Okay so this is a complete crackfic I wrote a couple of years back when my two friends got into the band "Tokio Hotel." It stars the twins (Bill and Tom), and features haunted hotel rooms, the fourth wall, orange marmalade, and the Powerpuff Girls. Hope you enjoy!
So, then the fish slapped Bill in the face and. . . (Oneshot)
"You don't want that room," the hotel manager said eerily.
"Why not?" Bill asked.
"t's a dead zone. . ."
"But . . . we have Verizon . . ." Tom said.
The manager huffed, looking annoyed. "Does EVERYONE have Verizon?" he cried.
"Pretty much."
"Well, fine. Take the room. But it's-"
"We don't care if it's a dead zone!" Bill hissed.
"No. . . it's haunted."
Bill and Tom paused. They had come to this small hotel on break from tour. It was Bill's idea to be just him and Tom. He called it "Me and Tomi need brother bonding time so we're gonna leave Georg and Gustav to bond by yourselves so have fun" time with his brother.
But now, with this information, he was wondering if it was such a good idea.
"Haunted?" Bill asked.
"And it's the only room available?" Tom added.
"Yep," the manager said, "It's haunted. Been haunted ever since . . . the incident. . ."
Eerie music had filled the room. Eerie music as in the stereotypical "dun dun dun" music in many (cheesy) horror movies.
Tom did a huff, quickly growing tired of this lhaunted hotel room" talk. Bill, however, was shaking.
"Wh-wh-wh-what. . . incident?" he asked.
The hotel manager smirked, obviously enjoying this.
"Awhile ago, this honeymoon couple came her and took that very room. . . well . . . I was doin'my rounds and noticed movement from their window, so I took a look."
"Wait, you spied on them?" Tom exclaimed. "What if they were-?"
"That's not the point, Tomi!" Bill cried. "Let him finish!"
"But they could have been-!"
"Shut up!"
"I looked through the window. . ." the manager continued, "And what I saw was horrible."
"What?" Tom asked sarcastically, "He wasn't using protection?"
"He was beating her."
"B-b-beating her?" Bill cried in unison with Tom.
"He had been possessed."
"By what?" Bill asked.
"An evil…"
"Yeah?"
"Disgusting. . ."
"Yeah?"
"Maniacal. . ."
"Yeah?"
"Ferocious. . ."
"Oh, just tell us!" Tom exclaimed.
"Jam monster."
There was a long pause as the eerie "Dun dun dun" music filled the room once again.
"Jam. . . monster. . ." Tom repeated.
"Yes." The hotel manager said. "A monster of jam."
"How dreadful!" Bill exclaimed, horrified.
"Oh, come on, Bill! You can't serious believe this stuff!"
"It's true!" The manager persisted. "The jam monster possessed him, made him beat his wife to death and then made him kill himself! Since that night, the monster's haunted room thirteen and only DOOM falls upon those that stay there!"
As the manager spoke, Bill stopped shaking to hear the familiar "Doom Song" sung by GIR in the background.
Tom grabbed the key to the room. "Whatever," he said, slapping the money for the room onto the desk. "I don't believe in that crap. Let's go, Bill."
"But, Tom, what about the-" Bill said fearfully.
"Bill, there is no doom or jam monster or anything else!"
"But, what about-"
"Bill, he's just trying to scare us. Let's go."
Tom grabbed Bill's wrist and started walking off, towards their room.
"I warned ya," the manager said. "Don't blame me if-"
"Yeah, yeah. Doom, doom, doom, fret, fret, fret, fret. Whatever."
With that, Tom pulled Bill off to room thirteen.
"I dunno about this, Tomi. . ." Bill murmured, "Maybe we should go somewhere else. . ."
"Bill, he was just trying to scare us," Tom replied. He found the room, unlocked the door and opened it. "See? The room's fine."
The room was like any other hotel room. Two beds, a bath room, a small kitchen and basic furniture.
"Y-yeah. . ." Bill said. "It looks okay. . ."
They walked into the room and Tom put his suitcase on a bed.
"I claim this one."
Bill went over to the window and looked out into the dark landscape. The window was open, allowing a cool breeze to blow in. Bill leaned out the window, his hands on the windowsill.
'Maybe Tom's right. . .' he thought with much relief.
Suddenly, a shadow darted across Bill's peripheral vision. He screamed (like his did in A Night in Tokio from the Schrei Live DVD) and leapt back. He scrambled to Tom and clutched his twin for dear life.
"Tomi! I saw it! The jam monster! We're gonna dieeeee!" Bill screeched.
Tom looked at the window. There was a pause except for Bill hyperventilating. Then, a cat jumped up onto the windowsill. It looked at the brothers, yawned and curled up, going to sleep.
"Oh, yeah. That's just the most terrifying thing ever," Tom bit out. "Bill, calm down! This room's not haunted! Now, chill!"
"J-j-just a cat. . ." Bill stuttered. "Just a cat. . ."
As the night went on, Tom found it tiring to soothe a freaked out Bill because of every shadow that he saw or every noise that he heard. However, finally, Tom was able to get Bill to sleep and he soon followed.
However, as the twins slept, they were unaware of what was happening in their refrigerator. . .
Bill awoke with a jolt at the sound of the small wall clock striking the witch's hour. Clutching his gummibear plushie, he looked around cautiously. Something wasn't right and he knew it.
But when he saw it, he froze.
"Tomi!" he whimpered, scrambling over to his twin's bed. "Tomi! Wake up!"
"What, Bill?" Tom asked, annoyed and sleepy.
"The refrigerator's glowing!" Bill whined.
"The lightbulb inside is it probably acting weird," he groaned.
"No! The glow is orange!"
Tom sat up reluctantly.
"Orange. . ."
Bill nodded and pointed a shaky finger at the fridge. Tom looked over, only to do a double take. The refrigerator was indeed glowing an orange color from the inside.
Tom sighed and got out of bed. He walked over to the fridge.
"No, Tom! It's gonna eat you!" Bill wailed.
"Oh, chill out, Bill!" Tom ordered. He opened the refrigerator and the orange glow faded away, replace by the dim glow of the fridge's lightbulb. It was empty except for one shelf. The middle one. On the middle shelf was a lone jar of jam. Tom sighed, taking out the jar.
"See, Bill?" he asked, holding the jam so that Bill could see. "It's just a jar of jam."
Bill's entire body when rigid. He clutched his plushie so tightly, it would be turning blue had it been able to breath.
"J-j-j-jam . . . ?" Bill stammered, scared out of his wits. "It's the jam monster, Tom!"
Tom huffed. "Oh, please!" He exclaimed. "There is no jam monster and I'll prove it to you !"
Tom started to open the jar. Bill shrieked. "No! Don't do it, Tom! The jam monster will jump out and eat your face!"
Bill tackled his twin to the ground. The jam jar was knocked out of Tom's hand and shattered against the wall. He gave an annoyed look to his younger brother.
"What the crap, Bill?" He interrogated. He got up and started for the large jam spot on the wall.
"No, Tom! You'll make it angry!" Bill wailed.
"Bill! Stop it! It's just jam!"
Tom paused. Then, out of curiosity, her wiped his finger across the wall, covering it in the orange jelly-like substance. He licked it off his finger.
"What flavor?" Bill whispered, genuinely curious.
Tom paused. It's . . . orange marmalade. . ." he replied. "Is that even considered jam?"
"Well, according to the girls laughing maniacally as rosexknight writes this, also laughing maniacally, yes." Bill said with a smile on his face.
Tom sighed. "Well, whatever, it's just regular orange marmalade. Let's clean it up."
Bill's face suddenly went white.
"Bill?"
"Just. . . regular orange marmalade?" Bill whispered with a shaky voice.
"Yes!"
"Then. . . why is it moving?"
Tom's body went rigid. He turned to see that the jam (or whatever orange marmalade is) has resumed its glowing state and was indeed moving. He stepped back and immediately had Bill clutching to him.
The twins watched in horror as the orange marmalade floated off the wall and formed the shape of. . .
An evil. . .
(Yeah?)
Disgusting. . .
(Yeah?)
Maniacal. . .
(Yeah?)
Ferocious. . .
(Oh, just tell us before we kill you!)
"Tomi, do you hear voices too?"
"Yeah. They're about to kill someone."
(Rose! Tell them what it is so we can get back to the story!)
Okay, okay! Jeez! Ahem. . . it took the shape of an evil. . .
(Don't make us beat you!)
The shape of an evil disgusting, maniacal, ferocious. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . fluffy chipmunk!
"Fluffy. . . chipmunk. . . ?" Tom repeated.
"How dreadful!" Bill moaned. "Tom, we're gonna die!"
The jam monster laughed evilly. "Yes! And you have released me from my prison, foolish boy! Now DOOM shall fall upon you both! And, when DOOM falls upon you, you shall be DOOMED! Because by releasing me from my prison, you have DOOMED yourself! Therefore, DOOM shall fall on you and there is no escape! To even try to escape this DOOM would be both futile and unsuccessful! So, because you have released me, you are DOOMED and to try and escape this DOOM would be futile and useless! You are all DOOMED There shall be no escape! Mwahahahahahahahahahaha!"
The twins looked at each other.
"What is he? Mojo Jojo?" Tom muttered.
"Call the hotline!" Bill shouted.
"What hotline?"
Bill looked around and then noticed a small, heart-shapped button on the wall. Above it, there was a small mallet hanging on the wall and a sign that read:
"In case of
evil monkey robot,
spiky fish monster,
spoiled princess, green gang,
blue, green and red super-powered boys,
walking amoebas, HIM, etc.,
please break glass."
Bill ran over to the glass and grabbed the mallet.
"Wait! There's nothing about evil jam monsters!"
"That's what the etcetera is for!" Bill countered.
Bill broke the glass and pushed the button. A heart-shaped light appeared in the sky.
"Ha!" he gloated, pointing at the jam monster.
"What did you-?" Tom asked.
He was cut off by three girls suddenly bursting through the ceilig. At first, all he saw was pink, blue and green blurs, but then when the blurs stopped, none other than the Powerpuff Girls were in sight. Yes! Blossom, Bubbles and Buttercup!
"Not so fast, evil Jam Monster!" They all cried in unison.
"Wait, wait, wait!"
Bill did a huff, annoyed that his story was interrupted.
"What, Gustav?" he whined.
Gustav, Georg, and Tom were sitting on the couch on the tour bus, listening to Bill's story of his and Tom's "adventure."
Gustav gave Bill and annoyed look.
"That's not what happened."
"Yes, it is!" Bill defended. "It all happened!"
"Bill, don't lie," Georg added. "And what was up with the use of the fourth wall?"
"Fine! It wasn't like that! There were no Powerpuff Girls but there WAS a freaky jam monster! Besides, isn't this story more exciting?"
Tobi came into the living room area then, a jar of an orange, jelly-like substance in his hand.
"Hey, guys? Why is there a jar of. . ." He dipped his finger into the jar and tasted it. ". . . Orange marmalade in Bill's suitcase?"
Bill yelped. "Noooooooo!" He shrieked. "It's stalking me! It wants to kill me!"
He darted down the hall and into the bathroom.
". . . Huh?" Tobi said, confused as crap.
"Was there a jam monster. . . ?" Georg asked.
"NO. I put it there," Tom replied.
"Why?" Gustav inquired.
"Simple. I wanted to freak Bill out." He smirked. "Call it revenge for dragging me out on that stupid trip."
"Tom, you're a meanie!" Bill screamed for the bathroom.
"I know."
~End~
Hope you all enjoyed! Please rate and comment! =D