Ducky spends an entire evening wandering aimlessly around the mall trying to think of something suitable for Abigail's 30th birthday. She's a treasured member of "their" own little team, after all, and Ducky thinks that it's important she feels especially appreciated in light of all the hard work she does for all of them- not just him and Gibbs' team, but for the whole of NCIS.
He can't think of a thing in any of those stores that she'd like. None of them have clothing he's ever seen Abigail wear, and he can't imagine she'd appreciate a blender or a gift card to a shoe store selling shoes decidedly four inches shorter than her standards.
He gives up for a night, vowing to ask a member of Gibbs' team what they think she'd like in the morning.
McGee is the lucky winner when he's sent down to Ducky's lab the next morning on Gibbs' orders, as though simply standing in the room could somehow entice Ducky to work a little faster and bring them closer to solving their case.
Ducky interrupts his own tales of when he was 19 and stranded hiding on the roof of a very lovely girl's house, looking up at McGee. "McGee, you know Abby well, don't you?"
Timothy looks confused for a moment, but simply shrugs. "Of course, Ducky."
"What do you think she would like for her birthday? I do want to get her something she'd like this year, as fresh as the disaster of last year's birthday is on my mind."
McGee laughs. "I donno Ducky, have you got ties to any good funeral homes? Her coffin could use a nice upgrade."
"Something a bit more subtle, I think."
McGee shrugs again. "She certainly can't seem to get enough of her collars, I'm sure she'd appreciate a new one."
Ducky thinks of Abby's rotating collection of neck jewelry, and nods. "That's an excellent idea, Timothy. Tell Gibbs' he'll have his results as soon as they're good and ready." Ducky says, diving back into the chest cavity of the young man on his autopsy table.
McGee doesn't wait for a goodbye to leave.
That evening after work, Ducky uses his computer to figure out where exactly one obtains a suitable collar for a human woman, and in the process sees more living nude women than he thinks he'd ever care to see in his life, various bodies contorted into positions of submission with intricate leather or metal rings around their necks, as though symbolically binding them to the floor or on their knees.
Ducky thinks about Abigail like that, wondering if the images in any way represent her or her own desires. What he reads informs him that they can be as much a fashion accessory as a statement of taste, and he doesn't think it is appropriate to imagine Abigail in that way no matter how she lives her private life, so he sets those thoughts aside.
It takes him a few hours of searching before he finds the perfect one, soft and subtle leather he hopes conveys "fashion accessory" more-so than a statement of ownership. He spends 40$ having the order overnighted, not wanting it to arrive after her birthday, and shuts down his computer.
He can't help it if he imagines Abby with it later, because she is a beautiful woman and he's only human.
Abby's birthday morning starts off with Jimmy coming into her lab, smiling and blushing as he hands her a card and a large rectangular box. Abby squeals once before running up to Jimmy and almost knocking the box out of his hand as she hugs him. "Jimmy, you didn't!"
"I don't think you ever believed I could resist, Abby." Jimmy replies.
Abby smirks. "No, maybe not. Let me see them let me see them!"
Jimmy hands over the box, and she places it on the table before beginning to gut the wrapping paper.
"They're perfect." Abbys says, rubbing the leather and grinning.
"Wait till you see what Doctor Mallard got you." Jimmy says, smiling as he leaves the lab despite Abby's protests to tell him at once.
Ducky waits until Abby has reason to run down to him to pick up blood and urine samples before giving her his gift. Jimmy watches from the side as Ducky pulls the box out of his file drawer, Abby on demi-pointe in excitement.
Ducky nervously offers Abby the package, keeping one hand on it so as to prevent her from immediately opening it while he speaks. "I'm not sure if this is inappropriate, Abby, and I do understand that you're seeing younger men who are more... suited to your interests. I can always return it."
Abby quirks one eyebrow at him, but he lets go of the box and allows her to open it. Even Jimmy feels his heart race in a moment of anticipation, feeling like a voyeur in a private moment.
Abby stares at the collar, and at the engraved clasp, for what seems like forever before she looks up at Ducky. "I love it, Ducky!"
Ducky joins Palmer in blushing. "It isn't inappropriate, Abigail? I don't want to be making some young boy angry, dear."
"What boy?" Abby asks, frowning.
"There always seems to be somebody, Abigail..." Ducky says, wondering if he can dig himself out of the hole he made with his words.
"Oh, Duckman. How long have you been holding onto that?" Abby asks. "I don't..." she continues, before stopping herself and restarting her statement. "I like this, Ducky. I like Jimmy's shoes and I like your collar and I like the way you're looking at me thinking about how it'll look on me. There's been lots of people Duck, men and women, because this is what I like: the game, not the players. The fact that I like the things you could make me feel isn't at all complicated by the fact that I like the way other people can make me feel."
Ducky processes before letting out a chuckle. "I suppose I've been seeing things all wrong then, haven't I?"
Abby wraps one arm around him and kisses him on the cheek. "If you're still in, I'm still in, Doctor."
Abby turns to Jimmy, motioning him towards them with her hand. "How about this, boys. Tonight you can both come over and try putting your gifts and absolutely nothing else on me. We can see where this goes from there.
Ducky wonders about the universe's sense of humor as he agrees, having gone from purchasing a fashion accessory yesterday, to what he's pretty certain amounts to a very tame threesome today. But Abigail seems happy, and he's pretty sure Jimmy would die happy putting shoes onto Abby's feet, and he thinks he could be happy with what makes Abigail happy too.
And they are.