Title: Understand
Summary: Simon/Ralph pre-slash. Simon watches Ralph swim from a distance.
Disclaimer: I do not own and never will.
Warning: Pre-slash; don't like don't read.
A/N: Where has this book been all my life? Christ - I can't believe I've only just found it in recent weeks. *Slaps back of wrist for own stupidity*. It's amazing. One of the best books I have ever come across. I think I'm in love - LOL.
Anyway - read and enjoy.
***
Simon was pressed up hard behind a tree, carefully peering around it.
Simon was stood watching with wide eyed curiosity. He gazed at how Ralph's slender body glided through the water effortlessly and bit his lip when Ralph surfaced and brushed his fair wet hair back from his face. Simon couldn't tear his eyes away from the sight.
His mind was in turmoil while he was watching. He was submerged with foreign feelings that he had never experienced before. He knew none of them by name; all he knew was that he was drowning in a sea of them with no life vest and no prospect of being rescued.
He saw Ralph smile and was suddenly subjected to a bad case of the butterflies in his stomach. His hand, unconsciously, went to his stomach while his heart rate increased to the point he could swear that Ralph would have heard it and would think that someone (most likely Jack) had gotten his hands on a large drum. Simon held his breath and watched Ralph with a sudden intense stare. When Ralph showed no sign of hearing or suspecting anything, Simon let out a shaky breath and allowed his muscles to relax. His arms now had a dull ache but he paid very little attention to it. Ralph had gotten out of the lagoon and was stood still, his head tilted up and his eyes closed, allowing the heat of the day to dry him.
Simon blinked several times to prove to himself that he wasn't dreaming. His breath was stolen from him. Ralph had a delicate smile gracing his lips and it made Simon's heart slam against his ribs. He suddenly felt a wave of giddiness wash over him as well as a wave of nausea. He became super conscious of anyone seeing him, finding him spying on their chief.
Maybe ... this was what being in love felt like.
Simon disappeared back behind the tree before shaking his head side to side violently. He couldn't be in love, not with Ralph. Besides, wasn't he too young to be having such emotions? What would a little boy know of love, and affection and relationships? Simon couldn't supply himself with an answer. He had no answer. Ralph may have thought that he was really smart with some of the thing he said sometimes; but at that moment Simon felt stupid, thick and stupid.
He lent back around the other side of the tree with intentions of getting one last look at Ralph. Ralph had put his rags that once resembled either shorts or trousers back on and Simon couldn't help but admire the way they hung off his slender hips. Ralph had a look of distance on his face - as though he was there in reality but his mind was far away and distant, separate from his body. Simon wondered what Ralph could be thinking about. There was a huge range of possibilities, since he was chief he would be plagued by a great many things, but Simon couldn't help but hope what Ralph was stood thinking about was about him.
Simon went back behind the tree once again, his eyes on the ground. Why was he thinking like this? He couldn't articulate what he was thinking and feeling and then there was every possibility (which seemed more likely than not to be the case) that Ralph would reject him. Then there would be the social rejection (not that it was new to him) that he would have to face as long as they remained on the island as well as the taunts and bullying. Simon had never had a friend before, and Ralph was the closest thing he had to one.
Simon already felt a social reject because he couldn't speak in front of an audience without freezing, losing all the ideas he wanted to convey into words to express himself. That, and he couldn't bear to lose Ralph's - subtle - friendship. Ralph had picked him out of the group to help him. Simon chose not to read too much in to it, but he would have liked to have felt that that was Ralph's way of expressing that something was there.
Simon sighed and leaned with his back now to the tree, facing the opposite direction to Ralph. Too many emotions, too many thoughts, all swamping him at once. Simon stood up to his full height, took a steady breath and calmed himself. He needed to be somewhere quiet, somewhere without the distraction, somewhere he could think and make sense of everything.
Deciding that this was the best thing to do, Simon slipped quietly into the forest, not noticing that Ralph had not only spotted him, but was looking at him with an expression of both puzzlement and worry. He could never figure out why Simon kept disappearing into the forest like he did. He had thought about asking, but dismissed the idea. Simon was one who would become flustered if pushed. Instead Ralph left Simon to do what he wanted, figuring that unless Simon went to him, he would never know.
End.