Hi all, this is a short Christmas story and only 5 chapters long so I'll be updating a chapter a day.

Enjoy!

THE XMAS LIST

I'm a nervous wreck, my palms are sweating as the car I'm riding in winds its way through the quiet streets to the house where I'll be staying for the next week. SIP has shut down for the holidays and instead of relaxing at home or braving the stores in the Christmas shopping craziness I find myself in Aspen, the last place I imagined finding myself, dreading every second as we approach closer our destination and the one person I'm anxious about seeing.

It's only a little over a week until Christmas and I've been dragged along on this mini vacation. Kate and Elliot became engaged last month, he surprised her while they were out at dinner on their six month anniversary after asking for my help with the ring. One evening while Elliot was over at our apartment looking through some wedding stuff with Kate he got this idea about spending some time skiing and getting away before the holidays seeing as his brother owns a house in Aspen which rarely gets used and it would be a perfect time to go. I didn't think anything of it until I was told that I too am invited to join them. I declined, knowing it would be a bad idea, anything to do with Christian was not good, Kate had to practically beg me to come, on top of that she enlisted Mia's help to convince me to come along, I didn't feel comfortable tagging along but she assured me that Christian was fine with me coming and insisted even, not wanting me to stay on my own.

Now here I am minutes away from laying eyes on him again after so long. Six months in fact, it has been six months since I asked Christian to show me his worst, six months since the belting incident. Six months since I walked away from him. My heart seizes as I think of that fateful night.

I act like I've moved on to not worry Kate and my family but the truth is my heart is still his and probably always will be. As our car arrives and drives through the beige and red stone gates my stomach is in knots. I honestly feel like I'm going to be sick.

Ethan and Kate jump out grabbing their luggage from the trunk, I take my time opening the car door and stepping out into the cold air. It was just the three of us flying out together. The Grey siblings arrived a couple days ago to spend some time with just the three of them alone as both Mia and Elliot were complaining that they hardly saw Christian anymore. Knowing he's just behind those walls has my heart beating like crazy. Don't be such a chicken Ana, what's the worse that can happen?

I glance around me observing the scenery. The house itself is surrounded by trees. I can see the breathtaking mountains in the distance. Looking around and taking it all in the house is double fronted with high pitched roofs built out of dark wood mixed with the same stone as the gate. It's simply beautiful and a perfect place to getaway. I notice the fairy lights that have been hung on the awnings and imagine it must look even more magical in the evening when they're lit up.

Elliot opens the large wooden front door greeting us, swooping down for a large sloppy kiss from Kate as she makes her way to him and the front of the house. He stands back allowing us to enter. From what I can see standing just inside the front door is a welcoming home with a lit fireplace. The floor is covered in a dark brown hardwood giving more warmth to the atmosphere. There is a large sitting area with three off white leather couches and a stone fireplace, the kitchen is state of the art with a gleaming pale marble counter and black cupboards. What truly captures my attention though is the huge Christmas tree in the corner of the room, decorated with green, silver and red ornaments. It's stunning.

I hear voices coming around the corner or more importantly I hear his voice and my breath stops. Okay Ana, you can do this, just smile and be friendly.

He stops a few feet away from me. I feel like I've been kicked in the guts. My eyes roam over his face and body. He's dressed casually in cream coloured pants and a dark brown sweater. He looks like he's lost weight, his eyes are dull, he looks a lot like me actually, miserable. He's still the most attractive man I have seen even tired looking as he is. I hope he's not ill, he really does not look like the same Christian I last saw. Then is hits me, he's probably not sleeping properly due to his nightmares. It's not your problem anymore Ana.

Mia rushes over and hugs me, breaking our eye contact before moving onto Kate and Ethan.

"Hi." His voice is soft and uncertain. He's probably just as nervous. It's not every day you spend a week with your ex.

"Hi." I swallow the lump in my throat and grip the handle of my luggage tighter.

"Welcome."

"Thank you. It's a beautiful house." Small talk is good.

"I like it." He smiles. "Mia will show you to your bedroom for the week."

I nod as he turns away from me to say hello to Kate and Ethan.

I let out the breath I was holding as I climb the stairs following Mia who's telling me about what we're doing today but I kind of zone out. That wasn't quite as bad as I was imagining. The again this is Christian, he would never do or say anything with his brother and sister around. As far as his family is aware, we went on a few dates but discovered we didn't suit and wanted different things. Understatement of the century.

XXXXX

The rest of the afternoon was spent with the girls hanging around the house, we attempted to make a gingerbread house but it was a disaster, collapsing five seconds after we put it together while the guys went out to ski for a couple of hours. I have never skied in my life and am likely to break an arm or a leg doing so. Here's hoping I can get out of attempting to ski these few days we're here. I really don't fancy a trip to the emergency room.

I don't see Mia all that often so she took it upon herself to ask me about a million questions about what I'm up to and if I'm seeing anyone, also casually dropping little hints that Christian is still single. I have no clue why, it's not like I'm getting back together with him and just because they believe he's single doesn't mean he is, there's probably a nice sub in his playroom waiting for him to return. The thought of him being with another woman is a stab to the heart but I have no right to be jealous.

The guys returned with food from a local Italian restaurant. As we sat around the table I tried to not stare at Christian who happened to sit opposite me of all places for too long, however I could feel his eyes on me during dinner, like before I could sense him without having to look his way, perhaps we should talk, clear the air just to get this awkwardness out of the way to make the next week less stressful.

We're all congregated in the living room before the fire place seated around the couches, the coffee table is filled with wine, drinks, snacks and candy canes. Christmas carols are playing softly in the background. The room has a festive atmosphere along with the smell of cinnamon surrounding us from the burning candles. It makes me miss Christmas with my parents as a child. Those days felt exactly like this.

"I know, let's all make a list of what would make this week or this Christmas perfect and fun then share them, maybe we can get some ideas for gifts or activities." Mia announces.

Her brothers groan and complain.

"Oh come on, it will be fun, don't be such scrooges."

She gets up and grabs a whole bunch of paper and pens from a drawer and hands them out to us.

I stare at my piece of paper. What would make this a perfect week?

I close my eyes but instantly an image of Christian from the day we went gliding in Georgia fills my mind. Damn it! We were so happy and carefree that day. If I knew then what would happen when I returned to Seattle and Escala would I have begged him to stay longer. What would have happened had I not uttered the words 'show me' that night?

I start writing not thinking about what's coming out and on to the piece of paper. I look down and am surprised by the words before me.

- seeing snow, having a snowball fight

-a kiss to remember

-to not be sad for a whole day

- to fall asleep next to you

- a big breakfast made by someone else

- a Christmas movie marathon

That's some wishful thinking there Ana.

I shake my head at myself and begin doodling hearts and flowers on a second piece of paper, daydreaming as I wait for the others to finish their lists. The one time I risked a glance across the room towards Christian I saw he wasn't writing anything down just staring at the ground at his feet lost in thought.

Five minutes later it appears everyone is done with their lists.

"Elliot, you first, even though I'm afraid to ask." Mia says.

Elliot clears his throat before announcing loudly, "Sex, sex more sex and skiing and beer."

Kate throws a cushion at him, shakes her head and walks away into the kitchen.

"What I say?" He yells after her.

"Oh my God, you're such a moron. Ana what's yours?"

I feel all eyes turn to me.

I get tongue tied.

"Oh, umm…." Shit why did I think it would be a good idea to write these things down. I look at my list then back to Mia. Before I can come up with something other than my written words to say, we're all distracted by a large crash coming from the kitchen and Kate yelling out that she's fine, just dropped a glass of water.

This gives me the perfect opportunity to get away.

"I'll go help her." I say. I scrunch up my papers into balls as I stand up from the couch quickly shoving them in the pocket of my white knitted cardigan. Me being the clumsy person that I am, I knock my knee on the side of the coffee table trying to walk past.

"Ow!"

Christian quickly stands and reaches over and grabs my arms to stop me falling. The heat of his hands burn through the material of my clothes, my skin automatically reacting to his proximity. This is the closest we've physical been to each other since I arrived and it's unnerving.

I thought I saw something fall from the corner of my eye but when I look down I see nothing but Christian's feet.

I step back thanking him.

"No problem."

Once I've made it to the kitchen I pull the paper out of my pocket throwing it into the trash then help Kate clear up the broken glass and mop up the water then decide to head to bed early. I need time on my own to process the events of today and to calm my racing heart down.

"I'm kinda tired so I'm going to head up to bed. Must be the mountain air." I lie to my best friend.

"Are you okay? You know you can talk to me if you need to." Kate asks, concern shining in her eyes. "You've been more quiet than usual."

"Yes, I'm fine, just tired. I'll see you in the morning." I hug her then leave the kitchen.

I say my goodnights to everyone as Mia, Ethan and Elliot prepare to play a board game. They try to get me to join them however there is no talking me into it. As I turn around Christian walks into the room holding a glass of scotch. I can just imagine the taste of it on his lips and I'm certain he caught me staring at his mouth.

"Goodnight, Ana."

"Good night, Christian."

I climb the stairs once again with an aching heart to my bedroom. I shut the door, change into my flannel pyjamas and climb into my bed missing him more than ever after being in his presence again for a few hours. Why does he still affect me so? Please God let this week go by quickly.