"Queen Beryl!" yelled Jadeite. "I found a new source of energy!"
"Not this time, Jadeite," said Beryl. "Read the title of the story, and the description!"
Jadeite scrolled up. "Huh, would you look at that?"
"Yep," said Beryl. "I hear your new sources of energy enough in the main story, 'I Found a New Source of Energy, Queen Beryl!' I don't want to hear them any more."
Queen Beryl left and did not return.
"Hmm," said Jadeite. With nothing to do in this story, he headed to the library.
He went to the fiction section, and scanned the titles.
He found one that caught his eye. "Real Life Encounters with Bigfoot," he read out loud. "This could be interesting!"
Jadeite took out his juice box and a bag of pretzels and cracked open his book.
He read through the whole book word for word.
Two hours later he closed the book, with an astonished expression.
"Wow," he said, speechless. "I can't believe people actually met the Sasquatch. Simply amazing! I must tell the others!"
Right on queue, Nephrite entered the library from one side, and Kunzite and Zoisite from the other.
"GUYS!" howled Jed.
"INDOOR VOICE!" cried Kunzite. "PeOPLE ARE TRYING TO READ!"
"Be quiet!" yelled the librarian at Kunzite.
Nephrite picked up an astronomy book. "Mmmmm," he said.
Jadeite batted it out of his hand.
"Hey!" yelled Nephrite.
The librarian shushed him.
"Nephy," whispered Jadeite. "Did you know the Sasquatch is real?"
Nephrite let out a hardy laugh.
The librarian shushed him.
"The Sasquatch isn't real," he said, chuckling quietly. "Humans would have discovered it already."
"They did!" exclaimed Jed. "Just read this book!"
Nephrite read the book.
Two hours later he closed it. "All nonsense."
"No!" exclaimed Jadeite. "You're just a skeptic!"
"No," said Nephrite. "There's apparently stories from multiple people, but there's only one author. What's going on here?"
"That's just the guy who compiled the stories!" promised Jadeite.
"I don't know," said Neph. "They all have the same tone and sentence structure."
Jadeite shook his head. "If you're so sure, then let's go to Washington state in the US. That's the place with the most Big Foot sightings."
"Hmm…" said Nephrite. "That's a long ride from Japan."
"Gosh darn," said Jadeite. "If only we could teleport to Washington like we teleport to Japan."
"Wait a minute," said Neph. "I think you're onto something."
"Ah, yes!" said Jed. "But we need to convince Zoisite and Kunzite to come along as well. I bet they're as in denial as you are!"
"They wouldn't waste their time with something this stupid," said Neph. "And neither should I."
"No no," said Jed. "I think I have just the way."
"Alright, we're here!" said Jed.
Zoisite put on his party hat. "How much further until Mamoru Chiba's funeral?"
"I have a confession," said Jadeite.
Kunzite took out the twin blades of fury. "It's a shame Jadeite has to die today."
"At least we get to go to someone's funeral," said Zoisite.
"Cease fire!" commanded Jadeite. "There's no time to exchange blows, (even though I'd win anyway.) We have to set up our tent and our Sasquatch traps!"
"Is that why we're here?" asked Zoisite. "Everyone knows Sasquatch is just an urban legend!"
Suddenly they heard some rustling in the leaves.
Out from the bush came Sasquatch.
"THERE HE IS!" called Nephrite, pulling out his 25x25 pixel camera. "There's no way someone will think this picture is fake!"
Jadeite went in for a high five. "Sasquatch me boy, I knew you were real!"
Sasquatch grabbed Jed by the neck with his big meaty claws, and with a single flick of the rest, threw Jed far into the distance.
The Shitennou turned around and waited for the impact.
Two minutes later, they saw an explosion in the distance.
They turned back to Sasquatch.
"Rip," said Nephrite.
"Riperoo," said Zoisite.
Nephrite charged Sasquatch, and threw a quick suckerpunch.
Sasquatch ducked under it like a boat goes under a bridge.
He threw a powerful punch to Nephrite's stomach, and backhanded him.
Nephrite went flying into a tree, knocking it over and causing the rest of the forest to collapse like dominos.
Zoisite took a couple steps back. "We mean you no harm!"
Kunzite charged with the overhead mallet punch.
Sasquatch sidestepped and Kunzite pummeled the ground. He sharply turned around and threw another punch.
Sasquatch blocked it with his palm.
There was a moment of silence, and then Sasquatch threw a karate chop at Kunzite's exposed arm, completely chopping it off.
He then threw three consecutive punches at Kunzite; one in the throat, one in the right leg, and one in the stomach. He finished the combo with an elbow smash, sending Kunzite crashing into the floor.
"No!" cried Zoisite.
Sasquatch put his foot on top of Kunzite's unconcscious head.
Sasquatch motioned for Zoisite to try his luck.
Zoisite saw what happened to the others, and he knew he couldn't beat Sasquatch in a battle of brute strength.
He readied the crystal behind Sasquatch, but before he could throw it, Nephrite leapt out of the bushes like a leaping panther, making the first contact on Sasquatch since he arrived.
Sasquatch took a step back off of Kunzite from the blow, but other than that he showed no signs of injury.
"You wanna go bigboy?" asked Nephrite.
Sasquatch nodded.
Nephrite sent a barrage of blows his way.
Zoisite knew this was his best chance, and charged too.
Zoisite sent a flurry of kicks and blows also, but Sasquatch was just too nimble.
They didn't land single hit between them.
Sasquatch extended his arms and grabbed each of them by the head.
He smashed their heads together exactly 63 times, and they were unconscious.
But he went to go for a 64th headsmack, when Kunzite sprung up like a spring and threw a punch at Sasquatch's exposed stomach.
Sasquatch doubled over in pain, and dropped the other two.
Kunzite was out of breath, but knew he had to keep fighting.
He threw his one remaining fist like a projectile, but Sasquatch absorbed it, and threw a backhand at the air, sending a wave that swept Kunzite off his feet.
Kunzite was dead before he hit the ground.
Kunzite's eyes fluttered open. So did Nephrite and Zoisite's.
It appeared they were in some kind of cave.
"Are we back in the Negaverse?" asked Nephy.
They spotted Sasquatch's children. Both of them were Melvin.
"Hey runts," said Zoisite. "You wanna rumble?"
Lady Sasquatch charged the Shittenou.
Zoisite and Kunzite leapt out of the way, but Nephrite wasn't going down without a fight this time.
"I call forth the power of the st-" Nephrite began.
Lady Sasquatch shoved him against the wall and breathed down his neck.
Kunzite and Zoisite took to the exit of the cave, but regular Sasquatch leapt in front of them.
"What do you want with us?!" cried Zoisite.
Sasquatch looked at Zoisite, and Zoisite fell over.
Kunzite summoned the boomerangs, and threw them at Sasquatch.
But they only caused a couple clumps of fur to fall down. Before Kunzite could even catch the boomerangs, Sasquatch threw a knee, and Kunzite was on the floor.
Meanwhile, Nephrite was getting pummeled against the wall. Lady Sasquatch finished up with him, and tossed him ono the floor like someone would throw litter out a car window.
Melvin did Beyblade tricks on their brutally bashed corpses.
Sasquatch threw them into the river, and they woke up three days later.
"Huh?" said Kunzite. "I could have sworn we were dead that time."
They all looked around.
They followed the Sasquatch family footprints back up to the cave for a rematch, but the cave was no longer there.
"Was it… was it all a dream?" Zoisite asked.
"Oh yeah!" recalled Nephrite. "I have my camera!"
They quickly rushed over to a CVS and had the pictures printed.
There was only one.
It was of Melvin and his Beyblade collection laid out on their corpses.
"Proof!" cried Nephrite. "We must take this to the presses!"
They headed to the news station at once.
"It's what Jadeite would have wanted," said Zoisite.
But when they got to the news office, the person sitting behind the desk lowered their paper.
It was none other than the Sasquatch.
They knew their time had come, so they threw themselves into the wall, killing themselves.
FIN