It's all I can do to keep myself together.

Stella had just gone. Gone on her insane killing spree, and left the rest of us behind. Right after she'd left in the car Ignis had arranged, Gladia had nearly started a fistfight. And I don't blame her.

Why did Ignis stop us? Why did she let Stella go? Especially considering the way she looked.

Those eyes that looked like they belonged to the living dead. That lifeless expression on her face. How could anyone in their right mind think that letting Stella go in that condition was a good idea?!

I...I don't know how much more of this I can take. What Niflheim's done, what Stella's turning into. I don't know if I can survive this.

It's not the fact that Stella wants to kill the Niflheim troops that terrifies me. It's not even the fact that we're at war. I'd made my peace with our roles as soldiers the moment Insomnia was invaded. Niflheim's peace treaty had just been a ruse to get Lucis to lower its defenses, and the entire Kingdom was paying the price of trusting those bastards. I have no issues with killing them.

What terrifies me is watching her shut me out. Shut us out. Stella's stopped communicating with us. She's started to get reckless. Random attacks on troops that derail our plans. Assaults on garrisons that blow our cover and force us to move camp. She's not thinking straight anymore. She's falling apart, and she'll take us down with her.

When she returns from her spree, I know I can't take it anymore.

She's covered in blood. There are bits of meat and bone on her skin. And her eyes. There's nothing in them anymore. She's just a killing machine now.

I'm losing her! I'm losing her! This isn't the Stella I know! This isn't the Stella I love!

I look around me. There's only Ignis beside me. She stands still, but at least I can see something in her eyes. Her eyes are horrified. They're terrified. She feels it too, doesn't she? She can feel our best friend just slipping away.

"I killed them all." Stella says, and walks right past us.

I run back to my room and shut the door. Then I flop down on my bed.

And then I snap.

I cry, and scream.

I curse my situation.

I curse my luck.

I curse my friends.

I curse the universe.

I want it to end! I want it all to end! How much longer do I need to suffer like this?!

Nobody comes in. Nobody acknowledges my outburst. How could they? They're just as broken. They're just as helpless.

I look down at my arms, and I take a look in the mirror. Huh. It's been a while since I hurt myself like this. The bruises are showing.

But these bruises will fade away. What won't fade away is the pain that Niflheim's inflicted upon me. That Stella's inflicted upon me.

Even if I survive, even if I move on, they'll have left me with scars that I'll have to carry for the rest of my life.

When I decided to enter her life, when I chose to go through this journey with her, I had no idea it would lead me to this point.

But then again, when does anybody really know where their choices will lead them?

It had never been easy for me to fully trust anyone to begin with.

I had a tumultuous relationship with my family throughout most of my life. They did their duty in raising me and keeping me safe, but I frequently had to face their wrath and vindictiveness whenever I failed to live up to their expectations.

As a result, I sought solace with my peers at school. But most of them were either indifferent to me, or outright nasty. All the bullying I endured made me so needy, I ended up ruining the few true friendships I did end up making.

I didn't just feel alone. I felt watched, and judged by everyone around me. Sooner or later, I'd fuck up. Sooner or later, I'd disappoint, or anger someone.

It made me feel like such a loser. Such a wretched waste of space. That's why I'd started hurting myself. That's why I'd started lashing out.

And in return, I was called weak. I was called a brat. To this day, I wonder if that's what I really was back then. Or if that's who I still am, deep down.

The vicious cycle strained my relationship with my parents so badly, mom and dad moved out of town while I was still in middle school. They left a maid on standby who I could call for services such as cooking and maintenance, and they were sure to make security arrangements with the city council for my home.

But other than that, I was on my own.

Their departure was a relief. But it also felt like a condemnation. Was I really so hopeless, so horrible, that they couldn't even deal with me anymore? Dwelling on that question would drive me crazy every single time.

So I stopped thinking about it. Instead, I threw myself into my schoolwork, hoping that once I'd improved, I'd absolve myself for what I'd put my family through. I barely talked to anyone, and I stopped making friends. I didn't want to risk trusting anyone. I didn't want to risk caring about anyone. All I wanted to do was survive.

But that began to change when she transferred into my class.

Stella Nox Caelum, princess of Lucis. Originally, she'd been homeschooled within the walls of her castle, but after turning 13, she'd decided to compete in my school's entrance exams. And she'd succeeded with flying colors. Needless to say, her arrival made quite a splash, and she'd be the center of attention for the remainder of my years in school.

Not that she really liked the attention. She was always polite and affable, but I'd routinely see her excuse her way out of a conversation if it went on for too long, or if too many people were gathered around. I could understand why, though. People were always asking questions about her material wealth, all the servants in the palace, even political matters we were all too young to truly comprehend. No wonder Stella didn't want to waste her time with them.

I tried to stick to my vow of not getting close to anyone. Stella wasn't going to be an exception just because she was a princess! At least, that's why I initially told myself.

But I couldn't help it. I found myself keeping an eye on her. Sometimes even following her around. I started wondering if I was doing so out of a sense of duty. After all, Stella was the heir to the Lucis throne, an exceedingly important person any way you slice it. Wasn't I just trying to make sure she was safe? Wasn't it my duty to take care of her?

Of course, I know now what a terrible excuse that was. The truth is, Stella had stirred something inside of me that I'd been trying my hardest to suppress. I wanted to care about someone. I wanted someone to care about me. But I was so scared of being hurt again, I'd pushed those feelings away. With Stella's arrival, they'd started to return.

But I still wasn't determined enough to be anything more than a stalker. No, the final push that would irrevocably bond me to her took a while to come.

It all happened thanks to a dog.

It was a stray I'd found in the slums near my neighborhood. It was walking with a limp. Ordinarily, I'd have left him to animal control, but I'd just read an expose regarding the inhumane conditions of dog shelters earlier that week, and I didn't want to knowingly doom this stray to such a fate.

So I took him in. I named him "Little", because of his really small size. He was barely more than a pup, in fact.

And so, for the next week, I shared my house with him. I told the maid to prepare food and bedding for the little guy while I was at school, and when I returned he'd always be waiting for me.

I tended to him and bathed together with him. And over time, his limp went away. Turns out there had been a fracture in one of his legs, and by caring for him, I'd allowed him to heal.

It was the first time in years that I'd felt proud of myself.

I went to school the next week in a better mood than before.

And then I came home to find Little gone.

I flew into a panic. No, not him! Not that dog! I couldn't lose him!

I ran out of the house, trying to retrace my steps back to the school. I desperately hoped I'd find him somewhere along the way.

But running for so long was hard. I hadn't been in the best shape for a while, actually. In fact, I was kind of portly, and physically unfit.

And so, at the worst possible moment, by the side of a pavement that gave way to a grassy hill, I collapsed. And I slid down all the way to the bottom of the hill.

I wasn't seriously injured, but man did that hurt.

"Hey, can you hear me?" I heard a man say.

I slowly opened my eyes, my blurry vision adjusting to the scenery. There was a boy looking over me.

"Are you okay?"

I blinked again, and raised up my hand.

He grabbed it and pulled me up.

"Gosh, you're heavy!" he said as I finally stood back up. "You seemed pretty out of it, so I thought I'd take a look."

"Yeah." I said, slowly getting my bearings again. "Thanks...er..."

"I'm Noctis! Pleasure to meet you!"

"Uh...I'm Argentum. Prompto Argentum."

"Oh, Prompto, huh?" he said. He was a lanky boy, with black hair. His voice was still pretty light, not deep like my dad and other adults I knew.

And then I saw who was next to him.

"Little?!"

"Huh?" Noctis said, looking to his side. And his expression changed immediately.

"Wait, you know my dog?!"

Noctis and I took a short walk together, as I explained to him how I found his dog, who's true name was Pryna. Noctis himself had gotten him back by sheer coincidence, as Pryna had run away from my house and into his arms, while he was taking a stroll, just a few minutes ago.

"Well, in any case, thanks Prompto." Noctis said with a smile once we got everything cleared up. "If it wasn't for you, Pryna might have ended up in an animal shelter somewhere, and I'd never see him again."

"Uh...sure, no problem!" I replied, feeling kind of embarrassed. It had been a while since someone ever thanked me for anything.

"I also wanted to ask you one more thing. Where is your school?"

That question took me by surprise.

"Uh...school?! Eh...well..."

"Relax, no need to get flustered!" he said, reassuringly. "I'm just asking because a girl I know recently moved into the local public school here."

"Wait...do you mean Stella?" I said, without really thinking it through.

Noctis looked at me in shock and amazement, and then started laughing.

"Wow, you sure are perceptive! Yeah, I wanted to ask about princess Stella! Are you friends with her?"

"Friends...?" Me? Her friend? Could I ever...have someone like her as a friend?

"Hmm." Noctis responded, reading my expression. "You know, she'd be lucky to have someone like you as a friend, Prompto. You're a good person."

"Eh..."

"You did a wonderful job taking care of Pryna here. You should look out for Stella too, okay?"

"Noctis, I..."

"Come on, do it for me. As princess of Lucis, it must be so hard for her to make friends. She must be so lonely. And I think you're lonely too, Prompto."

I said nothing in response.

Noctis put his hand on my shoulder. "You need to have some faith in yourself. I have you to thank for getting my dog back. You'll grow up into a fine woman, I just know it!"

"Uh...thank you." I blurted out.

"You're welcome, Prompto. And now, I need to take my leave. I look forward to seeing you again." Noctis said with a smile, and he walked off with his dog.

I just stood there, mulling over his words for a few minutes, before going home.

Me? Stella's friend?

I stood there, staring at her. I couldn't stop thinking about my encounter with Noctis. Was he right? Was it really okay for me to approach her?

"Oh, hi!" Stella said, facing me.

I felt horrified. She'd finally noticed me. I was so preoccupied with what happened yesterday, I didn't even try to hide myself from her view.

"I'm Stella. Stella Nox Caelum, but I guess you already knew that." she said with a chuckle, and extended her hand. "I think I've seen you in class before, but we never really got a chance to talk. It's nice to meet you!"

"Eh..." she knew now. She knew I existed. And she was talking to me. And I...

And I...

I couldn't face her.

I turned around.

And I ran.

"Hey, wait!"

I could hear her calling after me, but I didn't stop. I just ran into class, took away my bag, and left the school. I'd left during recess, before classes were even over.

I didn't stop until I'd made it back home. I then locked the door, and looked at myself in the mirror.

I hated what I saw. A pitiful slob wearing that pathetic, wimpy expression. I hated my body. I hated my personality. I hated everything about myself.

I went down on my knees and cried. I'd never be good enough for Stella! I'd never be good enough for anyone! What was the point of even trying?!

But then why did she smile at me?

No, that's only because she was just being nice. She'd never want to get close to me! She'd never want to be a true friend!

But didn't Noctis say I was a good person? Didn't I save his dog?

Me. A good person. I...I was a good person, right?

I looked up, back into the mirror. Yes, I was a good person. That's why I took care of Pryna. That's why Noctis liked me.

So why wouldn't I be a good friend to Stella? Why did I run away?

It hit me in that instant.

The problem wasn't Stella. The problem was me.

I'd resigned myself to being a nobody for so long. I didn't think I was good enough for anyone, so I just wanted to stay away from the world. If I could just keep to myself, if I could just be left alone, I wouldn't have to be reminded of what a wretch I was.

But I couldn't keep going like this anymore. I didn't just want to be Stella's friend because she was a princess. Or because Noctis wanted me to. It was because I didn't want to be alone anymore.

But if I chose not to be alone, if I chose to have friends again, I would be hurt again. Because that's what people do. They hurt you, they betray you, and they judge you. I'd learned that the hard way throughout my life.

Was that why it was so hard? Was I so afraid of being hurt by Stella, that I'd rather shut her out of my life completely?

If so, I had to make it so that I could carry on even if Stella did betray me. Even if she did leave me. Once I could do that, I'd be strong enough. Once I did that, I wouldn't be needy anymore.

I had to be strong enough to keep going regardless of what everyone around me said or did. And for that, I had to start loving the reflection I saw in the mirror.

I rushed to the bathroom and washed my face. I then combed my hair, and took out some eyeliner from my mom's cabinet.

Yes, that was better. I looked better, and I felt better. But there was still work to be done.

For starters, I didn't like my portly figure. Part of it was fueled by the insecurity of never matching up to the pin-up girls in movie posters and magazines everywhere, but that no longer mattered to me. My body felt like that of someone who had just given up. I didn't want to look like a slob anymore. I wanted to look like a fighter.

I wanted to be beautiful, but in my own way. As long as I could feel like I was doing my best, as long as I could feel like the hero of my own life, that's all the mattered.

I fumbled a lot along the way. My initial efforts at exercising completely fucked up my routine, and I'd show up at school inattentive and exhausted.

But that was okay, because I wasn't afraid of anyone judging me. If something was going wrong, I just had to think about it and make it right.

I found a workable new routine by jogging back from school everyday. And I paid more attention to my diet. Though I had pretty healthy eating habits thanks to my upbringing, I was also aware of the multiple times I'd let myself go and indulged in order to cope with my depression. I wasn't going to validate my feelings of worthlessness anymore. Whenever I felt like giving up, I would just fight that much harder.

A week later, I knocked on the door of my school's guidance counselor, and told him everything. And I committed to meeting him twice every week, just to ensure I'd never slip back into my self-imposed isolation again.

A month later, I signed on for membership to the local gym, and began taking boxing classes. The effect was cathartic. I'd imagine my demons staring down at me, trying to knock me down. And I'd get back up, and prove myself victorious.

During recess, I usually went out of my way to avoid social contact, biting my tongue and staying out of other people's way. Two months after my meeting with Stella, I finally worked up the courage to walk up to the leader of the track team.

"Hey, Espella! I've been trying to build a running routine. Got any tips?"

Espella and I started jogging together every weekend.

And during my last year of middle school, I had another fateful encounter at the gym.

A towering woman with a fire in her eyes fought me to a draw, putting an end to my four-match winning streak. I later learned her name was Gladia Amicitia, and she was princess Stella's personal trainer.

But I wasn't ready to face Stella just yet. I still had a long way to go.

In fact, I didn't develop the confidence to approach her for the rest of middle school. My efforts to become a stronger person were far from smooth.

I repeatedly struggled with anxiety. I had many breakdowns, both in front of the counselor and within my own home. I relapsed into my unhealthy habits and routines so often that Espella started personally coming to my house to ensure I stayed on track.

Even after middle school was over and we'd changed classes, she didn't stop visiting. We continued to train. I continued to fight. Even during my darkest days when I wanted to give everything up, she never gave up on me.

And when her commitments to the track team stopped her from attending to me anymore, I knew it was time.

I'd learned so much. I'd changed in ways I never even expected I would. I'd already had so many wonderful relationships while getting stronger. And even when they left me to go on their different directions, I didn't break down. I didn't cling to them. Because I was still a strong person. I'd remain a strong person, no matter what happened.

I no longer needed Espella. I no longer needed anyone to tell me right from wrong, or how to take care of myself.

But I wanted to have friends more than ever before. I no longer felt like a worthless burden they'd have to carry. I felt like a true companion to them, someone who could light up their lives and share in their good and bad times as an equal.

I took a few pictures of myself in the mirror. I'd developed fairly prominent biceps on my arms. My weight had reduced markedly over the last few months. I didn't quite have the washboard belly of a lingerie model, but I nonetheless I tried on some lingerie just to see how I felt about it. And I felt good.

I hadn't succeeded in conforming to societal expectations of what I should look like, or how I should behave. And I no longer cared. I liked keeping my hair messy. I liked swearing and cussing. There were marks on my face and arms from all those times I'd hurt myself, and I didn't cover them up. I felt sexier when they were still visible.

I dressed up in a tank top with a leather jacket, and took one last picture. And then I printed my photos out, and pasted them in my album on my room's wall. They chronicled my days from middle school, all the way to this fateful day. I'd started recording this album thanks to Espella's advice, and now I was looking at it and feeling damn proud of myself.

I prepared my breakfast, and then packed my bags and headed for school.

Stella and I still shared the same class. But I'd kept my distance from her for long, and changed so much. I didn't think she'd even recognize me if I walked up to her. And that made me smile. This was going to be a new beginning for me, and for her as well.

As recess began, I followed Stella out of the classroom. She stopped on the way to the cafeteria, and pulled out her phone.

"Hi!" I said, walking up to her.

Stella looked up to me, her expression one of surprise. Ah, so she truly didn't recognize me.

"I'm Argentum. Prompto Argentum. You're princess Stella, aren't you?" I said, extending my hand.

"Yeah, I am." she said with a chuckle, and shook my hand. "Guess it really shouldn't surprise me when people figure that out."

"You got that right!" I said, with a laugh. "So, you were headed to the cafeteria, right?"

"Yeah."

"Mind if I join you?"

"Of course not. Come on, Prompto!"

And so we went to the cafeteria together that day. And the day after that.

And before I knew it, Stella Nox Caelum had become one of my closest and dearest friends.

It didn't take long for me to reveal our true first meeting to her. And after she heard the whole story, she actually hugged me and commended my courage and strength. It's a memory I've always held dear to me.

At that time, a part of me thought I'd finally reached my happy ending. I had found a new world full of friends who truly loved me, and who I loved in return. I'd found a new life full of adventure and excitement, something that I'd given up on all those years ago. For years, I thought that Stella was the best thing that ever happened to me.

But now she's become my greatest burden. I've started to resent her. And that's only because I care about her so much.

If I lose her now, it would feel as though all the wonderful times we had together never even mattered. It would feel as though everything I had with her, Ignis and Gladia was a mirage, liable to dissolve at any moment.

Niflheim has shown how fragile we really are. Can I really fault Stella for what she's become? They've destroyed her family. They've sacked her kingdom. They're forcing her to face her burden. The burden of being the true Queen. Would I have been able to bear such a burden myself?

And if I lose her, they'll have taken everything from me.

But didn't I try to become strong so that I could go on without her? So that I could survive even if she betrayed me, or left me?

No, no it's not that simple anymore.

Of course I need to be strong enough to take care of myself. I need to be strong enough to survive, no matter what happens.

But this isn't just my fight. This is everyone's fight. Everyone in Lucis. All of my friends.

Gladia. Ignis.

Stella.

Niflheim's invasion effects us all. And I'm still not strong enough to shoulder everyone else's battles. That would be too much of a burden for me.

But there is one person I can help. There is one burden I can carry.

Stella has tried so hard. So hard to withstand this storm. She didn't want us to suffer in her stead. She didn't want to hurt us, or endanger us.

That's why she shut us out. And now it's getting too much for her. She's focused so much on trying to avenge what she's lost, she's forgotten what she already has.

She still has me. And if she's forgetting that, I'll just remind her.

And then I'll tend to her wounds. I'll carry her pain and her struggle. She can't do this alone, no matter how badly she wants to.

I'll fight with her. I'll even take her place on the front lines if she needs some time to rest. And she needs to rest right now. She needs to recover.

I get up, and I walk to the door, and open it.

I enter Stella's bedroom, and find Ignis and Gladia already there. The sound of pattering water is coming from the bathroom. Stella's taking a shower.

This is just a temporary safehouse we got courtesy of Cor Leonis. She's been handling a lot of our logistical problems, which have only been exacerbated by Stella's actions.

Now's the time for us to intervene. Stella isn't strong enough to keep fighting the Empire head on, so until she recovers, we will tend to her, and fight them on our own terms. Stella will just have to go along with this change of plans, whether she likes it or not.

I look at Ignis and Gladia. "Don't worry." Ignis says, "She'll listen to us."

"Yep." Gladia chimes in. "We're friends, after all. And friends look out for each other."

"Yeah." I say with a smile.

Stella's tried so hard to look out for us, to carry everything on her shoulders. But she just can't keep doing it. No one person can.

So we'll carry her burden, while she sits back and recovers. And sooner or later, she will join us again, and we will emerge victorious. Because we are strong enough.

Because I am strong enough.