lamely, and Professor Trebble clutched her heart.

"Oh dear," she said dramatically, and the entire class tinkled with snickers, although of course she was oblivious to it. "You need assistance in your life. And something or someone will come and fill that void soon, don't you worry, dear. Don't you worry."

James watched me trying in vain to act mature and nod believably in front of Trebble's preposterous predictions. I had my mouth squeezed into a tight line, which was apparently comical to him. I flicked the charmed doe into his face.

The next morning before breakfast, I sat down in my dormitory to scrawl my mum and dad a reply to their frequent letters. I wrote the usual, ubiquitous nonsense; how well school was going, how much I had admired the (horrid) dress robes that Dad had picked out himself, and how much I terribly missed my sister Petunia.

My letter in hand, I strolled down the castle's marble stairs, amusing myself with the thoughts of heaping portions of bacon, eggs, and blueberries. Walking into the Great Hall, it was full and owls were even beginning to arrive with that day's mail and paper.

My graceful owl Athena arrived, and I stuck the parcel in her cream beak. After I had sent her off to my address, I sorted through the items that she dropped off with me.

A message from Petunia, demanding where I had hid her conditioner before I left for Hogwarts. I could practically read the anger emanating off the pages, and discarded it quickly. The last thing that I received was a fresh copy of the Daily Prophet.

Normally, I would just give my copy to Severus to read, because I had never fully gotten around to understanding Wizarding gossip and stories. I had no interest in Quidditch updates or anything like that, and Sev couldn't afford a subscription, so usually I just passed mine down to the Slytherin table. I could see Severus from where I was sitting, staring blankly in the direction of the paper in my hands. Ugh, the jerk obviously thought I would still give it to him out of habit, even though I was FURIOUS with him at the moment.

To spite him, I opened it ostentatiously to peruse it myself. I am not a vengeful person, but I haven't quite found it in my heart yet to forgive Severus about what he uttered a few months ago. About my...kind.

But looking directly at the random page I had opened, my jaw opened and I took a sharp gasp.

Thomas Riddle, a rising dark magic practicer, and a group of followers stormed the town of Brokedale last night. The gang smashed house windows and carried a rampage across the city. The Ministry of Magic sent their last two uninjured and active Aurors, Jacqueline and Kenneth Potter, to defer the fleet, but have not heard from them since. Ministry employees are gathering supplies to -

I stopped right there and scanned the Gryffindor table. Sure enough, a certain boy was not present, and four empty bench seats lay un-warmed a few meters down from me.

Marcy, again sitting across from me, asked, "If you're just going to sit there with the paper in your hands, can I read it? I heard Darlene Skeeter has a new article out today on how to decorate your dormitory."

I distractedly shoved the paper over at her and got up from the table.

"Earth to Lily!" She called as she waved her painted nails in front of me. "What's eating you? Is it James?"

At his name, I looked at her. She grinned a smile that resembled the Cheshire Cat's. "Ooooh, I see," she cooed obnoxiously. "I knew Joanne was telling the truth. She said she spotted you and Potter coming out of the broom closet the day before last." She wiggled her eyebrows.

I narrowed my eyes. "That's absurd," I said, "you should know I'm the last person to grace Potter with my presence. And you trust Joanne for information? Marcy, even if she were in a burning building, she'd lie about her whereabouts."

Marcy scoffed, but looked convinced nonetheless. "Then why have you hardly touched your breakfast? And where exactly are you going right now?"

I shifted my eyes. "I'll be in my dormitory. Testing out Darlene Skeeter's decorating techniques." With a curt nod, I raced out of there before she could asked any follow-up questions.

I hopped up the stairs and practically shouted the password at the Fat Lady. After I was inside the common room, I paused at the bottom of the stairs leading up to the boys' room.

I decided that I could go up them. All the students and teachers were still at breakfast, so who was going to get me in trouble?

I knocked on the Marauders' room - don't ask me how they weaseled their way into a shared room - and opened it before hearing a 'Come In'.

Immediately, a startled Peter Pettigrew pulled up his pants over his boxers.

I shielded my eyes. "I was changing!" Peter squeaked, obviously horrified.

I'm sure I was more scarred than he was. I could feel the heat in my cheeks but I still searched the room, when my eyes landed on the last three.

James was staring out the window next to his owl's empty cage. His eyes were glassy and looking longingly out onto Hogwarts' grounds. He was clearly waiting for a letter. Sirius was at his side, his body slumped and his legs straddling a chair backwards. Remus was sitting cross-legged on the bed, fiercely pouring over that day's newspaper. The tension was severe, and my arrival seemed to exacerbate it.

James looked in my direction and straightened up at the window quickly. "Lily!" he said, surprised. "What are you doing here?"

In the rush I felt after I realized that his parents were in danger, I went to go find him, as a reflex. Now, standing in the designated boys' room, with a quivering Peter and a forlorn Sirius, I began to wonder myself: what was I doing here?

"I...heard about your parents," I said, "in the paper. I was just..here to say I hope they're okay."

I was looked at like I had tubers for ears. Finally, James stumbled out, "Thanks. I hope so too."

Peter looked up. "Is breakfast still being served?"

I nodded slowly, and Sirius got up from his chair. "James, I'm telling you this because I love you, man. You need to eat something. We'll go downstairs and pick up something for you, and you can wait for a message."

James nodded faintly, and Sirius nudged Remus and motioned Peter with his hand to follow him down to the Great Hall. That left James and me alone in his room. Something I never thought I would ever say.

"So," said James, as he traced his finger around the windowsill, "what's with the sudden concern about the safety of my family?"

I shrugged. "Everyone's talking about what that Riddle guy is capable of, and I heard that your parents are the only hope we've got nowadays. It must be hard for you."

He panned dryly. "Funny how that 'only hope' thing works. If my folks die, all the Ministry has to do is train more Aurors. And no one truly loses but me."

I bunched my mouth to one side. "That's not true. Everyone adores your parents. They'll keep them safe." But even I wasn't positive. I walked over to the window to take in the morning. Ironically, it was a gorgeous day. But once one passed the pane of this particular window, the poles reversed and a wave of sadness washes over.

We waited until James looked at the clock on his wall. "My owl always comes at eight thirty. On the dot." I followed his gaze, and saw the minute hand tick past the forty-five.

Abruptly, I spotted a dot in the distance directly in the line of the window. "James! I said, shaking him. "What's that?"

James tilted his head, and slowly perked up. "That's him!" He said. He slipped on his distinctive glasses and lifted the glass. "And he has something in his talons!"

Half a minute later, a tan barn owl perched onto the window. James tore the letter from its legs and devoured the letter with his eyes.

I didn't have to look at the letter to see that it was from his parents and they were okay. James, forgetting that he and I were not close, picked me up and spun me around in his arms.

"They're safe!" He shouted, and thrust the letter into my face, like an excited little puppy.

I giggled at his expression as I read the letter. It was dusty, but it clearly stated that both of his parents had reached a protected stronghold.

James' hands clutched at his hair, and pulled at it as he uttered shouts of joy and disbelief. The entire air of the room had altered, and it was starting to reflect the clear day outside.

When James' exult had died down, he seemed to notice that I had come into his room. Voluntarily. A sly grin overtook his face. "Well, Lily," he said, grinning from ear to ear, "looks like you DO care about me."

"Oh, please. Your parents, maybe, but you? Pah." I sat on his bed indignantly.

Nothing would wipe his beam. "Not even a taaaaad?"

I rolled my eyes, but he pulled me closer. Before I could tell what was happening, I was against his body and he was pressing his lips to mine.

Although I was startled at first by the sudden gesture, something overcame me and I relaxed, closing my eyes. He hugged me tightly, the letter from his parents now pressed between the two of us. I grabbed his hair subconsciously, and was pleasantly surprised at how entertaining it was to tug at it. He leaned me farther back, so that we were nearly lying down on his covers.

James pulled back slightly to wordlessly ask if he could continue, and it became clear to me that kissing me had been an impulse not in his control. But I didn't mind. I inclined my head farther to close the gap between us, forgetting momentarily that this was the boy who stole Mad Eye Moody's fake eye and threatened to place it in the girl's shower.

James moved and kissed my cheek. "You have no idea how long I've thought about doing that," he whispered.

With everything happening, you could understand how my guard had been let down, and how I was not focused on monitoring the door. Or who walked in.

So when Sirius waltzed in at that precise moment, hands full of breakfast items, you could say that he dropped every single one of them on the floor in shock.

I would have too, if I had watched the scene in front of me.

A/N: Hello! This story was originally called Stag and Doe:The Journey, but my computer messed up and deleted it, so I'm re-publishing it, this time edited and with a different name. Because I like puns oh so very much. :)

Tune in next week for Chapter 2! What did you think of Chapter 1?

X,

DKMV