Notes:
This is the "Valentine's Day" fic I've managed to crank out last minute. I wasn't planning one writing one until like Tuesday night, and my friend recommended this song and I loved it. It is the return of Duo-angst my friends! *evil smirk* SO! I hope you enjoy this little fic and…
HAPPY CORPORATE-ENDORSED LOVE-THEMED MERCHANDISING DAY!
~Kate~
Disclaimer: -__-; I don't own anything. Leave me the hell alone.
Warnings? Hell, if you know me you know what to expect, but oh well. Yaoi, Death, and Duo-angst. Get over it. …Oh, and a bit of cursing.
*****
Even in Death
By Sailor Aurora Helios
Give me a reason to believe that you're gone.
I see your shadow so I know they're all wrong.
It's all around me. Pink and red and white. Love birds and Doves. Hearts and Cupids. Candy and chocolates. Ribbons, Lace and Frills. I can't even listen to the god damned radio it's swarmed with love songs and dedications. Worst of all, the roses. Okay, so maybe that's not the worst part, the couples hanging all over each other is the worst part.
Fuck Valentine's Day, or, rather, Corporate- Endorsed Love-Themed Merchandising day, Synthetic Emotions day. It's all a load of B.S. anyways. It makes me sick. Sure, Valentine's Day is nice and shit, when you have someone to spend it with! There's a helluva lot of lonely people out there that hate this day, and their loneliness is just shoved in their faces.
Why am I even here? Oh, that's right. I needed to pick up some flowers before I go to see him. Jesus, they jack up the prices this time of year, too.
"Can I help you, sir?" This man asks. He seems to be in a generally good mood, but he does give me the once over. I think he noticed that I look like Hell, at least I think I do. Probably stereo-typing me, just like everybody else.
"Yeah, buddy, I need some roses… rose, actually, just one, long stemmed." I answered casually, and shrugged lightly. The man grinned, something seeming to sparkle in his eye as he stood.
"Ah, for a loved one, right? You'll want a red one, right?"
"Black." I smirked slightly at the way this caused the man to pause and stare at me for a moment. He looked me up and down again a frown tugging at his lips.
"…black, sir?"
"You heard me, buddy." I grinned at him and he quietly nodded leaving to find a black rose for me. I followed him to the register, wallet out and ready to pay.
"Are you sure? They say black roses symbolize…" He trailed off, he couldn't finish the sentence. I only smirked leaning against the counter.
"Death. I know." The man went silent then as I paid and left with the rose.
Moonlight on the soft brown earth,
It leads me to where you lay.
The moon is full again tonight, love, wasn't it full a year ago? Maybe, oh well. The ground is so soft under my feet, too. The path leads me through the arch and I keep walking. I bring the rose up and the petals tickle at my lips just slightly as its scent fills my nose. Pausing I can't help but stare forward, still not wanting to believe it. Without a word I walk forward and kneel down next to where you lay, forever more.
They took you away from me,
But now I'm taking you home.
The tears are already falling as I sink down beside the grey slab. I brush my fingers over the name engraved there, reading it softly outloud,
"Heero Yuy…" Ever so gently I set the rose against the grave before I curled up against it crying softly.
"Heero, my Heero…" Sobbing I rested my head against the stone and closed my eyes. I could remember it all clearly. Exactly one year ago, those bastards took my love from me, on fucking Valentine's Day of all days! This would have been the first Valentine's Day I'd actually be happy on, because I'd be spending it with the man I loved more than anything. But, no, Shinigami isn't allowed to be happy, is he? Just like some people can't except that the war is over, and still hate us gundam pilots to they go off trying to assassinate us.
"God damnit!" I'm shouting to no one as for an instant I claw at the Earth, wanting to dig away the dirt and pull you out of that coffin and hold you...
I'll stay forever here with you,
My love.
I stared down at the torn grass below me, and sigh as I slump back against the tombstone once more. I don't want to leave. I just don't give a damn anymore. I want to lay down right here and die. I want to be where I can be with Heero, forever.
The softly spoke words you gave me,
Even in Death our love goes on.
'Baka… I'll always love you.'
I glanced up. I swear I just heard his voice. I wouldn't mistake that for any one else, ever. For once, I'm smiling a real smile. Heero always could get me to smile genuinely. Our love will never die, I know this.
…but I want him with me.
Some say I'm crazy for my love, oh, my love.
But no bonds can pull from you side, oh my love.
I remember, after you died I stayed out here for almost two weeks. I wouldn't leave this fucking grave. I wanted to curl up and die. I wanted this to be a very cruel joke. I wanted to erase the memory of you cold, lifeless body. I tried to desperately to feel you with me, feel your arms around me holding me close, hear you voice quietly whispering that you loved me, calling me your koi. I didn't want to leave you, I couldn't leave you.
I know people were worried about me. Especially Quatre and Wufei, they seemed to be the most worried. They finally dragged me, kicking and yelling, away from the grave. Wufei punched me then, and told me to get a grip on myself. He sounded actually concerned, or maybe he was just scared. They knew I was losing it, completely.
They don't know you can't leave me.
They don't hear you singing to me.
They don't understand though. I know you couldn't leave me either. I still could almost feel you, hear you. I swear I could. I know you didn't want to leave me, you probably fought so hard to stay alive, didn't you, Heero? But it was a battle that couldn't be won. Sometimes I think I even see your shadow, proving you're here watching over me.
Or maybe I'm just insane. Either way, it's not enough. I can't do this any more Heero, and, I'm sorry.
I'll stay forever here with you,
My love.
I'll do whatever it takes to be with you, my love. Even something that other's may consider stupid. Hell, you said it was stupid. I know I told you I'd stopped this kind of shit, but, this is the last time.
I swear it.
There won't be a next time… I'll make sure of it, love.
The softly spoken words you gave me,
Even in Death our love goes on.
And I can't love you any more than I do.
I picked up the rose again, staring down at the black petals. I always did love black roses, you knew that. You liked the white ones. So we'd always get black and white, death and purity. Evil and good. Dark and light. Opposites, in which one cannot exist without the other, just like us.
I can't exist with out you, my other half, my soul mate, my heart. I'm sorry, babe, but I promise I'll never do this again.
I crushed my the rose in my hand before letting it go, the black petals fluttering down to blanket the ground.
I'll stay forever here with you,
My love.
I pulled out the dagger I had on me. It was one of those habits I couldn't break from the war, you know? Always have to have a weapon on me to defend myself with.
But there's nothing I need to defend myself against, anymore. Except, of course, those fucking assassins, but they're not here.
My eyes moved to the few faded scars on my left arm. I only ever did this once or twice before, but I stopped. For you. I hesitated, staring down at my arm.
The softly spoken words you gave to me,
Even in Death our love goes on.
'Duo, you idiot!'
I flinched back, his voice was there again. God damn it. Damn me… to Hell, where Shinigami belongs, ne? No, I don't want to go to Hell. I want to go where ever my Heero is.
'Duo, there is no curse. I'll prove it to you because I love you. I haven't died yet, have I?'
Why did I listen to you? Why didn't I push you away? Why did I let myself care about you, I lost you just like I lost Solo and Father Maxwell and Sister Helen, and all of the orphans.
"I'm so sorry…" I pushed the blade down against my skin. It took a while before I finally broke skin, just a little bit.
And I can't love you any more than I do.
I took a shaky breath, why was this so hard to do now? It was so easy before. Slowly, I made that cut deeper, watching the crimson blood seep out, staining the blade. It became easier then. I dragged the blade through my skin, making a deep cut on my arm. I moved the angle of the blade, make another cut that passed over the first… forming a cross. I smirked at it slightly staring down at the bleeding cross on my arm.
Enough play. It's time to end this. I took another deep breath staring down at my bleeding arms.
"I'm sorry Tro, Q, and Fei. But I couldn't do this anymore. And I'm sorry, Heero, but I'll see you soon." With that said I brought the blade over my left wrist, making the deadly slash. My hand was shaking as I slashed it over my right wrist. I could feel the blood rushing from me as I sunk to my knees beside Heero's grave. I set the dagger down before looking once more at the grave.
I could feel the firm grip of Death, slowly pulling me away. It was over now. I'd be with Heero… finally. I wonder what they'll do when they find my dead body.
I sighed softly. So, this is what it feels like to die. I always wondered what it felt like. I've seen so much death in my life I always wondered what it feels like when you know you're dying. My arms kind of hurt, but it's not nearly as bad as the pain I've felt for the past year now, and besides I've suffered worse injuries. I couldn't help but laugh slightly to myself.
"Heh… Well, Happy Valentine's Day, guys… I'll see ya around in the afterlife I guess. That is, if there is one." Slowly I let my eyes closed as I whispered softly my last words,
"I'll die, but real love is forever."