Disclaimer: Neither Fullmetal Alchemist nor Halloween itself belong to me as of yet.
FMA Halloween Special of Ghost Coin Joy
Roy cried with all his eyes. "Why did no one show up for my Halloween Party?" He had spent several weeks decorating his tall house with pumpkins, bats and old people and now it was all going to waste.
"But we're here," said Lust, Gluttony and Sloth.
Roy started crying even louder. "What I really meant was, why didn't Ed, Envy, Wrath and Greed show up for my Halloween Party!"
"That was way harsh, Roy," said Lust.
"And I am here…" Greed said, now getting even more confused than he is naturally.
"OH SHUT UP! You all know what I REALLY meant was why didn't Ed show up!" yelled Roy.
Greed lit a campfire and sat down thoughtfully on a tree stump. "Well it all started when-"
The others looked at each other worriedly. "At least he's not going to sing," said Sloth.
Just then Greed pulled a guitar out from behind his back…somehow…even though it should have been visible before. Roy, Lust and Sloth shrieked and Gluttony fainted.
"Finally I have discovered the true horror of Halloween…" said Roy.
So, through song, Greed explained what had happened earlier.
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"Trick or Treat?" Greed asked them.
"Greed, I don't think you've quite gotten the hang of this…" said Edward.
"You see, since you've come trick or treating with us, we're not the ones you're supposed to be asking," Envy explained, but Greed's expression was still blank. "We have to visit different houses, knock on the doors, and then ask 'trick or treat?'"
Greed was still lost, and did the confused double blink. After a brief pause, he asked them again. "Trick or Treat?"
"We don't even have any candy yet!" yelled Wrath.
"That's it!" said Greed, "Trick it is!" And with those words he ran, crying, into the sunset, even though it was only midday.
Wrath and Edward looked worried, but Envy reassured them that even though they had passed their expiry date, the marshmallows they had eaten earlier wouldn't give them stomach aches. He also told them not to worry about Greed, and that he was all talk.
ONE HOUR LATER…
Wrath and Edward glared at Envy.
"What? How was I supposed to know Greed would actually call Social Services and get us stuck in an orphanage? He can barely open a can – never mind dial a phone number!"
-Flashback-
"Curse this cursed can opener," cursed Greed.
"Actually, Greed," said Wrath, "that's just a Pepsi can…all you have to do is lift the tab."
"Oh," said Greed, finally conquering the wretched can that had kept him from his Pepsi, "ah - sweet, delicious Pepsi…"
"Gee – you don't have to sound like a TV ad, you know!" said Wrath.
"Ah – sweet, delicious TV…"
Wrath backed off a little. "…delicious?"
-end flashback-
"So great – we're stuck in an orphanage," said Edward.
"AND WE'RE MISSING ROY'S PARTY!" cried Envy. The others looked at him. "I mean, 'cos there wasn't really anything else to do…"
….
"I have a question," said Roy, partly because he had a question and partly just to interrupt Greed's singing, "why exactly did Social Services have them put in the orphanage in the first place?"
"Well," said Greed, "it went a little something like this," and he began to play once more. The others began to writhe in pain once more also, and Sloth whackedRoy in the back of the head for asking.
….
"Where are your parents, kids?" said some official guy.
"I have no father," said Envy, vengefully.
"And his father's my father," said Edward.
The officials looked at each other, and then back to Envy, Edward and Wrath. "So if that one has no father, and this one's father's is that one's father, neither of them have a father?"
"And the rest are DEAD!" beamed Wrath, who began to laugh manically.
The officials took notes. 'No fathers, bizarre obsession with death.' "It looks like you boys are going to have to come with us," they said.
…..
BACK TO THE ORPHANAGE
"Okay," said Edward, "just don't kill anyone and we'll be able to figure out a way out of this mess."
"Fine," said Envy, "I can totally deal with children."
A little kid ran up to Envy. "What's your name?" it asked, joyfully.
"DIE!" screamed Envy, who strangled the little boy to death.
"ENVY!" yelled the others.
"I can't help it – I'm allergic to joy! And some types of carpets…"
"Smoke!" Wrath shouted.
"No, not smoke, but sometimes calendars can set off my-"
"NO! I can smell smoke – something's burning!"
One of the walls of the institution blew apart, and there was Roy. "Roy!" they yelled.
"Guys!" yelled Roy, "I wouldn't have resorted to destroying a government building but the door was too far from where I parked and it's an emergency!"
"What are you talking about Roy – I remember when you burnt down the library," said Lust.
"Yeah – and the tax office," added Sloth.
"And the kindergarten…" said Edward.
"SHUT UP!" yelled Roy. "Those books were too hard to read, taxes were too high, and those kindergarteners teased me about my bad hair cut…they were all emergencies!"
"I remember that hair cut," said Greed.
"Yeah," said Envy, "it looked like he'd had some trouble with the lawn mower!"
"THAT'S ENOUGH! I need your help, guys! My tall house is being haunted by ghost coins!"
"This looks like a job for…" said Wrath.
"GHOSTBUSTERS!" yelled Envy, Wrath, and Edward.
The others raised an eyebrow. "Luckily, that's us," said Wrath, whereby they all began to sing. "Ghostbusters – more than meets the eye, Ghostbusters – robots in disguise!"
"That's TRANSFORMERS you fools!" said Greed.
Anyway, they all drove back to Roy's tall house in his small car. When they finally got there, after stopping for gas and then for popcorn and even to check out a garage sale, they entered the house with caution.
"Why did the ghost coins have to come out on Halloween?" whined Roy.
"When were you expecting them?" laughed Edward, "Christmas?"
Roy pouted. "I can dream, can't I?"
"…am I the only one who didn't get that?" asked Wrath.
"No." stated Edward, Envy, Lust, Sloth, Gluttony and Greed.
"AHH! There they are!" cried Roy.
"Roy, that's an oven," said Envy.
"…I knew that," he said, "I was just…testing you."
Wrath stopped and pointed. "LOOK! There they are for real!" Just as he had said, hundreds of ghost coins were hovering around in front of them. "Have you got the anti-ghost coin ultimate weapon, Envy?"
"I sure do," he said, taking out a piggy bank, but then a ghost coin charged right at him and he dropped and smashed it. "THEY'RE IN MY BEAUTIFUL HAIR!"
The ghost coins were closing in on them, forcing them all into a corner with no way to escape. "I'm too young to die!" cried Envy.
"But you're more than," Wrath started, before Envy glared at him menacingly, "Meep."
When all seemed lost, the ghost coins all came to together to form an evil ghost Home Loans Trainee Employee. "Finally Roy, I will have my revenge!" it boomed.
"What's he talking about, Roy?" asked Edward.
Roy bowed his head in regret. "Many years ago, I transferred my mortgage payments to another company with much better rates…but I knew it would catch up with me someday!"
"You can't just switch Home Loan companies whenever you feel like it!" yelled the ghost, "do you realize how much more money I could have scammed out of you if you had stayed?" It began to laugh, "Now I'll show you – you will pay the ultimate price - $375.50!"
"So if you're a ghost, how did you die, anyway?" Greed asked.
"I have only one weakness, and since I'm about to kill you all now anyway, I'm sure I can safely tell you what it is! My only weakness…is bad singing and guitar playing!"
"Damn," said Greed, "I thought it would be something we could do…"
"Greed!" yelled Roy, "Quick – sing a song and play your guitar!"
"What's the point? It has to be bad to defeat him!" said Greed.
Luckily, Sloth had an idea. "Greed – there was something about the story I didn't understand – why didn't Edward just use alchemy to break down the walls of the orphanage himself?"
"Well," said Greed, lighting a campfire and pulling out his guitar, "in the van of the social security officials," he sang.
"It's working!" yelled Wrath, "but what's that smell?"
"Nooo! I'm melting!" screeched the Home Loans Trainee Employee.
"Not only that," cried Lust, "the tall house is on fire!"
"Dammit Greed! Why do you always have to light a campfire when you sing?" yelled Envy.
In the nick of time – nick? Sloth? Lol. Never mind: in-joke. Sloth, being the only one to ever rememberher special homunculus skill during a crisis, was able to extinguish the fire with her water powers. The half-burnt tall house soon became recognised as the best decorated home for Halloween, and they all realized that it wasn't too late to still get some candy, and so they ventured off into the night.
"There's just one thing…" said Greed, "I still don't get how we actually defeated that ghost…unless he had a weakness for fire too."
"Oh Greed," said Envy, "will you never learn?"
"No – Roy burnt down the kindergarten building, remember?"
"Oh right…well anyway,"
"HAPPY HALLOWEEN!"
Yes, dear readers, do enjoy your Halloween and trick or treating (which I have never -sniff- been able to do since I live in Magic Land aka Australia BUT - I have an Ed plushie AND an Envy plushie AND an Envy puppet so TAKE THAT!)