Trowa: so you guys ever though about kids? (Sits near a laptop) Heero: are
you crazy? (He sits on a bed)
Duo: guys? Please don't give this author any ideas. (Stands by the doorway)
Quatre: well in some fanfictions we don't have any kids. So yes I was
thinking about kids. (Sits by Trowa.) Wuife: I won't mind being a father
some times. (Sits on the same bed.) (In walks trowen and her brother.)
Trowen: what are you guys doing in my room? Babyboy: yeah what are you
doing in my sister's room? Maybe I should turn you guys into something
again. (Trowen slaps her brother in the face) Trowen: Well you leave them
alone one time, with out turning them into your slaves, pets and other
things you have on your mind. Now anyway where was I again before I hit
him? (Trowa answers) Trowa: you asked us what we were doing in your home.
We kind of ran a way from this other fanfiction writer. And we were talking
about kids. Trowen: hold that thought. I have to get this thing of my
brother out before he dose something to my favorite gundam pilots. (She
leaves the room) Duo: Trowa you with your big mouth. Now she's gonna type a
fanfiction with kids in it! (She comes back with food and a lot of drinks.)
Trowen: Duo you worry too much. Now here drink your coke and relax. I'm not
gonna have you have any kids. Quatre: Can I do the disclaimers this time
please? (Big puppy eyes.) Trowen: umm sure you can cat. Quatre: thanks.
Disclaimers she doesn't own us. This story is going to being in a dream
mode. And if you read this story you can find out what movie she watched
too.
Towa: the rating is rated G.
What wufie has a daughter!
It was a nice morning at Quatre's mansion. The ronins and the gundam parents are all asleep. Lets move on to Wufie's and Cye's bedroom. Look at Cye he's asleep with his arm around Mina. And his kids are in the middle of each parent. They are Cye jr. and Crystal. What's this on the floor of Wufie's and sally's bed? Oh poor Wufie is on the floor once again. Sally must of have thrown him out again. Woof wake up on a very cold floor. Wufie: What I'm I going down here? This is. Sally pushed me out of the bed again. Is me or she getting bigger? Cye jr.: uncle Wufie be quite. Your yelling woke me up. And you're a crazy baka! (Whines) Wufie gets up and walks to Cye's bed and says. Wufie: what did you called me!!! You disgraceable rugrat!!! Oh no don't start crying. You don't want your daddy and mommy to a wake do you? (Cye jr. cries louder and wakes his father up.) Cye: Wufie stop yelling already. Where's the fire I'll put it out for ya.and please don't yell at my son. Wufie: there's is no fire Cye! (He still yells. Cye's eardrums started to hurt.) Cye: ouch stop yelling Wufie! Wufie: it's the brat you call son!! Cye: my son isn't a brat wufie. (Said Cye and in walks Sages jr. to report to that Wufie is to loud and his father, Sage will use his Thunder bolt cut on him.) Wufie: mission accepted. Sage jr.: Oh no. Not another uncle Heero. One is an enough. I think its time for me to go back to sleep see ya. Wufie: (mumbles to his self as he goes back to his bed to sally how sally's doing) Crazy rugrat. Yes onna what is it? (Sally looks at him funny then says to him.) Sally: what is it? Did I not teach you some manners Chang Wufie! Now try again please. Wufie: (rolls eyes) what's wrong honey? Sally: promise me you will not scream or faint if I tell you? Wufie: I promise cross my heart hope to die stick a needle in my eye. I won't faint if you tell me. Sally: you're gonna be a Daddy of a little girl. Wufie: Wwwwwhhhhaaaatttt! Injustice!!!(And he faints) Sally: I'll call her Kim. (3 years later. we see a Great Wall of China. A Chines soldier walks around his post. Suddenly a bird of prey hit the back of head.) Solider: ah! (The hawk lets out a call. The soldier walks over the edge of the wall. A hook comes flying up, followed by many more. Runs back to his post.) We're under attack! Light the signal! (The door opens, revealing a couple of Huns. The soldier climbs up the ladder. And another soldier lights the signal with a torch, while staring at the Hun leader; other signals go on all the way along the great wall the same solider) Now all of China knows you're here. Shan yu: (picking up a flag and toasting it in the signal fire) Perfect. (The Chinese General and two soldiers walk into the Emperor's chamber and bow. General: Your Majesty, the Huns have crossed our Northern Border. Chi Fu: Impossible! No one can get through the Great wall! (He is silenced with a raised hand from the emperor) General: Shan Yu is leading them. We'll set up defenses around your palace immediately. Emperor: No (stands up) Send your troops to protect my people! Chi Fu! Chi Yu: Yes, your Highness. Emperor: Deliver conscription notices throughout all the provinces. Call up reserves, and as many new recruits as possible. General: Forgive me your Majesty, but I believe my troops can stop he. Emperor: I won't take chances, General. A signal grain of rice can tip the scale; one man may be differences between victory and defeat. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Kim: (using chopsticks to balance a grain of rice) Quiet and demure. graceful, polite, delicate, refine, poised.(picks up a paintbrush and makes a mark on her arm).punctual! (A rooster crows) Aaiee! (Blowing her arm) Little Brother! Little Brother! Little-(she glances down at a sleeping tiger on the floor.) Ah1 there you are! (The tiger wakes up) Who's the smartest kitten in the world? C'mon, smart boy! Can you help me with my chores today? (She ties a sack of chicken feed to his back, complete with a pole and a mouse toy attached. Little Brother immediately chases the mouse toy, running promptly into a wall and then out the door, scattering grains everywhere.) Wufie:(praying) Honorable Ancestors. please help Kim impress the Matchmaker today. (Little Brother followed by a herd of chickens, burst into the family temple.) Please, please help her. Kim: Father, I brought you some...Whoop! (Bangs into Wufie, he catches the tea pot on his cane while the cup hits the ground and shatter) Wufie: Kim. Kim: I brought a spare! Wufie: Kim. Kim: remember, the doctor said three cups of tea in the morning. Wufie: Kim. Kim: .and three at night. Wufie: Kim. You should already be in town. We're counting on you to. Kim: uphold the family honor. Don't worry, Father. I won't let you down. Wish me luck! Wufie: Hurry! I'm going to. pray some more. IN TOWN Women1: Sally, where is your daughter? The matchmaker is not a patient woman. Sally: Of all the days to be late! I should have prayed to the ancestors for luck. Granny: How lucky can they be? They're dead. Besides, I've got all the luck we'll need. (Holds up a wicker cage with a cricket inside.) This your chance to prove yourself. (She closes her eyes and steps off the sidewalk) Sally: Grandam! No! (Granny walks across the street; vehicles crash, but she emerges unharmed. Granny: Yup! This Cricket's a lucky one! (Sally sighs) (Kim comes riding up on Khan, and hops off. Kim: I'm here! (Looks at her mom) What? But, Mama, I had to -- Sally: None of our excuses. Now, let's get you cleaned up. (Being "honor to us all") Woman#1: this what you give me to work with? Well, honey I've seen worse. We're going to turn this sow's ear Into a silk purse. Kim: It's freezing Sally: It would have been warm, if you were here on time. Woman#1: We'll have you, washed and dried. Primped and polished till you glow with pride Just my recipe for instant bride You'll bring honor to us all. Sally: Kim, what's this? Kim: uh.notes. in case I forget something. Granny: hold this (hands Crickee to Sally) We're going to need luck than I thought. Woman#2: Wait and see, when we're through Woman#3: Boys will gladly to go war for you Woman#2: with good fortune Woman#3: and great hairdo Both: You'll bring honor to us all. A girl can bring her family Great honor in one way By striking a good match And this might be the day Woman#4: men want girls with good taste Woman#5: Calm Sally: Obedient Woman#5 who work fast paced Sally: with breeding Woman#5: and a tiny waist All; You'll bring honor to us all. We'll must serve our emperor Who guards from the Huns A man by bearing arm A girl by bearing sons Woman#6: When we're through You can't fail Like a lotus blossom, soft and pale How could they say, "no sale"? You'll bring honor to us all. Sally: there, you're ready. Granny: Not yet! An apple for serenity A pendant for balance Beads of jade for beauty You must proudly show it Now, add a cricket just for luck, And even you can't blow it! Kim: Ancestors, hear my plea, Please help me not to make a fool of me And uproot my family tree Keep my father standing tall. Scarier than the Undertaker, We are meeting our macthmaker! Chorus: Destiny, guard our girl, Help our future as it fast unfurl Please look kindly on these cultured pears Each a perfect porcelain doll.
Please bring honor to us Please bring honor to us Please bring honor to us Please bring honor to us Please bring honor to us all! Macthmaker: Chang Kim? Kim: Present! Macthmaker: Speaking without permission. Kim: Oops.(they go inside) Granny: (to Sally) Who spit in her bean curd? Macthmaker: Too skinny.not good for bearing sons (circkee hops out of his cage, Kim frantically ties to put him back in.) Macthmaker: Recite the Final Admonition. Kim: Mmm-hmm-hmm.(pulls put paper fan and spits out Crickee out) Macthmaker: Well? Kim: Fulfill your duties, calmly and.(glances down at the crib notes written on her arm, which are smeared slightly) respectively. Um, reflect before you. snack. Act! This will bring you honor and glory, (she fans herself, and the matchmaker grabs the fan and searches it for cheat notes. Finding none, she grabs Kim by the arm (where are those notes!) and pulls her toward a table. The writing comes off in her hand.) Matchmaker: This way. Now, pour the tea. To please your future in-laws, you most demonstrate a sense of dignity (she rubs her hand over her mouth, and the ink rubs off with a squeak) and refinement. You most poised. (Kim, staring at the macthmaker, pours the tea but misses the cup, then regains her composure and quickly fills the teacup) (Kim notices Crickee relaxing happily in the tea. The macthmaker takes the teacup. Kim: Um, pardon me. Macthmaker: And silent! (Sniffs the tea) Ah. Kim: could I just take that back? One moment.(she grabs for the cup)(the matchmaker fights for the teacup, and they both fall back, the tea spilling all over the macthmaker. Crikee hops down her dress.) Macthmaker: why, you clumsy!. Oh! Ah! Woo! (She trips over the fire-pot, spilling the coals and then sitting on them, the bottom of her dress smoking. Kim desperately fans the burned spot, and it bursts into flames. The macthmaker runs around screaming. Outside Granny: (to sally) I think it's going well, don't you? (The matchmaker runs outside, screaming.)
Macthmaker: Put it out! Put it out! PUT IT OUT! (Kim throws tea over her, putting out the fire. Embarrassed, she hands the teapot to the matchmaker and quickly walks toward Sally Chang and Granny Chang.) Matchmaker: (furious) You are a DISGRACE! You may look like a bride, but you will NEVER bring your family honor! (People start to walk away, whispering. At the Chang farm. Kim is greeted with a warm smile form her dad, but, humiliated, she turns away and takes Khan to the stable. Beginning of "reflection") Kim: Look at me.I will never for a perfect bride Or a perfect daughter Can it be I'm not meant to play this part Now I see That if I were truly to be myself I would break my family's heart
Who is this girl I see Staring straight back at me Why is my reflection someone I don't know Somehow I cannot hide Who I am, though I've tried When will my reflection show Who I am, inside? When will my reflection show Who I am, inside? (End of reflection. She walks over to were her father is sitting and he says) Wufie: My, my, what beautiful blossoms we have this year. But look, this ones late. I bet when it blooms. It will be the most beautiful of all. (Drums sound)
Kim: What is it? (Imperial soldiers and Chi Fu come ridding over a hill.) Sally Chang: Kim, stay inside. (Her mom and dad go outside.) Granny: Ahem (points toward a low roof. Kim runs over to it and peers over the roof) Chi Fu: citizens! I bring a proclamation from the imperial city! The Huns have invaded China! By order of the Emperor, one man from every family must serve in the imperial army. (Reading from list) the Chow family! The Yee family! Son: I will serve in my father's place. Chi Fu: The Chang family! Kim: No! (Her father, Wufie walks over to Chi Fu.) Wufie: I'm ready to serve the emperor. (Kim runs to her dad) Kim: Father, you can't go! Wufie: Kim! Kim: (to Chi Fu) Please, sir, my father has already fought for -- Chi Fu: Silence! You will do well to teach your daughter to hold her tongue in a man's presence. Wufie: Kim. You dishonor me. Chi Fu: report tomorrow at the Moo-Sung Camp. (He hands Wufie a scroll.) Wufie: Yes, sir. Chi Fu: (continues to read) the Chu family! The Yea Family! The Yong Family!
IN WUFIE'S BEDROOM Wufie yanks open his closet, revealing a suit of Chinese armor, and unsheathes his katnna. Kim watches. He practices techniques, but his leg gives out and he falls against a pillar, panting.)
AT DINNER (Kim pours the tea, then sets her cup down with a bang.) Kim: You shouldn't have to go! Sally: Kim! Kim: there are plenty of young men to fight for China! Wufie: It is an honor to protect my country and my family. Kim: So you'll die for honor. Wufie: I will die doing what's right. Kim: but if you. Wufie: know my place! It is time that you learned yours! (Kim stares at her father for a moment, then runs outside crying. Kim is sitting in a statue of a dragon, crying. It is raining. Through the window of her house, she sees her mother and father talking. Wufie picks up the candle and blows it out. Kim thinks for a minute, then makes her decision. She walks into the Family temple and lights a stick, placing it in the hanging statue of a small dragon. She runs into her parent's room, taking the scroll and leaving her hair comb. Taking her father's katnna, she cuts her hair short and puts on her father's armor. Going out to the stable, she mounts Khan and sets off for the army. The eyes of the statue in the temple flash, and Granny Chang wakes up. Granny: Kim is gone! Wufie: what? It can't be. (He runs outside) Kim! No. Sally: You must go after her. She could be killed. Wufie: if I reveal her, she will be. Granny: Ancestors, hear our prayer. Watch over Kim. (In the family temple, the characters on a tombstone lights up, and they turn into the Great Ancestor. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Back in Trowen's room. Trowa: duo got turned into the small hanging Dragon. Duo: what? Heero: Duo shut up, it was getting good. Quatre: Towa was just telling the readers that you are now the small hanging dragon named Mushu, but trowen's using your name. Towa: are you done little one so Trowen can finish? Okay back to the story sorry about that. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Great Ancestor: (to the small hanging dragon statue) Duo, awaken. (The statue shakes and smokes) Duo: I live! So, tell me, what mortal needs my protection, Great Ancestor. You just say the word, and I'm there. Great Ancestor: Duo. Duo: And lemme say something, anyone who's foolish enough to threaten OUR family, vengeance will be MINE! Grr. arrgh. Great Ancestor: Duo! These are the family guardians. They. Duo: Protect the family. Great Ancestor: And you, O Demoted One. Duo: ring the gong. Great Ancestor: That's right. Now, wake up the Ancestors. Duo: One family reunion coming right up. Okay, people, people, look alive! Let's do, c'mon, get up! Let's move it! Rise and shine! Y'all way past the beauty sleep thing. Ancestor#1: I knew it, I knew it. That Kim was a troublemaker from the start. Ancestor#2: Don't look at me she gets it from your side of family! Ancestor#3 she's just trying to help her father! Acestor#4: But is she's discovered, Woof Chang will be forever shamed. Dishonor will come to the family. Traditional values will disintegrate! Acestor#5: Not to mention they'll lose the farm! Acestor#1: My family children never caused such trouble; the all became acupuncturists! Ancestor#2: Well, we can't all be acupuncturists! Ancestor#6: No! your great-granddaughter had to be a CROOSS-DRESSER! (THE Ancestors start to argue and Duo sits down and reads the new paper) Ancsetor#7: Let a guardian bring her back! (They pick Duo and point around) Ancsetor#2: Yes! awaken the most cunning! Ancestor#4: No! the swiftest! Ancestor#8: No, send the wisest! Great Ancestor: SILENCE! We will send the most powerful Of all. Duo: (laughs) Okay, okay. I get the Jif. I'll go. (laugher) Well, y'all don't think I can do it! Watch this here! (Blows a tiny flame) Ah-hah! Jump back, I'm pretty hot. But I don't have to singe nobody to prove no point. Great Ancestor: you had your chance to protect the Chang family. Ancestor: your misguidance led Chang Thang to disaster! Chang Thang: Yeah, thanks a lot. Duo: And your point is? Great Ancestor: the point is, we will be sending a REAL dragon to retrieve Kim. Duo: What? What? I'm a real dragon! Great Ancestor: You're not worthy of this thought! Now awaken the Great Stone Dragon! Duo: So you'll get back to me on the job thing. (He is hit the face with his gong.) (He walks outside talking to his self.) Just one chance. Is that too much to ask? I mean, it not like it'll hurt you. (To the dragon statue) Yo, Rocky, Wake up! You gotta fetch Kim! C'mon, boy!! Go get her! Go on! C'mon! (He climbs up on the statue, dragging the gong.) Grr... Arrgh... Grr. Hello? Helloooo? HELLO! (He hits the ear of the dragon with the gong, and it falls off. Suddenly, the entire statue falls apart.) Uh-oh. Uh. Stoney? Stoney. Oh man, they're gonna kill me! Great Ancestor: Great Stone Dragon! Have you awakened? Duo: (holding up the head of the Great Stone Dragon) Uh, yes, I just woke up! Um. I am the Great Stone Dragon! Good morning! I will go forth and fetch Kim! Did- did I mention that I am the Great Stone? Great Ancestor: Go! The fate of the Chang family rests in your claws. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Towa: duo what are you doing? Duo: just changing something really quick. Heero: Duo, get away form the lab top! Duo: I'm done any way Trowa's Crickee!!! Trowa: What! Change it back! Duo1 nope it staying like that. Well let's get back to the story while, Trowa's throwing a fit. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Duo: Don't even worry about it. I will lose face. (He loses his balance and tumbles down the hill, the dragon head landing on top of him) Ow, ah, my elbow. Oh, oh, I know I twisted something. (He lifts the head off) That's just great, now what? I'm doomed, and all because Ms. Man decided to take a little drag show to the road. Trowa: Chirp. Duo: Go GET her! What's the matter with you? After this Great Stone Humptey Dumptey mess, I'd have to bring her back with a medal to get back to the Temple! Wait a minute! That's it! I make Kim a war hero, and they'll be begging me to come to work! That's the master plan! Oh, you've done it now, man. Trowa: Chirp. Duo: (running) and what you think you're coming? Trowa: Chirp. Duo: you're LUCKY? Do I look like a sucker to you? Trowa: Chirp. Duo: What do you mean, a loser? What if I pop one of your antennae's off and throw it across the yard, then who's the loser, you or me? Trowa: chirp. (Duo chases him out of the yard and down the road. The Hun army comes to a stop by a marsh. Two Chinese soldiers are dragged out of a tree and thrown before Shan Yu. Hun: Imperial Scouts Soldeir#1 Shan Yu1 Shan Yu: Nice work, gentlemen. You've found the Hun army (laughter) Soldeir#2: the emperor will stop you. Shan Yu: stop me? He invited me. By building his wall, he challenged my strength. Well. I'm here to play his game. Go! Tell your emperor to send his strongest armies. I'm ready. (The two soldiers scurry off, one after the other. Shan Yu: how many men dose it take to deliver a message? Hun Archer: One. Kim: Okay. Okay, how about this: (in a deep voice) Excuse me, where do I sign in? Ah, I see you have a sword. I have one, too. They're very manly, and strong. (She fumbles for her sword, dropping it on the ground. Her father's Horse, Khan rolls with laughter, and is hit by a shoe. Kim: I'm going on it! Oh, who am I fooling. It'd take a miracle to get me into the army.
What wufie has a daughter!
It was a nice morning at Quatre's mansion. The ronins and the gundam parents are all asleep. Lets move on to Wufie's and Cye's bedroom. Look at Cye he's asleep with his arm around Mina. And his kids are in the middle of each parent. They are Cye jr. and Crystal. What's this on the floor of Wufie's and sally's bed? Oh poor Wufie is on the floor once again. Sally must of have thrown him out again. Woof wake up on a very cold floor. Wufie: What I'm I going down here? This is. Sally pushed me out of the bed again. Is me or she getting bigger? Cye jr.: uncle Wufie be quite. Your yelling woke me up. And you're a crazy baka! (Whines) Wufie gets up and walks to Cye's bed and says. Wufie: what did you called me!!! You disgraceable rugrat!!! Oh no don't start crying. You don't want your daddy and mommy to a wake do you? (Cye jr. cries louder and wakes his father up.) Cye: Wufie stop yelling already. Where's the fire I'll put it out for ya.and please don't yell at my son. Wufie: there's is no fire Cye! (He still yells. Cye's eardrums started to hurt.) Cye: ouch stop yelling Wufie! Wufie: it's the brat you call son!! Cye: my son isn't a brat wufie. (Said Cye and in walks Sages jr. to report to that Wufie is to loud and his father, Sage will use his Thunder bolt cut on him.) Wufie: mission accepted. Sage jr.: Oh no. Not another uncle Heero. One is an enough. I think its time for me to go back to sleep see ya. Wufie: (mumbles to his self as he goes back to his bed to sally how sally's doing) Crazy rugrat. Yes onna what is it? (Sally looks at him funny then says to him.) Sally: what is it? Did I not teach you some manners Chang Wufie! Now try again please. Wufie: (rolls eyes) what's wrong honey? Sally: promise me you will not scream or faint if I tell you? Wufie: I promise cross my heart hope to die stick a needle in my eye. I won't faint if you tell me. Sally: you're gonna be a Daddy of a little girl. Wufie: Wwwwwhhhhaaaatttt! Injustice!!!(And he faints) Sally: I'll call her Kim. (3 years later. we see a Great Wall of China. A Chines soldier walks around his post. Suddenly a bird of prey hit the back of head.) Solider: ah! (The hawk lets out a call. The soldier walks over the edge of the wall. A hook comes flying up, followed by many more. Runs back to his post.) We're under attack! Light the signal! (The door opens, revealing a couple of Huns. The soldier climbs up the ladder. And another soldier lights the signal with a torch, while staring at the Hun leader; other signals go on all the way along the great wall the same solider) Now all of China knows you're here. Shan yu: (picking up a flag and toasting it in the signal fire) Perfect. (The Chinese General and two soldiers walk into the Emperor's chamber and bow. General: Your Majesty, the Huns have crossed our Northern Border. Chi Fu: Impossible! No one can get through the Great wall! (He is silenced with a raised hand from the emperor) General: Shan Yu is leading them. We'll set up defenses around your palace immediately. Emperor: No (stands up) Send your troops to protect my people! Chi Fu! Chi Yu: Yes, your Highness. Emperor: Deliver conscription notices throughout all the provinces. Call up reserves, and as many new recruits as possible. General: Forgive me your Majesty, but I believe my troops can stop he. Emperor: I won't take chances, General. A signal grain of rice can tip the scale; one man may be differences between victory and defeat. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Kim: (using chopsticks to balance a grain of rice) Quiet and demure. graceful, polite, delicate, refine, poised.(picks up a paintbrush and makes a mark on her arm).punctual! (A rooster crows) Aaiee! (Blowing her arm) Little Brother! Little Brother! Little-(she glances down at a sleeping tiger on the floor.) Ah1 there you are! (The tiger wakes up) Who's the smartest kitten in the world? C'mon, smart boy! Can you help me with my chores today? (She ties a sack of chicken feed to his back, complete with a pole and a mouse toy attached. Little Brother immediately chases the mouse toy, running promptly into a wall and then out the door, scattering grains everywhere.) Wufie:(praying) Honorable Ancestors. please help Kim impress the Matchmaker today. (Little Brother followed by a herd of chickens, burst into the family temple.) Please, please help her. Kim: Father, I brought you some...Whoop! (Bangs into Wufie, he catches the tea pot on his cane while the cup hits the ground and shatter) Wufie: Kim. Kim: I brought a spare! Wufie: Kim. Kim: remember, the doctor said three cups of tea in the morning. Wufie: Kim. Kim: .and three at night. Wufie: Kim. You should already be in town. We're counting on you to. Kim: uphold the family honor. Don't worry, Father. I won't let you down. Wish me luck! Wufie: Hurry! I'm going to. pray some more. IN TOWN Women1: Sally, where is your daughter? The matchmaker is not a patient woman. Sally: Of all the days to be late! I should have prayed to the ancestors for luck. Granny: How lucky can they be? They're dead. Besides, I've got all the luck we'll need. (Holds up a wicker cage with a cricket inside.) This your chance to prove yourself. (She closes her eyes and steps off the sidewalk) Sally: Grandam! No! (Granny walks across the street; vehicles crash, but she emerges unharmed. Granny: Yup! This Cricket's a lucky one! (Sally sighs) (Kim comes riding up on Khan, and hops off. Kim: I'm here! (Looks at her mom) What? But, Mama, I had to -- Sally: None of our excuses. Now, let's get you cleaned up. (Being "honor to us all") Woman#1: this what you give me to work with? Well, honey I've seen worse. We're going to turn this sow's ear Into a silk purse. Kim: It's freezing Sally: It would have been warm, if you were here on time. Woman#1: We'll have you, washed and dried. Primped and polished till you glow with pride Just my recipe for instant bride You'll bring honor to us all. Sally: Kim, what's this? Kim: uh.notes. in case I forget something. Granny: hold this (hands Crickee to Sally) We're going to need luck than I thought. Woman#2: Wait and see, when we're through Woman#3: Boys will gladly to go war for you Woman#2: with good fortune Woman#3: and great hairdo Both: You'll bring honor to us all. A girl can bring her family Great honor in one way By striking a good match And this might be the day Woman#4: men want girls with good taste Woman#5: Calm Sally: Obedient Woman#5 who work fast paced Sally: with breeding Woman#5: and a tiny waist All; You'll bring honor to us all. We'll must serve our emperor Who guards from the Huns A man by bearing arm A girl by bearing sons Woman#6: When we're through You can't fail Like a lotus blossom, soft and pale How could they say, "no sale"? You'll bring honor to us all. Sally: there, you're ready. Granny: Not yet! An apple for serenity A pendant for balance Beads of jade for beauty You must proudly show it Now, add a cricket just for luck, And even you can't blow it! Kim: Ancestors, hear my plea, Please help me not to make a fool of me And uproot my family tree Keep my father standing tall. Scarier than the Undertaker, We are meeting our macthmaker! Chorus: Destiny, guard our girl, Help our future as it fast unfurl Please look kindly on these cultured pears Each a perfect porcelain doll.
Please bring honor to us Please bring honor to us Please bring honor to us Please bring honor to us Please bring honor to us all! Macthmaker: Chang Kim? Kim: Present! Macthmaker: Speaking without permission. Kim: Oops.(they go inside) Granny: (to Sally) Who spit in her bean curd? Macthmaker: Too skinny.not good for bearing sons (circkee hops out of his cage, Kim frantically ties to put him back in.) Macthmaker: Recite the Final Admonition. Kim: Mmm-hmm-hmm.(pulls put paper fan and spits out Crickee out) Macthmaker: Well? Kim: Fulfill your duties, calmly and.(glances down at the crib notes written on her arm, which are smeared slightly) respectively. Um, reflect before you. snack. Act! This will bring you honor and glory, (she fans herself, and the matchmaker grabs the fan and searches it for cheat notes. Finding none, she grabs Kim by the arm (where are those notes!) and pulls her toward a table. The writing comes off in her hand.) Matchmaker: This way. Now, pour the tea. To please your future in-laws, you most demonstrate a sense of dignity (she rubs her hand over her mouth, and the ink rubs off with a squeak) and refinement. You most poised. (Kim, staring at the macthmaker, pours the tea but misses the cup, then regains her composure and quickly fills the teacup) (Kim notices Crickee relaxing happily in the tea. The macthmaker takes the teacup. Kim: Um, pardon me. Macthmaker: And silent! (Sniffs the tea) Ah. Kim: could I just take that back? One moment.(she grabs for the cup)(the matchmaker fights for the teacup, and they both fall back, the tea spilling all over the macthmaker. Crikee hops down her dress.) Macthmaker: why, you clumsy!. Oh! Ah! Woo! (She trips over the fire-pot, spilling the coals and then sitting on them, the bottom of her dress smoking. Kim desperately fans the burned spot, and it bursts into flames. The macthmaker runs around screaming. Outside Granny: (to sally) I think it's going well, don't you? (The matchmaker runs outside, screaming.)
Macthmaker: Put it out! Put it out! PUT IT OUT! (Kim throws tea over her, putting out the fire. Embarrassed, she hands the teapot to the matchmaker and quickly walks toward Sally Chang and Granny Chang.) Matchmaker: (furious) You are a DISGRACE! You may look like a bride, but you will NEVER bring your family honor! (People start to walk away, whispering. At the Chang farm. Kim is greeted with a warm smile form her dad, but, humiliated, she turns away and takes Khan to the stable. Beginning of "reflection") Kim: Look at me.I will never for a perfect bride Or a perfect daughter Can it be I'm not meant to play this part Now I see That if I were truly to be myself I would break my family's heart
Who is this girl I see Staring straight back at me Why is my reflection someone I don't know Somehow I cannot hide Who I am, though I've tried When will my reflection show Who I am, inside? When will my reflection show Who I am, inside? (End of reflection. She walks over to were her father is sitting and he says) Wufie: My, my, what beautiful blossoms we have this year. But look, this ones late. I bet when it blooms. It will be the most beautiful of all. (Drums sound)
Kim: What is it? (Imperial soldiers and Chi Fu come ridding over a hill.) Sally Chang: Kim, stay inside. (Her mom and dad go outside.) Granny: Ahem (points toward a low roof. Kim runs over to it and peers over the roof) Chi Fu: citizens! I bring a proclamation from the imperial city! The Huns have invaded China! By order of the Emperor, one man from every family must serve in the imperial army. (Reading from list) the Chow family! The Yee family! Son: I will serve in my father's place. Chi Fu: The Chang family! Kim: No! (Her father, Wufie walks over to Chi Fu.) Wufie: I'm ready to serve the emperor. (Kim runs to her dad) Kim: Father, you can't go! Wufie: Kim! Kim: (to Chi Fu) Please, sir, my father has already fought for -- Chi Fu: Silence! You will do well to teach your daughter to hold her tongue in a man's presence. Wufie: Kim. You dishonor me. Chi Fu: report tomorrow at the Moo-Sung Camp. (He hands Wufie a scroll.) Wufie: Yes, sir. Chi Fu: (continues to read) the Chu family! The Yea Family! The Yong Family!
IN WUFIE'S BEDROOM Wufie yanks open his closet, revealing a suit of Chinese armor, and unsheathes his katnna. Kim watches. He practices techniques, but his leg gives out and he falls against a pillar, panting.)
AT DINNER (Kim pours the tea, then sets her cup down with a bang.) Kim: You shouldn't have to go! Sally: Kim! Kim: there are plenty of young men to fight for China! Wufie: It is an honor to protect my country and my family. Kim: So you'll die for honor. Wufie: I will die doing what's right. Kim: but if you. Wufie: know my place! It is time that you learned yours! (Kim stares at her father for a moment, then runs outside crying. Kim is sitting in a statue of a dragon, crying. It is raining. Through the window of her house, she sees her mother and father talking. Wufie picks up the candle and blows it out. Kim thinks for a minute, then makes her decision. She walks into the Family temple and lights a stick, placing it in the hanging statue of a small dragon. She runs into her parent's room, taking the scroll and leaving her hair comb. Taking her father's katnna, she cuts her hair short and puts on her father's armor. Going out to the stable, she mounts Khan and sets off for the army. The eyes of the statue in the temple flash, and Granny Chang wakes up. Granny: Kim is gone! Wufie: what? It can't be. (He runs outside) Kim! No. Sally: You must go after her. She could be killed. Wufie: if I reveal her, she will be. Granny: Ancestors, hear our prayer. Watch over Kim. (In the family temple, the characters on a tombstone lights up, and they turn into the Great Ancestor. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Back in Trowen's room. Trowa: duo got turned into the small hanging Dragon. Duo: what? Heero: Duo shut up, it was getting good. Quatre: Towa was just telling the readers that you are now the small hanging dragon named Mushu, but trowen's using your name. Towa: are you done little one so Trowen can finish? Okay back to the story sorry about that. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Great Ancestor: (to the small hanging dragon statue) Duo, awaken. (The statue shakes and smokes) Duo: I live! So, tell me, what mortal needs my protection, Great Ancestor. You just say the word, and I'm there. Great Ancestor: Duo. Duo: And lemme say something, anyone who's foolish enough to threaten OUR family, vengeance will be MINE! Grr. arrgh. Great Ancestor: Duo! These are the family guardians. They. Duo: Protect the family. Great Ancestor: And you, O Demoted One. Duo: ring the gong. Great Ancestor: That's right. Now, wake up the Ancestors. Duo: One family reunion coming right up. Okay, people, people, look alive! Let's do, c'mon, get up! Let's move it! Rise and shine! Y'all way past the beauty sleep thing. Ancestor#1: I knew it, I knew it. That Kim was a troublemaker from the start. Ancestor#2: Don't look at me she gets it from your side of family! Ancestor#3 she's just trying to help her father! Acestor#4: But is she's discovered, Woof Chang will be forever shamed. Dishonor will come to the family. Traditional values will disintegrate! Acestor#5: Not to mention they'll lose the farm! Acestor#1: My family children never caused such trouble; the all became acupuncturists! Ancestor#2: Well, we can't all be acupuncturists! Ancestor#6: No! your great-granddaughter had to be a CROOSS-DRESSER! (THE Ancestors start to argue and Duo sits down and reads the new paper) Ancsetor#7: Let a guardian bring her back! (They pick Duo and point around) Ancsetor#2: Yes! awaken the most cunning! Ancestor#4: No! the swiftest! Ancestor#8: No, send the wisest! Great Ancestor: SILENCE! We will send the most powerful Of all. Duo: (laughs) Okay, okay. I get the Jif. I'll go. (laugher) Well, y'all don't think I can do it! Watch this here! (Blows a tiny flame) Ah-hah! Jump back, I'm pretty hot. But I don't have to singe nobody to prove no point. Great Ancestor: you had your chance to protect the Chang family. Ancestor: your misguidance led Chang Thang to disaster! Chang Thang: Yeah, thanks a lot. Duo: And your point is? Great Ancestor: the point is, we will be sending a REAL dragon to retrieve Kim. Duo: What? What? I'm a real dragon! Great Ancestor: You're not worthy of this thought! Now awaken the Great Stone Dragon! Duo: So you'll get back to me on the job thing. (He is hit the face with his gong.) (He walks outside talking to his self.) Just one chance. Is that too much to ask? I mean, it not like it'll hurt you. (To the dragon statue) Yo, Rocky, Wake up! You gotta fetch Kim! C'mon, boy!! Go get her! Go on! C'mon! (He climbs up on the statue, dragging the gong.) Grr... Arrgh... Grr. Hello? Helloooo? HELLO! (He hits the ear of the dragon with the gong, and it falls off. Suddenly, the entire statue falls apart.) Uh-oh. Uh. Stoney? Stoney. Oh man, they're gonna kill me! Great Ancestor: Great Stone Dragon! Have you awakened? Duo: (holding up the head of the Great Stone Dragon) Uh, yes, I just woke up! Um. I am the Great Stone Dragon! Good morning! I will go forth and fetch Kim! Did- did I mention that I am the Great Stone? Great Ancestor: Go! The fate of the Chang family rests in your claws. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Towa: duo what are you doing? Duo: just changing something really quick. Heero: Duo, get away form the lab top! Duo: I'm done any way Trowa's Crickee!!! Trowa: What! Change it back! Duo1 nope it staying like that. Well let's get back to the story while, Trowa's throwing a fit. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Duo: Don't even worry about it. I will lose face. (He loses his balance and tumbles down the hill, the dragon head landing on top of him) Ow, ah, my elbow. Oh, oh, I know I twisted something. (He lifts the head off) That's just great, now what? I'm doomed, and all because Ms. Man decided to take a little drag show to the road. Trowa: Chirp. Duo: Go GET her! What's the matter with you? After this Great Stone Humptey Dumptey mess, I'd have to bring her back with a medal to get back to the Temple! Wait a minute! That's it! I make Kim a war hero, and they'll be begging me to come to work! That's the master plan! Oh, you've done it now, man. Trowa: Chirp. Duo: (running) and what you think you're coming? Trowa: Chirp. Duo: you're LUCKY? Do I look like a sucker to you? Trowa: Chirp. Duo: What do you mean, a loser? What if I pop one of your antennae's off and throw it across the yard, then who's the loser, you or me? Trowa: chirp. (Duo chases him out of the yard and down the road. The Hun army comes to a stop by a marsh. Two Chinese soldiers are dragged out of a tree and thrown before Shan Yu. Hun: Imperial Scouts Soldeir#1 Shan Yu1 Shan Yu: Nice work, gentlemen. You've found the Hun army (laughter) Soldeir#2: the emperor will stop you. Shan Yu: stop me? He invited me. By building his wall, he challenged my strength. Well. I'm here to play his game. Go! Tell your emperor to send his strongest armies. I'm ready. (The two soldiers scurry off, one after the other. Shan Yu: how many men dose it take to deliver a message? Hun Archer: One. Kim: Okay. Okay, how about this: (in a deep voice) Excuse me, where do I sign in? Ah, I see you have a sword. I have one, too. They're very manly, and strong. (She fumbles for her sword, dropping it on the ground. Her father's Horse, Khan rolls with laughter, and is hit by a shoe. Kim: I'm going on it! Oh, who am I fooling. It'd take a miracle to get me into the army.