AUTHOR'S NOTE: I am aware that this story is obnoxiously long but when I first posted it on another site it was in parts and in all honesty I really don't feel like breaking it up into separate chapters so if you don't want to read the whole thing in one sitting just leave it and come back later, I understand. In order to make that easier I'll include chapter names.

Chapter One: Down the Rabbit Hole

Willow was standing in a hospital's entrance lobby or that's where she thought she was at least. The entire lobby was stark white save for the linoleum floor and reception desk which were a be-speckled grey color. The ceiling was adorned with florescent lights. There were few people around save for a few coming and going, the lady at the reception desk, and a nurse talking to a young girl.

For some reason the young girl caught Willow's attention. She looked to be about 13 and she was wearing a candy striper uniform, a new recruit Willow thought. She wasn't sure why but Willow felt a strong connection to this girl. She had never seen her before in her life yet she felt a connection to her. The young girl reminded Willow of herself at that age, awkward and shy.

Then something hit her, she was standing in the lobby of a hospital but she had no idea where the hospital was or why she was there. Willow walked up to the reception desk intent on asking the lady there but when she got there she realized she had no idea what to ask the receptionist. What was she suppose to do ask her if any one of the following people had been checked in at this hospital? No, Willow thought that was a bad idea. The receptionist would probably think it was a practical joke of some kind and even if she didn't it would take far too long for her to enter all the names in her computer. Willow was about to ask her what hospital this was when she noticed the young girl walking down a hallway off to Willow's right.

She wasn't sure why but for some reason Willow followed the girl down the long corridor. When she reached the end the young girl turned left but when Willow turned the corner to follow her she was gone; leaving Willow all alone. Willow felt as though she was following the white rabbit from Alice and Wonderland down the rabbit hole. "I'm late. I'm late for a very important date. No time to say hello, goodbye. I'm late. I'm late. I'm late." Willow smiled inwardly at the thought. She remembered watching the movie with Xander when they were younger. He had bought it for her as a gift for her 6th birthday and they had immediately ran over to the T.V. and popped it in to the VCR. The movie was one of Willow's favorites. The entire movie took place in Alice's dream. Hmmm maybe that's what this is maybe I'm dreaming Willow mused as she walked down the hall.

As she began to near the end of the corridor she heard voices. They were coming from beyond the metal double doors at the end of the hall. Slowly Willow pushed then open and entered, finding herself in a waiting area full of people.

Doctors, nurses, and orderlies bustled about, rushing patients off to surgery and comforting those that were worried about a loved one. There were lots of patients, most of who were sitting in the chairs arranged sporadically throughout the room. They were reading magazines and filling out forms. To Willow's left there was another set of double doors with a sign above then that said Surgery: Authorized Personal Only and to the right was another corridor.

It was down this corridor that Willow saw her friends. She was so relieved to see some familiar faces. She rushed over to them. Xander was sitting next to Dawn his elbows resting on his knees as he ran his hands through his hair. Dawn put a hand on his shoulder trying to comfort him. He looked at her and smiled, genuinely grateful; putting his arm around her. They didn't seem to notice Willow so she went over to where Giles and Buffy were standing in the hallway. They looked worried. Buffy's face was etched with concern.

"You mustn't worry," Giles said trying to comfort the slayer, "She's a strong girl. She'll be okay."

"I hope you're right," Buffy said almost on the verge of tears, "I don't know what I'd do without her." He just gives her a pained smile and she continues, "But I just can't help but feel I could have prevented this from happening."

"It was an accident these things happen; its sad but true. There's nothing you could have done."

"But if I had been there I could have stopped her. Told her not to go." Giles opened his mouth to say something but before he could a doctor came up to them.

Once he saw the doctor Xander stood up and came over with Dawn following not to far behind.

"You can see her now," the doctor said.

"How is she? Is she going to be alright?" Xander asked anxiously.

"At this point we're really not sure. It's all touch and go from here. Its out of hands, it's up to fate."

Fate. Buffy hated that word. Fate, destiny; it was all so unfair. Why was it that someone else gets to call all the shots when we have to deal with the consequences? Buffy couldn't bear the idea of some higher power choosing whether her friend got to live or die. At that moment she wanted more than anything to grab the doctor by the throat and to tell him to fix her, to fix her friend who she loved so much but she knew that wouldn't do any good. All it would do was get her thrown in jail. Her slayer powers weren't going to help her now. It killed her that all she could do was sit and wait unable to do anything to help. It was the same feeling she had when her mother had been sick. It felt like someone she loved was drowning but all she could do was sit by and watch hoping someone would save them. In her mother's case no one had come to her rescue. Buffy prayed this time the outcome would be different.

Willow tried multiply times to ask what happened and who was hurt but each time she was met with no response. They were ignoring her, acting like she wasn't there. Maybe she wasn't there Willow thought. When she had come back from England, come back from her training she had been afraid, afraid her friends wouldn't take her back and she had accidentally cast a spell causing her friends to be unable to see her. Maybe something similar had happened.

As Willow thought about this her mind drifted back to why she had gone to England, what she had done, and why she had done it: Tara. Willow wept inwardly mourning her dead lover. Tara, she had been her world and she was stolen from her. Willow felt the old familiar rage spark up inside her but she suppressed it. Tara was the love of her life and although Willow knew she would fall in love again and that she had, she also knew it was noting like what she had had with Tara. Their connection was the strongest bond she had ever known. She felt as though they could have done anything together. "You're strong like an Amazon," Tara's voice echoed in her head. "No, I'm not. I'm not strong, not without you," Willow cried. It wasn't that she didn't care for Kennedy, she did. Willow loved her girlfriend very much but she also knew deep down that if Tara were still alive Kennedy would have never stood a chance.

Willow sighed as she watched Buffy, Giles, Dawn, and Xander enter room 314, ignoring her completely. She followed them into the room shocked at what she found.

CHAPTER TWO: Death

When Willow entered the hospital room she didn't believe what she was seeing at first, she saw herself lying in a hospital bed surrounded by her friends. How was this possible? She had a bandage on her forehead and her face was all scraped. She was attached to a heart monitor that kept a steady rhythmic beeping sound; which was her only comfort well that and the rising and falling of her chest. At least she wasn't dead. But how had this happened? she wondered.

Suddenly, in all came back to her, she had been in a car accident. She was staying with Dawn for the night so they could spend some time together and also because Buffy had a date with the Immortal, her new boyfriend. Xander and Giles were out patrolling because Buffy was on her date and Andrew had accidentally given all the SITs (Slayers in training) the night off. It had been slow as of late things being less para and a lot more normal. The weather had been really bad that night. It had been really late, Dawn was in bed, Buffy had called saying she was spending the night at the Immortals', and Xander and Giles had yet to come back from patrol. Willow was getting worried: What if something bad happened to them? They could have been eaten or who knows what else. She had decided to brave the weather and go look for them. She had gotten in her car and drove off looking for Xander and Giles. The road had been really slippery and her car had gone off the road. The last thing she remembered was crashing into a tree and blacking out.

Willow snapped out of her dream as she saw Kennedy rush into the room and lean over her body. Willow still couldn't believe what was happening. What if she died? She never had a chance to say goodbye to everyone; to tell them she loved them so much.

"What happened?" Kennedy asked as she rushed into the room and to her girlfriend's side. She was in bad shape she thought.

"She was in a car accident," Giles said his voice catching in his throat.

"She's gonna be okay though. Right?"

"We don't know yet," Giles whispered.

"Oh god, Willow," Kennedy stared at her girlfriend. This is just too much to handle she thought.

"Beeeeeep" the heart monitor rang, signaling something was wrong with Willow. She had stopped breathing.

Oh no this is not good Willow thought as she watched her friends look on scared and worried as the doctors rushed in.

"She's not breathing," one of the orderlies said as he pushed Kennedy aside to make room for the other hospital workers to put an oxygen mask on Willow's face.

Oh god; I'm gonna die Willow thought. I don't want to die. I'm not ready yet; there's so much I still need to do.

"Alright clear!" one of the doctors yelled as they put those things on her chest. I don't know what their called Willow thought, as she watch her body jump a little from the shock.

Willow thought back to a few years ago, before she had brought Buffy back. Both her and Dawn had been sick; Tara had went to the supermarket and the pharmacy to pick up their medicine and some food. They had asked for cookie dough ice cream but Tara had insisted on buying chicken noodle soup saying she thought it would make them feel better and they needed something with some nutritional value.

"Ice cream is healthy," Dawn had responded, "Its got loads of nutritional value ummm...it contains milk so calcium and..."

She had undoubtedly lost the argument. Even with Willow's help. So while Tara was gone they had decided to watch one of those daytime soap operas.

In this one, one of the main characters had been in a terrible accident and he had been rushed to the hospital. The doctors had tried several times yelling "clear!" and shocking his body and just when you thought he was gonna die the heart monitor started beeping again and he had survived.

Willow wondered if this is what people thought about before they died, little insignificant moments. She had always assumed she would see her life flash before her eyes, maybe even in a montage style with one of her favorite songs playing in the background.

Hey Willow thought who says I'm going to die they could save me right in the nick of time just like in the soap opera and then I'll wake up and I'll reminisce about that day with Dawn and everything will be okay.

But this isn't a soap opera Willow thought as they shocked her body one finale time and it lay still and motionless. This isn't T.V. I'm gonna die.

"I'm really going to die," Willow whispered as the hospital room began to fade away, "No, I can't! Guys, wait! I need to tell you...I love you!" she cried out to her friends as everything continued to fade away.

The last thing she heard before her world went black was the doctor saying, "I'm calling it. Time of death 3:45 A.M."

CHAPTER THREE: Ghost Roads

Willow was still in shock at what had just happened. She was dead she thought as she allowed time for her eyes to adjust to the darkness that surrounded her.

"Where am I?" Willow asked out loud, not expecting an answer. She looked around but all she saw was never ending blackness. She was standing on some type of road that was a slightly different shade of black then what surrounded her. Willow peered over the edge only to find more infinite darkness. Willow heard some sort of noise so she looked up only to see a large group of people walking towards her.

Willow walked in front of them, "Hello? Hi, I'm Willow," she said to the man approaching her, "I was wondering if you could help me. You see I'm not really sure where I am…." But the man ignored her and walked right through her.

"Well, that was rude," Willow stated. She was about to follow the mob when she saw someone she knew at the back of the crowd. It was Amanda, one of the potentials that had helped them defeat the First. She was a nice girl and unfortunately she had died during the battle back in the hellmouth, Willow remembered.

"Amanda," Willow said as she walked over towards the girl waving.

"Willow?" she replied surprised, "What are you doing here?"

"I'm...well, I died," she said bluntly.

"Obviously, otherwise you wouldn't be here; how?"

"Car Accident, Amanda where is here exactly?"

"The ghost roads."

Willow had heard about the ghost roads; they were a sort spiritual highway for the dead. She also remembered they were supposed to be fairly expansive and confusing. Many souls got lost on their journey. She had never asked Buffy if she had traveled the ghost roads when she had died (Willow knew it was hard for Buffy to talk about the summer she spent 6 feet under) and now Willow almost regretted it. She could have used the extra information. Buffy probably hadn't traveled them for very long and would have barley remembered them; souls who did find there where got there very quickly and rarely remembered the journey. Amanda must have been stuck here for some time, Willow thought.

"It's a lot to take in dieing and all," Amanda told her.

"Yeah; are you stuck here?" Willow venture to ask," Am I….?"

"No, I'm not stuck….I'm here to help guide the lost souls to where they belong."

"That must be lonely."

"Not really besides I have help."

"Help?"

"Yeah, there's another slayer she died a really long time ago she has been doing it alone for a long time and I offered to help her. She's very nice and I'm happy with my choice although sometimes I do wish I'd moved on…..Well I should go. I have a lot of work to do."

"Go? But what about me?"

"You?"

"Yes, me. Hello? Dead person who doesn't know where they are going; aka lost soul," Willow said frantically. She had thought she could handle most situations without panicking; after all the monster fighting she had done but this was one situation she wasn't prepared for.

"Willow, you'll be fine….someone is coming for you."

"Who?!" Willow yelled as Amanda's figure retreated into the darkness. That's when something hit her in the head.

"Ow. Hey?" Willow exclaimed but when she turned to find out who it was she didn't find what she expected. Instead Willow came face to face with a small blue circular light; exactly like the one Tara had sent to her when they (Xander and Willow) had gotten lost in the woods the night they had resurrected Buffy.

"Tara?" Willow asked it; couldn't be she thought. Tara's dead but then again so am I.

The little light buzzed around Willow's head nudging her ever so slightly and compelling her to follow. Willow began to follow the light as it flew in the opposite direction that Amanda and the others went.

Willow had been following the small ball of light down the winding ghost roads for what felt like days. The thought had crossed her mind that maybe this little light wasn't Tara and maybe she wasn't suppose to follow it, but she pushed that thought aside. Willow thoughts were interrupted when the light gently hit her in the head to get her attention.

"What?" Willow asked as she looked in front of her.

At first she didn't see anything but when she squinted she could make out the outline of a rectangle. As she walked closer she realized it was a door; to where she didn't know. The door was painted a forest green and it looked very old. It had a silver door knob, dulled from lack of shining over the years. The little light buzzed around her head growing more excited and then when she put her hand on the doorknob and began to turn it, the light just faded out of existence.

Despite that Willow continued to push open the door. When it was fully open all she could see was a blinding white light. Willow sighed as she walked though the door and into the light and worlds unknown.

CHAPTER FOUR: Same House, Different Day

Willow found herself in the foyer of Buffy's old house back in Sunnydale.

"Hello? Is anyone there?" Willow yelled, receiving no response.

She turned left and stood in front of the doors that lead to the living room. She could hear voices coming from inside. She could hear them laughing as she pushed open the double doors and slowly entered the room.

"Hey, Willow," Eve said in her southern belle accent.

She was sitting with a few other potentials, including Molly, Annabelle, and Chloe; all of them had been killed by the First. They were sitting on sleeping bags in their pajamas, talking and playing cards.

"What's wrong; you look like you just saw a ghost," Molly told her.

"I….where am I?" Willow asked, confused; suddenly all the potentials disappeared from the room leaving Willow standing with no trace that they had ever been there.

Then just as suddenly as they had left Chloe appeared but this time she was dead, her body was in the same position it had been the night the First had convinced her to hang herself. Suddenly, her eyes snapped open and she said, "TTFN" and with that disappeared.

Willow staggered backwards in surprise and tripped over something causing her to fall on her butt. When she looked to see what she had tripped over she realized it was Tara's dead body. She was even wearing the same blue sweater she was wearing the day Warren killed her.

"Oh god," Willow cried, "I'm in hell."

Quickly she ran from the room and pushed open the door to the kitchen. When she walked in she found Joyce standing there, sipping a cup of coffee.

"Mrs. Summers?" Willow asked.

"Oh, hello Willow; have you come to pay you're respects?" Joyce asked with a smile.

"My respects?" Willow asked and that's when she noticed Buffy lying on the kitchen counter. She had a sheer white gauzy veil lying over her body, "Is she dead?"

"Who?" Joyce asked.

"Buffy?!" Willow said as she glanced at the counter again only to find it empty.

"She won't live forever Willow. You can't keep bringing her back," Joyce replied and then suddenly her tone changed becoming warm and inviting as though nothing had happened, "Would you like some coffee dear; perhaps hot coco."

"No, thanks. Where am I? Is this hell?"

"No, its well I'm not really sure what it's called but no you're not in hell. You're too good to be there; too pure."

"But I killed him," Willow said. She was referring to Warren.

"And I killed Katrina but you don't see me moping around crying about it all the time. God you are so pathetic," Warren taunted. Joyce had disappeared and he was standing where she last stood, "You haven't changed! You can't! Deep down inside you're still just geeky little Willow Rosenberg."

That's when Willow found herself standing in the front of a classroom. Her hair was long, once again and she was wearing the same dress, she had worn when she had first met Buffy.

Giles's words echoed through the room, "In the end, we are all who we are no matter how much we may have appeared to have changed."

Then Willow noticed the baby deer, standing just outside the classroom it was the same one she had killed to bring Buffy back she was sure of it. She walked outside into the hall. Her appearance had once again taken its usual form. The deer was walking peacefully down the hall, which was much different then Willow had expected. The hall she was standing in looked a lot like the hall she had walked down with Buffy and Xander on their way to the hellmouth. The deer turned left and when she tried to follow she found her self standing all alone she walked further down the hall only to turn around and see Caleb standing there.

"Hello there; did you miss me?" Caleb asked.

"Go Away!"

"Now is that anyway for a young lady to behave. Come now we're all friends here."

"You're evil and you're not my friend."

"I see I'm evil, you're good, so that means we're completely different and couldn't possibly have anything in common," he smirks, "You've got a lot to learn about the nature of evil girly."

"Really?" Willow responded, doubtfully.

"Yeah, you see, you and I, are more alike then you would think," Willow raised her eyebrows in response to this. Suddenly Caleb was standing behind her and he whispered in her ear, "There a heroes in evil as well as good."

As he said it he disappeared; when Willow looked around again she found she wasn't standing in the hallway anymore instead she was in the old Sunnydale High library and sitting at the tables located in the center of the room was Cordelia, Wesley, Ms.Calender, and Anya.

"Hey Willow, you died too?" Cordy said as she turned around in her chair, holding a cup of coffee in her hand.

CHAPTER FIVE: A Test?

"Yeah," Willow said, "Car accident."

"Coma," Cordy answered.

"Demon," Wesley replied.

"Angelus but you already knew that," Jenny said as Willow walked towards the table and sat down across from Wesley and near Cordelia, "Would you like some coffee or tea?"

"Umm…yeah sure," Willow said as Jenny got up and began to busy herself with making the tea, "I don't understand…Where am I? I mean one minute its all roses and sunshine and the next its all with the death and the creepy."

"You're not in hell if that's what you're thinking and neither are we; in fact we're not here at all," Wesley said.

"Coulda fooled me," Willow replied.

"Well are spirits aren't here physically...it's quite complicated actually but that's not the point. This is not your final resting place,' Wesley continued.

"Thank God," Willow said with a sigh of relief. She was having enough trouble dealing with the fact she was dead. She didn't think she could handle being stuck here for all eternity.

"It's all merely a test," Wesley said.

"Maybe a little bit of a punishment or you could just be lost. We don't know much about this place," Cordelia put in.

"How long does it last?" Willow asked, fearing the answer.

"It depends but for the moment you're safe here," Jenny answered as she poured the hot water into a cup and allowed the tea to steep.

"If you're spirits aren't here then where are they?" Willow asked.

"Places don't really have names around here but it's nice where I am," Cordy said.

"Yes, I feel quite at home where I am as well," Wesley said.

"Here's you're tea," Jenny said as she placed a cup in front of Willow.

"Ms.Calander are you….are you happy?" Willow asked. She wanted to know her friends where safe and happy.

"I'm at peace," she said as the bell rang, "Uh-oh, times up."

"Huh?" Willow said picking up her cup. When she looked inside it was filled with maggots. Willow jumped up and let out a scream as she dropped the cup and moved away from the table.

By this time everyone had disappeared from the room and it had begun to shake as if there was an earthquake. Books began to topple off the shelves as Willow stood there motionless. Just as a bookshelf was about to topple onto her; someone grabbed Willow's arm and pulled her aside.

"Come this way," Kendra yelled as she pulled Willow along through the library doors and down the hall.

"Kendra? What are you doing here…oh right you're dead too."

"I'm here to help you. I help lost spirits, it's my job."

"I'm lost?!" Willow exclaimed in alarm.

"In here," Kendra said as she pushed Willow into a classroom and shut the door.

Willow looked around to find Kendra was no longer with her and she was standing in the Magic Box. The floor of the place was covered with bunnies and sitting on top of the round table in the center of the room was Anya cowering in fear.

"Anya?" Willow said.

"Willow? You're dead.''

"I know," Willow said, exasperated, "What's with all the bunnies?"

"It's my punishment for being a Vengeance demon," she said as a bunny jumped onto the table and Anya screamed, "Willow, do something!"

Willow tried to hold back a laugh as she picked up the bunny and placed it on the floor, "As far as punishments go this is pretty unusual."

"I know, it's cruel and unusual. Fire and brimstone I can handle but this is just sick and twisted."

"Is there anything I can do?"

"Get them to leave!"

"How do I do that?"

"I don't know, you're good with magic put them back in you're hat or something!"

"Anya, I'm new here but as far as I can tell we don't have much control over what happens."

"Sure we do, we're in control of our own destinies."

"Fine, then you make them go away."

"I can't! I'm scared!"

"I still don't understand why…"

"They're evil! Now make them go away!"

"I can't!…..but maybe we can go somewhere else; come on."

"Then I have to go down there."

"No you don't….I'll carry you," Willow said as she let Anya get on her back so she could give her a piggy back ride.

Willow and Anya moved to the back door that led to the training room and opened it and then quickly went in side closing the door behind them. Willow let Anya get down and they both walked through the training room and through the back door of the Magic Box.

Willow was now standing on a platform. There were people sitting in chairs looking at her as well as some people on stage with her. She was wearing a red graduation robe and cap. I'm at my graduation Willow thought as she noticed Principal Snyder and the mayor standing there shaking student's hands as they handed them there diplomas.

Sitting in the seats below were many people Willow knew; there was the girl had tried to help last year: Cassie Newton. Willow also recognized Jessie, Professor Walsh, and Anya sitting there too.

"Willow Rosenburg," Snyder said her name into the microphone with little enthusiasm. Willow walked forward towards Mayor Wilkins and shook his hand not sure what else to do. The mayor had a stupid grin on his face and he gave Snyder a look when he wouldn't let go of Willow's diploma. Willow quickly took her diploma after he finally let go and walked off stage.

CHAPTER SIX: New Beginning

Once again finding herself in the Summer's house but this time she was standing in what use to be her and Tara's room. Tara was there too she was standing there looking out the window the sun shining on her face.

"You're late," Tara said as she turned her head to look at Willow smiling.

Willow rushed over to her, cupping her hands in her cheeks and kissing her passionately. She had missed this: the smell of her hair, the taste of her lips. She had missed Tara so much.

"I've missed you," Willow said after they had stopped kissing. The two lovers were now holding each other. Willow's forehead was resting on Tara's.

"I know; I've been watching you and I've missed you too," Tara said as she brushed a piece of hair that had fallen in Willow's face behind her ear, "We have to go now."

"Go?"

Tara nodded, "You've passed all the tests and learned everything you needed too, went through everything you had to go through before you could move on."

"Move on where?"

"Someplace nice. I live there too. We'll be together," she said and then kissed Willow, softly.

Willow pulled away from the kiss and looked down to find a little girl standing next to her. She looked exactly like Tara but younger. She was about 4 or 5 Willow guessed.

"Come on. Hurry," the little girl urged Willow as she tugged on her hand; pulling her towards the door.

"Tara, you know she can't come with you," said an older woman, who Willow assumed was Tara's mother. They had the same hair and the woman carried herself with the same quiet grace that only Tara had.

"But mommy," the little Tara whined, "She's my friend and I love her. I want her to stay."

Tara's mother shook her head, "She can't. You know that."

"Why can't I stay?" Willow asked, "Where do I have to go?"

"Your place isn't here with the dead. Your place is with the living. You have so much more to do. They need you, Willow," Tara's mother said.

"She's right. You can't stay here, I want you to but you can't. They won't let me," Tara said, tears in her eyes.

Willow held Tara's hand and watched as little Tara began to cry and her mother scooped her up and held her close, rocking her and whispering soothing sounds in her ear.

"I love you," Tara said.

"I love you too," Willow said, tears in her eyes.

"Shush sweetie. You'll be back where you belong soon."

"I'm afraid," Willow said sobbing.

"Don't be; you still have so much to live for and your future is so bright," Tara's mother said from where she held little Tara.

"I don't want to leave. I can't lose you, not again," Willow said, almost frantically.

"Don't cry baby. I'll always love you," Tara said, giving Willow one final kiss goodbye.

Willow woke up with a start. She was in Buffy's apartment lying on the couch. It was raining outside and the T.V. in front of her was on, the volume left very low so she wouldn't wake Dawn. Willow squinted at the T.V. the news was on.

"Was it really all a dream?" Willow whispered, still in disbelief. Everything had felt so real. Willow sat up on the couch and brushed the hair out of her face. That's when she noticed the white bracelet on her wrist. It was a hospital bracelet, exactly like the one she had been wearing in the hospital after the accident, "Maybe it was real?"

"A young woman was killed in a car accident tonight. The bad weather caused her car to run off the road and hit a tree. She was rushed to St. Mary's hospital but unfortunately the damage was too severe. She died at 3:45 A.M. To her family and friends, everyone here at Channel 6 news sends their regrets for you loss. This is Sandra Wicks saying goodbye and good night," said the T.V. newscaster but Willow didn't even notice. She was still too stunned at what might have happened.

THE END

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