Disclaimer: I don't own anything and if I did I'd be writing a bit more how Hermione and Ron are apart of Harry. Actually, thinking that...
Warnings: Some slash, some femslash, maybe a trio, het and I think that's it. If anyone has a problem with a pairing or an idea mention it in a review or a PM. Unbeta'ed so you see any mistakes let me know.
Hogwarts Style!
"Because of recent events, Hogwarts has signed a contract with the Daily Prophet and Living Arts Entertainment. However, they remain unaware in order to keep their school funded, they are going to appear on our new Crystalized reality show called: Battle of the Sexes! Revised!"
In the year of 2006, many women and men do not remember the great Headmaster Albus Dumbledore with favor or cherish their Hogwarts memories. For they had been students during the time period of when the Battle of the Sexes first started filming at their school. The reason they're so scared and angry is because...
"In 1996, when this was originally filmed we altered the students original sex! Boys were turned into girls and girls were turned into boys! However, we only have legal surveillance of the Gryffindors and Slytherins!"
That was the reason why.
Dean Thomas stared at his Crystal (the muggle equivalent to a TV). They were re-showing it! He had children for God's sake! Nervous now, he made haste to his owl, Ball.
Scribbling out twelve different messages, that all read the same thing he called for his wife.
"Oi! Daphne! We have a bleeding problem!"
"What is it...oh my word! What in the name of Salazar Slytherin possessed them to re-air that!" Daphne Thomas formerly Greengrass screamed as she saw the Crystal.
"I don't have goddamn clue but I'm sending the word out." Dean snapped. "Turn up the Crystal. I want to be able to hear what that bastard is saying."
Mutely, she turned up the Crystal to the max while silently thanking God, Dean talked her into using a Muggle sitter.
"In order for the two Houses to be changed back to the right gender they had to complete a list!" The host named McGavin announced. "Now the Slytherin boys and Gryffindor boys or should I say girls? Were on one team while the other team was devised of the Slytherin Girls and Gryffindor Girls! Which ever team completed the list first was changed back! The losers however, would remain their changed gender for TWO years!"
"Dean! Write all the old crowd! And tell them to leave their kids with Muggle babysitters and get their arses over here!" Daphne snapped as she watched McGavin talk more about the show.
"On it." Dean nodded.
"And tell them to pack overnight bags!" Daphne called out as her eyes widen horror.
"And all in the space of the next few days! We will be playing the whole season of 1996!" McGavin crowed.
In over twelve different places in various countries people all about received an ominous letter that contained rough fully the same meaning:
GET YOUR ASSESS OVER HERE! THE NIGHTMARE IS RETURNING! LEAVE YOUR KIDS! AND AN YOUR PARTNER IF THEY WEREN'T FROM HOGWARTS. NO REASON TO MAKE THEM ASHAMED OF YOU!
In over twelve different places in various countries people started Apparting to one place, the Thomas Household.
"I got your letter!" Ron shouted as he appeared with a backpack. "It can't really be that bad, can it?" He asked weakly.
All he got were nods.
Soon, the other eleven appeared.
"Living room." Dean gasped as he walked into that direction.
The old crowed consisted of all the Slytherins and Gryffindors in Dean's year. Each year had their own people to alert in case of an emergency.
"Oh, SWEET MERLIN!" Pansy shrieked as her eyes widen in horror.
"Exactly." Daphne said a pale faced.
"Now in order to not confuse anyone, we only put up the fifth years' names. We have their pictures of when the are the appropriate gender and when they switched. Now as the Muggles say, let the show begin!"
One by one everyone dropped down in the Thomas's living room. The credits began to show.
In quick, catchy bold letters: 1996 Fifth Years flashed.
It showed quick flashes of the Minster, Umbridge, Percy, Aurors, Goblins, books, quills, papers, and secret (that weren't as secret anymore) meeting places. Slowly, the moment they all had been dreading.
Sevrevus Snape - it pictured him scowling over a student's shoulder and right next to the picture was a horrified woman who had her hair in her hands (which was sleek and shiny) and a small delicate nose.
Minerva McGonagall - she was raising one eyebrow in speculation in the other photo it had her featured with a bottle of firewhisky in her hand and a glazed expression. She, well, he had pepper hair and looked tough, average height.
Draco Malfoy - he was playing with his wand with a smug expression. In the other, (s)he was dancing in a short school skirt and blouse. Her blonde hair was flying everywhere and the lights were bright in the background. It looked like she was at a rave.
Everyone gave a collect of wince for the blond who groaned.
Harry Potter and Ron Weasley - they were playing Wizard's Chess. In the other photo the female Potter was leaning suggestively over some man's shoulder. Her black hair was curly and she wore no glasses. Ron, however was in the same man's lap, straddling him. Her hair was light orange, straight as can be and her body was much petite.
Two groans could be heard as others shook their heads in either shock or amusement.
Hermione Granger and Pansy Parkinson - the two girls were glaring at each other over a cauldron. The other photo, had the two in business suits and black sun glasses with straight, serious faces. Pansy resembled a Draco/Ron with dark brown hair. Hermione was a muscular young man with hair so short you couldn't style it.
Seamus Finnegan and Dean Thomas - the two were lurking around the girls' dorms. The second captured moment was of the two wearing thick bulgy cloaks. They were bent over a cauldron and the green glow made the picture look wicked. Their features were too hidden to defining them quite right.
The photos brought glares from Daphne and Parvati and weak laughs from others.
Parvati Patil and Lavender Brown - the two were giggling over Witch Weekly. The other showed two men wrestling on the floor. While beautiful as women, as men...not so much.
Geogry Goyle and Vincent Crabbe - the two were pounding the snot out of a seventh year. The other showed the two sipping tea delicately.
Neville Longbottom and Blaise Zanbini - were throwing ingredients into a potion, not once taking their eyes off each other. The other one had two tall girls ripping through a flower field with desperation.
"We present to you Battle of the Sexes: Class of 1996!" McGavin's voice announced.
On the bottom of the Crystal a name was announced: the List. Episode one was announced.