DISCLAIMER: I own nothing, probably not even this disclaimer. Let the habigglysquirrels rain on your head if thou dost sue-eth me.
WARNING: Contains spoilers for Fullmetal Alchemist and Fable, as it is set after the end of the Fullmetal Alchemist anime and Fable: The Lost Chapters. Madness Combat is… well, Madness Combat. I suppose there may be spoilers for it, depending on your definition of spoilers.
--Albion--
Jack was bored. Bored and depressed. This had been his "normal" state of mind ever since that mean guy threw his face (by face, I mean mask) into a pit of lava. Thankfully, it was fire-proof. Still, just the fact that someone would be mean enough to try to set his soul on fire (literally, mind you) was depressing. He had found another body to possess, but it simply wasn't as intimidating as his dragon form. He had given up trying to burn the world. At least, that world. That's when it struck him. If Albion was hopeless, then he would find some other world! Yes, some other world would feel the renewed wrath of Jack of Blades!
"I made a reservation!!! Just because I'm officially dead doesn't mean you can just cancel my reservation!!!" Jack screamed to the woman behind the counter in his naturally demonic voice.
"Listen, Mr. Of Blades--"
"0F Bl4d35."
"Excuse me?"
"It's Mr. 0F Bl4d35."
"Okay, 'Mr. 0F Bl4d35'," she continued politely, with only the slightest hint of exasperation in her voice. "The Hero of Albion said you were dead. And to put it simply, we trust Heroes more than… well, you."
"But I'm right here! Alive!" He groaned.
"…We still trust him more."
"HOW CAN YOU TRUST A GUY WHO AGES 50 YEARS IN A WEEK?!" Jack yelled, quite infuriated.
She paused, actually contemplating his words.
"How can we trust someone who never seems to die?"
"Listen here. If you don't give me back my reservation on the Fairy Ferry to Fairyland, I swear, I WILL BITE YOUR SOUL!"
"Sir, I'm afraid we gave your reservation away when we believed you dead. If you really want to leave this world, look for an old mage. I've seen him around, and they say he can send people to other worlds. He should be easy to identify, he has a toe growing out of his left eye. Don't ask."
Regaining his composure slightly, Jack replied: "I won't. By the way, who did you give my reservation away to?"
"Well, to the Hero of Albion, of course!"
There are many rumors surrounding what happened next, but they say that if you look hard enough, you can still see the crumbs of the woman's soul.
--Germany--
Two figures sat at a dinner table. One, the elder, had braided golden hair, and wore a black shirt with blue jeans. The other, the taller of the two, had short, brown hair, and wore a white shirt with black pants. They just sat there silently, eating slowly. It was the younger who spoke first.
"Ed? Where's Noah?" He said.
After a judgmental look towards the younger, Ed spoke.
"She shot herself out of a cannon three months ago, Al. Get a clue."
"Has she written back from… oh, where was it again?"
"Minneapolis, and no. Who knows, maybe she missed." Ed stated, absent-mindedly arranging his food into a transmutation circle...
--Somewhere in Nevada--
It was a normal day for Hank. Kill, kill, kill, kill, kill, kill, die, come back to life, kill, kill, kill, and so on. However, Tricky the Clown was more relentless today, and he was becoming more creative with the Improbability Drive. Earlier he had summoned a giant monkey-chicken-pig, followed by a lawyer. Hank once again engaged the demonic Clown in battle. However, Tricky did something unexpected. His giant eyes narrowed as he screamed:
"I PWN YOU
BEGIN
WARNING: DANGER
INSUFFICIENT
RETRY
-HANK
REBOOT
SUCCESS
YAY CLOWN
C U LATER"
Hank vanished into thin air after this intelligent and heart-warming speech.
--Albion--
The mage was useless. The crazy fool drew an odd symbol on a Cullis Gate, and then started hyperventilating. Jack invisibly rolled his eyes and stood on the Cullis Gate. He was surprised, however, when the circular symbol began to shine…
--Germany--
Ed's eyes widened when his food began to glow with an alchemic light. He began to feel his face being pulled downwards, towards his plate.
"YOU DO NOT EAT FOOD! FOOD EATS YOU!"
"No!!!!!" Ed screamed.
But it was too late. He was pulled face first into the transmutation circle he had arranged out of bacon. That's right, folks. He was eating bacon for dinner.
Al got up to tell Ed's lawyer about the incident, and he hoped that he would get all of his money.
--Somewhere in Nevada--
Madness. 'Nuff said.
--???--
Jack was surrounded by weird, purple eyes. This place felt… so familiar. He saw two other figures; a blonde haired boy, and a weird ninja-assassin guy with red goggles. They both looked as confused as he did, but the blonde appeared as though he had been here before. A giant eye lit up the dark. Jack squinted (but you couldn't tell). This was even more familiar than the area itself. Then, finally, it clicked.
"Rick?! Rick of Giant Eyes from band class?!" Jack called. Ed looked at the masked being in surprise.
"You know the giant eye?!" He yelled.
"Y35, H3 D035." A gargled voice called, and they could only assume it was the eye.
"Uh, I don't speak leet." Ed said, backing away.
"1 D0!" Jack and Hank both called at the same time, though with Hank it wasn't a voice, it was more just words that flashed across their vision. Ed was already disoriented by being eaten by his own food, but these weirdoes made it worse.
"WH47 4R3 Y0U D01NG H3R3, J4CK? 1 H34RD Y0U G07 UR F4C3 7HR0WN 1N70 4 P17 0F L4V4!"
Ed's eye's widened after he finally understood what the thing said. Hank didn't seem impressed; after all, he had been shot it the head, stabbed, exploded, decapitated (and got his jaw smashed into the ground), stabbed again, thrown off of a cliff, ripped vertically in half, mauled, burned, and stabbed, then shot in the head again. And he always came back, usually against his will.
"Y35, BU7 1 5URV1V3D!" Jack called.
"F1N3, WH47 D0 U W4N7?"
"1 W4N7 T0 G0 70 4N07H3R W0RLD!!!!!1111
"F1N3, BU7 0NLY B3C4U53 1 0 U M0N3Y. 74K3 7H3 M1DG37 4ND 7H3 N1NJ4 W17H Y0U."
Ed was too exhausted by all the leet to even notice the insult, and Hank didn't care.
--Amestris--
The trio appeared inside of someone's kitchen. Some little kid ran off, screaming. Hank was the first to stand. Then he looked in a mirror which was conveniently there.
"Holy &#$! I'm anime!" He said-- or however he communicates. Jack and Ed suddenly became conscious.
"Is this really…?" Ed muttered.
Jack stood up and nodded in approval. This would be a fun world to eat, burn, conquer, or whatever. He looked towards his two companions.
"I believe I haven't introduced myself. I'm Jack of Blades, or 0F Bl4d35 if you prefer. And your names?"
Ed stood up, and dusted himself off. "I'm Edward Elric."
"And I'm Hank J. Wimbleton." Hank said, recovering from discovering his anime-ness.
A moment of awkward silence followed as Jack and Ed stared, dumbfounded, at Hank. It was Ed who spoke. "That's a stupid na--"
"Whose name are you calling so stupid you could compare it to how short you are?!"
You can probably guess what the basic reply was. Eventually Jack was drawn into the fit after someone made a comment on his "face".
And so began the adventurous adventures of three guys whose names are far too average for their absolute ownageness.