Okay, so here is my first – and only – Cockles fanfic, inspired by the last weekend when I sat at Jason Mann's concert during the amazing JIB CON in Rome, and - my apologies in advance from those who really love him – but it was so boring, my imagination wandered. I saw pictures of Jensen and Misha in my head and that's when I decided to write a Cockles fic. Next morning we've got the news/rumor that a few guests (Jensen included) got really drunk last night and couldn't wake up in the morning, so every program delayed. So that's how my story was born.
In this fiction the guys don't have family, no wives, no kids, so they don't have to cheat on anyone.
Also I have to warn you, that Jensen's thoughts about Jared are mine, so if you're a big and devoted fan of Jared… don't read this.
When I returned home I just realized that Cockles week is just starting on Tumblr, but it's really a coincidence that this fic is uploaded now, but it could never come better.
Enjoy!
On the Beach…
- Let's go to the beach! - Jensen sits on the chair or rather half off of it. They've been drinking for about 5 hours when they started having dinner and talking about that dickhead Jared. He loves the man, really does but he can be such a neglectful, ungrateful punk sometimes. Now he has to get his back. Again. He knows he shouldn't have drunk this much and it will probably hurt in the morning but he needs it right now. – C'mon guys, let's go to the beach!
- It's half past midnight – says Misha who seems to be to most sober in the company. – The beach is at least 45 minutes away.
- I don't care! I wanna go! Richard! Hey, Richard – Jensen slaps Richard's back as the man's upper body's lying on the table.
- What? – so called Gabriel turns towards the tall man with red-shot eyes.
- You're coming to the beach? – Jensen tries to stand up but hits his knees into the table almost knock it over. Misha caught him with strong hands.
- Naaah, I think it's time to go to sleep – slurrs Richard. – We'll have a long day tomorrow. You'd better take a rest.
- I'll sleep when I'm dead – Jensen mumbled when the short little Asian guy next to him starts singing loudly:
- „Until I'm 6 feet under, baby I don't need a bed, gonna live while I'm alive, I'll sleep when I'm dead"
- „Till they roll me over and lay my bones to rest", C'mon Osric, „Gonna live while I'm alive, I'll sleep when I'm dead." Alright! – Jensen and Osric doubles over while laughing hard.
- Okay Jon Bon Jovi, let's go to bed – Misha tries to put his arm around Jensen's shoulder and guide him towards the hotel, but Jensen shakes him off.
- No! – he shouts – I said I was going to the beach, so I'm going to the beach! Osric? Are you with me?
- Sorry pal, my batteries are off.
- Mark?
- My boss is waiting for me in the hotel room, and anyway, I'm too old having party after 1 a.m.
- Bullshit! Then I'm going alone! Fuck you all! – he pouts and starts to get a taxi.
- The hell you are! – says Misha and grabs his friend's arm. – You're drunk over your head. Cliff!
The beefy bodyguard sits at the bar talking to a young girl. He doesn't even look back at Misha as he hears his name, just waves off:
- Sorry man, I'm off. You have to deal with your buddy.
- Great! – Misha murmurs and throws a pile of cash on the table and quickly goes after Jensen – You know what, you all can go fuck yourselves!
- Good night you, too Mish! – Richard holds his middle finger up, grinning into Misha's face – DO NOT behave!
- Fuck you Richard! – he grimaces and leaves the small company.
Jensen is standing by the road waving for a taxi. When Misha catches him up Jensen is already sitting at the backseat.
- To the closest beach! – Misha says as he pushes Jensen inside to be able to get in the taxi.
- Lido di Ostia? – asks the driver, probably one of the few who speaks English at least a little.
- Yeah, whatever, just make it fast.
They doesn't even reach the side of Rome when Jensen's head falls onto Misha's shoulder and the man starts snoring loudly.
- Typical – he whispers to himself and takes into consideration that he makes the taxi turn back to the hotel. But he doesn't. Jensen wants to go to the beach, and who is he to prevent him from that. Besides if he's sleeping for almost an hour maybe he'll be better. He pulls out he's phone and dials.
- Hallo, Daniela, I know it's very late… or early, but I need a favor. Could you just book a hotel room in Ostia? Yeah, for two… Look, I know, but you know what he's like when he is like this. I had two choices, let him go alone or go with him. Yeah, please. We'll be there, I promise, I will handle him. Yeah, thank you!
Misha puts his phone into his pocket, carefully, not to wake his companion. He smiles as a fanfiction runs through his mind, he read not long ago, when Dean falls asleep on a stranger's shoulder on the bus, which happens to be Castiel. Yes, he's reading fans' creations. A lot. This is his secret quilty pleasure. He's always joking around and flashes his knowledge about Destiel to impress Destiel-fandom, but noone ever know that he's the biggest fan of these fanfictions. He's the biggest fan of Dean and the biggest fan of Jensen. Eversince his first shooting day, the first scene they shot together he's totally and helplessly in love with the world's straightest womanizer. That's his luck. He can't say he's gay though. More like bi, or pan. He's had a few experiences with guys in college, even participated in more than one orgy. He's Misha Collins and he's open-minded for everything, everyone knows that. But he knows Jensen, how shy and how closed he is. And straight. He doesn't want to confuse him with a confession so he kept his feelings to himself. Which is really hard when you're working with the man you're secretly in love with, every damn day.
Sometimes he feels that he's not indifferent for Jensen, but wasn't sure in what respect. He considers Jensen as one of his best friends and knows Jensen feels the same, but rarely he receives signs from the other man that makes him think there is something more. And there's nothing. Jensen usually goes out with Jared if he just wants to hang out. Jared is always the first choice, Misha is always just a third wheel. In the last 6 years since they've been working together they went out just the two of them only a couple of times and that saddened Misha, but he learned to live with that. He would never do anything that would ruin their friendship. Like now. He would do anything for him.
- Arrivato! Ostia – the driver's deep voice snaps him out of his thoughts. He glances out of the window and stares at the blackness near the road. He can't see the sea but hears the roar of the waves and smells the salt in the air. He takes a deep breath and shakes Jensen's shoulder gently.
- Jen – he whispers – we're here.
- What – Jensen grunts as he jerks awake, doesn't even know where he is. – Where?
- On the beach you asshole – answers Misha much less gently as before. – where you were determined to go. Get your drunk ass out of the car, take a look at the sea and let's get to bed, because belive it or not we'll have a frigging long day tomorrow.
- Yeah, I know – Jensen groans as he climbs out of the backseat of the Fiat Grande. – Thanks to that asshat friend of mine.
- Jensen…
- He always does that. Whenever he doesn't feel like flowers and puppies all around he runs away, leaving us in mess and extra work. – Earlier drunkenness faded away a little, leaving Jensen fussy and pissed.
- It's not totally his fault…
- You know what? It is. He's not a goddamned child who does anything he wants just because he can do whatever he wants.
- You know you just quoted Dean?
- Fuck you! – Jensen spats to Misha and leaves him by the road, heading to the beach.
Misha just stands there not knowing what's got into his friend. Really is he pissed so much because of Jared's behaviour? Jensen knows Jared for ten years now, he knows how he's like, and he accepts and loves the man despite all of his fault and selfishness.
Jensen has got out of his sight, lost in the darkness, and Misha doesn't hesitate to follow him in the sand. As his eyes get used to the blackness he spots Jensen sitting in the sand, his white botton down shirt glows in the night. When he gets closer he sees Jensen's shoulders shaking.
- Jen? – he stops a few steps away from the man not wanting to embarrass him with his too close presence.
- Why can't I be like him? – Jensen blurts out with shaky voice.
- Who? Jared? – bewilderment is obvious in his voice.
- Yes! He always does what's good for him. I mean, he does everything for the show and loves the fans but as soon as it gets a little uncomfortable he jumps out. And doesn't care what everyone thinks. He's the first on his list and anyone else comes after him.
- You're saying that like it's a good thing – Misha says softly, staring at the back of Jensen's head. The man is perfect even from behind, even wasted and confused.
- Isn't it? You and me always put everyone and everything else first. In front of us. Even if it's not definitely good for us. We know what we have to thank for the show, for the fans and it's great, I mean I really enjoy some part of these conventions and love the fans, really. But do we owe them our lives?
- Jensen, what are you talking about? – Misha has totally lost track.
- I'm talking about my friggin' life! – Jensen raises his voice, hoarse and sad like Misha has never heard him before. – You know I really love the guy. He's like a brother to me and this is not just a phrase. He really is. But you also have a brother, you know that sometimes it's just not right to hang out with your brother all the time. That you wanna be with someone else. Someone you fall for, you go crazy for. You know what I mean?
Misha steps one step closer to Jensen and sinks on his knees behind him. Jensen doesn't even flinch when Misha puts his palms on his shoulders, just takes a deep breath.
- Yeah, I think I know – he whispers.
- You know what everyone expect from you and you oblige, and do what you think you owe them. Meanwhile your heart is bleeding to see that the one you want to be with is just an armlenght away. And you act like you doesn't care, every single day. – his voice trembles and he bows his head between his knees.
Jensen's been in love with this amazing man for five years. He never dared to say a word to him, partly because he didn't think that he's good enough or more like crazy enough for Misha. He's so unique and great, generous and unselfish that it never occured to his mind that Misha even found him enticing in the sexual way. Of course he knows that Misha loves him like a colleague or a friend, but a lover… And Misha obviously knows that he isn't even gay. Never was, never attracted to men before, not even homo thoughts. Everyone thought he was homophobic just because he reacted these kind of things a little dismissively. He wasn't homophobic. His aunt has a wife and he loves her, and visits her everytime he can. He doesn't care about this, love is love no matter if it's between two guys or two girls. But he really isn't gay. He's just in love with the most fabulous creature in the universe who happens to be a man. But he can't reveal it. Though a respectable amount of fans would fly to the moon and back with happiness, he knows that somehow it would ruin the show. There are always homophobic haters spitting hatred with every sinlge word and their goal would be to kill the show off. And sooner or later they'd manage. And he can't do that with so many people.
- Since when? – Misha's question is so simple, it means nothing and everything at the same time. His strong hands start massaging Jensen's sore shoulders hard, yet gently. Jensen's breath catches in his own chest at the touch he's been dreaming of for so long.
He doesn't want to answer. If he answers that means that everything will change. Probably Misha doesn't want to keep the friendship with him, not that they hang out a lot together. Jensen never dared to ask him to because he was afraid of his on feelings and reactions.
- Jensen – Misha's voice is firm and demands an answer. – Since when do you feel this way?
- Does it matter? – he glances backwards but doesn't see his friends face in the dark.
- No. I'm just curious.
- I don't know exactly. Somewhere along the way. Probably from the beginning. Day by day I started to feel this tightness in my stomach every time I saw you. I didn't even know what it was, just you lighted up my day with a single smile. And then there was that scene… you know… in the alley when you… Cas was beating Dean up. And you pushed me into the wall so hard and you were so close I barely could handle it. Since then… I was lost.
Jensen drops his head again and feels that teardrops fall onto the sand. That's it. This is the end. He gave in and now he's on his own again. The silent he feels behind him is deafening. Misha stopped massaging his shoulders, tought he doesn't pull his hands back. He has to say something or he goes crazy. Anything.
- Look man, I'm sorry, okay, let's pretend I never told any… - Jensen immediately stops talking when he feels Misha's long fingers in his hair at the back of his head. He takes a deep breath at the sensation, goosepumps rise all over his skin.
- From the first day… - Misha's voice is so deep that made Jensen's stomach churn. – Our first scene, when we stood so close and I leaned into your personal space, I felt your whole body radiating this irresistible charm, and just like Castiel saw Dean's soul I saw through your tough demeanor, that what a sensitive and respectable person you were, and I fell in love with you right in that exact moment.
Jensen huffs a laugh but falls silent right away and swallows hard when Misha presses his chest up along his back. He leans onto his friend and lets him stroking his head than his neck and shoulders. He feels Misha's breath on his neck and in the next second the whole world turns when the man presses an open mouthed kiss on his skin righ above his shirt's collar. He closes his eyes and slowly turns his head toward the man he's been dreaming of for five years.
Misha can hardly believe his ears. Jensen talks and talks and practically he's confessing his love right now, here in Rome in the middle of another convention weekend. After 6 years of misconception he understands Jensen's every single action or rather non-action. He doesn't not hanging with him because he doesn't like him. Just the exact opposite. He's in love with him and afraid of his own feelings. He kept it secret for so many years and he needed a missing Jared, a drunken night and an italian deserted beach to come out.
Misha feels like all the weight rolls off of his shoulders. Jensen loves him. Jensen LOVES HIM!
He leans down and kisses the man's neck and it tastes like the sweetest wine he ever tried, and just as intoxicating.
When Jensen turns towards him he raises his head and looks right into Jensen's shiny eyes. What he sees in there makes his heart sink. There is love (How could he not see it before?), relief, fear, innocence and pleading. He's like a little boy who can't find his way home. Misha puts one of his hands on Jensen's face and smoothes his short hair back from his forehead. Jensen closes his eyes and teardrops start falling again with the movement.
- Misha – Jensen's voice is so quiet Misha can barely hear it. – Sorry… I can't…
- Yes, you can… - Misha doesn't let Jensen sink into denial again. Not anymore. – You own yourself that much. You own me that much. You deserve to be loved so let me.
Now he's holding Jensen's face with both hands, forcing him to look into those piercing blue eyes, and as soon as Jensen raises his eyes and meet his, Misha crushes his lips onto Jensen's and kisses him hard.
It's not an open mouthed, compelling kiss, he doesn't force Jensen to do anything. He just wants to feel it, those beautiful lips beneath his. But he doesn't have to wait even for a second when Jensen opens his mouth and lets the other man's tongue in. Misha starts exploring Jensen's mouth, slowly, gently in the beginning but as wierd it feels at first the heated it gets a few seconds later. He feels Jensen's beard scratching his jaw but it isn't uncomfortable, it is all him, all Jensen. Despite of the fact that Jensen probably never kissed another male before he doesn't show he would feel it strange. He attacks Misha just as vehemently as Misha does and runs his fingers through his dark, rumpled hair.
Misha moans into the other's mouth, raises his hands and start unbuttoning Jensen's shirt. When every button is out he opens the shirt and smooths his fingers down Jensen's chest and abdomen, slowly pushing him down onto his back. Jensen obeys without a word and lays down on the sand. MIsha unbuckles his belt and crawls back up to sit on Jensen's thigh. He leans down to him, cradles his face with both hands and kisses him gently, before starts sliding his lips to Jensen's neck and chest. Jensen sucks in a deep breath as Misha reaches his nipples and begins to tease with his tongue.
The perky nipples. Sure, that's Dean Winchester who has them, but Jensen can't complain either. They harden in a second under the pressure Misha gives them with his long, pointed tongue and he's sure that Jensen's cock can't be much softer than his nipples by now. Or at least he hopes because his own dick is so hard it almost pierces through his jeans. The beautiful lusty moans, escaping Jensen's mouth don't help him calm down a little. Misha leaves the nipples and continues his way down Jensen's belly. He unbuttons his jeans and wants to slide it down to Jensen's hips when the other man grips his hand and stops the movement.
- Misha – he whispers, not exactly knowing what he wants, why he stops the other man. Probably he's just hasitating, confused and need someone who guides him along this way.
- Shhh – Misha laces his fingers with Jensen's and pushes the other's arm into the sand beside his body – Let me.
When he's sure Jensen stays still and won't stop him again, he continues pulling Jensen's jeans down along with his boxer-briefs.
And there it is. The one he never thought would ever see, he had a few nasty dreams about it though. Jensen's dick is so hard, already leaking precum and so beautiful Misha's mouth begans watering at just the sight. He licks his lips and murmuring a „Thank God", which he earns a distracted snort from Jensen, and swallows Jensen with one fast move. Jensen arches his back as his cock disappears in Misha's warm wet mouth, and unconsciously grabs the hair on the top of Misha's head.
Misha starts sucking, sliding up and down on Jensen's shaft, teasing and licking, wanting to give everything to the man, writhing beneath his hands. He tries to push Jensen's hips down into the sand, but can't keep him from pushing his hips upwards right into his mouth. Misha wouldn't mind the face-fucking at all if just Jensen could turn it down. The beach is totally abandoned but the walkway isn't too far. Jensen moans and cries out so loud that it is just a matter of minutes and they get caught. So Misha reaches up and presses his palm on Jensen's mouth just to silence the lusty voices, than continues his mission to suck the life out of Jensen Ackles through his dick.
- Mppfhh – Jensen tries to speak, or rather whimper behind Misha's strong palms, but nothing articulate comes out. – 'mm cmmgg… Mshp.
Misha though understands perfectly what he wants to say and speeds up his movements. Seconds later he has to press harder his palm on Jensen's perfect lips if he doesn't want to have the neighbourhood all up. Hot salty taste hits the back of his throat and he closes his eyes in rapture as he swallows all.
When the aftershock falters and Jensen goes limp and quiet, Misha releases the others mouth, and lays down beside him in the sand. He rises up on one elbow and smiles down at the young man, stroking his hair.
- Now it's my turn – Jensen says, reaching down towards Misha's crotch, but he grabs his wrist.
- Let's get somewhere more comfortable – he says softly, buttoning up Jensen's jeans and buckling his belt. He stands up and grabs Jensen's hand to pull him up.
- I don't think I can hold myself back for another 45 minutes to get back to the hotel – Jensen's voice is hoarse and deep and sated.
- You've been holding back for 5 years. I guess another few hours won't be a problem, I guess. Besides we have a hotel room not far from here.
- What? – Jensen's eyes snap open in surprise. – How?
- I arranged it.
- But how?
- I asked Daniela…
- You what? – Jensen's desperate cry echoes through the beach. – Misha, what did you do?
- Nothing. I asked him to book a room, because you're drunk like a sailor and wanted to come to see the beach.
- Jesus!
- Don't worry, she knows you well, and she knows that when you DO want to do something there is no power on Earth to stop you. And she knows as well that you're a pro and you will be there tomorrow.
- That's just great, thank you – Jensen covers his face with his palms in embarassment.
- You're welcome – Misha snorts avoiding the sarcasm in Jensen's words. Then to make the man more miserable he leans to his ears and whispers on his gravely Castiel voice – But hurry up, the sooner we reach the hotel the more time I have to fuck you into the sheets.
- Jensen snaps his head up just to see Misha turning away from him and starts walking down the alley. He feels his cheeks are burning and fumbling with his shirt's buttons he rushes after him.
As soon as they enter the small hotel room, Misha drops his shirt on one of the two beds and heads to the bathroom.
- I'm taking a shower – he says and disappears behind the door.
Jensen just stands in the doorway staring at the dierction Misha just vanished and thoughts are chasing each other in his head.
So what now? What the hell is exactly they are doing? Is this a one-night stand, only one occasion that will never happen again? Or they will be secret lovers from now on? Or… No, this could never happen. They cannot take it in public. They just can't. The show must go on. At least it can't be him who will end it. Maybe in a few years when it's over they can start something with each other. Just a few years. He could keep his secret for so long, what a few years would be? But when the memories of the last hour comes to his mind his heart starts aching at the thought that he couldn't hold, kiss, touch Misha again for so long. He hears the water starts running in the shower and imagines Misha naked beneath the spray of water. He quickly drops his clothes on the carpet beside the bed and enters the tiny bathroom.
Misha is already under the shower, his hair sticks to his forhead as he leans in under the water. His eyes are closed but Jensen is sure that he heard him come in.
- Can I join? – he simply asks and when Misha doesn't answer just bows his head he steps behind him.
He grabs the shower gel, pours it into his palms rubbing together a little and starts smoothing Misha's back with his slick hands. He's massaging his back, his shoulders, up and down between his upper but-cheeks to his neck. He even soaps his hair rubbing and scratching softly the skin on the top of Misha's head. Misha moans quietly and leans into Jensen's touch enjoying the caress. They don't say a word. Jensen reaches forward, continues his movements on Misha's chest and belly. When Jensen's hand slides down and rubs Misha's cock with his slick palms, Misha throws his head back on Jensen's shoulder and let him kiss his neck, jaw and cheeks, whatever Jensen could reach.
But it's not enough for Jensen, he wants more from his friend. He wants to return the favor, wants to feel him, taste him, make him into a quivering mess, like Misha did back on the beach.
He turns him around and looks into those beautiful, incredibly blue eyes, which always make him feel naked when they're bored into his green ones during some Cas-Dean scene. Misha doesn't seem to be as self-confident as he was before, he sees the same confusion and doubt what he feels right now. But fuck the future, fuck everything. This moment is theirs and he won't let anyone to take it away from them. He leans in and kiss Misha on his lips once, than lowers to his knees, kissing his way down on Misha's chest, abdomen and thighs. When he's in eye-level with Misha's cock he hesitates a minute. He was never in this position before, never took a foreign cock in his hand especially not in his mouth. He glances up to Misha's face and finds him staring down with adoration, and when Misha's long fingers smooth his damp hair back he licks his lips and puts the perfect dick into his mouth as deep as he can without gagging.
The wierd thing in all that it isn't wierd at all. He thought that he would friek out but it's Misha, and he's been waiting for this for so long that the feeling is rather calming than scary. He closes his eyes when he feels Misha's fist tightens in his hair and he starts sucking slowly to have a taste of every minute of it. He licks the head, swirls his tongue around it, grabs the lenght which doesn't fit in his mouth and tries to do what he saw in porn or he knows he would like. The lustful moans above give him a confirmation that he's on the right way.
- God, Jen, don't say, you've never done it before – Misha groans though he knows the answer. He barely can hold himself back not to thrust his dick right through those beautiful lips, down Jensen's throat. It wouldn't be classy for the first time. He guides Jensen's head a little by his hair, but the man doesn't really need guidance, he's a natural porn talent.
Jensen really enjoys his first blow-job. The more minutes pass by the more he gets used to it, picks up the space and he knows, feels, hears that Misha can barely hold it together. He cries out, moans dirty things about him and his fuckable lips. He could smile if his mouth wasn't streched out around Misha's respectable thickness. When Misha starts gripping his hair more and more tightly he knows he's coming to an end. He lets him take charge and does what the guidance of Misha's movements tells him to do. He wants Misha to come down his throat but the other man yanks his head back by his hair, right before his climax and spills his come all over his face. Jensen has never thought that it would be so arousing that he has to touch himself. Just a few strokes on his own swollen dick is perfectly enough to dump his load to the floor of the shower. He sits back on his heels and tries to catch his breath, listening to Misha also panting above him, when he feels the other's strong arms under his armpits, and pulls him up in a strong embrace. They're just standing under the running water for minutes, before Misha turns off the tap, dries themselves with a towel, and leads a half-unconscious Jensen into the room, laying him down one of the beds. He covers him up with a blanket and after switching off the light he lays on his own bed.
Jensen feels like he could drift into sleep right away, further sex isn't even considerable, but something is still missing to be able to fall asleep.
- Mish – he whispers.
- Yeah? – comes the barely audible answer.
- Would you just… sleep with me? In this bed? Please?
Misha doesn't answer, but Jensen hears the rustle of the sheets, the low stomps of bare feets, the lift of his blanket and the warm body pressed up against his back.
Right. He can sleep now.
There's a short sequel coming up soon. Guess what will be in it?
Thanks for reading!