I'll hold on. If it means seeing you again, seeing your face for one last time before I go…I'll try my best to hold on.
There's no pain, but I'm breaking down. My movements are slower, my steps aren't steady, all of my senses are going at once. My hearing is the only thing that seems to be lasting, even slightly, but with the constant rumble of rushing water in the background of this place, maybe I was already going deaf so I don't notice it as much.
All I feel anymore is anger, and fear. The anger from coming so far, for it all to be for nothing. I may have found out what I am, but that's not enough, and it won't help me now, and I kind of already knew. The fear…of the unknown, of never seeing you again. Even though I mocked you, and forced you to chase me around, you still smiled at me. That smile that I know would have been heart-warming…if I had a heart.
I can barely stand, and my vision is blurring, but the thought of you keeps me going. At least until I cannot walk, no matter how hard I try. I still try to crawl, though, at least into a room where I can die with my own kind. Decrepit and lifeless, there are the same as me, deep down in my core, I am the same as them. I sit, slouching against a wall and close my eyes, in between two mountains of them. I keep telling myself that any minute, you'll walk through that door. I know it probably isn't true, but in my final moments, I can hope, can't I? I'm not hoping to live, or for you to save me, just for you to walk through the door. I just want to see you again.
I keep fighting the urge to allow the darkness to envelop me. I know the end is near, but I try to keep myself distracted and awake with hazy memories of you. I play over and over the dreadful moments when we parted ways, when I went right and you went left, and we were never to meet again, until….
The door slowly creaks open, and I almost regret my wish, I almost regret holding on. You step through the door, and your eyes slowly drift across the room, across the piles of dolls, discarded, and just like me. I'm not looking at you when you see me, nor when you entered the room. Your footsteps were light and crisp, just like back then, and even to my own surprise, I recognized them, even though this time they are accompanied by light echoes, bouncing off the walls. The shock in your voice when your eyes must have finally landed on me was so intense, so pained as you called out my name. I hear your resounding steps approaching, and I force myself to lift my head and open my eyes to look up at you. I can barely see you, your figure is blurry, but I praise you for being able to recognize me, trying to feign strength. Beginning to ramble on, I thoughtlessly mention my battery and my lack of adequate vision. I can hear the sadness in your voice as you begin to say what I am. I cut you off, not wanting to hear you say it. I already know, but I don't want to hear the word, especially not from you. "That's right, you ain't looking at a human." I force the words from my mouth even though we both already know. There's no need for me to say it, but I do anyway. You protest, and so do I, continuing to bitterly mutter self-loathing remarks, reminding you that I'm not like you, not human. It's mostly just me trying to push you away so you don't have to see me like this, so that this isn't your last memory of me, but the words and my feelings are still true. You remind me of our friendship, and my remarks don't sway you. Tears begin to fall from your eyes and I begin to feel guilty for upsetting you, and realize my attempts to push you away are futile, so I give up and cave.
You're holding me tightly and sobbing, and I can't stand it. I want to return your embrace, and insist that you'll be fine without me, but even the words I am managing are difficult enough as it is. I don't want to lose you as much as you don't want to lose me, but I can't manage tears like you can. I've never been able to.
I urge you to stop crying, and you tearfully agree, but continue. Voicing my jealously over your ability to cry, you still continue. I hate for you to see me like this, and I hate to see you so distressed, but I couldn't think of any better place to die than in your arms. I'm sure if I had a heart, it would be beating out of my chest now. Your arms around me, your head on my shoulder, your tears being shed for me, and your warmth. That human air, the warmth of a living being that I scoffed at and pretended to be disgusted by is the only thing making these moment tolerable. That seeming disgust back then was merely envy wrapped in a shell, my hatred for those who had what I longed for, life. I don't feel that toxicity anymore, not after meeting you, getting to know you. I found that I can be happy through your happiness. I can live, in a way, through you.
I try to make idle conversation, as if this isn't the last time it'll happen. As if tomorrow everything will be back to normal, and this isn't happening. Through your tears you seem barely able to choke out words, but I do my best to keep a calm front up. One of us has to stay strong, so I do, for your sake.
Everything, the surroundings, the sights, the sounds, the smells, all of it is almost gone. The only thing left in my world is you. My thoughts, my senses, all I register is you. "Y'know…you're the first real friend that I ever had." Your words…I barely have time to begin to process them before my mind goes blank. Everything is gone. There isn't much time left. After a few moments of nothingness, it's all suddenly back. I'm still in your arms, you're still crying for me, and I still want to live.
"Thank you for everything…Seto." My final words to you, my final regards to the world, a simple phrase to sum up everything I desperately want to say to you, but don't have the time for. I wish we'd never parted ways that time. I wish I could've told you everything, shared every sight with you, and shared those days of endless adventure with you. I wish we'd met sooner. I wish we had more time.
My eyes slowly begin to droop closed, my efforts to fight it no longer doing any good. I allow myself to accept my fate, and try to be happy as I do, knowing I was able to spend these moments with you, and convey everything I wanted you to know in a short, simple little phrase before it was all over. The last thing I hear is your gentle sobs, the last thing I feel is your warmth, and your arms holding me, and my last thoughts are of you. You are my world.
As my eyes completely close, the darkness takes me from you, slowly, and I let it. I don't fight it anymore, knowing there's nothing either of us can do, and knowing that my existence, and my death, were not mysteries to you.