Hey guys! So this is a little idea that popped into my head after watching The Symphony of Illumination. It's my first HIMYM fanfic, so let me know what you think. :) Also, sorry for the formatting. I'd much rather use page breaks, but I don't know the html to code for it.
You? Not pregnant.
Robin Scherbatsky had no idea how liberating and live-changing a sentence could be. She couldn't have been pregnant. She never wanted to be a mom, it just wouldn't have been fair to her. She remembered the happy dance that erupted when Dr. Sonya told her the news. She had actually thought about asking her to join in on the festivities, up until she noticed the grim look on her face, one that didn't seem to match the news that she'd been given before.
That's great, right? Right?
Robin had pressed on, now worried about Dr. Sonya's solemnity.
Robin you can't have a baby.
And then everything stopped. It felt as if she'd had the wind knocked out of her- as if she'd forgotten how to breathe. Her body went numb with the revelation, her limbs heavy, as if they were made of lead. She felt nauseous. The tiniest movement made her want to throw up. Tears pricked the corners of her eyes, fighting to escape. She willed them away, she tried to will everything away. The uncomforting sensations coursing through her body, the emotion, the pain, the guilt. She'd been so happy that she wasn't pregnant- she didn't want kids. But now that she knew she couldn't, she realized something. Robin Scherbatsky wanted in that moment more than ever, to be a mother.
...
It doesn't make sense when she sees it. It's so bizarre, in fact, that she shakes the object to make sure it's there. It isn't possible. She can't. She tells him time and time again not to worry about it, because it can never happen. She turns the stick over in her hands, and turns it again. The little plus sign in the small window remains and she still can't believe it. She tells herself that maybe he will be okay with this. He'll be so happy about the news, he'll want to get married. Something they've discussed quite frequently. She snaps out of her unlikely thoughts. He's going to be upset. He doesn't want children. In fact, he despises them. Much like me, she tells herself. She can't say a word, and she won't. She loves him too much to upset him with all of this. But would he be upset?
...
It's 2:03 a.m. when Robin runs from Barney's bed and into the bathroom. He doesn't move at first, but the slam of the bathroom door causes him to startle awake. He calls out her name and pats her side of the bed. She's gone. Had she left? Had their conversation the night before been too much for his girlfriend to handle?
Hey, um, are we busy next Saturday night? She asks, hoping he wouldn't be too suspicious. He notices the uncertainty in her voice and moves across the room to where he grabs her hand.
I was thinking we could have a night in he tells her, his voice filled with lust. It's hard for Robin to ignore and she feels a shiver run down her spine as he places his lips behind her ear. We could have a preview tonight, he suggests and it takes everything in Robin's power to say
Maybe later. But um, I may have volunteered us to babysit Marvin.
Without asking me? What if I have something planned? What if it's gonna be legen- wait for it-"
Dary, she finishes, trying to move the conversation along. Barney, I'm sorry, but I already told Lily and Marshall we'd do it. They actually have plans on Saturday.
She remembers him groaning. Robin, you know how I feel about kids.
I –I just thought this could be good practice for when we have kids someday.
She can't believe what she's just said. He knows she doesn't want kids, right? And Barney? He's making his stance on kids pretty clear as well.
Us have kids? Robin, you hate kids. And frankly, so do I.
She remembers tears springing to her eyes, wanting to tell him the news. But he's made up his mind- this won't change it.
You-you do?
Yeah, I do. They're loud, and messy, and terrible wingmen. He can sense that something's off with her, so he throws in his last remark in an effort to cheer her up. But it doesn't work.
But if it's our baby, it would be so different.
Babies are babies, Robin. They're all the same. They're all terrible.
How could you say that? Her voice rises, and the tears start to spill from her eyes.
Why are you getting so upset by this? It's not like you want kids, do you?
I-I don't know. No, maybe?
Well, we don't have to worry about it happening. He refers to her supposed sterility; She remembers being silent, too stunned to speak.
Right?
Um, yeah. Right. It doesn't sound convincing to her, but it somehow works for him.
Look, I'm not sure why we're talking about this now, but I don't want kids. I'm not ready to be a father right now, nor do I want to be.
Nor do I want to be
Her boyfriend's words echo through Robin's head as she leans back against the bathroom wall. Her mouth tastes awful, beads of sweat adorn her forehead, and tears stain her cheeks. How can this be happening? How could he have said all of those things?
They're all the same. They're all terrible.
I'm not ready to be a father right now, nor do I want to be.
His words bring on another wave of nausea, and within seconds she's holding herself up over the toilet yet again. She heaves endlessly, too preoccupied to notice that her boyfriend is knelt down beside her. He whispers in her ear, telling her that everything's going to be okay. He tells her that he loves her, and that everything will be over soon. When she's done, he helps her to her feet and she's crying. She feels incredibly guilty for keeping this from him, so before he can say anything, she decides to speak first.
"You really don't want to be a father?" she asks him and he looks a bit confused. It takes a second but after glancing over to the toilet, to the tears still rolling down Robin's cheeks, and to her hand that's so casually placed on her stomach, he gets it. Whether he likes it or not, he's going to be a father. He takes a deep breath, steadying himself. The room's spinning. He places a hand on the counter to hold himself up. His face turns a sickly shade of white, almost as if he's going to be sick. Robin can't bear it. She can't bear to see his reaction, nor can she bear the silence that's settled over the small room. She knows what he's going to say, and she just wants him to get it over with.
"Robin, I-"
"Please," she mutters, her voice breaking. The two sit in silence for what seems like forever, before she finally says "Please, I know what you're going to say, just- just say it."
"I love you," he tells her, and now she's crying even harder.
"You do?"
He wraps his arms around her and begins rubbing her back to calm her down. "Of course I do."
She pulls out of his arms and wipes a stray tear from her face. "But, all of those things you said last night. How you don't want to be a father and-"
"I know I said those things, and maybe when I started to piece things together I still felt that way. But letting it really sink in, I'm happy. I'm not ready to be a father, but that doesn't mean I can't get ready."
Robin let out a soft sob before throwing herself back into her boyfriend's arms. She was scared, terrified actually for these next seven months.
"Everything's going to be okay. No, better than okay. Robin Scherbatsky, from here on out, everything is going to be legendary.
...
He's there for the next several weeks, supporting his girlfriend. The morning sickness continues, and he's there for her whether it's four in the morning or four at night. He's there to hold her hair, to rub her back and whisper words of encouragement. He's there to hold her. And she couldn't be more grateful.
He's there for her when they tell their friends, and of course they're all smiles. Lily and Marshal are excited to have someone close in age with Marvin, and Ted- just to have another baby around. He's there with her during the nerve wracking call to her parents. He holds her hand tightly in his. "It's going to be okay," he whispers, kissing the back of her hand. He stays beside her throughout the entire conversation. He's there to hear her mother's excited squeals, and her father's indifferent remarks. His comments sting and she tries to say she's fine, but Barney knows otherwise. He's there for her as the tears begin to run down her face, and there when she chokes out a nearly inaudible "Goodbye, daddy." He takes the phone from her hand and holds her close, kissing the top of her head as she rests it on his shoulder. Robin begins to sob and it breaks Barney's heart. He holds her tight and whispers sweet nothings into her ear, trying to calm her down.
"Please don't listen to him," he tells her, hoping it might help. But it doesn't. Her father's words still running through her mind: maybe you'll have the son I've always wanted, and something she couldn't exactly remember about not keeping the family name. She was a disgrace in her father's eyes, and it hurt her to the very core.
"He's right," she cries, and Barney's grip on her becomes even tighter. How could someone be so awful towards their daughter? Barney's mother was ecstatic when she heard the news.
He doesn't know what else to say to make his girlfriend feel better, so he just holds her. And for now, it seems to be enough.
They're together when, a few weeks later they find out the sex of the baby. She holds tightly onto his hand as she lies on the exam table, feeling more anxious than she ever has before. Barney can feel her delicate hand trembling in his and he squeezes it tight, stroking it with his thumb. The doctor squirts a cool gel onto Robin's abdomen, causing her to flinch and within seconds, the sound of a baby's heartbeat fills the room.
Tears flood Barney's eyes as this is the first time he's heard his child's beating heart. This was all routine to the young woman, yet she feels the familiar sting in her eyes as she, too, begins to cry.
"That's our baby," he whispers, pointing to the screen. Robin smiles at the love in his voice, and it causes her to cry even more. She's never felt more in love with anyone than she does in this moment, and it causes her heart to swell.
"There she is," they hear the doctor say and for a moment, everything stops. They both are beyond elated about the news, but it takes a few moments to process.
"Our little girl," Barney cries. He looks down to his girlfriend to see tears in her eyes and he wipes them away before they share a long, passionate kiss. Everything about this moment seems perfect, and they're happy.
Barney's there for her as her self-esteems begins to plummet. Her baby bump is now more than just a small one, making it hard for Robin to fit into her non-maternity clothes. She feels huge, between her stomach and her breasts, but Barney's right there to comfort her. He's never felt more attracted to her than he does now, watching his girlfriend carry their child. He's never loved her as much as he does now, either. He wraps his arms around her and folds his hands across her stomach. There's a thin sheet of fabric separating them, but Barney swears he can feel something move under his palm. He quickly grabs Robin's hand, startling her, and places it on the exact spot his was before. She's unsure of what he's doing and right as she opens her mouth to question him, she feels it. It's small, but it's definitely noticeable. Tears fill her eyes as she feels her daughter move for the first time and she turns around to share a kiss with her boyfriend. She doesn't know why she'd been so opposed to having children in the past, and is beyond glad for their little miracle.
He's there when the fear starts to set in. Robin becomes afraid the delivery, of the pain she'll endure before she can meet her daughter. More so than anything else, she's afraid of what's going to happen afterwards. As her due date nears, she realizes more and more that this is really happening- she's going to be a mom. She's scared. What if she's a terrible mother? What if she turns out to be like her father? She's so worried about it, in fact, that it's beginning to worry Barney. He's very reassuring, telling her that she'll be such a great mom. He's seen how she interacts with little Marvin and he doesn't understand why she's so worried. Marvin absolutely adores Robin, their entire group knows this. Even before finding out she was pregnant, Robin took to her nephew so quickly it was like he was her own child. Robin would be an amazing mother, and she'd find out soon.
Barney's there when, at 3:15 a.m., his girlfriend startles awake. She feels extremely uncomfortable, and when she feels the wet spot on the sheets, she knows. There's no turning back now-it's almost time to meet her daughter. She gives her boyfriend a gentle nudge and when he doesn't budge, she delivers a harsher blow. He sits up almost instantly, exhausted and confused, but once he sees the nervous look on Robin's face, he knows. He takes her hand in his when her face scrunches up in pain, allowing her to squeeze. She's grateful, as her contractions already seem pretty intense, and she lets out a sigh when it's over. Barney leans in to drop a kiss to her forehead and in that moment, everything seems real. They both know this is the real deal, and they're both utterly terrified.
...
Robin moans as she feels the start of another contraction. She's been at it for almost eight hours, and it's proven to be the longest eight hours of her life. She's exhausted, she's in pain, and she's scared. She whimpers as the pain reaches its peak, cueing Barney to take her hand. She squeezes down, hard, and now it's Barney's turn to whimper.
"That's it, I give up," she cries and Barney shakes his head.
"I can't let you do that."
"Everything hurts."
"You're almost there, Robin. Just hold on a little bit longer, and then we can meet our daughter."
She tosses her head back against the pillows. "This isn't even the hardest part," she sighs, and then tenses as she feels another contraction take hold. Barney reaches behind her to rub her back, hoping to ease the tension in her muscles. He holds onto her as the pain peaks, and he jumps when she lets out a loud moan.
"When will this end?" she pants and as if on cue, her doctor appears in her room.
"Sooner than you think. Are you ready to meet your daughter?"
Barney smiles and looks down at his girlfriend. He was ecstatic. Robin, however, is in too much pain to piece together what the doctor's just said. The contractions are falling on top of one another, creating a never-ending wave of pain. She doesn't think she can hold on much longer, but Barney's soft lips on her own seem to rejuvenate her, and she feels ready.
"Let's go have our daughter."
...
Barney's there when, two hours later, little Isabelle Marie is finally brought into the world. He's exhausted, and he knows his girlfriend is beyond so. He watches her face as the baby is placed into her arms and it seems like all of the pain and exhaustion have been forgotten as Robin takes in the sight of her daughter for the first time. Tears stream down both parents' faces and Barney leans in to kiss his girlfriend. He's still amazed at how well she's done and how coherent she still is. Robin smiles deliriously up at Barney and in this moment, seeing his girlfriend bring their daughter into the world, he feels more in love with her than ever.
"Look what we made," she cries, and Barney wraps his arm around both of his girls.
"I am so beyond proud of you," he tells her. "You were absolutely legendary."
Robin lets out a quiet laugh. "It didn't feel legendary. I'm just glad she's here."
Barney shudders, recounting the sight (and sound) of his girlfriend in so much pain. His hands felt broken from her white-knuckle grip, his hearing compromised from the hours of screaming he endured. But he simply smiles, because he knows she's had it much worse, and what's more, their daughter was finally here.
Isabelle lets out a tiny whimper, causing Robin's heart to swell. Her daughter's the cutest baby she's ever seen, and she already loves her so much. Both parents do.
"She's perfect," Robin says, the tears still flowing. Barney can't agree more, and he leans down to kiss his daughter's tiny forehead.
"I love you, princess."
...
Barney's there the first night Isabelle is home when, for the fifth time that night, his daughter begins to cry. He knows that Robin is beyond exhausted, so much so that she's slept through her daughter's cries. He quietly gets out of bed and lifts the tiny bundle from her bassinet before taking her into the living room. He rocks his daughter, humming in hopes of calming her down. She seems angry, and Barney can't figure out why. He tries a diaper change, he feeds her, he rocks her, but nothing seems to work. At this point, he's exhausted. His eyelids feel extremely heavy and he doesn't know how much longer he can stay awake. Defeated, he decides to lie down on the couch, with Isabelle curled up on his chest. He rubs her tiny back to try and soothe her cries but it's still not working. He doesn't know how they'll be able to handle this for the next couple of years.
He's about to give up when an idea pops into his head: sing. Out of their group of friends, only Robin knows that Barney is a decent singer and while it's late and he's delirious, he decides to sing a lullaby- one he remembers his mother used to sing to him. It takes a few minutes, but by the third time through, Isabelle begins to quiet down. He continues to sing the lullaby a couple more times through to be sure she's calmed down and soon enough, she's fast asleep in her father's arms. Barney drops a kiss on top of her head and lets out a content sigh. He's managed to take care of Isabelle without having to wake Robin, something he feels extremely proud of. He holds tightly onto his daughter, and falls asleep with a smile on his face.
A few hours later, an exhausted Robin rolls over in her bed to check on her daughter. She panics when she sees the empty bassinet, and is confused when she notices that Barney is gone as well. She's suddenly wide awake and leaps out of bed to venture out into the living room, when she sees her two favorite people curled up on the couch. Isabelle's eyes begin to wander about the room and Robin panics, not wanting her boyfriend to wake up. She's beyond grateful for him taking care of Isabelle through the night and feels bad for sleeping through it all. He's taken such good care of her since their daughter was born, it's her turn to do the same for him.
Careful not to wake him up, Robin bends down and scoops her daughter out of Barney's arms. The baby curls up into her mother's arms and within seconds, she falls back asleep.
"Where's Isabelle," Barney mumbles, still half asleep.
Robin lets out a small laugh. "I got her, don't worry. Go back to sleep."
"I'm…fine," he argues sleepily, and sits up from his spot on the couch.
"How'd you two sleep last night?"
"Like a baby," he teases, although they both know that Barney had gotten almost no sleep at all.
"I should've taken a picture. You two looked so adorable."
Barney yawns. "That's what we were aiming for."
"Thank you for taking her last night. I feel terrible that you had to deal with her all by yourself."
"It's okay, I know you were exhausted."
"Yeah but so were you. Parenting is supposed to be teamwork-"
"Robin, it's okay. You've already done way more than I can ever repay you for. You gave me this," he says, gesturing to a sleeping Isabelle. "Never in a million years would I think I'd ever have what I do right now."
"Never in a million years did I think I'd be a mom. Never in a million years did I think I could be a mom."
"She's our little miracle," Barney tells her, and they both smile.
For the rest of his life, Barney vowed to be there for Robin and Isabelle, and he was. He was there to help in the middle of the night, he was there for her first word, her first steps, and her first day of school. He absolutely loved being a father and, eventually, a husband, and he wouldn't have it any other way.