Song: Dean Martin & Helen O'Connell – How D'ya Like Your Eggs In The Mornin'?
Characters Involved: The Flock
Genre: Humour
Rated: K+ for mild swearing.
Short Summary: You think Max is a bad cook? Let's see what you think when Fang cooks.
Fang's P.O.V
The Flock and I were staying at a cheap hotel for the night, because Iggy was feeling Ill. As much as we love having showers and beds, we didn't have any food. Sure, we could get a Pizza, but we were on a budget.
Nobody wants to endure Max's awful cooking, so I guess I was stuck with the job of whipping up a meal. Trust me, I do some mean toast.
Unfortunately, the guys didn't want toast. They wanted eggs. And fries. And sausages. And baked beans.
So here I am, standing in front of the oven with a frying fan in my hand. Max was sitting on the counter behind me smirking.
"And you call me a bad cook." She said giggling.
She turned to the radio next to her and switched it on. An old song blasted from the speakers.
How d'ya like your eggs in the morning
I like mine with a kiss
Boiled or fried
I'm satisfied, as long as I get my kiss
I turned and threw her a dark look at that comment. Turning back to the lean, mean, fang-cannot-understand-how-to-cook-sausages-on-this-thing machine, I ripped open the frozen bag of fries.
As I still had the freaking frying pan in my one hand and the bag of fries in the other, I couldn't open the oven door. So, being the complete idiot I am, I lifted my foot and pried open the door with that. But not noticing that the floor was a little slippy, I slid back and fell onto my back, flattening my wings.
By this time, Max was on the floor with me, rolling around with laughter.
I sat up hissing in pain and slowly got to my feet. I looked at the ground and noticed that I had sent fries spewing across the floor.
Max got to her feet, wet streaks running down her face from laughing so hard. But now it was my time to laugh. As there were fries all over the floor and she had been lying down, she had a French fry dangling from her blonde hair.
How d'ya like your toast in the morning
I like mine with a hug
Dark or light
The world's all right, as long as I get my hug
I burst out laughing and confusion swept across her face faster than I had fallen to the floor.
"What? What are you laughing at Fang?" she questioned.
I shook my head still laughing and I could tell she was becoming very self conscious. I pointed to her hair and she felt around for a moment. She finally grabbed the piece of potato and turned a light shade of pink. She looked back at me, stuck her tongue out and threw the French fry at me. It hit me squarely in the eye and it started to water.
Max cackled and rushed off to the bathroom. I shook my head and turned back to the bigger problem.
The food.
This time, I put down the bag of frozen fries and heaved open the oven door to find a cooking tray inside. I set it down on the counter and poured a huge pile of fries onto it.
Once I had shoved the tray back into the oven, I turned to the box of eggs. I carefully picked it up and turned on the stove thing. I heard a sudden crash coming from the bathroom and Max swearing violently. But when I had span around to see where the cry had emitted from, I hadn't noticed a plate of butter lying next to my hand.
My hand flew straight into the cube of soft butter, covering my fingers. Groaning, I grabbed the towel lying next to the sink and wiped my hands clean. I could still feel the substance covering my hands, but decided the cooking was the number one priority.
I've got to have my love in the morning
Or the rest of my day is positively mayhem
I'm a regular monster
I reached into the box of eggs and pulled one out. I held it carefully, but as I still had some butter on my hands, the precious egg slid straight through my fingers and splattered across the floor. (A/N: Yeah I know, that probably wouldn't happen in real life, but hey, its FanFiction! Who cares?!)
"Shit." I cursed under my breath and bent down, scraping up the remains of the egg. I was starting to get incredibly ticked off with this whole cooking business. I gathered up the goo and bits off shell and overwhelmed with frustration, threw the whole contents into the frying pan that was sitting on the stove.
I grabbed the rest off the eggs and cracked them all open and hurling them into the frying pan, not caring if the shells were still in there. My hands still coated in the slime, I reached for the string of sausages.
The clear substance coating my hands spread over the sausages as they slipped through my fingers.
I managed to grab another frying pan, but in my hurry to get the sausages cooking, I hadn't been gripping the handle of the pan very tightly, so due to my extremely slimy hands, the frying pan dropped to he floor. Everything would have been fine if my foot hadn't been where the frying pan landed.
I hissed as the heavy metal dropped onto my foot, causing tears to form in my eyes. I finally decided to wash my hands properly and picked up the frying pan. The sausages were hanging limply from my hand, so I lifted them up and dropped the huge amount into the single pan.
How d'ya like your eggs in the morning
I like mine with a kiss
Up or down
I'll never frown, eggs can be almost bliss
Just as long as I get my kiss
I set down the frying pan on the stove and leaned against the counter and wiped a hand over my forehead in relief. I had managed to finally get everything cooking.
I walked over to the couch and sank onto it gratefully. My foot was throbbing, the feathers on my wings felt crushed and I felt a bruise forming on my butt. Ah, the joys of cooking.
I could feel my eyes drooping and I drifted off into a peaceful sleep, enjoying the feeling of not cooking.
BEEP BEEP BEEP
How d'ya like your eggs in the morning
How d'ya like your eggs in the morning
I like mine with a kiss
I like mine with a kiss
Boiled or fried
I'm satisfied
As long as I get my kiss
I jumped from my lying position from the couch as I heard an alarm set off. Smoke filled the room and I rushed over to the oven to find the sausages and eggs on fire. I wrenched open a cupboard and pulled out the bright red fire extinguisher and put out the fire.
My face fell as I caught sight of my masterpiece. The sausages looked like black dogs business and the eggs were a mass of brown clumps with a layer of black on the bottom. I could spot bits of egg shell here and there.
I growled in frustration and grabbed seven plates (6 for the flock, 1 for Total) and scraped the brown mush onto each plate. I then pealed the charred sausage from the pan and put 3 on each plate.
Heaving open the oven door, I noticed that the fried weren't burnt. At east I had done something right. As I pulled out the tray, and poured the fries onto the plates, I noticed they weren't warm.
I picked one up and put into it, only to find that the French fry was still frozen. I could feel my face turn red with anger and threw the French fry back onto the plate.
How d'ya like your toast in the morning
How d'ya like your toast in the morning
I like mine with a hug
I like mine with a hug
Dark or light
The world's all right
As long as I get my hug
"DINNER'S READY!" I yelled, hearing heavy footsteps rushing towards the table.
Nudge and Gazzy were the first to enter the room, their faces falling as they caught a whiff of the disgusting smell.
Angel and Max strolled in hand in hand, with Total trotting behind, and I saw Max smirk at me as she took her place at the table. Iggy was sick so he was staying in bed.
As I set the plates down in front of each of them, they looked down at it, and then stared at each other in horror.
Nudge heaved and jumped up from her seat, rushing to the bathroom. Gazzy looked like he was about to follow.
"What?! You asked for food, so I gave you some!" I exclaimed
"You call this" Gazzy poked his food "food?"
"You are so ungrateful! I spend my time cooking for you and all you can do is poke and prod it like it's an experiment at the School!" I said, glaring at the four of them.
I've got to have my love in the morning
Or the rest of my day is positively mayhem
I'm a regular monster
"Fang, calm down! We are grateful. Grateful that you made sure you could see the food is dangerous to eat. Otherwise we would probably be lying unconscious on the floor by now." Max said, making Angel giggle.
I growled and whipped my head round to Gazzy when I heard his voice. "The sausages and whatever the brown stuff is looks like it's been through one of mine and Ig's bombs!"
"It's ok though, the burnt sausage will make up the heat for the frozen fries." Max said, obviously trying to hold back fits of laughter.
How d'ya like your eggs in the morning
I like mine with a kiss
Up or down
I'll never frown
Eggs can be almost bliss, just as long as I get my kiss.
The song ended and I could feel my hands shaking out of anger.
"Yeah yeah, laugh it up. But next time, I'm not cooking for you." I growled.
I turned to find Nudge emerging from the bathroom, breathing heavily.
"Fine. I'll cook next time then." Max said haughtily.
At this, Nudge rushed back into the bathroom. I turned to Max and smirked.
This should be fun…
I really enjoyed writing this fic. I was going to put it in my story 'The Invasion Of The Songfics.' But I decided to post it as a separate story, although, I probably will post it in 'The Invasion Of The Songfics' as I haven't updated it in a while.
I hope you liked this story though, and PLEASE REVIEW! If you want a sequel (just an extra chapter), just say so in your review!
-WingKid