A/N- Hello, my dear readers, and welcome to my first Across The Universe fic, Broken Light. It'll be a twoshot. Those of you who may have read my Rent fics know that I do not dawdle, that drama is my friend, and that I have a love affair going with drama's friend Cliffhanger. :)

I'd really appreciate reviews on this one; ATU is my current obsession and if this gets positive reviews, I may write more. Thank you all so much and hope you enjoy!

Part One
Broken Light

Lucy comes home in a daze. She leans against the door to shut it and then sinks to the floor, leaning her elbows on her knees and putting her head in her hands, rubbing at her eyes. Shit.

She's made the appointment for the next day. The doctor had told her to at least think it over, but Lucy doesn't want to. The faster it's done, the better. She lied, said no one was behind her, and that it wouldn't go over well, when in reality, she knows Jude would be ecstatic, if he knew.

Her mind goes back to the question once more—what will she tell Jude? Does she even want him to know? She's not planning on it—what he doesn't know won't hurt him.

Jude comes out of his workroom wiping paint onto his old jeans, planning to wash his hands and grab a bite to eat, maybe take Lucy if she wants to come. "Hey," he says with a smile, though he glances at her sitting on the floor a little oddly. "You okay?"

Lucy sighs and gets up. She doesn't quite know why she's going to do this. She nods to their bedroom and says quietly, "Jude, we need to talk."

Concerned, Jude follows her to the bedroom. "What's going on?"

Lucy sits down on the bed, resting her head against the wall.

"Jude, I'm pregnant."

Jude is speechless for a moment, quite honestly not knowing what to say. To say the least, it is unexpected. He can't say he's displeased—quite the opposite, really; even if they are a little young, he's always wanted a family, so he can be the dad he's never had.

"That's… that's great!" he says finally, hugging her. "That's… wow, Luce…"

"Yeah, I said the same." Lucy says quietly, a little distant.

This strikes Jude as nothing out of the ordinary; he thinks maybe she's a bit shocked. He knows he is. He sits down on the bed beside her, then jumps up again. Shit, he can't hold still. "I think we should… you wanna go out to dinner? I'll pay."

"No, I just… want to lie down. Really tired," she explains, still quiet. "I'll… I'll see you later, okay? You can go have a drink or something."

"You sure you don't want me to stay?" Jude asks, now concerned.

"I'm just going to sleep." Lucy gives him a weak smile. "I'll be fine, Jude."

"Okay." Jude leans down and kisses her forehead as she stretches out to sleep. "Love you," he says softly.

"Love you too," Lucy whispers as he leaves.

Jude slowly pulls out of the tangled embrace he and Lucy fell asleep in, being very careful so that he doesn't wake her up. He brushes his hand over her skin as he gets out of bed, and she stirs very slightly, but doesn't open her eyes.

He crosses to the table at the other end of the room, taking up his sketchpad. He remembers the morning he sketched her sleeping. He doesn't like remembering the rest of that day, but the memory of just watching her sleep, catching her in her natural beauty, is one of his favorites of her.

He'd brought Lucy some dinner from her favorite restaurant; she'd been awake when he'd come home. He'd gotten a beer for himself. He's not overwhelmed any longer; he's… happy with this.

He sits on the floor by the bed and rests his sketchbook against his knees so he can study Lucy up close. God, she's beautiful. He wonders if their baby, boy or girl, will look like her. He smoothes her hair back, tenderly, with his thumb.

When Lucy wakes hours later, exhausted, she's facing him. He's already awake, lying beside her with his elbow on the pillow, his head propped in his hand, watching her.

"What're you doing?" she murmurs tiredly.

"Watching you," he says softly. "You're beautiful, Luce."

Lucy looks away, but smiles, weakly, for him. "I have to go to work."

Jude nods. "I'll see you tonight, okay?"

Lucy's voice shakes a little, but she hides it well enough. "Okay."

Lucy gets to work, but she's not going in today. She's already called in sick and said she has a doctor's appointment. Really, it's not a lie, since she does.

She doesn't really know why she told Jude. When she tells him, it will crush him. She hates herself for telling him she's pregnant, knowing it would hurt him in the end.

One of the other waitresses, Carol, is waiting for her as Lucy comes up to Katz's, shoving the money into the pockets of her jeans. She's made sure to save money, in case an emergency comes up. Now, she's glad she did.

"You ready?" Carol asks her. Lucy breathes out shakily and nods. "Yeah," she whispers.

Carol has been through this once before; as they walk she watches Lucy with an odd combination of sympathy and pity. She's offered Lucy moral support and a way home after the procedure. "Did you tell him?"

Lucy swallows and nods. She feels like vomiting. "Yeah… I shouldn't have, I know I shouldn't have… but I did. Fuck, this'll kill him…"

Carol squeezes her shoulder. "It'll be okay."

During the whole procedure, Lucy keeps her eyes tightly shut. The doctor, assuming this is just another frightened teenager, does not find this unusual.

In her head, bizarrely, Lucy is thinking of the day she'd called her mother from the phone booth at the riot, how after she'd hung up she'd stood there, eyes closed, desperately repeating the last words Jude had said to her.

"Don't you know it's gonna be all right… you know it's gonna be all right… you know it's gonna be all right…"

Jude comes home late that night, carrying a few shopping bags. Lucy, Max tells him, has been in her room all afternoon, something he chalks up to PMS. Jude suppresses a smile.

He enters their room quietly, not wanting to wake her if she's asleep. She is lying facedown on the bed, her face buried in the pillows. Jude sits on the bed, still holding one of the bags, and gently touches her back. "Lucy?"

Lucy looks up. Her eyes are a little red, but he doesn't find this unusual; he'd heard her crying the night before when she thought he was asleep. "Hey, Jude," she whispers.

"I, um… got a surprise," Jude tells her with a small grin. He hands her the shopping bag. "For the baby."

Lucy doesn't want to, but she looks inside, shuts her eyes. God, this makes it so much harder… he's being so goddamn sweet and she's gone and thrown away what's making him so happy… "Jude," she whispers.

"What is it? You don't like it? I—"

"N—no, Jude… I… Jude, there isn't going to be a baby," she manages to get out past the lump in her throat. Tears burn in her eyes as she begins to fear how he'll take it.

"What?" Jude asks, his voice low and strained, after a long silence.

"Jude, I got an abortion," Lucy whispers.

She doesn't want to look at his face, doesn't want to know what he must be feeling—about her, about their future, about where they can possibly go from here.

She doesn't follow him at first when he grabs the shopping bag and tears out of the room.

Alone in his workspace, with his thoughts and his anger and his regrets, Jude has a complete breakdown. He has only felt like this once before—that night at the riot, watching Lucy being torn away from him, screaming her name despite the blood streaming into his mouth.

Only twice has he felt his world spinning out from under him.

He's screaming—whether silently, or aloud, he cannot tell, but since no one is coming to see what's wrong, he's betting silently. There are hot tears gushing down his face, seemingly endless. He feels like he can drown.

He can barely see.

He can barely breathe.

Lucy had aborted their baby. Lucy had aborted their baby.

Why had she even told him? Why had she even dared to say that to him, when she knew she was going to get rid of it?
Would he even be alive if his own mother had thought to do that to him?

He rips open the bag he'd started to give Lucy, throwing its contents all over the room. It's just clothes for the baby, but right now, all Jude wants to do is destroy every reminder of a future he is never going to have.

The closest thing that is sharp enough is his palette knife. He grabs the nearest thing to him—a white shirt—and starts stabbing into it, crying so hard he's blinded, occasionally missing the shirt and slicing into his fingers. The bleeding is pretty bad, but he doesn't care—physical pain is really nothing right now.

This is how Lucy finds him—sobbing, bleeding, the baby clothes still strewn everywhere, the slashed white fabric lying by Jude's knees as he remains knelt on the floor, the palette knife clenched in his hand.

"Jude?" she whispers, not even knowing why she's daring to come close, when she's the cause of all this. She kneels down by him and takes a closer look at him. "Oh, God, Jude, you're bleeding…" She starts to reach for his hand.

"Leave it," he whispers fiercely.

"Jude—"

"I said leave it!" he yells. Lucy pulls back, wanting to comfort him, but not being able to find the words, or the courage.

"I love you," she whispers, pathetically. "Jude, Jude, please, I love you, and I'm so, so sorry…"

"Don't even apologize… Lucy, why? Why did you tell me when—?"

"It just came out… I don't… God, I don't know," Lucy whispers. "Jude, I—I never wanted to hurt you… I never should have… told you…"

"So you would have aborted our child without telling me; that would have made this easier?"

His voice is low, barely audible, but the pain and anger in it stops Lucy cold. God, she's hurt him so badly… what can she possibly say?

"I should go," she whispers, shakily.

"Yeah. I think you should," Jude manages to choke out, finally turning away.

Again, I'd really appreciate reviews, and if you like this story, then check out my others; they're similar! I appreciate everything, my lovelies!

- Sally.