How Many Pens are Needed for Your Job?
by Nicholas Eckert
Sailor Moon is a work of Naoko Takeuchi, the other characters and title are a work of Scott Adams, and the idea comes from Matthew Harrison. I just put 'em together. I'm scary that way.
Another day, another clueless management decision. Dilbert was by now used to this, as was the rest of the staff - it was their belief that the boss' pointy hair was actually his brains leaving his skull for fear of association. Strangely enough, the latest event had been brought on by a shred of competence - he'd managed to figure out what the power switch was, turned on the computer, and found that a monitor, Pentium II, printer, desk lamp, coffeemaker, toaster, microwave oven, refridgerator and television do not work well when going to the same socket and running at the same time. Of course, the janitor and electrician had chosen that Friday to leave for their annual vacation to the Florida Keys and test their flyfishing skills. This left the engineers in the dark, and the boss couldn't do without his espresso, so....
"Here I am, in the basement, trying to mess with a fusebox that apparently was opened last during the Spanish Inquistion," said one beleagured engineer named Dilbert. (Who did you expect - it's always the main character that ends up getting stuff to do.) Upon managing to open the fusebox and fall over in the process, he looked inside and saw, besides various Native American artifacts, a smoldering hole. Inside the smoldering hole, there was a black fuse. Closer inspection led to the possibility that this fuse was not black to begin with and hot to touch. Dilbert noted the fuse's replacement number and screamed in agony while blowing on his right hand, then went upstairs to the storeroom to check on spare fuses. "Engineering is a dangerous field, especially with the management involved," he mused.
Between the storeroom and the basement was the lobby, as well as a number of teenagers. For some odd reason, Junior Achievement had decided that it'd be a good idea to show some youngsters some local businesses, and this one might prove to be good experience for the next generation of workers. Not considering that it might lead to a larger workforce in the fast food industry, it set up a field trip with the local schools, and one of these schools was currently hosting exchange students. Five rather interesting and well-known students, to be exact.
"I still don't know why you all wanted to go with me to the United States, too," said the blonde with pigtails so long you worried about stepping on them and tripping more than you did your own shoelaces.
"Usagi, if we didn't come along, you'd not only be late for class, but unable to find the school," said the brunette next to her, receiving a tongue in response.
"Cut it out, you two," said a blue-haired girl behind them. "Rei, can't you wait until after we get home to pick on Usagi?"
"Shh!" went the tall blonde with long hair and even taller brunette with much shorter hair in the back. "They're going to start the presentation!"
As the greetings came through the makeshift sound system in a tone only Ben Stein could beat for sheer lack of enthusiasm, the five girls from Juuban, Japan listened intently...well, four of them did while one needed a good dose of prodding from the nearby teacher to stay awake. As the speaker went on about job opportunities, college, and a product line that was rated by J.D. Power and Associates (never mind that it was rated last in its class), casual glances lead towards the window.
Through that window, a theorem was being proved. Specifically, the one involving anime magical girls, youma, and the near-magnetic attraction between the two.
"Uh, girls, I think we have a job to do," said blue-haired Ami.
"Huh?" said a suddenly alert Usagi.
"Youma," noted Rei with appropriate scorn.
"How do we get out of here?" asked the other blonde, named Minako.
"Stupid idiot!" yelled a lady named Alice from somewhere else in the building as another fuse blew, taking out all the lights in the reception hall.
After the blank stares for two seconds, followed by the sounds of a head being roughly knocked into the same area of the body as the heart, the five Sailor Senshi ran for the nearest windowless area and lit up the place with a transformation sequence that earned them five marriage proposals - each.
The youma, smart boy that he was, chose that moment to enter the building, his nearly bald head glistening from one horn of hair to the other. Also entering at that point was a engineer with indistinct eyes and mouth, holding a small penlight/blue marker in order to see from a collection large enough to pass out to a classroom for test-taking purposes.
As the engineer walked by, the trail of light showed glimpses of ladies in skirts only found in Nair commercials coming in his direction. He reviewed his options, dodging left first. So did they. He then tried moving to the right, and they followed, yelling "GET OUTTA THE WAY!" With few options left, he ducked down and prepared for the worst, which, being humorous, happened.
Usagi didn't need to charge in for the first attack - her specialty was finishing off an enemy, so she slowed down enough to avoid Dilbert. Rei, alert as ever, dodged en route to delivering a good dose of light to the area as well as about a dozen fire trucks and a bit of water as the sprinker system caught up. Ami did a field calculation and bounced off Dilbert's head like a soccer ball into the perfect position for a bubble launch. Makoto, the tall brunette, just vaulted over him - long legs have their benefits. (No, that was not hentai.)
Minako, alas, glanced at one of the more fervent marriage prospects with the slightly muscular build in the third row, and forgot about the slightly plump engineer right in front of her -
*WHAM*
- feet.
Sailor Venus flew forward about five yards. Dilbert rolled about three feet. More importantly, the transformation wand that Sailor Venus had forgotten to put away between all the rushing around and the cute boy managed to flip two-and-a-half with a twist before diving smoothly into Dilbert's nearly-stuffed pocket protector, in the exact place where the penlight he was using would normally be put. (How one organizes a mess of pens in a pocket protector is not ours to know, but such is a small example of the powers of an engineer.) Dilbert's pen, in a cruel twist of fate, flew forward near Sailor Venus, who immediately grabbed it in the dim light and tucked it into her front dimensional space pocket and charged forward.
The rest was your standard youma-thrashing - youma takes a few pot-shots with all the aim of a drunk stormtrooper with the Coke lenses fogged up, causing random destruction to various parts of the building (though nothing serious); mysterious man in tuxedo shows up and spares senshi from a killing blow (even though Mamoru was supposed to still be in Tokyo, keeping an eye on a Chibi-Usa who was in the process of raiding a cookie jar); one senshi gets a clue and tries an attack in a specific manner that disables the youma; and Usagi takes the ample amount of time offered to warm up a Wand...Finishing...Attack! (Sorry, couldn't resist.) Add appropriate light, explosions, and unique ending - this time, a reversion of the youma into a rather beaten male, age 20, brown hair, brown eyes, 5'11".
While all the teenagers cheered the scantily clothed females who had just saved their lives and earned them the rest of the day off (what more could a high school male ask for?), Dilbert got to his feet and went off to see what the storeroom had to offer in terms of fuses. The aforementioned females, however, went in the opposite direction in order to find someplace to change back.
As the five Sailor Senshi raised their pens high in victory, their clothes reverted to normal in a burst of light. It was then that Hinako noticed it.
"Wait a minute...is this my pen?"
She decided to try immediately transforming back, just to make sure. The problem was, no weird transformation phrases were forming in her mind. She tried the one that always came out, anyway: "Venus Star Power, Make-up!" No luck. Ami took out her handy-dandy portable Mercury computer, complete with mini-scanner, digital camera, and Linux system software (proving that these five ladies truly were the hope of our world for the future), and ran an analysis of the pen. Sure enough - it wasn't some weird upgrade or anything, just a blue marker with a built-in, watch battery-operated light bulb on the end. Appropriating the pen for the time being to her own pocket protector amidst the protests of Minako, the five quietly returned to the scene of the disturbance, scanning the area from behind the yellow tape surrounding what remained of the lobby and adjoining reception hall. After using slightly underhanded means of getting one of the officers' attention, Minako smoothed out her skirt and addressed the detective on duty.
"Have you seen, by any chance, a pen with a weird, Roman sigil on the end?"
"No pens around, ma'am, except for the one your friend's playing with that's got the light on the end. We'll keep an eye out, though - what's your name?" said the gentleman, blinking.
After about ten seconds more of blinking in disbelief, he went back to work, convinced it must've just been a mirage.
Dilbert, however, was not so lucky or quick in his discovery. First, he made it to the storeroom after about fifteen minutes of stumbling in the dark - from there, it was another hour before the shelves could be searched through to find the right size and power allotment to cover the situation. Another thirty minutes to make it back to the fuse box, ten minutes to get the stupid fuse put in, and then three more trips back and forth due to the PHB deciding to drag his stuff to other departments and plug it in there in a similar fashion - why unplug everything from the multi-outlet when you can just remove that from the socket and take everything at once? By the time that was done, so was another productive day at work, and so it was that Dilbert used the power granted by the replacement fuses to operate the desk lamp in his cubicle that let him fill out his time sheet that finished his day at work. In another spot on the ball we call Earth, Jack was in his house, but that's irrelevant to this story, so we'll continue.
As Dilbert arrived home from work, he was greeted by his loving, egotistical, look-alike version of man's best friend, heretoafter known as Dogbert. "Hello. You're out of food, Bob's off earning college tuition for Rex via his 24-hour wedgie service, Ratbert's in a trance watching a hypnotist on television, your water bill is due, and what's that thingy on the back of that pen?"
"Food's in the backseat of the car, I'll drop off the water bill on my way to work tomorrow morning, and what thingy on what...huh?" It was then that Dilbert noticed, between his green ball-tip and blue highlighter, that one of the few pens he had no replacement for was currently being replaced by something with a rather odd symbol on the top. "Hmm," he thought aloud, "I remember having it just this morning, when the lights went out at the office...."
"They finally went bankrupt?" quipped the dog.
Dilbert glared, then returned to thinking. "I was walking to the storeroom, then, all of a sudden, these girls came charging at me...I tried to dodge, but one of them slammed into me - that's where I lost it! Come to think of it, I think she was holding this one...whatever it is."
Dogbert, symphathetic voice that he was, spoke. "Congratulations, you got a girl to fall for you."
Dilbert glared back, then continued. "Well, probably no chance of finding her to give this back, and she has mine...fair trade, I guess. Still, I wonder...how do you write with this thing?" He pulled frantically at the Venus symbol in an effort to remove the cap - obviously, to no avail.
Dogbert looked at the curiosity a bit closer. "I swear I've seen that thing before...oh, later, Sailor Moon's on. Excuse me." He then trotted to the little stool in front of the televison, took the remote sitting there, and sat down to watch a bit of dramatic irony. Dilbert chose that moment to grab what was left of the chips in the cupboard and snack in front of his computer while checking his e-mail.
Ratbert, who had been watching television, remained in his trance for the first part of the show despite the channel being changed. Dogbert paid no attention, ignoring the various mumblings of the blindly faithful companion. However, life decided that it was time to get seriously weird. And, when the episode arrived at the point where the schoolgirls hold their wands high and become five magical fighting powerhouses in high heels, something snapped.
"Must...kill...Sailor...Senshi...." chanted the little rat.
"They're the good guys, and it's Sailor Scouts," said the poor dog, unknowing of the trouble brewing or any Sailor Moon besides dubs.
"Must...Kill...Sailor...Senshi...!" chanted the little rat again, with a touch of emphasis.
"You've been watching that hypnotist too long again, Ratbert," said Dogbert, as Minako Aino held aloft a pen that looked quite similar to the one Dilbert was still trying to get the top off of, Dilbert being the engineer that he was and needing to figure out how things worked and all.
"MuSt...KiLl...SaIlOr SeNsHi!" said the now large-as-a-house rat, in a voice normally reserved for agents of Cthulhu.
As his hair decided to go plush for a second, Dogbert wondered if the lab Ratbert had come from had been messing with growth formulas again. Also noted was the addition of two large, conical spikes of hair on either side of Ratbert's head. The latter, to Dogbert, seemed more alarming.
Dogbert casually walked into Dilbert's study area. Noting that Dilbert had finished with his e-mail and had continued on to web surfing, he gave a small tug. "I think I know what that thing is," Dogbert said, pointing to the object Dilbert was in the process of trying to break open. "Go to http://www.yahoo.com/...now type in Sailor Moon...that's it...now, click on that link called, 'Sailor Venus'...that's it."
"So, this isn't a pen at all, but a cheesy replica of a magical wand that turns a person into a magical fighter of evil?"
Dogbert then pointed to the door, where a pointy-haired rat youma was eating a television. "I'm not sure about the replica part, but, yes."
Folks, what would be the worst thing, in your opinion, that could happen at this moment to Dilbert? Mental scarring that would require multiple visits a month for a couple of years? Feinting onto his keyboard, suffering a mild to severe concussion? Multiple lacerations resulting from jumping out of a closed window? Rending of the body by an oversized rat? Being chewed and digested by same?
How about these words forming in his mind....
"Venus Star Power, Make-up?"
Suddenly, Dilbert was flying in the air, twirling around in a slow circle, as his normal clothes disappered like it was casual day at the office. New, rather tight-fitting clothes took their place; along with them came two lumps on his chest that should not have been there. Were his eyes visible behind his glasses, a look of abject horror would be found...and, yet, being the lonely bachelor that he was after Liz dumped him...well, that's not appropriate for this fanfiction, at least without the words "lime" or "yaoi" somewere therein. Finally, the swirling stopped, and Sailor Venus' replacement struck a pose - to finish the horrible thought, all I have to say on that is that it indicated Dilbert's firm intentions regarding Stayin' Alive.
The youma, as was his right, attacked Dilbert with all the finesse of a chain gun. The cabinet was smashed, the chair shredded, the lamp shattered. Dilbert hung in there, despite not having the slightest clue what to do next - instinct was still in "run if you want to live" mode. Then, as Dilbert ducked, the Ratbert youma put his claws through the Pentium II 350 Mhz tower config with 32x DVD/CD writable and Jaz internal drives.
That got Dilbert steamed.
"Wrecking a priceless computer and attacking innocents that feed you is evil! I am Sailor Venus," he said, checking mentally to make sure everything was working upstairs...or was it a she now...anyway, "champion of Justice, and, in the name of the Moon, I will punish you!" Pointing at the youma, eyebrows and mouth showing her great displeasure, the new Sailor Venus screamed her attack: "Venus Love-Me Chain!"
"Hmm...that must lose something in translation," noted Dogbert, still in the room despite common sense.
The youma reacted predictably to being hit with a nasty attack, having nowhere to go, and no Usagi around to finish the job. After a long scream, the demon rat disappeared, Ratbert left in his place, twitching nervously. "Hmm...show's over. Boy, this room's a mess. I wonder what happened," said the unsuspecting vermin.
Dilbert almost zapped him again without magical girl instinct. It took Dogbert to make him forget that line of thought, saying, "You know, you don't look all that bad in a skirt."
All the engineer could do was blush and try to change back. Problem was, he didn't yet know how.
In a home on the other side of town, five girls were meeting like they had every Friday after school. Never mind that this wasn't Juuban, it still was necessary for the girls to practice their fighting skills. One, in particular, needed to practice now more than ever, perhaps.
[But, what am I going to do without my henshin wand?] said Minako, now in Japanese since they were away from teachers and understood that language better.
[I don't know,] said Ami, showing sympathy to the penless senshi. [I haven't been able to get ahold of Luna or Artemis yet - they might know what to do. In the meantime, I'll use my computer to scan the area while you work out. Just because you're without powers doesn't mean you're worthless.]
[But I am!] said Minako, bawling in a manner reminiscent of Usagi at times. [Without that wand, youma can hurt me just as easily as anyone else, and I can't hurt them! What am I gonna do?]
[It'll be all right,] said Makoto, smiling. [We'll get it back, I promise.]
[Cool!] said Usagi. [The Wallflowers are performing here next week!]
Usagi was immediately whapped on the head and given a not-so-subtle reminder that they were there to prepare for nasty, overpowered youma and not to read magazine info on upcoming rock tours.
Somewhere in between these ends of town, the evil plot-shaping was taking place.
"Master, the hypno-transformation is a success! We can now create youma by simply taking normal human beings and hypnotizing them, to change into hideous youma under your control when the time is right or when triggered by the presence of sailor senshi!"
"It is a pity, however, that it requires English phrasing to be successful. We shall be forced to act quickly - while Japanese have a fair grasp of the English language, it is clear that our best opportunity to destroy them and ensure the success of the Negaverse is now, while they are here amongst ample resources for your clever youma creation technique...and far away from any reinforcements. And, even so, it appears that we have one that perhaps is there with them that we were unaware of...."
"He is of no concern, Master. We shall prepare a trap for him with our next victim...and, once he is out of the way, we will release the Prime Hypnoyouma."
"I await this."
After the neighbors complained about the maniacal laughter making too much racket for them to watch television, they left the studio to prepare for their next broadcast.
Nothing much else happened until the next morning, when Dilbert awoke.
"Man, I had a dream last night. I had to switch fuses all day at work, then came home and changed into a girl and blasted a rat creature." Dilbert stretched and went to the mirror.
Dogbert was waiting with a video camera when Dilbert saw what he most feared. While the audio went above the built-in microphone's ability to record due to pitch and volume, the facial expression alone would be worth the price of admission...or, at least, the people seeing this later on would think it worth $3.50 a pop.
"Dogbert, what am I going to do?" asked Dilbert, frantically. "I've got to go in to work! I'll be the laughingstock of the office! Worse, the boss will mistake me for the secretary!"
"Don't worry, I've got it covered. Wear this bulky trenchcoat. You only have to be there for eight hours anyway, right?"
"Yeah...I still hate working Saturdays. You sure this'll work?"
"Trust me." Dogbert wagged his tail, knowing that, one, Dilbert couldn't see it wagging while facing him, and, two, that directions for de-transformation were right on the Internet and he'd checked them last night.
"Okay..." said Dilbert, sighing before his fate. "Try not to get into any trouble."
"I won't," lied Dogbert, as Dilbert left for work in a heavy trenchcoat and sailor fuku.
On the other side of town, four senshi got up early to see if anything had been found by the police and, after that, to check the scene of yesterday's disturbance again just in case it was still there. The other one was dragged out of bed shortly after by her odangoes.
At the office, a certain boss was sitting in front of his television watching Saturday morning cartoons. The host for this week happened to be a hypnotherapist he'd met a couple of months back, who'd been helping him with his memory. He glanced at his list of things to do...check on departmental resources, two appointments, install new outlets, meet with team leader to discuss project. Simple enough. He decided most of it could wait until after lunch - he liked watching this guy in action.
Dilbert sat in his chair, powered up the computer, and looked over the cubicle wall while Windows '98 tried booting up on a 486 SX. Alas, when he tried speaking to the Computer Supplies Department, he was told that all the money in the budget was gone due to their purchase of the new operating system, and hence they couldn't afford a computer that could run it smoothly for lower employees. Seeing a small, stout engineer with square-rimmed glasses sitting there, as expected, he greeted the gentleman.
"Hello, Wally."
"Here's the fifteen dollars," said the engineer grumpily. "Five for each fuse after the first one because he hauled his stuff to other outlets."
"You have too much faith in him, Wally."
"Actually, I was betting that he'd think it was still on, just in standby mode, and needed to type some sort of password to get out."
"Unfortunately, he didn't even notice his computer. He was making espresso at the time."
"Oh, that explains it." Wally sighed. "So, what's the trenchcoat for? Borrowing office supplies?"
Instead of the random, small sweatdrops usually found, Dilbert noted that his face seemed more crudely made up than usual with one large sweatdrop on the side of the face. Luckily, Wally was too busy playing Duke Nuk- er, working to notice. "No," he replied, "just heard it was gonna rain outside later today, and I wanted to make sure I brought it along...just in case."
"Yeah, right." Wally reminded himself to get one himself. "So, are you all set to meet with the clueless one regarding the COWEYE project?"
While the back of his mind asked which cute project he was referring to, he responded, "Yep, all set - portfolio made, report typed, betas ready to install on his computer."
"Will it work?"
"On the budget he gave us, we're lucky we have something that resembles the product marketing asked for."
"Figures," said Wally. "Will he notice it doesn't do anything?"
Dilbert thought that question over for a short second. "He'll end up using the disk as a paperweight instead and the project will be forgotten about until marketing asks for something else. I'd be surprised if he tries installing it."
"Good point. Have a good time," said Wally, firing a rocket at a rather ugly pig to create a rather large mess.
"I will," said Dilbert, sitting back down and waiting for Windows '98 to finish loading.
In his office, the pointy-haired wonder (and we call him a wonder because living without a functioning brain is just that) was starting to twitch. His normal brain functions were doing what they normally do - zip - but something in the back of his mind was...nervous. Something was in the building. A threat. Where? Best to wait until it comes, and then kill it.
Down in the lobby, the five senshi were searching every nook and cranny, to no avail. Minako was visibly upset, Usagi was trying to stay awake, and the others were running out of ideas.
"Perhaps one of the employees found it," suggested Rei, trying to cheer up her friend. "Maybe they turned it in."
Minako slowed her sniffling for a bit, and went to ask the receptionist, a lady with a beehive hairdo and the nameplate, "Carol", on her desk.
"What are you kids doing here?" asked the woman, smiling not.
"We were wondering...er...if someone had turned in a weird-looking pen yesterday."
"A pen? Not that I know of. Might want to check the thirteenth floor out - Engineering. Most likely, one of them found it and it's in their pocket protector or something. Hold on, I'll show you around - I have to check on my boss anyway."
"Don't most bosses check on their secretaries?" asked Ami, a quizzical look on her face.
"If they're competent, yes." The secretary finished her coffee, put something resembling a crossbow into her desk drawer, locked it, and took them to the elevators.
As Dilbert looked over his notes one last time, he took a long breath. Hopefully, his boss wouldn't mind him in a trenchcoat, despite it not being casual day. Otherwise, everything was in order. He stepped in, sat down, and handed him a report.
The boss looked at it, comprehending nothing therein, and sat it down. "So, what's this thing do, anyway?"
He'd forgotten already. "Um, as it says in the report, this allows a user to download data to his laptop from another computer he owns, regardless of where he is. Just plug into a phone jack, dial up the computer's IP address, and the data is sent securely through its own encoding mechanism.
"Oh," the PHB said, still not understanding one iota.
A knock interrupted them. "Excuse me for a second," he said, opening the door to reveal the hypnotherapist. Immediately, though Dilbert had no idea why, alarms went off in the back of his head. They'd been going off slightly for his boss, but that was dismissed easily as anxiety and a natural hatred for his dumb boss. This was, however, someone he'd never seen before - he had generally left the room when Ratbert was watching that stuff.
"Oh, Dilbert, this is my hypnotherapist, Dr. E. Ville. Dr. Ville, this is one of my valued employees, Dilbert."
Ignoring the ominous name and the fact that the only reason he was valued was because they'd fired just about everyone else that could do his job, he shook the gentleman's hand. "Pleased to meet you, Dr. Ville."
"Here, Dr., have a seat," said the pointy-haired one. "Dilbert, take off your coat and stay a while. It's actually warm in here."
"Uh, sir," said Dilbert, going into that weird sweatdrop face again, "I'd prefer to keep it on."
"It's against regulation," said the boss. "Take it off."
Bracing for the storm he expected to come, and not the worse one that was actually on its way, he took off the coat. The result was a scream that could be heard through the door and outside into the hall, all the way to the elevators where five young girls and a well-armed secretary were just getting out. "One of them!" said the Dr., suddenly scared witless.
"A girl?" said the brain-defunct boss, his instincts not able to inspire his thoughts.
The evil hypnotist then snapped his fingers three times, saying, "Kill her."
At that point, the boss' hair grew pointier, along with his nails, teeth, and several vertebrae to the point of tearing through his back. As he lunged for the fuku-clad Dilbert, she suddenly gained her own instincts, and battle ensued, involving several flashes of light, even more explosions, and a mess of property damage that would probably finish this already beleagured company. Unfortunately, Dilbert's instinct wasn't keeping up with his knowledge, and the PHB beast was getting the better of the fight by far.
Then, in bust six other ladies, four of which took the opportunity to change into forms more apropos for dealing minor discomfort and a good lot of aches and pains in evil creatures.
"Mercury Star Power, Make-up!"
"Mars Star Power, Make-up!"
"Jupiter Star Power, Make-up!"
"Moon Crystal Power, Make-up!"
"Is that the boss? I knew he was evil, but...."
The evil master didn't flinch. "Destroy them all, Prime Hypnoyouma!"
By now, most of the office started crawling out of their cages, er, cubicles to see what was going on. They got a good show, involving the remodeling and resizing of most of the office area, along with the creation of some new doorways. All sorts of attacks rained down from all directions, and various bystanders got the look of their lives, either because it was a flip out of the way by one of the ladies or because it was the last look of their lives, period. The PHB youma seemed to almost smile when the latter occured, often muttering something about "reduction of headcount".
Meanwhile, Alice had been disturbed by all the racket. She'd been working on a project model, using toothpicks. As she looked up, the PHB slashed through her cubicle, breaking the model into so many splinters. Every office worker heard her mumble softly:
"Must...control...fist...of...death...."
They decided now wasn't the best time to watch, and maybe, due to all the damage and stuff, they might be able to go home for the day.
Hinako watched as a lady with red, triangle-shaped hair walked out of her office towards the fight, holding her arm for some reason. The lady walked almost calmly up to the youma and tapped it on the shoulder. The creature growled something that resembled, "What?"
The senshi, who were getting beat up as a group surprisingly, winced as Alice let the Fist of Death fly. The first shot landed square in his gut, sending him on a rugburn ride halfway to the wall. The second fist found his face, taking him airborne this time and embedding him slightly in said wall. The third wound up and landed on the bottom side of the jaw.
The sailors watched the moon take its personal revenge on the Negaverse, then turned to the other problem, a.k.a. the hypnotist responsible, who was backing away as fast as his legs could carry him. Unfortunately, he backed into a crossbow, and couldn't change directions fast enough. Two shots pinned him in place. Then....
"Moon...Princess...Halation!"
Hypnotoast.
Everybody breathed a sigh of relief for a second. Then, Usagi spoke up.
"Um, ma'am, can we have that pen back? It's a friend's."
"Actually, it's a he, and be my guest," said the beleagured engineer, handing the wand to Sailor Moon, who passed it to Hinako after showing him how to use it to change back.
"A he that turns into a she? Nani yo?" Sailor Jupiter was puzzled as well as backwards.
"Nani what?" asked Dilbert, lacking a firm grasp of common Japanese phrases.
"Um, nothing," said a super-deformed and flop-sweating Sailor Moon. "We'll be running along now."
"Wait," asked Dilbert, "have any of you guys seen a thin blue marker with a pen light on the end?"
"This?" said Ami, pulling her pocket protector out of a pocket that really didn't need one.
"Thanks," said Dilbert, noting the mark of geekdom. "Hm, stop back sometime. We could always use another intern."
"Thanks, but no," said Sailor Mercury, waving. "Bye, and thanks again for the wand!"
"Too bad," said Alice. "Asok's getting too big to throw over the cubicle walls - we need a new one."
As the sailor senshi walked away, they discussed the lessons from their battle.
[So, Hinako, are you sure being normal is all that much of a problem?] said Usagi.
[I guess it is possible to whip a youma without super powers. You just have to be brave, strong, and determined.]
[Or on a rampage,] noted Makoto. [Did you see the look in that lady's eyes? She almost looked possessed herself!]
[You're one to talk,] noted Rei.
[Hey!]
[A man changing into a woman....] said Usagi.
She hadn't seen anything yet.