Tales of the Clans

Oakheart's flu

Oakheart: *Pads around camp banging his head into a tree*

Crookedstar: Sup Oakfart!

Oakheart: My name is not Oakfart. *Farts out of frustration*

Crookedstar: *Puts a smug grin on face* Yes. Hi Oakfart.

Oakheart: Damn bitch. *Farts uncontrollably*

Crookedstar: Jesus. You need help! *Drags the farting Oakheart to Brambleberry's den*

Brambleberry: *Is sorting herbs when Crookedstar walks in*

Brambleberry: Hi Crookedstar. What do you need?

Crookedstar: *Turns around for Brambleberry to see the farting Oakheart* Can't stop farting, do you have anything for him?

Brambleberry: *Runs frantically out of den and hides in nursery* JESUS FUCK! EVERYBODY RUN! IT'S THE FLU!

Clan: *Clan screams and evacuates into the river*

Oakheart: *Barfs on the med den floor* Ugh, I feel like shit.

Crookedstar: Not my fault, bro.

Oakheart: *Looks at Crookedstar with a devious look* Crookedstar, do you want to play a game?

Crookedstar: OMG YES LET'S PLAY A GAME!

Oakheart: Okay, you fluff my fur, trim my claws, make my own den, and put rose petals outside it.

Crookedstar: Sure! But when I- wait, why am I doing everything for you?

Oakheart: Ironic cuz' it's my, um, uh, birthday.

Crookedstar: We're brothers! We have the same birth date!

Oakheart: *Gasps dramatically and clasps paws over cheeks* BUT WHAT IF WE'RE NOT?

Crookedstar: Yeah, okay, sure. Well then who is your sibling if I'm not?

Oakheart: *Looks at hopelessly* BEYONCE!

*Cricket sounds*

Crookedstar: You need to get checked out, like, bad.

xXx

Oakheart: *Is watching JAWS when Quint gets devoured* JESUS FUCK!

Crookedstar: *Clears throat* Why are you using two-leg devices?

Oakheart: Some of them are cool.

Crookedstar: No, they're piles of mouse-bile, now go on the patrol.

Oakheart: No! *Kicks and screams on the floor like a two-year-old*

Oakheart: *Smiles evilly* I have a flu, don't I? So, I'm sick, do you want me to spread it?

Crookedstar: Oh yeah! Right, mkay, you don't have ta' go! *Puts paw on Oakheart's forehead*

Crookedstar: You're not warm….

Oakheart: WHAT?! *Screams like a sterilized duck and pushes Crookedstar's paw off*

Oakheart: *Feels that he's not warm for himself* I'm… Not…. Warm.

Crookedstar: *Shoves Oakheart out the fucking den* I TOLD YOU, GET ON THE FUCKING PATROL!

Oakheart: *Kicks Crookedstar in the balls* NUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!

Crookedstar: Oakheart, I swear to God I will take Bluefur and fuck her. Do you want that?

Oakheart: *Smiles* What if I fuck Willowbreeze?

Croockedstar: Fine. We'll do that.

*They both fuck Bluefur and Willowbreeze*

Bluefur: Oakheart, I don't love chu anymore… I'm with Crookedstar.

Oakheart: *Is singing Opera* Yeah, fine.