Okayyyy so i decided one day that baby SamJosh deserved to go to Pride and that turned into, well, this...takes place in my still-unnamed Sam/Josh universe that I apparently write for a lot now (the stories are being published in no particular order so you don't have to have read the other ones to understand this one, but they do all tie together in different places, so)...this ended up way longer than I planned, so here, enjoy 4.5k of SamJosh fluff
1988
"Come on, Josh no one even knows who we are!" Sam complained, but Josh wasn't willing to take the chance. It would be so easy to just blend into the crowd here, but all it took was one person. One person walking by at just the wrong moment and it would be over for them.
"Stop it," Josh hissed back. "Be cool."
"I'm always cool," Sam huffed. "You're the one making a big deal of this."
"You said we weren't going to do anything stupid," Josh reminded him. "You said, 'It doesn't have to be a big deal, Josh. We can just stop by for a little bit, Josh. No one will ever know we were there, Josh.'"
"So?" Sam asked. "I don't think any of that has changed. We're here, aren't we? We haven't recognized anyone—"
"Yet," Josh interrupted.
"—and there are like over five thousand people here at least. We blend right in. As far as anyone knows, we're just two regular people celebrating Pride like everyone else here. Besides, it's DC. You act like no one else here works in politics. I really think you're freaking out over nothing."
In fairness, Sam was probably right. And anyways, its not like his boyfriend was suggesting making out on the steps to the Capitol. Sam just wanted to hold hands in public for once, and wouldn't this be just the place to do it? It was certainly the most welcoming environment they could ask for, surely no one here would let it get back to their bosses, would let it potentially ruin their careers. Wasn't that what Pride was about? Still, Josh couldn't help looking over his shoulder every few minutes, constantly wary of anyone that might recognize them.
"If you want to just go, we can go," Same offered. "I mean, if you're actually worried, I wouldn't want to do anything you're not comfortable with."
"No, no," Josh argued, shaking his head. "I'm…okay. This is fine. This is…I do want to be here."
"Are you sure?"
Sam was giving him an out, Josh knew. He was always more apprehensive (he preferred the term "realistic") about their relationship and what it meant for them professionally, whereas Sam had noted (argued, ranted…) on more than one occasion that he would quit his job if their bosses really had a problem with them dating. Josh had had to remind him why that was a bad idea.
Sam had grown up in California. It was bizarre to him that a person's sexual orientation would be grounds to ruin their career, but as someone who had grown up in a more socially conservative community, Josh took it as his responsibility to make sure that his boyfriend's excessively open nature didn't get either of them in trouble.
"I want to be here," Josh repeated. "This is good. This is…really important. I'm just…"
"I know," Sam finished. "We don't have to stay long. But I'm glad we're here."
Sam was out to his family. Sam had been out to most of his friends in high school and many of his closest friends in college. Josh was out to a total of one person.
"Me too," Josh agreed. He took a step to the side so that his arm brushed against Sam's. Not quite holding hands, not quite enough to really draw suspicion, but enough.
Sam loosely linked his pinky finger with Josh's, and Josh drew in a sharp breath, looked around frantically for any sign of trouble, but didn't pull away. Around them the parade continued on in a blur of color. People with flags and plastic beads pressed ever closer to get a glimpse of the action, boys and girls and everyone in between coming together to celebrate their identities. Josh couldn't help but smile at how underneath the nerves and apprehension being here felt completely right. Almost as right as is felt being with Sam.
It was loud, it was bright, it was chaotic, but Josh felt at peace, surrounded by his community. A shadow loomed over them as the largest float yet—piled high with balloons—passed by and everyone around them cheered and waved. Josh steeled himself and adjusted his hand so that it was holding Sam's entirely. Out of the corner of his eye, Josh saw Sam smile and he felt himself relax tenfold. This was where he was meant to be.
He squeezed Sam's hand and Sam squeezed back.
2001
"We really shouldn't be here," Josh repeated for probably the tenth time that day.
"Hey, it was your idea to come," Sam laughed. "I told you yesterday that it was a bad idea."
"Then why'd you let me talk you into it?" Josh whined.
"Because it was actually a good idea?" Sam responded. Josh didn't know whether that was true or not, but either way they found themselves at the back of a crowd—much larger than it had been thirteen years ago, the last time they had taken the risk of showing their faces at the biggest LGBT festival in the city. It was different this time: they worked in the White House, people knew their names and recognized their faces, their attendance at an event like this could do serious damage to their own reputation as well as cause problems for the President of the United States. But Josh had also gotten shot last year and he had sworn to himself that from then on he wouldn't let experiences like this pass him by.
He almost couldn't believe the words were coming out of his mouth when he had suggested to Sam yesterday—very last minute, as most of their plans were—that they take a walk near DuPont Circle. Of course, Sam had known immediately what he was asking, and after expressing initial hesitation (probably for Josh's sake more than his own; Sam was still of the opinion that they should just come out and screw what everyone else thinks) agreed enthusiastically.
They hung back in the shadows for the most part, dressed as casually as they could and armed with sunglasses as a disguise. They could still be recognized if someone looked hard enough, but Josh figured they blended in well enough that they wouldn't draw immediate suspicion. They also kept as much distance between them as they could, while still being as near to each other as possible; this year wasn't the time to take any unnecessary risks. At least, no more than just the risk of being here.
It was louder than it had been last time, too, thanks to improvements in technology. Not only that, but the crowd had to be almost ten times as large as it had been last time, and the extra people created a lot of extra noise. Josh could hardly see the actual parade from where they were standing, but the environment was more than enough to give him the sense of peace and fulfillment he had been seeking when he had suggested this little adventure to Sam. It was even more amazing than he remembered.
"You look happy," Sam commented, and Josh turned to look at him.
"I missed this," Josh responded. "Why didn't we do this every year?"
"Because I was in New York for like seven years, and after that we decided not to be stupid," Sam answered bluntly, but he was smiling.
"I miss being stupid," Josh sighed, closing his eyes and leaning his head back against the building they were standing against. Combined with the slight breeze, the evening sun felt amazing. "Remind me to be stupid more often."
"I don't think you need anyone's help with that, babe," Sam teased, and Josh smiled at the way the endearment fell easily from his boyfriend's lips. They spent so much time at work being professional that just being them for a bit was the most satisfying feeling in the world.
"You're trying to piss me off, and I'm gonna tell you, it's not working," Josh replied.
"I'm not, actually," Sam said seriously. "I've missed seeing you like this."
"What, happy?" Josh asked, dropping his head to look at Sam. "I've been happy. You've seen me happy."
"Well, yeah, but that's not it," Sam shook his head. "Freer, would probably be the word." He smiled softly. "Like, if I tried to kiss you right now, you'd probably let me."
"I probably would," Josh acknowledged. "So, y'know, don't."
"Don't tempt me, I just might," Sam taunted.
"Save it for when we get home," Josh rolled his eyes, and Sam grinned devilishly, wiggling his eyebrows in a way that made Josh laugh.
"I know what you mean, though," Sam added. He shuffled closer to Josh so that their shoulders were barely touching and Josh had to fight the urge to take Sam's hand. "We both needed this. There's so much negativity in this world, it feels good to be surrounded by something so positive."
"Empowering," Josh added.
"Yeah," Sam agreed. "Empowering is a good word."
They were interrupted by a cheer coming from the crowd in front of them as another group passed by, throwing glitter and confetti and all kinds of other terrible things that somehow brought Josh no small amount of happiness. His eyes were drawn to another couple, two guys not much younger than Sam and Josh, dancing animatedly to the music coming from the parade and stopping every so often to kiss, much to the delight of those around them. Josh smiled at the sight. While there were no real "safe spaces" in Washington for people with his and Sam's jobs, he was thrilled that other people had the opportunity to let loose and be themselves.
Sam nudged his leg against Josh's and Josh knew he saw the couple too.
"You think that'll be us one day?" Sam asked hopefully. Josh glanced from Sam to the couple and back again, and couldn't help picturing it. They looked so happy, and that was all Josh wanted for himself and Sam. Every moment with Sam made him happy, and if they could make it long enough to where they'd be able to show up at Pride like a real couple…well, Josh would do everything in his power to make sure that happened.
"Yeah," Josh nodded. "Definitely us one day." Sam's answering smile brought an even bigger smile to Josh's face as he turned back to watch the parade pass by.
One day.
2012
"Remind me again why you don't want people to recognize us?" Sam asked. Their joined hangs swung loosely between them as they strolled through the busy streets.
"Because it's our day off and I don't want to have to be nice to random people on my day off," Josh reasoned.
"You're going to be nice to people anyways though."
"Well, yeah, but I'm gonna be nice because I want to be, not because I have to be."
"You make no sense, you know that right?" Sam shook his head fondly.
"I actually do know that, thanks," Josh grinned back. "But you know what I mean anyways."
"Somehow," Sam confirmed.
"See? True love," Josh stated, gesturing between them with his hand that was holding Sam's.
"Yeah," Sam smiled. He tugged Josh closer to kiss his cheek, and Josh took advantage of their proximity by wrapping his free arm around Sam's waist, embracing him fully. Sam returned the hug, and Josh inhaled deeply. "You good?" Sam asked softly.
"Very good," Josh confirmed, nose pressed to Sam's shoulder. "I like that I can do this now."
When President Santos decided to seek reelection, he made Josh and Sam promise to come out if he won.
"There's nothing they can do to me at that point," he had reasoned. "And I know you two are just waiting for my sake. So, I mean it. Talk to the council's office and make sure there are no legal consequences, then you can work with Lou on how to break it. You two have done a lot for me over the past four years. You deserve this."
It was hard to argue with the sitting President, even if they had wanted to, but the fact of the matter was, they had been waiting for a chance like this for longer than they could remember. The world was much different than it had been when they first started dating, and two men in a relationship wasn't the career-ending scandal it once was. Besides, they had both established themselves enough in their careers that their political abilities spoke for themselves, and one misstep in their personal lives wouldn't ruin that.
So with one simple press release a few months into the second term—crafted primarily by Sam, despite Lou's protests that they had actual communications people for this—that was that.
And now, finally, they were experiencing Capital Pride the way they had longed to since they first walked these streets together over twenty years pervious: as a couple.
"I'll never get tired of this," Sam whispered, squeezed Josh tightly. "I don't want to let go of you. Ever."
"You're gonna have to eventually," Josh laughed quietly. "If you haven't noticed, we're in the middle of the sidewalk and lots of other people are trying to walk here."
"I don't care. We've waited long enough. I want to be, like, super gay with you."
"What, like make out on the steps of the Capitol?" Josh joked, but he felt a certain amount of thrill at the realization that they could actually do that now.
"You wanna?" Sam pulled back to smirk at him deviously.
"No!" Josh exclaimed. "Well, yes, but we're not going to do that right now."
"Aww you're no fun," Sam pouted.
"One step at a time, baby," Josh placated, pressing a quick kiss to Sam's lips in consolation as he pulled back, so that they were just holding hands again. He didn't even feel the need to check over his shoulder as he did so; for once, Josh was completely relaxed.
"Hey!"
Josh and Sam both jerked their heads up, and for a moment Josh worried that they had been recognized after all. He had really been looking forward to an afternoon off from being Chief of Staff. But instead of a fellow liberal politician looking to take advantage of the event, instead Josh saw a kid who looked to be no more than twenty, most likely a student, with his body painted in every color imaginable. He tossed some beaded necklaces—the cheap plastic kind like you get at Mardi Gras—in their direction. Sam caught the accessories and Josh waved at the kid gratefully. The kid, in turn, shot them a thumbs-up and turned away, presumably in search of other under-dresses members of the crowd.
"Want one?" Sam offered. Without even waiting for Josh's reply, Sam draped a purple and a blue necklace around Josh's neck, keeping pink and green ones for himself. "There we go."
"Yeah, much better," Josh huffed, but he was smiling, not even trying to pretend that he wasn't pleased. It was something small, but having the physical representation—and once they got home, the physical reminder—of where they had been gave Josh a feeling of true belonging in this community that he had secretly adopted as a much younger man.
"Purple's definitely you're color," Sam commented with a smirk.
"Brings out my eyes, doesn't it?" Josh played along.
"Mmm," Sam agreed, running his free hand through Josh's hair. Josh closed his eyes and leaned into Sam's touch. He captured Sam's hand in his own and held it to his cheek for a moment longer before allowing their second set of hands to fall between them, still together.
Josh smiled softly at his boyfriend, who ducked his head shyly, and he was completely overwhelmed by love and fondness for this incredible man, who had been by his side for the better part of two decades now. Every moment with Sam made him more and more sure that this was the person he was meant to spend the rest of his life with. He had an idea.
"Let's get married," Josh suggested suddenly.
"What?" Sam asked, eyes going wide with shock.
"We should get married," Josh repeated. "Come on, what are we waiting for? It's been legal in DC for two years, we've been out for, what, ten months? It's time." He brought both of Sam's hands to his chest, holding them against his heart. "What are we waiting for?"
"Are you serious? Like, you're actually serious?"
"I don't have a ring," Josh admitted, but he dropped to one knee anyways. "But I have never been so sure of anything as I am of you. I love you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. As husbands. So what do you say? Wanna be stuck with me forever?"
"God, get up here," Sam's eyes were watering but he was smiling as he pulled Josh to his feet. He threw his arms around Josh's shoulders and Josh instinctively wrapped his own arms around Sam's waist. Sam pressed their lips together firmly, over and over again. "Yes," he whispered between kisses. "Yes, yes, yes."
Around them, people applauded and cheered and until that moment Josh had forgotten that they weren't alone, not by a long shot.
"So much for keeping a low profile," Sam laughed quietly.
Their picture would no doubt show up in the paper tomorrow—someone was bound to recognize them with all the commotion—but Josh found he didn't even care.
They had nothing to hide anymore.
2023
"Ready?"
"What, to spend the next four hours walking and waving and trying to keep the Secret Service from sticking me back in the car?" Josh asked sarcastically, climbing into the waiting vehicle.
"Okay, first off, it won't be four hours, we'll be out there like an hour, max," Sam huffed, rolling his eyes as he took his seat next to Josh.
"Same thing," Josh retorted.
"And anyways, you don't have to wave the entire time," Sam continued as the car pulled away, making its way to the parade site. "You can also throw confetti if you want."
"And if I don't want?"
"Then you can remember that I really ask very little of you and you can just play along for once."
Josh stuck his tongue out, but he knew he was just doing it to be a brat, and he knew Sam knew it too. Public events weren't his favorite thing, and Sam was so good at not making him do anything he wasn't comfortable with, and in return, whenever Sam did ask Josh to appear with him, Josh did his best to be there in whatever way Sam needed.
When Sam had been asked to serve as Grand Marshal for Capital Pride, it was an offer he couldn't refuse, and if Josh was honest he was pretty excited about it too. Pride was an event which had been so important to him for so long, he couldn't think of anything else he'd rather be doing. He had been twenty-seven when he and Sam had done their best to blend into the small crowd, Josh constantly looking over his shoulder for anyone who might want to ruin them. Now here they were, thirty-five years later, and the thousands of people Josh had once been afraid of would now be cheering for him. For them. For the first openly gay President and First Gentleman.
It was times like these where Josh really realized just how big a deal that was.
"You're the boss," Josh shrugged.
"Damn straight," Sam confirmed.
"Sam, honey, I can promise you, of all the things that happen today, none of them will be straight," Josh smirked.
"You can tell that joke a hundred times, it's never going to be funny."
"It's hilarious, you know it's hilarious, and I will never stop," Josh informed him. Sam rolled his eyes, but Josh knew his husband found him amusing. Most of the time.
"So this is how today's going to go then?" Sam questioned, raising an eyebrow.
Josh just shrugged. "It would appear that way, wouldn't it? Is there a problem?"
"Yeah, my husband's an obnoxious wiseass and I have to spend the next half day pretending to like him," Sam teased back.
"Hah! You said it would be an hour at most! You lied to me!"
"Okay, I don't actually know how long we'll be out there," Sam admitted. "But we're gonna go, and we're gonna have fun, and if you annoy me, so help me I will stick you back in the car myself. I have that authority, you know, I could do it."
"But you won't," Josh pointed out.
"Try me," Sam taunted, and part of Josh was tempted to see Josh how far he could push Sam today; now that he wasn't officially working, annoying his husband was one of his favorite activities. But, this was for Josh just as much as is was for Sam and Josh knew that as soon as they stepped onto the street, the parade would be all he cared to think about.
"Yes, Mr. President," Josh agreed sweetly, and Sam flicked him in the ear. "Ow."
"You deserved that."
"I did," Josh agreed. "Okay, I'll be good, promise."
"You're nervous," Sam observed.
"I'm not." Sam looked at him skeptically. "I'm not," Josh protested again. "I swear, I'm actually excited for this one. This is…so important, Sam."
"You don't have to tell me that, Josh, I've been there every time."
"It's…this is like our home, y'know? You remember how scary it was the first time? For me, at least?"
"Of course I do," Sam responded softly, taking Josh's hand and resting it on his knee. "I know it didn't seem like it at the time, but it was a pretty big deal for me too."
"Every time. Every single time we're here I just know that we're gonna be okay. Every time I was scared, I'd just think of this community we have behind us. And now…I know things are different these days, but out in that crowd today there are probably hundreds, if not thousands of teens and college students and young congressional staffers that are trying to come to terms with who they are. And maybe today won't change their life completely, but they'll get to look at us, and they'll see that who they love won't hold them back. That I could even be part of that for someone…"
"I know," Sam confirmed. "We have the chance to do a whole lot of good for a whole lot of people, but I don't think anything feels quite as good as being a voice for the LGBT community. We owe a lot to this event, I feel like it's the least I can do." Josh leaned to the side to rest his head on Sam's shoulder, and he felt his husband's head lean on top of his. "I'm really proud of you, Josh. I don't think I say that enough. I know you don't always like doing this kind of stuff, but whenever it comes to giving back—"
"Like you said, it's the least I can do," Josh interrupted. "I might not do much these days, but it's such a…I don't know…a privilege to be in this position. So. Any chance we get to do something like this for the community, I want to be right there."
"Me too," Sam agreed. "If we can find a way to do this every year, then we're gonna do it. And those young congressional staffers standing in the back, afraid to even hold hands because of what it might mean for their careers, are gonna see us out there. And maybe one day, they won't have to be afraid at all."
"We can only hope," Josh sighed.
The car rolled to a stop and the driver got out. Josh could see the Secret Service agents gathering around the door, ready to let them out into the open. It had taken so much time and planning to get to the point where the two of them would be allowed to walk in the open air at all, much less for the entire parade route. The best they could get was that the Secret Service would 'play it by ear' and let them know if and when they needed to get back into the car. Josh was grateful that their entire team understood how important this event was to them and that everyone was working to give them as much of this experience as was safely possible.
Sam lifted his head and Josh followed suit as they waited for their cue.
"Ready?" Sam whispered and Josh nodded. Just then, the door to the car opened and Sam moved to climb out. Josh took hold of his hand and squeezed as he too exited the car to the cheers of everyone watching. Sam raised their joined hands in a wave and Josh couldn't help but smile. He turned to his husband, who was looking around in awe at the sheer mass of people gathered to celebrate the LGBT community and it was like they were in their twenties again, barely navigating DC or their new relationship, much less both simultaneously, but somehow holding onto both for dear life. It was remarkable how much could change in what felt like such a short time. They had worked in not just one but two Presidential administrations. Sam was now the President of the United States. Sam was his husband.
"Sam," Josh tugged at Sam's hand to get his attention, and Sam turned to him, eyes filled with excitement. "I love you," he said softly.
Sam smiled shyly in that way he always did as he responded, "I love you too," and leaned in to kiss him, right there for everyone to see. The sounds of the crowd amplified as they did so, and Josh felt himself smile against Sam's lips. When they broke apart, Sam tapped him lightly on the nose and mouthed 'I love you' again, causing Josh to blush. He swore he would never get over the feeling of being with Sam.
They started walking, and Sam waved, and Josh threw confetti, and they ended up completely covered in glitter, and Josh couldn't remember a happier moment in all his life.
I swear this was not the story I set out to write, Sam and Josh just have so many feelings they always end up writing themselves, but I'm pretty happy with this anyways. I went to Pride for the first time last summer, and I felt a lot like Josh did in 1988 (constantly paranoid that my parents would figure out where we went), but it was one of the coolest things I've ever done, so that's where a lot of this came from. Please let me know what you think!