Title: Finite
Spoilers: Everything including recent webeps, some speculation for 4.5.
Rating: Strong R
Pairings: Gaeta/Hoshi, Gaeta/Hoshi/Dee
Summary: Every human has a finite number of heartbeats.
xXx
The sight of Hoshi in a flight suit should have made her laugh.
It doesn't. Relief washes over Dee instead, her skin prickling with what feels like hope. She reaches out to help him with one of the multitude of closures that cover the outer jacket. "I told you he'd say 'yes'," she says softly. "He owes us this."
Hoshi nods. His mouth is tight and there are lines around his eyes. Concern has aged him in a very short time. "That was just a formality. I wanted the pilot. And if I didn't get one ..." He stops and glances at Dee meaningfully. "It was just a formality."
Dee tries to smile. "I know." She pulls aimlessly at some tiny wrinkle on his sleeve. "You're going to find him."
"I will." He sounds like the Admiral, for whom success is just an afterthought.
It makes her eyes sting. "I'd be going myself if I thought otherwise."
Hoshi makes a noise that sounds like a chuckle. "Felix would really kick my ass then." The helmet is tucked beneath his arm and he takes Dee's hand, squeezing it. "I know I don't have to ask you to pray for us."
She's going to cry. She will not cry. But she's going to; just not now. "Good hunting," she says fiercely. "Be quick, I have a bottle ready for all three of us and I hate waiting."
Racetrack shows up behind them and he boards without another word. Dee watches the Raptor spin up and shoot away like the goddess' arrow. She can cry then and it's the kind of wracking sobs that make people wince as they walk past. They don't dare offer comfort - they know there is none.
There is only time, the redeemer - and the destroyer - of all things.
xXx
She knows she'll end up in the brig if she's caught but she does it anyway. It's not easy to sneak behind the communications console once an hour and send out a long range signal, that tiny flutter of static that might give away their position to a wily enemy, if she's very unlucky.
But she does it anyway. "Erinyes to Orpheus. Respond. Erinyes to Orpheus. We wait." No voice contact, just the old fashioned pulses, something that might be mistaken for the universes ambient noise if they are detected.
It's a slight chance, a bread crumb trail scattered to a sky filled with vultures. But it's better than nothing.
Tigh doesn't know exactly what she's doing but he knows she's up to something. He chooses to turn his single eye away. Something inside of him has changed -- softened and Dee easily takes advantage of it. They are all dying anyway, circling their dark fate and who is he to challenge her?
Defiantly, she sends out the message again. We wait. I wait. Please respond.
There's no answer.
Not until the sixth day, at what might be considered midnight. She's almost decided to skip an hour but sleepily taps out the message anyway. The response is almost instantaneous.
"Orpheus here. Eurydice is found. Repeat, Eurydice is found."
Suddenly, she's more awake than she's been in weeks. It's hard to hide her wild excitement but she taps back a set of coordinates that will lead them to a well-charted sector. From there it's an easy series of jumps back to Galactica and then ...
"I hope you are willing to accept the possible consequences of your actions, Lieutenant," Tigh growls in her ear, making her start in surprise. "If those bastards have heard you ..."
"I am," she replies, putting down the comlink with shaking hands. "He's found him, sir."
Tigh squints at her. "You're kidding."
"No, sir ... " Dee begins before the beeping of the console interrupts. She glances at the translation, her blood suddenly turning cold.
Orpheus to Erinyes. Send help. For the love of the gods, send help.
xXx
She never actually sees the Raptor or what was supposedly found inside but she hears plenty. Death and blood and none of it has anything to do with the Cavils. It's hard to know what to believe - she only knows that Hoshi has become even more fiercely protective over Felix, shielding him from almost everyone who tries to visit him in sickbay.
Not even the Admiral is given admittance, something that she knows will anger him to the core. The Old Man has taken to looking at her with a strange suspicion. No doubt Tigh has mentioned her quiet mutiny to him - he'll take a mental note of that, for certain.
Not that it matters. She did what she felt she had to. Let him do what he will.
To her surprise, Dee finds herself allowed behind the curtain when she tries to visit. Felix's sleep looks unnatural, drugged, and the quick beneath his fingernails is still caked with dried blood. She perches uncomfortably on an examining stool next to Hoshi who stares at Felix as if he can bring him back to reality through sheer force of will.
"It was supposed to be a vacation, frak it," Hoshi whispers furiously, his eyes never leaving Felix's face. "He was supposed to heal."
"He'll heal," Dee soothes but her words sound hollow, even to herself. "Give it time."
"We don't have time," Hoshi hisses. He looks more distraught then he did on the day Felix disappeared. "None of us do." Hoshi slumps; he looks like he's crumbling from the inside out. "I swore I'd look after him. That he wouldn't suffer any more. He doesn't deserve this. I ... I've failed him."
Dee winds an arm around his shaking shoulders. "You saved him."
Hoshi only shakes his head in reply. The time ticks by slowly, punctuated only by the beeps of Felix's monitors, the echo of a heart that refuses to stop beating.
xXx
Two weeks have passed since Felix's rescue and she brings the bottle to Joe's as promised.
There's enough for a real night of decadence, at least what passes for decadence in these dark days. Felix smokes more than he drinks, watching with tired eyes as she and Hoshi proceed to get frak-faced together, laughing uproariously at nothing. She's wearing a borrowed evening gown. It's shiny black and low-cut, just the thing to wear to 'the best funeral ever' as she's taken to calling their current predicament.
Hoshi makes fun of the glittered bands that divide her cleavage and snaps her bra when she takes a drink, making her splutter all over the table. "You daggit-humping, motherfrakkin' ... "
Hoshi pretends to be very shocked. "My virgin ears!"
"And now they match the rest of you," Dee smirks and they howl again, drinks sloshing.
Felix grins thinly through the halos of smoke floating through the air. Tilts his head toward the music humming over the wireless. "You two should dance."
Their laughter quiets. "I'm not much of a dancer," Hoshi shrugs.
"Dee's wonderful," Felix says. Reaching out, he absently plays with Dee's fingers. "We danced together on New Caprica. The sun was shining so brightly, remember?"
Dee does remember. In retrospect it's one of the last happy memories she has. She glances at Felix, a deep questioning look and he nods. "Oh, all right," she says with a gaiety she doesn't feel. Grabbing Hoshi's hand she pulls him to his feet. "He'll probably send me to Cottle with ten broken toes but if you insist."
Felix smiles and draws in another lungful of smoke.
They hit the floor together and Hoshi is stiff against her, not understanding. "Just go along with it," she whispers as they turn in hesitant circles. "He has his reasons."
Hoshi doesn't look like he agrees but does as she says anyway, loosening up and dancing properly. Nothing wild and he's not that bad, just lacking the enthusiasm she remembered from the times she took the floor with Felix. It always made her laugh, his silly twirls and dips and something in her heart falters when she realizes that she'll never dance with Felix again.
But she smiles and keeps going. She can see Felix watching them intently, what's he's thinking -- imagining -- is something she can only guess at. He grins broadly at them when they're done, drinking a toast to their talent which starts the laughter anew. Felix then suggests a game of high card with a deck that materializes out of nowhere.
She and Hoshi are at a definite disadvantage against Felix's math skills which border on the supernatural. The room spins a little by the eighth loss and Hoshi begins to beg off, claiming he can no longer see the numbers.
It's odd to have Felix guide them back to Dualla's private quarters, his slow, determined limp leading the way. Insists on helping her take off her shoes and she's so gone by this time she lets him, laughing at the slow way he unbuckles the straps, his long fingers clasping her ankles in a not entirely unpleasant way.
Hoshi looks both dizzy and uncomfortable so she offers him the other side of her generous bed, a gift from her ex-husband, the President. "Hey, I got the house for a reason," she snorts, pulling Hoshi down beside her. He seems glad to lie down and the last thing Dee remembers is Felix sitting at her desk, smoking, his eyes fixed on them both.
He's still sitting there when she wakes up. The ashtray next to him is full of butts smoked down to the last puff. Her head is pounding and Hoshi is still sleeping beside her, tangled and uncomfortable in a uniform jacket he forgot to take off. "Gods," she moans, searching for the clock. "Is it tomorrow?"
Felix chuckles. "Depends. What was yesterday?"
Wincing, she sits up. "Why aren't you sleeping, Felix? And don't tell me you're not tired."
"I'm honestly not but I guess if I had to make another excuse I'd say life is too short to waste on sleep."
"You're not going to make it any longer with all that smoking," Dee grumbles. She pulls her hair out of her face and squirms out of her bra, sighing with relief when it's off. Kneels on the bed and shimmies out of the confining dress without thought. She's been naked in front of Felix more times than she can count and as for Hoshi ...
Hoshi who is scrunching his eyes shut and pretending to sleep even through Felix's laughter. "Please, Louis. Her boobs won't blind you."
Dee laughs too, nudging at Hoshi with her knee. "Your virgin eyes have seen too much already?"
"Shut up," Hoshi protests, his cheeks flushed bright red. He sheepishly pushes himself up, straightening out a jacket wrinkled beyond all recognition. "Remind me not to sleep in this thing again," he says, trying not to watch too intently as Dee combs her hair, still mostly naked except for a pair of panties.
She can feel Hoshi stealing glances, his breathing slightly more labored. His squirming is a little funny except that Felix is staring openly at her, desire obvious in his eyes. He's asking something of her, something she'd never think of giving to anyone except that this is Felix and he's dying inside. Her sweet, good ifriend/i is dying by inches and there's something innocent about what he wants, as strange as it seems.
Something that seems like a last request.
A request she will grant.
The rest of the morning passes in a haze. Hoshi's tongue is hot over her skin. She closes her eyes as multiple fingers explore her and she groans when Hoshi enters her from behind. Felix holds her face between his hands, whispering pretty words while kissing her open mouth, swallowing down her little cries. His dark eyes are so bright, he looks so alive and this isn't a mistake because, gods, he looks like he used to.
Whatever Hoshi keeps doing is making her come and it's only a little awkward when Hoshi lies down beside her, spent and breathing hard. He's not looking at her but staring desperately at Felix who merely smiles and lights another cigarette. "I think I like this planet better than New Caprica," he jokes. "The party has definitely improved."
He leans over and kisses them one after the other, tasting of smoke and sweat. "You know I love you, right?"
Neither Dee nor Hoshi answer.
The silence is appalling. Felix doesn't elaborate, he's already retreated away from them, maybe forever. The quarters remain quiet except for the sound of their breathing - of Felix's constant inhale - exhale - of smoke.
For the first time since their terrible journey began, Dee thinks the end of the world might actually have arrived.
xXx
She doesn't see them again for weeks. There's unrest in the fleet, human against human, cylon 'allies' in hiding. The CIC is in disarray and she's barely holding her own little group together in a parody of work, switches flicked aimlessly, orders given without much response.
Hoshi eventually returns, spending hours staring at an empty DRADIS, but Felix is nowhere to be found. There are rumors that he's joined a faction of humans who no longer believe in the Admiral. Who want to fracture the fleet into pieces and take off for salvation unknown.
She can't say for sure. There's still the memory of his face so close to hers, smoke-taste against her lips and she wonders how they've fallen so far. She finds herself taking her own pulse and counting, wondering how many heartbeats she has left to waste.
xXx
end
Reviews are what help us find the "real" Earth! Please give us some!