One month.
They've travelled long the coast and end up at this beautiful cabin with a private beach. It was paradise.
Now, they're curled in bed, both awake but silent. She's running his scars with her finger, he's staring at the ceiling with a hand in her hair.
A little sound coming from her phone shakes Felicity from her thoughts, she lets go of Oliver and turns to reach her phone on the nightstand.
A text from John, "We miss you aunt Lissy!". Under the text, a photo of him, Lyla and baby Sara waving her little hand to her. Felicity stares at the photo with tears in her eyes. She miss them, especially the little bundle of joy. Staring at the photo she can't believe how much Sara has grown in a little more than a month.
She feels two strong arms embraces her from behind, her back pressed to Oliver's chest, his breath warm against her ear and neck.
"Who's it?" he asks softly. She wipes away the tears quickly.
"Hey. You're ok?" he asks worried. "Yeah" she's lifting her phone up on her shoulder so he can sees the photo. He stares at the picture, smiling.
"I miss them."
"I know. I miss them too." He says in her ear, kissing her neck. She sighs.
"We can go back." He whispers in her ear.
"Oliver…" but he stops her.
"No listen…if you want to go back, we can. I understand. I don't care where we are, i just want to be with you. Here, Starling, Mars, it's all the same for me. As long as i have you in my arms."
"I don't want to go back. I'm happy here." She places her hands on his.
"You sure?" he says, placing light kisses on her neck.
"Yes".They relax in each other arms again. She closes her eyes. He brings himself even more around her. A soft silence falls on them, he's tracing little patterns on her hip with his fingers, her eyes still closed. Then he speaks again.
"You think…you think he will ever forgive me?" she opens her eyes.
"I think he needs time" she's staring at the window.
"I know. But how much?"
"I don't know Oliver. What you did...You hurt him." She says, honest.
He breathes heavily on her neck.
"I would never hurt Lyla."
Felicity tenses in his arms, frustration rising in her. There it is. The moment she tried to avoid since they left Starling.
She hidden these thoughts, all that has happened in the past months, what he did, in the most remote place of her mind, just hoping that eventually, they'd have vanish.
She was wrong.
"You kidnapped her, in front of her daughter." Her tone strong.
"I gave the order to not touch them."
A bitter laughter escapes her mouth before she gets up from his embrace. His arms fall on the mattress while she sits on the edge of the bed, pulling down her legs. A cold shiver runs on her bare back, her head falls forward, hands in her golden locks. He stares at her from his position. Then, without looking at him, Felicity speaks again.
"That's not the point Oliver. You, and a group of assassins with black hoods, stormed in their house, and kidnapped Lyla in front of a terrified baby. You left Sara alone, watching her mother being dragged away from her."
He sits up on the bed, still staring at her. "I had no choice."
She takes his shirt from the floor and puts it on her bare skin, then she stands, turning to him. Her eyes dark.
"Do you really want to talk about choices?"
"Felicity…" He moves to reach her but she takes a few steps toward the door.
"Look…I just need some air."
After a while, she's still walking on the beach staring at the ocean. She's wearing a big white cardigan, her hair floating around in the wind, feet in the water.
Suddenly, he's behind her. His bare chest glowing in the sun, all the scars and the tattoos she has kissed so many times in the last month, exposed.
"Felicity…" he stops a little far from her. She turns to him, their eyes met.
She takes a deep breath and speaks.
"I though we could skip this conversation. I thought i was fine, but clearly...i'm not."
He nods, silent.
"Because this…is bothering me. And i want to get rid of this sensation. I realise that I can't just let go of everything that happened…I just can't." she says, crossing her arms on her chest.
"We can talk of whatever you want. Whatever makes you feel better." He smiles sadly at her.
"You know…That night outside Verdant, i promised myself that i would never…ever, be upset about Malcom Merlyn again. That he didn't even deserve the bother. And now months later, here i am, in the exact same situation. You almost died then, and you almost died now. I'am so incredibly happy that you are here, just like i was then. But yet again, something crushes this happiness, and a part of that something, yet again, is Malcom Merlyn." She sighs loudly. "It's like we're cursed…as soon as we take a step forward, something…pulls us…pulls me back again, and it's exhausting."
"I know that i keep telling you this, and i know that it sounds untrue, but i had no choice."
She backs away a few steps, shaking her head frustrated. "It's not enough…"
"You trusted him, instead of the people you love, who love you back. He's a psyco and a murderer! He killed Tommy, Sara, almost you…And God knows how many others! Let's not even mention what he did to the Glades and Thea! Or you forgot that part?" She says strongly, her hair floating around in the wind, making her look like an angel.
"That's not fair…he was the only weapon i had against the League. But just because i was willing to work with him, didn't mean that i forgot what he did." He says back, passing a hand to his face.
"Yeah, you're right. It's not fair…all of this, is not fair. Because, either way you put it…The truth, is that you gave up. You made a deal with the devil, you did what you thought you had to do, and you didn't even think twice about it. After all we've been throught…instead of choosing life, you chose death. Again. You were willing to leave me…" She stops, tears falling on her cheeks. She takes a deep breath and goes on.
"Did you even stop for a second to think about me? We made love for the first time...You told me that you'd survived…you told me "Let's not say goodbye this time", while you were planning your suicide! I mean...when i think about this? I can't breathe. I. CAN'T. BREATHE." Her hands fly to her neck, breathing heavily.
"And i just can't let this go. It's too much." She looks away from him.
"All i was doing was thinking about you! You think that was easy for me? Choose him over you? Choose to die? Lie to you? It wasn't! It was the hardest thing that i ever had to do in my life, and believe me when i tell you that that is saying a lot! But Ra's was everywhere. He took everything from me. He stabbed my sister with a sword and left her to die! He would have killed you! He was about to destroy our city, killing all of those innocent people! I had to stop him, at any costs"
He stares at her. "But don't you think even for a second, that i took that path easily."
"Yeah, but the point is that you took it. You…broke something in us. No matter how noble were you're motives...choices have repercussions." She looks at him in the eyes. "And cherry on the pie? You've married…her."
He looks away. "We don't need to talk about that."
"Why not? We're just gonna to ignore it? Like we ignored all of this? Because even if we don't say the words, you're still married to another woman, simple as that."
"Technically…I'm not legally married. I'm married only for the League, outside, i'm not bound to her." He says angrily.
"Technically, i don't care! Because the idea that at the eyes of someone, even if it's only the League, you're married...drives me crazy."
"I didn't want to marry her! It wasn't part of the plan, but it had to happen. And it doesn't change the fact that while i was there, watching Nyssa walking toward me, i dreamed it was you." He says, calming his voice.
"Don't." She closes her eyes, shaking her head.
"It's the truth. And you know it."
"No, i don't!"
"Yes you do, because otherwise you wouldn't be here with me right now."
She turns to the ocean, tears falling on her cheeks.
"Felicity, i can't change what happened, because it's done. But please, tell me how to fix this. I'll do whatever it takes to make this right to you." He says, taking a few steps in her direction.
"You can't do anything. It's just…I feel so…so…" Her hands closed in fists.
"How? Tell me how you feel Felicity." He encourages her. She turns to him. Her eyes on fire.
"Angry. I feel so damn angry!" She snaps.
"At what?" He pushes harder.
"At everything! You, me, Ra's, Merlin, this situation! Every damn thing! I hate that i'm angry! I hate you for being you! I hate that you're so selfless! I hate that you put everyone's life before your own. I hate that you think that your life is worthless. I hate that you don't see how many people love you and care about you!" She reaches him, and with every frase she speaks, she pushes him in the chest, making him move backwards. But he lets her.
"I hate that you took decisions for me all year! I hate that you told me that you loved me and then left me! I hate that you trusted Malcom Merlyn, that you kidnapped Lyla, that you broke John's trust in you, that you made us believe you were going to kill us. I hate that you married another woman! I hate that you were ready to die! I hate that you were ready to leave me forever…I hate you!" She's sobbing at this point, but she hits him again.
"No, you don't." He finally takes her arms to stops her, and just when she's collapsing on the sand, he hugs her. They're both kneeling down, her face pressed to his chest. He's rubbing her back, trying to calm her, his face buried in her hair.
She needed to get all of this emotions off her chest. And finally it happened.
All the tension, the anger, the sadness, the worry, the hate….resolved in tears. She's finally put everything out, until only love remains.
He puts his finger under her chin, making her watch him in the eyes. Then he takes her hand and he places it on his chest, above his heart.
"This. The only thing that i have left to offer…is yours Felicity."
"I love you." She whispers.
"I love you, too."
She touches his face. "We're going to be fine, right?"
He smiles at her, then he kisses her with all the love he has.
"Yes, we're going to be okay."