A/N: This is a fic that took me, the author, on a journey. I always get slightly irritated when I hear people talk about how easy certain choices in this world can be. I've always found in my life even when I set my mind to something I still end up on giving up. Simply this fic is about a struggle in a relationship between two people && one of those people wishes to keep there innocence while the other does not. Enjoy.
It had been a really long week, sexually speaking. On Monday I had to walk past a group of guys and I had to hear them whistle, ask for my phone number, and make comments on my figure.
Now I am a pale skinny Italian girl, with a heart shaped face, narrow hazel green eyes, thick black eyelashes, plump pink lips, semi curly black waste length hair with straight black bangs that sit on my left eye, small hand sized breasts, a flat stomach, and I am 4'11.
((If you can not visualize Bella then look at my profile for an image of Bella && Edward))
On Tuesday my friend Mike wore a "Coed Naked Soccer Team" shirt to school and got sent home, but not before he asked me if I wanted to join his team.
On Wednesday my cousin Michel came over and watched a TV show with Mike about horny girls in bikinis. There were lots of close ups on there chests.
On Thursday, at out family dinner, Michel held up the olive oil when my Dad was out of the room and said, "Why do they call it extra virgin anyway?" he broke up laughing and so did my Mike. I decided to ignore them.
On Friday I had a blind date with Eric. All that can be said of the experience is that if there was ever a reason to sign up for lifetime virginity, Eric was it.
I confess that when the conversation of sex comes up I become an irritated observer. On the one hand, my Mother tells me that sex happens to be one pleasure that married couples enjoy while I do agree highly. But on the other hand I do not want sex shoved in my face. I plan on staying abstinent until I am married. If sex is always the answer for me to buy something, then please explain to me how people get into college.
Now, I admit that in the blooming department I am a very late bud. I was still wearing big t-shirts when my friends were buying bras, and then when I finally began wearing bras all of my friends were making out with there boy friends. Regarding guys, I have strong standards, but you can't decide one morning you're going to wake up and lower your standards. Can you?
Eric immediately came to mind.
In catholic school we always talked about safe sex, and sexual diseases. Honestly, I am scared of sex. And I believe if I wait until marriage I will know everything about my partner that I will not have to worry about receiving anything harmful through sex. It's the right decision for me. I've heard that staying a virgin until you're married is hard, but if you keep your mind on things then I should be fine. I'll just shrug it off. When you date guys like Eric you can be a virgin until you die.
So I'm working the late shift at The Smoothie shop. It's the first hot day in May, and we're busy. We've got big problems, too, because the freezer was on extra cold and now all of the gallons of ice cream turned into solid cubes of ice. People have been ordering frozen treats all night, and my arm feels like it's going to fall off. I've got a twinge in my neck and I feel like it's about to break. But the show must go on, and I'm smiling at the costumers. People don't want to think their smoothie server has any problems.
I look up and see the growing line of smoothie lovers.
And that's when he walked in.
He had deathly white colored skin, a narrow face, sharp Topaz colored pools for eyes, purple bags underneath his eyes as if he hadn't had enough sleep, a strong boyish jaw, untidy bronze color hair that suited him perfectly, a muscular figure that looked natural, and he was about 6'2.
I felt a flood of warmth hit my face, causing me to scoop out more vanilla ice-cream into the blender. I was putting the blender on high, pouring smoothies, and topping them with whip cream.
Angela, my co-worker, was flirting with a group of senior boys and taking there order, while I took three more orders.
Mystery Male played it cool.
He turned to face the counter and looked directly at me.
Our eyes locked, I swear.
What seemed so shocking was that he stared at me like I was meat, and then his nostrils flared?
Angela was moving down the line of orders, while I helped a few more customers. Trying to move down towards him I glanced over and saw him watching me pour a large bag of ice into the blenders.
He was in front of me now.
Angela winked at me as if she was telling me that she owned him and asked him, "What can I get you?"
A total invasion of space may I add.
He said, "I'd like her to help me," he said in a deep raspy voice.
And I nearly dropped dead right there because deep and raspy voice's have always been a soft spot with me.
I raised an eye brow and smiled at him, "What would you like?"
Mystery Male smiled and replied, "The Peaches and Cream slushy."
Smiling at him I mix his beverage and say, "That will be four dollars you can go over to my friend Angela and she'll help you out with that."
Nodding he heads over to Angela and pays for his ice-cream and goes to sit at the corner table, watching me. He stays there and watches me until closing. He didn't even eat what he bought—which was odd, I just thought he didn't like it. He asked if he could buy me coffee, which I never drink, and I wasn't sure if I should go, because I didn't know him.
"Just across the street," he said, and I went. I knew the owner. It was safe, I hoped.
We talked until 2 in the morning about absolutely everything. His name was Edward. He was a freshman at Forks University, staying for the summer semester at his parent's house. He hadn't chosen a major yet, but he was leaning towards writing music. I hated telling him I was still in high school, but I was a senior, an eighteen-year-old senior (a functioning adult), and I emphasized that through out the night. I told him about how I go to Forks High and how I am in the advanced classes. I also mentioned that when I go to Forks University my major would be in art, which didn't turn him off like most guys.
"So what interests you in art?"
I told him about how I believed art expresses an individual in different ways and that I hope to be famous one day through out the world, and not just in America.
"And what does this tell me about you?" he asked while giving me a crooked smile—which I nearly melted for.
"That I am driven and that I happen to be a unique individual that likes to express herself differently."
"That's a good way to be," he said.
We talked about music, art, movies, and just anything until the coffee bar closed.
I called my Father throughout the night so that she would not be worried.
"Can I see you tomorrow?" Edward asked.
Looking him over I nodded and say, "Absolutely."
Then he kissed my cheek. I swear. And it wasn't a lame kiss on the cheek it was sweet and innocent. It seemed so natural that I felt at ease.
"I'll see you tomorrow," I yelled at him while walking our separate ways.
And that's how Edward and I began.
And it went on like that for a while. We'd meet and have coffee—which he wouldn't get anything, but would buy me whatever I wanted. He would ask great questions. I'd forget to get decaf and I would be awake for hours into the night, and sometimes I felt like I was being watched, but I just figured the caffeine was affecting my mind.
"If you could choose one person to be with on a deserted island who would it be?" he asked me one night.
I ran through my list. "Johnny Depp…no…William Shakespeare…no…Nancy Drew…no…I don't know."
He laughed, "Do you know who I'd choose?"
I shook my head no.
He took my hand and squeezed while looking deep into my eyes, "I'd choose you Bella."
We grew closer and closer. We'd see each other everyday, but only at night. Holding hands and kissing, we'd grow closer. Our kissing became deeper—more than just a peck if you ask me.
I felt like I was becoming more mature day to day, but it scared me in many ways. We moved so quickly in those months, but I never knew if we were ever going to hit a home run if you know what I mean. Once when he was kissing me he said, "My singer." No one in my life had ever called me 'My Singer,' but I usually am called, Isabella, Bella, or Bells.
But never 'My Singer,' in some ways I felt like it was an inside joke, but I never asked where Edward came up with it.
Now, my Father he's a very worried person ever since my Mother left him for Phoenix. Ever since Edward's been coming to the door and taking me out at night he's come more and more worried it seemed. He'd look at me as if I was a disease when I would walk down the stairs for my date, but he would always wish me good night.
A knock one night came on my bedroom door, and honestly it made me jump. I told my Father to hold on while I finished changing into my sweatpants and white beater.
"Bells I have to ask you something," he said while sitting down on to the bed beside me.
"What is it Ch-Dad?" I asked.
"How old is Edward?"
"He's only 19, is that all?"
"No," he replied, "I'm going to be blunt about this honey, but have you two had sex yet?"
Blushing I shook my head no and replied in a relaxed voice, "Dad you know I want to keep my virginity until I'm married."
Nodding he hugged me and said, "That's my girl, but please if you do anything please use a condom."
Smiling I hugged him back and said, "Well goodnight."
Everything changed 1 week after our conversation.
We lay in his dorm room on top of his bed in each others arms feeling electric shocks run throughout our bodies. Throughout the night we've been kissing and touching each other, as if we wanted to know every physical aspect about the other person. Looking up at his boyish jaw I placed soft kisses across his chin.
"Bella you have to stop," he whispered.
Smiling I sat up and looked into his eyes, "I love you Edward."
"You're my everything now."
Lying my head down on to the bed he rolled over on top of me. Placing his cold lips on to mine we kissed each other, and then I felt his wet warm tongue pressing against the opening of my lips. Parting them I felt his tongue enter my mouth and I began to suck. Soft moans could be heard while we made out with each other and his hands roamed down to my blouse. Pulling away from our make out session he unbuttoned my blouse and placed soft kisses across the lace of my bra. Moaning I felt his mouth at the beginning of the fabric of my red pleaded skirt. Coming back up towards me he kissed my neck while I pulled his brown turtle neck off of his body. Feeling his teeth scrape against my neck I moaned while my hands roamed against his naked back. Gasping I could feel his hands slip underneath my skirt and rub the wetness of my panties. Pushing him off of my body I whisper, "Edward we have to stop," I say between breaths.
"Bella I can't I want you."
Those words made me want to do this with him, but I couldn't have my virginity taken away in someone's dorm room. It had to be special, and I wasn't going to give it up just like that. I mean should I?
Feeling his face go down towards my skirt I could feel open mouth kisses between my thighs.
Gasping I tell him, "Please stop Edward."
Pulling away from my thighs he says, "Bella we both know you want this as bad as I do."
"Ed," but I was cut off because he began to kiss my panties.
Pushing away from him I scream, "Edward I am a virgin."
Staring at me he says, "I can be loving."
Looking down while my hair covers my face I whisper, "I'm to scared I don't want to loose my virginity until I am married."
Raising an eyebrow he listens while I talk, "And when I say until I'm married…I mean…a while…from…now," I looked him in the eye on my last word spoken.
Frowning he places his shirt back on to his body and shakes his head. I watch him while I button my blouse back up, and try to make sure my outfit looks normal—I forgot to check my appearance.
"Edward please take me home," I whisper in a hoarse voice.
Nodding he grabs his car keys and we walk out into the hallways of his dorms.
"Hey Edward!" turning around I see a muscular male down the hall way yelling at Edward.
"Hey Emmett," he replies back.
"Is this the cutie that you've been skipping football games for?"
Nodding he smiles and grabs my arm. We head towards his Volvo and get into the car. The ride back was one of the quietest, tension filled the air, and when he said he would call me while I was stepping out I believed it was bull shit.
Walking up the steps to my house I whisper, "Goodbye Edward," while small tears roll down my face.
Unlocking the front door and step inside to see my Father staring at me, "Bella what happened?" he asks urgently.
"Nothing happened Dad."
"Bells look at your self," he says leading me to the mirror. Staring at myself I see my lips are swollen, and I have red patches across my neck, chest, and face.
"Did he do this to you?"
Turning around towards my Dad I yell, "I wanted to have sex with him, but I didn't," I scream between tears.
Pulling away from his gaze I run up the stares towards my room and cry my heart out.
"I'm sorry Edward…I'm so sorry."
"Edward forgive me for not allowing myself to give my innocence to you," I cry between tears and choking.
A month passed and I never received a phone call from Edward. I tried to ignore the fact that he may have just been using me for sex, but I kept telling myself it was hormones.
I spent the time that I was away from Edward to work at the Smoothie shop, and earn myself some money. But lately we haven't had customers, because no one wants to come in when the rains been the worse in Forks.
Walking into the back of the shop to retrieve more cookie crumbles I hear Angela yell to the back, "Bella some one here to see you."
Walking towards the front while carrying I bucket full of cookie crumbles I set it on the counter and look towards the door.
"Edward," I whisper.
"Take a break Bells I'll watch the shop."
Nodding I walk towards him and follow him out of the shop.
"Bella I am sorry that I haven't come to see you," he tells me through the rain.
Staring at him I feel my hair becoming wetter.
"Edward this doesn't change anything."
"Can I at least take you out to dinner?"
Shaking my head no I tell him, "I don't want to start anything unless you have an explanation for what happened…at the dorm."
Nodding he says, "What was the hardest thing for you this month?"
Frowning I look at him and whisper, "Feeling like all you wanted was sex."
"I guess I deserve the cold shoulder. But I want you to know I am willing to keep anything sexual out of our relationship."
"You would do that for me?" I ask him while a small blush creeps on to my face.
"Of course Bella, I never lied once when I said I loved you. And I talked to my family about the situation and they said I deserved every bit of harsh treatment you gave me."
Nodding I stepped towards him and looked him in the eyes, "Prove it to me that you love me."
Smiling he moves his head towards mine and places his lips on to mine. This is how it should be, his cold lips molding with my warm ones—and I'm the only one that he wants to make them warm. Moving our lips against each other I wrap my arms around his neck and his arms grab my waste. Kissing each other in the rain…I almost believe that my life may be just like a fairy tale…
♥Ms. Manalo