If you were gay

A/N: Oh come on. You all must of seen this coming eventually. I'm in a frisky mood anyway. :D My blatant lack of updates is making me feel guilty.

Warning: Tried to make old Mansex (and any other character involved for that matter) as IN character as possible. But its quite near Impossible... especially with the song used. :D

Warning Number two: After finally completing it, I would just like to say that... as soon as hysteria joined in to the story, all dignity and pride that was the Organization flew out the window and didn't manage to survive longer then 15 minutes. So... yeah. Mild OOC.

Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts. That's job is done by Square Enix and Disney. I don't own the Song, "If You were Gay" either. That's being done by Avenue Q.

Original Summary: Demyx was telling Xemnas about this guy he met... 'I think he was coming ON to me!' Dear old Mansex is a bit uncomfy with the conversation. So the Organization decides to let him know... Its OKAY if he's gay! Now with awkward mansax ending!

If you were Gay...

Xemnas laid back in his recliner that he had sneaked into his office sometime last week. Of course, he was supposed to be researching, doing paperwork, reviewing reports, trying to recreate KINGDOM HEARTS!! But even evil one-track-minded guys who occasionally wear zebra print needs a break sometimes, right?

So, here we are-- Mr. Mansex himself relaxing to a book. "Ah..." He sighed in content. "An afternoon (Morning? Evening? Late night? Who knows anymore in the world-that-never-was, on the floor-that-didn't-wish-to-be, in the office-with-some-relation-to-the-lacking-of-the-verb-'to be'?) alone with my favorite book... Evil plots of the 1820's." He stretched out, before breathing, "No irritating lower-rank nobodies to bother me... how could non-existence get any better then this?"

Xemnas should know by now never to say that (Especially when I'm writing :P). The door-that-never-could opened and shut into the wall-that-refused-to-is (No, that is not a typo, BTW). "Oh, Hi, Superior!"

Xemnas sighed into his The Book-that-hates-it-here-too. (Okay, I'll stop with the joke... for now :3) "Hello, Number IX..."

"Xemnas, you'll never GUESS what happened to me on that world you sent me to earlier today."

Xemnas deadpanned. "First of all, refer to me as 'superior', Demyx, and second of all, unless it has something to do with KINGDOM HEARTS!! I couldn't care less." He tried to go back to his book.

But Demyx didn't hear him. "This one guy... he was smiling at me... and talking to me..."

"HmmMmn... that's VERY interesting." Xemnas said, trying to ignore him.

Demyx let out a guffaw. "He was being REEEAL friendly... and... I think he was comin' on to me! I think HE may have thought I was gay..."

(If you'd like... imagine who YOU believe was that guy. For shipping war reasons, I'm not allowed to answer that question.)

Xemnas almost ripped The Book-that-hates-it-here-too in half. He coughed to try and compose himself. "Ahem... so, uh, w- why are you telling me this? Hmm? Why should I care? I don't care. Anything else you have to tell me? What did you have for lunch today?"

Demyx stared for a long time at Xemnas, who started to sweat (non-existantly of course... I have no idea if nobodies have normal bodily functions.) from uncomfort. "Well... you don't have to get all defensive about--"

"I'M NOT GETTING DEFENSIVE!" Xemnas snapped/roared (pick one), but, to prevent any further accusations, he tried to compose himself and eased out of the conversation by stating, "Why would I care about some gay guy you met, number IX, I am TRYING... to read." And thus began to read again from the Book-that-hates-it-here-too.

Demyx didn't take the hint, and tried to make sure the superior didn't hate him. "Oh, I didn't mean anything about it, Superior. Ya know... I think its something we should be able to talk about..."

Xemnas sighed heavily. "Yes, but I do not want to talk about it Demyx-- this conversation is over."

"Well, yeah, but Superior--"

"OVER!"

Demyx skooched over a little so to avoid any nothingness blasts at his forehead-of-non-existence or his chest-of-what-could've-held-a-heart, and told him much like an understanding counselor would say, "Well... okay. But, just so you know..." And BURST into song...

"If you were GAY."

This time Xemnas really did rip The Book-that-says-what-a-world-I-still-hate-you-though in half, and did a death glare, but Demyx had already summoned his Sitar; it was all over.

"That'd be OK... well, cause HEY! (ha)" Demyx ha'd, before continuing. "I'd like you annnnyyyway! Well, cause you SEE! If it were MEEEEE, I'd feel FREE. TO. SAY! That I was gay, But I. Not. Gay." He began to dance as well, speaking the last couple of fragments with a shake of the finger in a pouty face at Xemnas' completely disgusted one.

Xemnas' eyebrow twitched, as he tried to boot Demyx by saying, "Number IX, please. I am TRYING to read..."

Then Marluxia stuck his head in through the door-that-never-could and said, "Hello, superior, I was just--"

Then, with the awkward and unexplainable power that is Demyx, Marluxia began to sing as well.

Xemnas stared the fore-mentioned narrative. "WHAT?"

"If you were QUEER." Marluxia sung.

"GAH, not you too!"

"I'd still be HEEERE!"

"That's not even in CHARACTER!"

Then Xigbar popped in, witnessed and laughed for approximately 30 seconds, before was completely succumbed by whatever the hell Demyx was doing to join in. "YEAR after YEAR!"

"Number TWO?!"

Luxord walked in, the biggest drunken grin on his face, a bottle of whiskey in his hand, and just passed out, right there in front of the door, but the singing nobodies took no notice, and continued to hoopla, and pulling the can-can, singing: "Because you're DEAR. TO. MEEE!"

Xemnas felt his sanity pull short. He grabbed his cranium, and screamed, "GAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!!" while Larxene, Xaldin, and Vexen, who wanted to know what the hell was causing all the commotion, but got caught up in the hypnotic tune that Demyx was playing.

They took their gloved index fingers and pointed at poor Xemnas, screaming/singing, "And I know that YOUUUUU," Pointed back at themselves, "would accept me TOOOOO!"

"I WOULD?!" Xemnas tried to question. He wasn't even accepting them straight. (That is... if they ARE. -stares pointedly at Marluxia-)

Axel, with the loyal accompaniment of Roxas, strolled in, Axel asking, "Yo, what's this I hear about someone being gay and someone else being okay with it?"

And BAM! That was it. Axel was singing-zombified. However, for some reason, Roxas was unaffected, and was appalled and shocked, backing up and slumping against the wall-that-refused-to-is.

"If I told YOU TODAY, 'Hey, guess what, I'm GAY!'" They all sung in chorus. But then Demyx did a floor slide in front of them with a solo from his sitar and did the sub-line. "But I'm. Not. GAY!" The hypnotized nobodies, on cue, waggling their fingers at Xemnas, who chose to join Roxas, gaping at the crazy in front of him.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Elsewhere in the castle, Saix, with his awesome keen senses, had an ear twitch at a loud sound. He wasn't really paying attention to what was happening in that part of the castle, but when a loud high-pitched, evil... evil sound (Axel's singing) rose to his ears, he had to find out what it was. He wasn't sure what was going on, but what he DID hear was the word "Gay." Shouted at a very inappropriate volume.

A investigation must be conducted, he concluded. Coming from the Superiors office, it either was a very awkward joke or someone was confessing their gay love for Xemnas. (Like hell Larxene would be confessing ANY type of love to any (no) body anytime soon.)

Saix must find out whatever the hell it is and kill it. As Axel would say (not really, but I feel like he should) "Kill it! Kill it with FIRE!"

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Eye twitching, Roxas traumatized beside him, the 6 organization members singing their absolute best at him (which in Axel's case meant screaming), saying it would be completely OKAY if he were to come out of the closet anytime soon.

"I'm HAPPY!" Xigbar sung at the top of his lungs.

"Just being with YOUUU...!!" Larxene finished.

"Happy place... happy place..." Xemnas heard Roxas mutter.

"So, what does it matter to me, what you do in bed with GUYS!" Xaldin did his solo, and at that word, to emphasize it, the rest of the guys (Larxene slightly participated as well) did the infamous crotch grab, with a mighty "UMF!" in unison.

Roxas fainted.

Xemnas was even more disgusted. "People, that is WRONG!"

"No, its not!" Demyx argued, then, with another strum of his sitar, sung above everyone. "If you were gaaaay, I'd shout--!"

"HOORAY!" The rest finished.

"I'm not listening! Oh for the love of nothing!" Xemnas clamped his hands over his ears in futile attempt to ignore.

"AND here I'd STAAAY!" Two group stomps on the floor, first right, then left.

"La la la la..."

"But I wouldn't get IN YOUR WAAY!"

"You can count on MEEE!" Vexen shouted.

"TO Always BEEE!" Marluxia yelled.

"Beside you EVERY. DAY!" Xaldin and Larxene sung in chorus, then made way for Demyx's big finish.

"To tell you IT'S OKAY! You were just BORN that way! And as they say, it's in your DNA, YOU'RE GAAAAAAAAAAAAY!"

Then everyone joined in, screaming, as if trying to beat each other in a volume contest, "YOU'RE GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!"

Xemnas had quite enough. "I AM NOT GAY!!"

But Demyx had this huge grin on his face, one that said, 'I may not have had sex with you, but boy, that was satisfying.', and rebutted with a "If you WERE gay!"

"GAAAAH!"

Xemnas scrambled with the door-that-never-could, and tried to make it out of there, but slammed faces with Saix, who was wondering what the hell was going on. Behind him was Lexaeus and Zexion, who never actually participate in these events, but come by later to see the damage, and here they are now. But I'm getting off-topic.

Saix got a mouth full of Mansex, and Mansex got a mouthful of Saix. (which sounds like Sex, but I'll stop being perverted now) Xemnas wasn't expecting it and fell forward, Saix fell backward, in a make-out session no one was expecting, not even the one's involved. But when this happened, the trance that Demyx had set on these people, wore off, and Roxas and Luxord regained consciousness. They had no memory of what just happened, but they just knew what was happening NOW.

But what took the cake was Demyx's cheeky remark.

"If you WERE gay? Superior... you ARE gay... and I'm OKAY WITH THAT!"

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Ah hahahahaha... Aw... hilarious. Well... it was for me anyway. Another technical song-fic, but not really at the same time. If dear old Mansex is in denial or everyone just loves making fun of him, that's just fine too. No, I don't hate Axel, in case you were thinking. I just think that... if anything-- he would be a HORRIBLE singer.

In case you were wondering why I placed all those emphasis worlds and caplocked to the extreme, it was because it was supposed to be a version of lip-synching with the song. It all works out in my head, anyway. (search the song on youtube and play it while reading the bold... you'll see what I mean)

I reeeally wanna do another one of these, but I need another song, and a victim. Be my muse? Who do I get to drive to insanity next? (I'm actually thinking, if there are no takers, of "Kiss the girl" from Little Mermaid between... hmm... Marluxia and Vexen? Maybe.)

Please no pointless flames. Critique would be fine and dandy, but it was all in harmless fun if I offended any of you.

As always,

Alena Rio