Painkiller

I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist. This story is AU. Shounen-ai, RoyxEdward. Bad grammar/typos.

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I often find myself wondering why I love Roy Mustang.

That bastard never remembers my birthday, much less our anniversary. To Roy, every special day seemed to be same as nothing.

Roy always calls me names. But don't get me wrong, he never uses any cliché pet names, such as 'darling' or 'baby'. Sometimes I'm almost touched how he every day finds a new way to remind me about my lack of height. In his eyes, I'm always nothing but an infant, although I'm probably more mature than he will ever be.

We share the same bed, but he is never there when I wake up. He has already left for work, or to see someone else, hell if I know. I've tried to tell myself that I don't really care, but it's impossible to keep my thoughts together. Every morning, I need four cups of coffee just to be able to step out of the house, which I should be calling my home.

But what hurts the most is to see him flirting with every damn woman he sees. I wonder why he never tells me that I'm beautiful, like he does to Riza and countless of other women. And because I don't want to ruin his reputation, I only watch aside, as he messes around. Watching things go out of hand, is the only thing I could ever do.

But then I remember the times when I sit all alone in the rain, my face up towards the skies as the rain hits my cheeks. The times when I've found myself at a dead-end and having nowhere to go. The raindrops feel no mercy, as my clothes slowly but surely become thoroughly soaked.

I might cry, but only a little. Why would I spend my time, sitting there on wet asphalt and crying me eyes out? Oh yeah, because of that goddamn Roy.

But then the rain suddenly stops. I look up and see the devil itself standing there, holding an umbrella above my head. He smiles, and I guess a small smile tugs my lips as well. Although I said that I never wanted to see him again, I can't let go off him.

He's like a drug; he's like a painkiller. He always knows when to show up. When the pain is too much to bear, he offers his helping hand and momentarily removes all the soreness. And before you know it, you're addicted to the way he looks at you and touches your skin. Just like I am, alongside his harem.

He calls my name and asks what I'm doing out here. I reply like always, "I don't know."

Roy doesn't ask further, because he knows that when I don't want to talk, I won't talk. But he still stands there, covering me with the umbrella. He had always been right beside me, although he often seems so far away. He has never asked how I feel about it, as he wormed his way into my heart and started residing there.

Suddenly he offers me his hand. Without hesitation I take it and let myself be pulled back on my feet. But he doesn't let go off my hand, but holds on to it tight.

"I love you."

Then I remember why I love him. As he stood there, holding the umbrella above our heads, I remember why I ended up with him. It's because he is the only one there has ever been. I have no choice, but to rely on the man, who I don't want to love. No one else could ever make me feel this way.

But I can't fall out of love. I love my painkiller.

So we go back to home and spend a happy night together, only to wake up into a sad dawn.

-end.