First fanfic! Woot! Let's see how this goes...

Disclaimer: As I am clearly not Tite Kubo, I do not own Bleach or any of its characters. I also do not own Pokémon, Justin Beiber, or Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus. If you recognize it, I probably don't own it. I don't want to be visited by creepy men in suits!

"Oh-ho, now this shall prove to be very interesting," I thought to myself. I was looking at three different maps laid out on the ground before her. One was of the Soul Society, Seireitei in particular, the second was of Karakura Town, and the third was of Los Noches. On each map there were several red dots.

"What do these red dots mean?" you may ask. Well, I would be happy to explain.

I was surfing the Net when I found a very interesting recipe. It was a recipe for the…AWESOME CUPCAKES OF CHAOS. And yes, they must be written as such in all caps and in bold letters at all times. Anyway, these AWESOME CUPCAKES OF CHAOS have some very special properties.

They are made with a very potent love potion.

Some of you sharper readers may already be catching on. For those who are still putting the pieces together, I'll help you out a bit.

Me + love potions + fanfiction powers = a plan for tormenting our favourite Bleach characters.

Get it now? I made a batch of 15 AWESOME CUPCAKES OF CHAOS and placed them in strategic places around Seireitei, Karakura Town, and even Los Noches. And the maps with the red dots? The dots start bleeping whenever…

Bleep

*jumps* What was that? Oi! You in the audience! Turn yer cell off! Anyway…

BLEEP

No, seriously. Turn it off. I don't want any interruptions while I'm…

BLEEP

Okay, now I'm… Oh, wait. That's the map. HOLY SHNARKSFALLOPS SOMEONE'S FOUND A CUPCAKE ALREADY!

(if you haven't already figured it out, the red dots are alarms for whenever someone finds a cupcake)

Using my powers of fanfiction writing, I hurry over to the first victim.

BLEEEP!

(I HEAR YA! YOU CAN SHUT UP NOW, YA STINKIN' MAP!) (oh wait…I forgot to hit the off button…)

It was a normal day for Ayasegawa Yumichika and Madarame Ikakku. Well, as normal as a day can be in Seireitei. Yumichika was talking to himself again, and Ikakku was trying to come up with a new Tsuki-Tsuki dance. He already had one for each day of the year, so now he needed a special one for each special holiday. He was stuck on Halloween.

"Yumichika, do you think I should do this," Ikakku asked and did a move, "Or this?" He did another move.

"You are absolutely beautiful," Yumichika said to himself, "Thank you, I know I am. I am so pretty, I practically own the word. Oh you are so right, you should buy the words 'pretty' and 'beautiful', so that whenever anyone uses those words, they have to mention you!"

Ikakku shrugged and decided to do the first move in his Halloween Tsuki-Tuski dance. Feeling very proud of his little BALD self, Ikakku immediately started to practice it. He resembled a dying cow.

"Oh my beautiful gosh," Yumichika suddenly exclaimed, "What is that?"

This was when I appeared. Not in front of them, of course, but I found a nice little perch on the roof of a nearby building. I folded my maps and stuck them in my backpack, and sat back to watch the show.

Yumichika hurried over to the pedestal that was holding the cupcake. Ikakku stopped doing his dying cow dance and followed his companion. He was distracted by something shiny on the ground.

"Ooooh!" Ikakku exclaimed and ran over to look at the shiny coin he had found. "It's shiny! Like my SHAVED head!"

Pretty boy over by the cupcake wasn't paying attention to Ikakku's find. Instead, he was busy admiring the beautiful cupcake.

"This cupcake is so beautiful, it almost rivals you in prettiness, Yumichika," Yumichika said to himself, "I would normally disagree, but that cupcake is just beautiful! Its icing is perfectly fluffed and sculpted, and the bread is just moist enough to whet your tongue. And look how delicately it is placed upon a gentle dusting of powdered sugar!"

While Yumichika was admiring the cupcake, he started to wonder what it would taste like. Ikakku was still playing with his shiny coin that matched his BALD head.

"I wonder if this beautiful cupcake tastes just as beautiful as it looks," Yumichika wondered. "I know, I shall eat the cupcake!"

And with that, the beautiful Yumichika picked up the beautiful cupcake and took a beautiful bit out of it. Beautifully. His eyes lit up and he spun around to tell Ikakku about the beautiful tasting cupcake, when he froze.

Three…two…one…

"Ikakku!" Yumichika called and skipped over to the BALD man to throw himself on his friend, "Have I ever told you how beautiful your BALD head is?"

Ikakku immediately threw Yumichika off and drew his sword, "WHO JUST CALLED ME BALD?"

"I did, Ikakku dear," Yumichika replied skipping back to Ikakku to give him a hug, "The way your BALD head shines like a coin is very pretty."

Ikakku just stared. Then he noticed the cupcake and forgot all about Yumichika's sudden strange behaviour. "Is that a cupcake?"

"Yes, it is a beautiful cupcake. But if you want it, you'll have to give me a kiss!" Yumichika replied and puckered his lips.

Ikakku jumped back several feet, "WHAT THE HELL?"

"Oh, come on Ikakku," Yumichika started walking forward, "I just LOOOOVE you soo much!"

Screeching like a little girl, Ikakku turned tail and ran. Something was wrong with Yumichika, something that not even his Tsuki-Tsuki dance could fix.

"IKAKKU! DON'T RUN!" Yumichika began chasing after Ikakku, the AWESOME CUPCAKE OF CHAOS still in his hand.

Ikakku peered out around the corner of the Division Four's building. No sign of Yumichika. Ikakku breathed a sigh of relief. Yumichika weirded him out sometimes, but this was insane. And Ikakku really wanted a cupcake now.

Yumichika will never think to find me here, Ikakku thought, Squad Four is full of all the weak guys, so we always avoid them.

"Were you just insulting my Division, Madarame-san?"

Ikakku froze, knowing exactly who was standing behind him but hoping that he was wrong. He slowly turned around to see Captain Unohana Retsu standing only a few paces behind him. She had her scarily-sweet smile on her face that meant all hell was about to break loose.

"N-no Captain Unohana," Ikakku stuttered. Damn that woman's scary, he thought, wait how did she know what I was thinking?

"I think you were, Madarame-san," Unohana replied, still smiling.

From my position several hundred yards away, where I was tracking Yumichika, I could see a bright spot suddenly go flying up high into the air. It was quite shiny.

"IKAKKU I FOUND YOU!" Yumichika called and raced towards the bright, shiny object that was now plummeting to the earth.

Groaning, Ikakku slowly stood up. Who knew that someone from Fourth Division could be so strong?

"IKAKKU!"

Ikakku flinched and got ready to run again, when suddenly he thought of something.

"Hold on, why the hell am I running?" Ikakku demanded, "Running's for cowards! I'll just beat some sense into Yumichika!"

Feeling self-satisfied, Ikakku started doing his Saint Patrick's Day Tuski-Tsuki dance. It was March 17th, and even if Soul Society didn't celebrate the holiday didn't mean Ikakku couldn't make up a special dance for it.

"Ikakku, I loooove you!" Yumichika ran around the corner and sprinted towards Ikakku. All thoughts of beating sense into Yumichika disappeared from Ikakku's BALD head. He turned and ran.

"Why are you running, Ikakku?" Yumichika cried, sounding close to tears, "I just want to tell you how much I love you!"

"Get away from me!" Ikakku returned.

The pair ran past Captain Zaraki Kenpachi and Lieutenant Kusajishi Yachiru.

"Hi Cueball-chan!" Yachiru called as Ikakku raced by.

"Hi Yun-Yun!" Yachiru called as Yumichika raced by.

"Is this a fight?" Kenpachi asked eagerly and drew his sword, "Who wants to fight me?"

Ikakku, having a brilliant idea almost as brilliant as his shiny BALD head, turned and called back "Yumichika does!"

Kenpachi grinned and started racing after Yumichika, "Stop running and face me!"

"Ken-chan's happy!" Yachiru exclaimed.

Ikakku breathed a sigh of relief, thinking he was finally free from Yumichika, and then ran smack into someone.

"Oi, watch where you're…" Ikakku started to growl, but then trailed off when he saw who he had run into.

"Yo," Justin Bieber said.

Ikakku screeched and pointed a finger at JB (AN/ I refuse to write his name again). A large, red beam of light shot from his finger tip. There was nothing left of JB except for a large pile of ashes.

I was dumbfounded. How the held had JB found his way into my story? I didn't even put him there!

"He fell through a plot-hole," a voice from behind me said.

I whirled around to find Hannah Montana…er, Miley Cyrus…er, Mary-Sue…or whatever she's calling herself these days, standing right behind me.

"How the hell did you get here?" I exclaimed.

"I fell through a plot-hole," came the reply.

"What plot-hole? I don't know of any plot-hole!"

Suddenly HM/MC/MS started doing some weird dance and singing, "That's okay, 'cause everyone makes mistakes, everyone has bad days!"

Okay, time to get rid of her. JB was taken care of by that Cero thing Ikakku had shot (wait, how is that possible?), so I didn't have to worry about him. Although, who knows what dreadful things his ashes could do? Maybe Squad 12 would have a good use for him…

"Begone, girl with no name!" I cried, and pointed a finger at HM/MC/MS. She disappeared.

I then turned my attention back to the group down below. Hopefully, no more strange/creepy/scary/all of the above people would appear.

"How'dja do that, Cueball?" Yachiru was asking. Yumichika had finally caught up with Ikakku and was now in the process of hugging him. Kenpachi was sulking in a corner because no one would fight him.

"I'll tell you! He used a Hyper Beam!"

Four pairs of eyes turned to the new person who had just appeared. Kenpachi made no sign that he noticed the new arrival. I felt like banging my head against a wall.

"Quick, Pikachu, it's the rare Ikakkumon, the BALD Pokémon!"

Ash Ketchum pointed a finger at Ikakku, and Pikachu leapt off his shoulder to face Ikakku.

"Pika-CHU!" it shouted.

"I'M NOT BALD," Ikakku roared, "MY HEAD IS –"

Whatever Ikakku was going to saw next was cut off as Ikakku and Yumichika were hit by Pikachu's Thunderbolt attack. They both went flying into the air.

"Look Ikakku, we're flying! And I can see the sun! It's almost as pretty as your BALD head!"

"I'M NOT BALD!"

Meanwhile, Kenpachi had recovered from his brief spell of emo-ness and ran over to Pikachu. He didn't care that Pikachu wasn't even close to being human.

"You wanna fight?" he said and pointed his sword at the little yellow Pokémon.

BLEEP.

"Time to go see who else found an AWESOME CUPCAKE OF CHAOS," I said. I should probably find that stupid plot-hole and send Ash and Pikachu back to whatever region they came from, but I didn't want to make Kenpachi go emo again. I'll fix it later.

So now I'm curious as to what you readers think. R & R please!