Crossroads
by Michelle JAMES
© Copyright 2000
DISCLAIMERS : all the characters belong to NBC, even if NBC doesn't deserve to own such incredible characters ... And I don't get any benefit from this.
RATING : I don't think there are any shocking words. Are there ?
WARNING : I am a Believer so this is SJR. Maybe a little long but really SJR !! Just stay tuned ...
This story happens before FTX but Nathan is not here. Not that I don't like him but I didn't know what to do with him so …… As for Coop, I don't like him but he is a good pretext sometimes … I hope it won't shock too many of you but I can't write without some music and I took the liberty to insert some words extracted from songs I like and that, of course, suit to the storyline - I hope !!
I'm standing at the crossroads
There are many roads to take
But I stand here so silently
For fear of a mistake
One road leads to paradise
One road leads to pain
One road leads to freedom
But they all look the same
/.../
Calvin RUSSEL, 'Crossroads', Sounds from the fourth world
***
Atlanta
Friday, 6:00 am
VCTF Headquarters
As every morning, John was already sat behind his desk. The last few weeks, he had always been the first arrived at the VCTF, even before Bailey, hoping he could catch up with the paperwork.
Since Nathan had been gone and Bailey had had more and more responsibilities, John had became "Mister paperwork" replaced by Coop out in the field. And John was utterly sick of this situation, feeling more than ever alone and abandoned. By his best friend, by his boss … even more by Sam.
Sam.
If only he could erase her of his mind. He tried several times but there was no way. His heart would never stop beating for her. It did since day one and it hurt, every beat was a torture. John was really in love with her. For the first time in his life, he did love a woman. He fought it a long time, knowing it would only meant pain and the pain hit him hard, watching Coop settle in their life, in her heart, and then in his seat in the Command Center.
Maybe Coop was a nice guy, and a good agent, but he was with Sam and he didn't deserve her. As a matter of fact, John thought nobody deserved her. The competitiveness between both men was obvious - maybe except for Sam - and lead Bailey to his decision to keep John off the field. John was not kind of a man who gives up easily, he rather fought with his heart and soul to get what he wanted, no matter the cost. And yet, he seemed to back off, no more able to face her without wanting to scream. Then, despite his strong and truly love for her, he knew there was no more place for him.
As if on clue, an old friend of his had called a few days before to propose him the head of the Criminal Department at the Boston PD. Right in the center of his father's empire … and of the target. The decision was not an easy one to take so he decided he needed some time to think about it. Leaving Sam actually was not so easy and this place in the Boston PD was undoubtedly a very dangerous one. Yet also probably the best chance he would never have again to catch his father and revenge.
***
5:30 pm
VCTF headquarters
A new case of murder had been reported that morning near Atlanta. After the usual briefing, Bailey sent Sam, Coop and Grace on the crime scene to begin the investigation. Bailey could see the anger into John's eyes and this did comfort him in his decision to take him off the field for a while, at least until he would regain his nerves. But if he acknowledged John's state of mind, he missed Coop's arrogance towards John, wearing kind of a sadistic smile as he left.
Time to decide. John finished the daily paperwork then made a call. Putting down the receiver, he picked up a white sheet of paper from the drawer and sighed heavily. At the end of the day, he brought them to Bailey.
Bailey didn't bother to read them but as John didn't seem to leave, he glanced at the white envelope on the top. He looked at john warily : "What's that John ?" Of course Bailey knew what it meant.
John, who was watching the ground, looked up to answer : "You know exactly what it is. I quit Bailey."
"Out of question John, I refuse. We need you here." Bailey stated, taking out the letter of the envelope, ready to rip it in half.
"Look, Bailey, I don't want nor need your consent. I decided to leave. I didn't accept to enter the VCTF in the first place to do the paperwork. I am a field cop. And, apparently, Coop does the job very well ..." He trailed off.
"That's because of Coop ? John, don't be stupid ..." But John didn't let him finish.
"With or without Coop, it's obvious I don't have my place in the team anymore." He said dryly.
Bailey looked straight in John's eyes a few seconds then continued. " Is it because of Sam ?"
John slightly panicked : "What ? Bailey ..."
"John", he cut him, "I know you have feelings for her, don't lie to me."
John closed his eyes briefly then sighed deeply, sitting. When he reopened them, he looked Bailey in the eye. "I do have feelings for Sam, I can't deny it. And I don't. Very strong feelings ... even maybe love, I don't know exactly. Anything it is it scares me, and it hurts. Go away would help me forget Sam. That's true I thought it would be better. For both of us." He paused. "But it is not the only reason. I have been proposed to become the head of the criminal department in the Boston PD. And I have already accepted."
Silence fell between both men in the office. As John was fidgeting in his chair, Bailey stared at the letter long seconds before speaking again.
"So you really are leaving ? Boston." He paused. "I guess I can't do anything but let you go, even if it's difficult, for me as it will be for everyone when I tell them."
"Bailey, can I ask you one last favor ?" John asked giving him back his badge and his gun.
"Sure." Bailey said.
"For the moment everybody's out or busy. I would like you not to tell them until Monday. It is not quite easy to go you know, and I'm not sure I'm ready to handle 'Good byes' right now. Just give me some time and then as soon as I can I will tell you how to reach me. And, please, don't tell them where I go. Not now."
Bailey seemed to hesitate. Seeing kind of a silent plea in John's eyes, he agreed. "Okay but don't you dare forget us ! And whenever you change your mind, if you do, you can come back here. Alright ?"
"Alright. Thanks Bailey, for everything."
They quickly hugged each other then John turned to leave the office. He grabbed his jacket, his keys and some papers at his desk. He headed straight to the parking lot, not wanting to have to face Sam after what he had just said and done. He knew she wouldn't like this and he would have liked to say 'good bye' at least but it was too hard and it seemed to be the best solution.
Driving towards his apartment, he passed Sam and Coop's car. John and Sam looked at each other trough the windshield. Sam didn't know then it was the last time she would see him.
***
Monday, 9:00 a.m.
VCTF headquarters
Sam and Coop came together in the command center to attend the everyday briefing. Sam instantly saw on Bailey's face something was wrong. As she sat, she realized John was not here and she joked, grinning :
"John's again late ?"
"No", Bailey dropped the word calmly, his voice a little rough feeling suddenly uneasy.
Sam began to worry : "Has something happened to John ?"
Bailey could read the concern on everyone's face. Except maybe on Coop's.
"He has resigned", he said simply.
Surprise hit them all. Sam couldn't believe it : " Why?", she could hear her own voice shaking a little. Coop covered her hand with his in comfort.
"He has his reasons Sam," answered Bailey, "now let's turn to our case. George ?"
***
John barely managed to sleep of the whole week end. He left Atlanta as fast as he could but he couldn't help, lying on his back, staring at the ceiling of his hotel room. God knows he had seen many hotel rooms in his life, maybe too much. John didn't think he would see another one like this so soon.
He knew he had to get some rest, the coming days would be very long and tough. A new job, new people and a too famous town for his taste. Inside him he was really excited. It was there, right in Boston, that he would have the best chances to catch his father. Just thinking about it made his heartbeat increase. Thinking about his mother and his revenge. It increased even more as, suddenly, he pictured Sam in his mind. He was excited and he felt sad. Even sore. Like empty. Closing his eyes and shaking slowly his head, he softly whispered her name. 'Sam'. He finally fell asleep and got to sleep a few hours.
When he got up, it was still dark outside. He took a long shower to drain anxiety off his body and his mind. He almost drunk an entire pot of coffee then went to work. In the doorway, he stopped in front of the mirror. 'I don't look so bad after all' he said to his reflection. He put on his jacket, grabbed his keys then left his room. He tried to not think during the trip to the Boston PD. Nothing at all. Neither Sam nor his father. Not a easy task but he succeeded somewhat to empty his mind just before entering what would be his new 'home', his new 'life' in a way.
There was already a turmoil in there. And so it reminded him of the VCTF, comfortless though.
***
Atlanta
VCTF headquarters
The team didn't have too much information on the new case they were working on then. Except this case, life seemed to have slowed down at the VCTF and that did leave too much time for Sam to think. To think about what was obviously missing, or 'who' was missing.
Sam was sat at her desk trying in vain to work on some new information they had just got. She couldn't help watching the now empty desk which was John's one. Not even the presence of Coop by her side. He watched her for a while then :
"Sam? what's wrong?"
She didn't say a word. He put his hand on her left arm.
"Sam, talk to me."
She suddenly turned her head, looking at him eyes wide opened.
"Talk to me Sam. Please."
She still looked at him, totally lost and confused. Coop would have preferred not to ask because he hated this idea but he knew too well that Sam missed John. A lot. Finally Sam talked.
"It's okay Coop. I ... I am sorry. I was ... elsewhere" she answered, waving slightly her hand in the air.
Coop didn't add anything so they turned their attention back to the case.
It was only five days he had gone and yet it seemed to be months for Sam.
***
Boston
Already five days had passed and he had so many things to do.
Considering where he was and where he worked, everything was going well for John. Except maybe the three guys who were following him everywhere, every time. John had always known it would be like this, even in Atlanta he knew someone somewhere was spying on him. And in a way it was a good thing. It was the evidence that his father knew he was here in Boston, for him.
However, even if things were going alright, he had to be careful. The first days and weeks would always seem to be easy going but for John it was different. His father's dogs could be everywhere, even - and particularly - inside the Boston PD. John had immediately realized he could not trust anyone there if he wanted to have a chance at catching his father. He had to choose the right guys to do the right things at the right moment, and this required time. Just be patient, the day would come.
The problem was that to be patient was not as easy to do as it seemed, mainly when his heart tore at every instant as he recognized a place, overheard a name or thought of his childhood with his mother ... or when he thought about Sam. It seemed he had managed to keep her out of his mind for some time but he had to confess : there was no way he could get rid of her or stop thinking of her. He needed some time for sure. But not too much or else his new colleagues would be bound to arrest him for killing an innocent ... unless he killed himself first.
***
Atlanta
VCTF headquarters
Work seemed to have find again its usual rhythm. Still, Bailey - as well as the rest of the team - could see that Sam haven't managed to handle John's leaving yet. An entire month then had passed but she couldn't and Bailey decided he needed to have a talk with her. Maybe this time he would tell her where John was. He already had refused to tell her the twenty times she had asked him in respect of his promise. But it was a month before then.
As it often happened during the day, Sam was staring into empty space, thinking about John. About what he was doing, where … wondering if he was still alive. At that moment, her heart did a twinge which startled her. John was a good friend of hers. The best one in fact. So it was normal she missed him. But did she have to miss him so much? Why suddenly did she need him? She couldn't understand. The feeling was so strong although she knew she had Coop by her side. It was as if her heart was incomplete. Her heart and her soul. That thought scared the hell out of her. She feared she might have well recognized what it was and she was not sure she really wanted to accept it now he was gone … even if, before that, she would not have accepted it either.
She sighed heavily closing her eyes then whispered : "Oh my god."
She slowly stood, straighten her skirt then went straight to Bailey's office, resolved to know.
While approaching she could see he was on the phone but she didn't want to back off so she headed toward his desk without knocking on the door. She didn't want to wait either :
"Where is he ?"
Bailey looked up to see Sam standing in front of his desk, her arms folded over her chest in a stubborn gesture to show she would not take 'I don't know' as an answer anymore.
"Ah ... I call you back later if you don't mind. Thank you." He put back the receiver staring at her silently.
"Bailey. Tell me. Where is he ? I have to know ..." She couldn't finish.
"Why?" Seeing her bewildered expression he repeated : "Why? Why do you want to know?"
Surprise and uneasiness crept in her eyes and on her face. She hesitated a little before answering.
"Listen, Bailey, John was my best friend. With you of course, it is not the matter. You should understand I need him in a way. And, this time, please, tell me. I know you know even though you told me you didn't. "
She stood, her behavior showing her stubbornness was still there and that she would not leave until he said what she wanted to hear. Bailey grinned at her.
"Fine" he said shifting in his seat, "you want to know? He is in Boston."
She remained silent a few seconds then repeated under her breath : "Boston ...", staring at the carpet.
"He comes from there remember ? He is back home Sam." He paused. "Now that you know, what does it change for you ?"
She was still looking at the ground. " Home ...", she whispered. A few more seconds had passed when she looked up at Bailey. "I have to see him. Can you give me one day or two?" She spoke quickly.
He watched her seriously trying to read her mind. " Is there something you aren't telling me and I should know?"
"I ... I don't know yet. I have to see him. Just give me some time, okay?" She smiled slightly.
Bailey seemed to hesitate but how could he resist?
"Alright. Go. But just one day or two and I want you to keep me informed every two hours, get it ?"
She sighed in relief and in annoyance before his cautiousness but inside her she understood his worry. "I will. Thanks a lot Bailey." She gave him a last smile then went back to her office.
***
Boston
In a dark back street
"Okay guys. Let's go. Billy, you take Rob and check the back door. Jimmy and Chuck on the roof. Rory you stay with me."
John glanced at his watch. " Three minutes."
John already had his gun tightly held in his hand. He exhaled deeply once, feeling a little nervous but hiding it. He looked at the young cop in front of him. He was barely 22 and reminded him of himself when he had begun to work as a cop.
"You stay behind me and you cover me, okay ?" Rory nodded, swallowing.
John counted in a low voice : " 5 ... 4 ... 3 ... 2 ... 1 ..."
He kicked the door open then rushed inside the building.
"Freeze !! Boston PD, you're all under arrest !!"
They really were surprised, only one of them thought of grabbing his gun then he aimed it at John. Of course, John was ready and he shot the man in the arm before he could do anything. After the gun shot, the rest of John's team came as back up. They handcuffed everybody and brought them to the Boston PD headquarters.
Everything so far happened as he had planned. John felt relieved and proud. Then he just had to wait. It was 2:00 a.m. but he didn't want to sleep. He could feel the adrenaline still running in his body. He sat at his desk, put up his feet and leaned his head back to relax. Finally he fell asleep for a few hours.
He was suddenly awoken. "John !! What the hell is that ?!"
John jumped from his chair, nearly falling. Looking up he saw McGuire - his boss - standing in front of him.
"What's what ?" he asked sleepily. He shook his head quickly to keep his eyes open.
"What's what ?!" he asked John putting his hands on his hips, "You arrested 8 people tonight without even thinking you should inform me. And you used people under MY responsibility without asking me if you ..."
"Okay stop it !" John cut him. "I am sorry for all that but you know it was the only solution to find and arrest them. O' Doyle's guys can be everywhere. We had to surprise them. And it is exactly what we have done."
McGuire sighed. "Yeah, you must be right."
"You know I am."
"Yes, but still : I'm your boss and if you want to keep your ass safe, you'd better learn to inform me of your every move. Understood?"
John nodded. McGuire then asked :" So, what now?"
Staring into empty space John answered : "We wait. We wait until the end of the week. I don't think O' Doyle will appreciate it. He'll do something. If not, we do it again."
***
Atlanta
At the fire house
Sam was packing when Angel came back to the fire house, Coop just behind her. She hardly noticed their being there, deeply lost in her thoughts.
"Sam, what are you doing ?" began Angel.
She carried on packing and didn't even look up at them while talking. "I have an assignment, I have to go. It won't be long, one or two days. Could you take care of Chloe?"
"You don't have any assignment Sam", Coop stated dryly.
This got Sam to stop packing but she didn't say a word nor looked at him.
"You are going to find him aren't you?"
Angel began to really feel uneasy and decided it was time for her to withdraw. "Alright ... I should leave you two alone. I'm going to see Chloe."
Sam still didn't speak nor looked up.
"Sam, please, look at me and tell me I'm wrong." Coop took a few steps closer.
She closed briefly her eyes then looked straight in his eyes for the first time since he had entered the house. "I'm sorry Coop. I have to see him, I need to ..."
He cut her. "Why do you need him. You have me", he added in a whisper taking another step closer.
She turned back to her back and finished packing. "You can't understand."
Then she went to kiss good bye Chloe. Coming back into the living room, she saw Coop was still standing in the middle of the room waiting for some explanation she guessed. But she passed him without a look, grabbed her bag and headed toward the elevator. Coop followed her into.
"You love him don't you?"
She could hear the hurt in his voice. She didn't want to hurt him of course, but he couldn't understand she had to go. "I don't know yet Coop. That's why I need to see him. I'm sorry." She added honestly.
"Can't you just give him a call?" He came closer but she pushed him back to the other side of the elevator. The door opened. "It's not a conversation you can have on the phone." She said as she stepped out.
Coop grabbed her arm to oblige her to look into his eyes. "If you get into that car, I leave. Your choice."
She remained silent a moment. Taking back her arm from his grip : "Good luck then."
She got into the cab and headed toward the airport, leaving Coop behind. She hoped she had made the right decision. She sure had.
***
Boston
Somewhere, in a warehouse
"So what do we do? He caught Sean and Mark. We have to do something or else ..."
"No." The voice was calm but authoritative. It came from a man with familiar blue eyes. "That is exactly what he wants us to do. We have to prevent him from finding us. We'll take him by surprise. He thinks we'll try to free Sean and Mark but we won't. Not now."
The old man paused. "Call O' Connor and tell him I have something for him."
***
Sam had glanced at her watch for the third time since she had sat in her seat on the plane. Only ten minutes had passed. It seemed to her it had been an eternity. And it remained thirty minutes until she landed in Boston.
She couldn't help thinking of John and her feelings for this man. Was this really a good idea? What would she say once in front of him? She didn't even know exactly why she was in this plane. Looking out by the porthole she remembered what Coop had said in the elevator. 'You love him don't you?' She had finally admitted since he had left she did care a lot about him. At first she tried to convince herself she missed him so much because he was her best friend. Because he had always been there when she had needed him. But in the end she would have to accept there was something beyond a mere friendship or being a co-worker. But love … After Tom's death and with Jack's threat she wasn't sure she would ever be ready to allow herself to love. She had left Coop behind to see John but she couldn't assess what exactly were her feelings for him. 'I must be insane' she said to herself with a sigh.
She closed her eyes and tried to relax before landing. Once outside the airport and ready to get into a cab she realized she didn't think of asking Bailey for John's address. So she went to the Boston PD.
In front of the building she couldn't enter. She hesitated then decided she needed a little walk so as to gather her thoughts. As she was walking on the sidewalk staring at the sky just above the roofs she bumped into a man. She muttered an apology and looked up at the man.
"John !"
He stared at her slightly in shock. He was incredibly happy to see her albeit surprised but he was mostly worried about the timing. He glanced at the men behind her then back at her.
"Uh ... I'm sorry. You've made a mistake I think." He didn't let her time to answer. "Sorry." Then he left glancing behind her one last time.
She couldn't believe it. She came to Boston to see him and he went away without any explanation. Suddenly it hit her. He must have had trouble. She couldn't see any other reasons. Just then, she was jostled by two other men apparently in a hurry too. They didn't even apologize. She stood in the middle of the sidewalk, looking at the back of John's leather jacket then realized the two men who had jostled her were just behind him.
"Oh my God ..." she whispered as she began to follow the three of them. John definitely was in trouble and she decided she would help him if she could. At least she would ask for an explanation.
A few minutes later, John entered a building. The men continued up to a small street just beside the building. She hesitated then entered the building too. 'It must be where John lives' she thought and looked for his name. Finally she found it and then she headed toward the stairway. She went up quickly the stairs, her heart beat increasing rapidly, even more since she had heard the entrance door close and foot steps in the stairway. In front of his door she feared they might have followed here and she might have made a mistake. She knocked on the door.
John, still his jacket on and visibly nervous, looked in the peep hole and sighed. "No Sam ... Not now." He opened the door.
"Listen, I'm sorry but I told you it was a mistake. I'm not who you think I am." As he quickly watched around in the lobby, he spotted a man and cursed in silence.
Sam acknowledged John's nervousness. It really was not good. Without truly thinking, she grabbed the collar of his jacket and pulled him down to kiss him. While kissing she pushed him back inside the apartment and slammed the door shut. Once inside, they carried on a while, more tenderly. Then John broke the kiss - not willingly - and brought them to reality.
"What the hell are you doing here Sam ! You can't stay !" He pulled her toward the window. "You have to leave."
Sam stared at him and it suddenly hit her she must have been in a messy situation. And so must have been John. As he turned back to Sam he saw the expression on her face and his softened.
"I'm sorry Sam. I'm happy to see you, frankly. But it is too dangerous right here right now. You shouldn't have followed me." He said, worry obvious on his face, as he put his hands on both her shoulders.
"I've figured that, a little too late. What's going on John ?"
She hardly had time to finish when the door cracked violently and six men entered the room. John urged Sam to get away by the fire escape but two men caught her before she could reach the window. John tried to hold back the others to allow her to escape but when he saw them catch her, he knocked them out. In vain. He and Sam were largely outnumbered and John couldn't prevent another man from putting some chloroform on her face as he was hit in the head with a club by another man. He tried to stand up but the man hit again. John fell again on the floor and slipped unconscious.
End of part one