I looked at the clock that sat on the nightstand beside our bed. It read 2:15am.
Too early. I complained internally. But as I tried to roll over, I felt it. That stupid tickle in my throat that caused me to wake up late at night. I tried to hold it in, but that just caused me to shake violently, trying to hold it back.
I had no choice but to cough.
I leaned over the side of the bed, I could feel blood coming up my throat. I gripped the bed sheets and the side of the bed for support.
Then I felt his arms instantly around me. It was Collins.
Thank God for him.
I truely loved him and he loved me. I was forever grateful for that.
Everday he told me how much he loved me, and everyday he would always try to prove it.
He would bend over backwards for me.
I would do the same, but lately...
I coughed harder and even in the dark of the room, I could see the red liquid stream out of my mouth. There wasn't a lot, but still!
Even after it was out of me, I continued to cough.
Collins clung to me and rubbed my shoulders and back in comfort.
I felt bad, there was nothing he could do for me.
I started to calm down and to rolled over on my back next to him again.
As I was trying to say, I would do the same for Collins, but lately my illness has caused me to do less and less these past few weeks.
"Angel? You okay?" Collins asked me in the dark, next to me. He still had his arms around me.
I cleared my throat free of anything else that might be stuck.
"I'll be alright." I replied. I coughed a few more times violently. Again he clung to me. When I stopped I had to catch my breath.
He hugged me tightly. I knew he had a lump in his throat. He told me he hated seeing me like this. I hated this.
Before all this crap started I was able to go about my life and just be me: Angel. That fun-loving, spunky, crazy me!
Why can't my life go back to the way it was before?
Morning came WAY too slowly that night. I had at least four more coughing fits after two in the morning.
I stretched and started to get out of bed. My head spun, I felt dizzy.
Instantly, Collins was there to support me.
I felt like an old man getting out of bed.
For crying out loud, I'm only twenty nine years old!
I sighed and he helped me get dressed and ready for the day.
I felt so crumby I didn't feel like putting any make-up on!
So I just threw on a tank and jeans.
This has been my life for the past few weeks.
I doubt they'll get any better.
We were going to go see Roger, Mimi and Mark today over at their place later that day.
Maureen and Joanne were going to stop by as well.
Mark put together another little film that we could screen that evening.
Mark wouldn't tell anyone what it was about, he wanted it to be surprise.
We began to walk over to his place.
Half-way there, I stopped dead in my tracks and leaned against a wall.
"Angel?" Collins was at my side, holding my shoulders.
I tried to hold it back. But it was no use, another stupid coughing fit surfaced and I was forced to cough until I thought I would cough up a lung.
When it subsided, I had to catch my breath again and I was so weak that it was hard to walk at first.
Collins supported me all the rest of the way.
"It kills me to see you like that." He said when I was fine again.
I sighed. "I know Love, but I'll be alright."
"You will be. But the scary thing is: for how long?" I could tell he was scared. I tore me apart to see him hurt so much. I didn't really care at this point what would happen to me, I was more concerned what was going to happen to him.
"Collins." I began and squeezed his hand. "Don't think about it okay? Think about today. Okay?"
He sighed and looked in my eyes. I remember just staring into his eyes for long periods of time. I could get lost in them.
"Okay." He replied quietly and kissed me briefly.
Before long, we arrived at Roger and Mark's place.
Collins went to a nearby pay phone and called them up.
They were right over our heads, but the buzzer was broken, so it was the next best thing.
"Hello? Roger? Oh Mark it's you. Hey, we're down here. Throw down the key....oh okay that works too..."
I began to cough again.
I slumped down against the wall and coughed.
"...hurry up guys...yeah that's him....no shit Mark! Hurry down here." He hung up.
I coughed a few more times before asking him weakly.
"What was that about?"
"Mimi's gonna come down here and..."
Just as he said those words, the door opened to the building revealing Mimi.
She rushed over to me.
"Oh Angel!" She gave me a hug. "C'mon, let's get you two upstairs."
They each took an arm and I leaned on them as we climbed the stairs to the lot.
Mark was at the door waiting for us.
"Hey guys." He said softly. He flashed me a look of sympathy.
I suddenly felt pathetic.
I broke away from Mimi and Collins and tried to walk on my own.
I felt weak, but I didn't want to be dependant forever.
"Hi Mark." I said weakly.
He held out his arms to help me in, but I refused.
Using the doorframe and the wall, and almost like a baby, I coasted my way into the lot.
Joanne and Maureen were already there.
They almost instantly got to thier feet when they saw my pathetic form.
"Angel!" Maureen cried. She ran over to me.
"Maureen! I'm....." I didn't get to finish. I began to cough again. I leaned over, and I was caught my Collins.
I stood up and looked around.
They all had the same look on their faces: Poor Angel.
I sighed, I wanted to be me again and not have to be babied all the time. But I had no choice. I let Collins help me to a seat near the projector.
Evereyone went back to their seats too.
Mark smiled and stood up.
"Well, now that everyone's here! I can show you what I've put together to show you today!" He paused. "Roger can you get the shades?"
Roger nodded and went to all the nearby windows and drew the shades so it was almost completely dark in the room.
"Okay, here goes! My debut of my lastest film: Memories from over the year!" The projector began to whir and on the wall infront of us was a movie of memories.
He had gone over the past year and taken shots from everything that we'd done that year!
There was the first christmas party that I had gone too with everyone, Maureen's debut of her show Leap of Faith, 'Breaking into the Lot' party, and so many other things too.
We were about to break open the door to the lot when suddenly the power went out.
"Uh oh!" I head Mark say.
It had gotten dark outside, so now we were inside a dark lot with no power and no light outside.
"Oh crap." I heard Roger say.
"Uh...someone wanna help me look for candles?"
"Fine!" I heard Roger groan.
A moment later, Mark and Roger had found a few candles and brought them back to us.
"Well, it looks like we won't watch the rest of that film tonight." Mark said.
"Too bad, I was looking forward to it too." Joanne said as she was handed a candle for light and warmth.
Suddenly there was a loud clap of thunder and the sound of rain on the roof.
"As if this night can't get any worse." Mark groaned.
"Looks like we're stuck here for a while." Maureen said.
"Now what do we do?" Mimi asked.
"Not too sure." Roger replied.
I began to wheeze a bit then had another coughing fit. I felt Collins' hands rub up and down my arms.
"Angel? You okay?" Mimi asked.
"He'll be alright." I heard Collins reply for me.
I coughed once more and nodded, although I bet it was hard for anyone to see me do so in the dimly lit room.
"I know we have more candles packed away somewhere! Guys help me look!" Mark asked.
I began to pull myself up out of the chair, I wanted to help. But Collins held me back.
"Angel stay here. I'll go help look."
He said.
"Okay." I said weakly.
When Mark, Roger, Maureen, Joanne and Collins had left to find candles, I leaned back in the chair and sighed.
A candle came toward me.
"How are you feeling Angel?" It was Mimi.
"I'm okay, But it kills me to see Collins like this."
"Kill you to see him like this? Like what? Angel, I'm more concerned about you myself than Collins."
I wheezed once. "I know. But it's not fair to him. We've always been there for each other and..." I coughed a few times and she rubbed my back. "Thanks...we've always been there for each other and now this crap happens. Mimi, I'm not scared for me, I'm more scared for him. I---I know I don't have....much time left." She squeezed my hand. "I---don't want to leave him."
"Angel, listen to yourself! This isn't the Angel I know!"
I wheezed and coughed once. "I know, and I hate talking like this too. But I need to vent."
"You can't talk to Collins?"
"I can! We always can! But I don't want to make him even more upset by talking to him about this!"
"This is true." She replied. "But Angel, you're going to be okay! You're going to make it!"
I sighed heavily. "Mimi, take a good look at me. Does it look like I am? Be honest."
She gulped and I could feel her eyes looking me over.
I too looked down at myself.
I'd lost a lot of weight and gotten thinner. Collins told me the other day that I'd grown pale.
"Well..." She began.
"Mimi, I know I look like crap. I feel it too. I know for a fact I won't last much longer. But Collins, like everyone else here, has got the crazy idea that I'll live forever! Mimi, how could I do this to him?" I buried my head in my hands and she wrapped her arms around me.
"Angel, this isn't your fault..." Of course I knew it was, but I wasn't about to argue with her. "But Collins loves you very much, and I know that he knows you love him too."
I smiled. Then I felt another fit coming on. I pushed her away.
"Angel?" She asked concerned, paniced too.
I doubled over and just coughed. My body began to shake with each violent cough. Tears came into my eyes as the fit raged on. I couldn't control it, it controled me. I felt like my lungs would come up my throat and hit the back wall any second now. But I could feel a trail of something crawl its way up my throat and work its way into my mouth.
Yuck!
"Angel?!" I heard Collins exclaim as he and everyone else returned with candles. He held a lit candle and it quickly moved toward me and was place near me.
He threw his arms around me. I couldn't breathe.
I couldn't speak so I had to push him away too.
The fit finally ended and I began to catch my breath.
"Sorry." I said between breaths. "I couldn't breathe."
"It's okay." Collins said and wrapped his arms around me gingerly.
I felt like crying. He cared so much for me and I loved him so much. I knew it was just a matter of time before I died, but it would kill him to see me go.
I held him close.
"Shh...it's okay Angel." I heard him say. He rocked me back and forth.
I clung to him. I can't leave him. Why must I leave him? I can't hurt him like this. I need him, he needs me. I love him, he loves me! "I love you Collins." I whispered to him his ear.
A few weeks later around Labor day...
I tossed and turned, my body ached, my head spun, my coughing fits had gotten worse. I don't remember being in this much pain in a long time.
Collins was kneeling on the floor on the bedside, he placed a cloth on my head.
Tonight was supposed to be special. It was our night to do whatever the hck we wanted to. Normally it would be 'naughty stuff', but my condition stopped all that.
My body was hot, my lungs ached from all the coughing. Tears streamed down my checks from my fits of coughing.
I wheezed a lot that night.
As I lay on my back, facing the ceiling, something strange happened.
Suddenly, a little white dot appeared on the ceiling. As I stared at it, it began to get bigger and bigger, until it seemed to fill the entire room.
I felt like I was in a dream.
This is a mirage, I can't be seeing this. My fever must really be getting to me.
Then I got the strange sensation that this light would take away all this pain.
"Take me." I said quietly, almost above a whisper.
"Angel?" I heard Collins said, confused.
Then my body felt like it was being ripped apart. I turned violently, this way and that. My breathing became rigid and rapid. I wheezed and coughed harder than ever before.
Let this get over with faster!
"Faster!" I cried. I wanted this to be over with.
"Angel!" Collins was panicing by now. I reached to him with a hand. I held onto it tight.
I realized now that this light wasn't a mirage at all. I was dying.
I looked into Collins eyes and he looked scared. I held his hand so tight that I thought it might brake, but it didn't.
"Angel! Don't drift from me." He pleaded.
"Take me." I said again to the light. I looked back at Collins. "Take me." A sudden prang of pain, caused me to double over again, holding my chest, I felt like I would cough a lung up now.
I looked in his eyes. "Today for you...tommorrow for me...."
"Angel! No!" He cried. Tears were in his eyes now.
"Today...me...tommorrow you." I knew that today was my day...his would come later.
"Tommorrow....you.....love...you love...you love. I love you. I love you!" Another prang of intense pain. My body twisted and turned.
I reached up to the light and cried out, "Take me! Take me!"
The light grew bigger and engulfed me, I felt like I was being lifted out of the pain and into comfort.
"I love you." I said to Collins when the light lifted me up and took me away, out of the pain.