12 Days of Christmas, a suits fanfic

A/N: This has been my second entry for the Darvey Secret Santa; reposting the fic to my own profile now that have them all in place. Thank you so much to everyone who has commented on it, you're truyl the best!

12 Days of Christmas

"I'll hit the button right. about. now," Benjamin mumbles into the speaker of his headset, ceremoniously hitting 'send' with an excited glint in his eyes.

"Thank you for your help, Benjamin. We couldn't do it without you," Mike replies gratefully, the mischievous grin clearly audible through the line.

"Of course, I am always happy to help you," Benjamin says, stuffing a rasher of bacon into his mouth now.

"Thanks man, I really appreciate it."

"You had a nice idea there. It is actually getting kind of painful to watch the two of them," the IT specialist assesses matter-of-factly.

"I know, right? How two people can be so stupid and blind. Let's hope it'll all work out. Anyway, how are things with you? Everything alright?"

"Sure. In my line of work, it never gets boring. What about you?"

"Yeah, same," Mike laughs. "And yet, here we are, during one of the busiest times of the year, playing cupid."

"Looks like it. Listen, I've got to go. Appointment with the boss. We'll stay in touch, right?"

"Absolutely. Thanks again!"

"Anytime. Bye, Mike!"

„Bye, Ben."

Dear Harvey,

I am your personal Secret Santa. With that title, it is my mission to get you into the spirit of Christmas. We have twelve days left and a lot of work to do. In the next twelve days, I will send you simple challenges that you have to master. There are three simple rules to this game:

1) Do as I tell you.

2) Do not tell anyone about what you are doing and do NOT try to find out who I am. I will reveal myself in due time.

3) Do NOT cheat, I especially refer to 1) and 2).

You will be watched. Follow the rules and you will receive the greatest of gifts anyone can wish for.

Yours,

Secret Santa

P.S.: Watch out for my first mission later today.

Harvey reads and rereads the e-mail at least four times, the shaking of his head becoming stronger with every repetition. He doesn't know if he is supposed to laugh or cry or to just ignore the whole thing all together. He scrolls through the text once again, taking a closer look at the e-mail address. "secretsanta18 ". With a hand running through his short, spiky hair, he lets out an exasperated sigh. There were only very few people who would actually be crazy enough to do something like that but it is exactly those few people who should know him better.

With another shake of his head, Harvey deletes the e-mail.

Dear Donna,

1) Do as I tell you.

2) Do not tell anyone about what you are doing and do NOT try to find out who I am. I will reveal myself in due time.

3) Do NOT cheat; I especially refer to 1) and 2).

You will be watched. Follow the rules and you will receive the greatest of gifts anyone wish for.

Yours,

Secret Santa

P.S.: Watch out for my first mission.

Donna lets herself fall back in her chair, a small smile playing around her lips. With a quick glance to her calendar, she realizes that it actually is truly only twelve more days to Christmas. The last few weeks at ZSLWW had been one of the busiest Donna has ever witnessed and for the first time in centuries, she had made it through the first weeks of December without putting up any Christmas decorations or watching Christmas movies; hell, she hadn't even bought any presents yet. The whole firm had somehow existed in a bubble, exempt from time and space.

Being reminded of Christmas just then both shocks and excites her at the same time. How could she, the Queen of Christmas, have let all those days pass by? Without even so much as a thought of the upcoming holidays? The smile on her lips widens in a thankful expression. Whoever her Secret Santa is, she owes her or him.

It's 6pm! Call it a day and visit the Christmas Market in Central Park. Tonight. Take a friend or a loved one. Drink eggnog. And listen to at least three Christmas carols there. Rules 1 to 3 still apply. Have fun! xo SS

Harvey is just about to finish clearing his in-box for the day, storing all processed e-mails in their respective folders, when a beeping sound announces the new entry. A groan escapes him as he sees the sender but curiosity still gets the better of him so he opens the text and reads through those short, three lines. Apparently, courtesy was not a strong suit of his Secret Santa. No hello, no good-bye. And what do those hieroglyphs at the end even mean?

It is in that moment that Donna peeks into his office. As if she had caught him in the act, he looks up from his laptop surprised. However, in the very the next second, his expression changes from surprised to scrutinizing. Might she have anything to do with it?

"You okay?" she asks, as she steps through the door.

"Sure, why are you asking?" Harvey counters with a question of his own, his eyes still examining her. He is trying to read her, quickly learns however that her green dress with that low neckline is too distracting to concentrate on anything else. The freckles on her skin grab his attention, as they so often do, before he clears his throat.

"You just stared very intensely at your laptop. Looked like bad news?"

"No. No bad news. I was just focused," Harvey replies, even though he should know better than to lying to Donna. She would know. Somehow she just always knows.

"Okay. If there's anything I can help you with, let me know," Donna offers.

He smiles at her thankfully. "I will, thanks, Donna."

"Are we still on for drinks tonight?" The redhead asks, looking down at the watch on her wrist.

"Sure. It's the only bright spot in my day today."

"You can tell me all about it over Scotch. Scotch makes everything better, you'll see," Donna laughs. "Half an hour in my office?"

"Can't wait," Harvey responds with that Cheshire cat grin of his. Donna waves goodbye and is just about to leave, when Harvey's eyes drop to his laptop screen. He only thinks about it for a split second. To hell with it, Harvey mumbles inwardly, looking back up at his favorite COO. "Hey Donna?" Harvey stops her, watching her, as she turns around gracefully, her red hair falling in waves around her shoulders. As if he hadn't just seen and talked to her, his heart skips for a beat or two.

"What do you say about shaking things up a bit? I heard there is this Christmas market thing in Central Park? I'm pretty sure Eggnog might be just as helpful as Scotch."

"You want to go to a Christmas market? Voluntarily?" Donna asks dumbfoundedly.

"Yeah well… It's Christmas in a couple of days. And I have yet to buy any presents. Maybe I'll find something there."

"Alright. Sure, Harvey. Christmas market and eggnog it is then."

"Only if you're up to it, of course. Otherwise we can just stay in and spend some time with our good ole friend Macallan."

"Let's do the Christmas market. Maybe my Christmas spirit hides there somewhere," Donna replies with quiet elation at the prospect of how they were going to spend the night.

"Great. I'll pick you up in half an hour."

An hour later, the pair finds itself in the middle of Central Park. After Ray had dropped them of at the closest entrance of the park, they had taken a stroll along the way to their destination and even from afar they could already hear soft music floating through the air, the joyful voices of children and adults alike.

Most of the visitors are gathered around the little ice rink in the middle, watching children taking their first steps on the ice as well as young and old couples going round and round in circles. Harvey and Donna stand and look for a while as well, before they move on to the booths around the rink. Each one is special and magical in its own way; some selling Christmas decorations or hats and scarves, others selling handcrafted wooden toys or herbs and spices. The last one Harvey and Donna stop by at, before they reach the concession stands, sells candles and fragrances and it takes him all but two seconds to fall in love with a big, ruby colored candle. It is at least twelve inches tall and has three wicks in its middle while golden ornaments run in circles from top to bottom. And while picking out presents is not his strong suit, he knows this one would be the perfect gift for his mother. As Harvey holds it in his hands, a soft smell of apple and cinnamon surrounds him.

"That smell. Oh my god," Donna moans right next to him, leaning closer to get another nosefull of the fragrance. Donna's arm presses into his side, her sudden closeness shooting a bolt right through his body. Harvey has to control himself not to shiver as her warmth seeps into his arm right where they touch and as the smell of apple and cinnamon is replaced by the smell of honey, vanilla and Donna. All of his senses are amplified and he has to force himself to look away and to calm his nerves. This could not be happening. Not again. Those past few months, he had been adamant on truly finding their normal "normal" again. After Paula and the kiss and Thomas and all the chaos that episode had brought to their lives and friendship, all those mixed feelings, the distance and the closeness, the truths and the lies – though both not voiced -, they had both agreed that they needed to find them again. That was when they had started to meet up for after work drinks again. At first only once every other week but quickly it had turned into once a week and then to talking regularly again every couple of days. Things were as far back to normal as they could ever possibly be between those two, even though if anyone but them was asked, nothing about Harvey and Donna is normal at all.

Harvey pays for the candle and together they make their way over to the eggnog booth. He orders them two and while under normal circumstances he would have mocked the cups that look like Santa's boots, somehow the Christmas music and the cozy atmosphere soften his mood. Or is it her presence? He quickly chases the thought away and as they clink cups, snow starts dancing from the sky and somewhere across the area, a choir starts singing Christmas carols.

Donna, go home! Dress in a comfy sweater. And watch the most romantic and cheesy Christmas movie that you can find. Text your best friend about it and force her to watch it as well. Have fun! xo SS

Donna reads her e-mail twice, a warm feeling spreading from her heart through her whole body. Ever since she had visited the Christmas market with Harvey last night, something within her felt different. The stress, that had been her constant companion for weeks and months now, had all of a sudden disappeared. There is still more than enough work to do, more jobs and tasks to obsess about. But it is only eleven more days until Christmas and it is her favorite time of the year after all - that trip to Central Park just one of the many reasons why.

Donna had always been a work-a-holic, had needed to be one to keep up with Harvey's expectations throughout all those years of working together. But now, she is the boss and if she wants to have a night off, she is the only one who has to agree to it. With a sigh, she closes the lid of her laptop, locking those HR files she had been working on in one of her drawers, before grabbing her coat and purse.

She stops by at Louis' office first, letting him know that she is out for the night and wishing him and Sheila a nice evening. Robert's office is empty, as it often is these day. So she quickly walks down the hallway for one last stop on her way out.

Harvey looks up immediately, as if he had already sensed her coming. A small smile appears on his face, softening his exerted features.

"All done for today?" Harvey asks, with something akin to jealousy in his voice.

"Yeah. Every once in a while an early night off doesn't hurt," Donna responds, slipping into her coat just then.

"Got a hot date?" Harvey asks and the surprised look on his face tells Donna that he definitely had not intended to ask that.

"What? No! Why would you even ask that?"

"I don't know. Usually, when you leave early it means you're having a date," Harvey replies, shrugging his shoulders nonchalantly. Donna eyes him for a second, trying to figure out where that question was coming from. "Sorry. I shouldn't have asked. It's none of my business."

"It's okay, Harvey. You can ask me anything. Friends, right?" Donna wants to know, still looking at him questioningly. Harvey looks right back and for a second, they get lost in one of those moments. One of those moments where lines get blurry and things get complicated and words are said that should mean something, everything. It has been a while since it happened the last time; certainly not since they had found their new "normal" and it takes her off-guard because Donna had finally started to believe that this is all they would ever be. Friends. Best friends. But in moments like these, everything that under normal circumstances makes sense, makes no sense anymore at all.

"Friends," Harvey agrees and breaks the spell. As wrong as that word feels on his lips, it feels in her ears and Donna needs to leave or else things would get truly complicated.

They exchange goodbyes and Donna goes home. With her most comfortable sweater and a box of tissues, she watches Love Actually and she cries for all the lovers finding each other and even more so for all the lovers who lost each other.

"How is it going?"

"They're doing what they're told, as far as I can tell. But things between them are even weirder now."

"Donna and Harvey being weird? Tell me something I don't know."

"No, I mean... more than usual. I thought this was supposed to bring them together?"

"It will. Patience. You've received their new challenges for the next days?"

"Yep, got them. I'll send out Harvey's tonight."

"Perfect. Thanks, Benjamin. Talk to you soon."

"Bye, Mike."

Harvey, it's nine days until Christmas. And your office still doesn't look like it. Head out for the night and buy something Christmassy at Macy's. Bring it to the office. Remember, don't ask, don't tell. Have fun! xo SS

"Funny," Harvey scoffs, rolling his eyes at the e-mail he had just received. "Very, very funny."

"What is?" Harvey hears the female voice of his new assistant Emma, who rolls backwards with her chair to get a better look at him.

"Nothing," he responds curtly. "There are no more appointments today, right?"

"Just your weekly update with Louis," Emma informs him.

"Cancel it. I need to leave early today."

"What do you want me to tell him?"

"That I need a night. He'll understand," Harvey explains as he exits his office, coat hanging over his arm.

"Alright. I see you tomorrow then, Mr. Specter,"

"Head home as well, Emma. It's Christmas soon. I'm sure you can use your time better than spending it here."

Without waiting for an answer, he turns around and leaves. The surprised look on Emma's face upon hearing his kind words are lost on him.

Just as lost as he feels an hour later, standing in the middle of Macy's. He has absolutely no idea what he is doing there and why all of a sudden he doesn't even think twice about those e-mails anymore, instead just going with the flow. As always these days, there were just too many thoughts and emotions running through his head that thinking clearly was next to impossible. It wasn't hard at all when it came to work but as soon as he lost his concentration, even if just for a second, the waves of everything he tries to avoid come crashing down on him, in this particular case carrying him straight into the shopping hell that is Macy's during Christmas time.

Overstrained with the situation and the people and the thoughts in his head, he strays through the first level of the store. To Harvey the floor looks like Santa, his nine reindeers and his whole freaking army of elves had thrown up in here, with twinkling Christmas baubels and sparkling garlands and blinking chain of lights all over the place and he is this close to curse it all and be done with it, when a snow globe to his right catches his attention. He reaches for it, carefully picking it up from the desk it had been standing on. Something in his soul shifts. Another piece of the puzzle falling into place.

It's the same snow globe his mother used to put up on Christmas and it's one of the very few happy memories Harvey actually has of Christmas in the Specter household. He had loved that thing, with the little forest in it and a family of four right in the middle of it, choosing their Christmas tree. Harvey had spent hours and days imagining different stories for that little family in the woods. In most of those stories the four little figurines were his mother and father and Marcus and himself, sometimes Harvey pleading his case why one or another tree was the perfect one for them, sometimes all four of them agreeing on the perfect tree just like that. Outside of the globe, around the side of it, Santa and his sleigh drew its circles, looking down on the family inside. Harvey is regarding the globe in his hands and when he imagines a story right then, it's not of his parents and his brother but another family entirely. His own. Himself. With her. As his wife. And children. A boy and a girl. And they would both have strawberry blond hair and freckles and smiles that would cheer up even his darkest days. He sees it all so suddenly and clearly that he looses the ability to breath, right there in the middle of the shop where Santa threw up.

"Here, this is for you," Harvey says the next morning, standing unsurely in the middle of her office and handing her a red box. She carefully opens the lid, looking at its content in awe.

"Harvey… that is beautiful… I… thank you."

"You're welcome. I thought your office could use a little Christmas spirit. I noticed you haven't put any decorations up this year," Harvey explains his reason for the gift. At least the one reason that wouldn't destroy their thin and fragile band of friendship and normal. He doesn't even know why he is doing it, what had made him buy the snow globe in the first place and then giving it to her as a surprise. It's not like it will mean the same to her as it does to him, would not produce the same images and hopes and dreams like it does for him. Images and hopes and dreams that had overwhelmed him with the sheer force of it that not even five glasses of Scotch could ease or erase them last night, making it impossible for him to find any sleep.

Harvey thinks he sees a tear rolling down her cheek but with a movement of her hand too quick for his sleep-deprived mind to process, the tear is gone.

Now that you're in the Christmas spirit, spread some love in the firm. It's only seven more days! Have fun! xo SS

"Hey Louis," Donna greets the managing partner, whose eyes light up upon her arrival.

"Donna, hey! What can I do for you?"

"I just wanted to let you know that I've organized a little get together tonight after closing hours. We all have been working so hard on the Henderson case that we even cancelled our official Christmas party this year. So I thought that we could at least spend some time together tonight and get us all in the Christmas spirit a little. I'm going to send out the invitation in a few but I wanted to let you know beforehand, in case you have any objections."

"Oh Donna, that's a wonderful idea! We can all use a little distraction. And a reminder of what's truly important during this time of the year."

"Yes, I thought so, too. Well, I'll get right to it then."

"Thanks again. You're an angel!"

Donna smiles brightly at Louis, evoking an even brighter smile from him in return.

Back at her desk, Donna gets busy with sending out the invitations, organizing some last minute changes to the catering, decorating the library as best as it was possible and creating a Spotify playlist bound to bring even the Grinch in the right mood. Once she is finished, it is already dark outside and a mix of excitement and anticipation is palpable in the hallways. While it had been loud and hectic and busy those last couple of weeks but this afternoon, calm and peace finally finds its way onto the fiftieth floor.

Donna had just placed two huge thermos jugs in the middle of the buffet table, when the first colleagues join her in the library. The smell of mulled wine and gingerbread fills the air, drawing more and more people into the library. In the background, Celine Dion softly sings Oh Holy Night, as a tingling in her stomach makes her look up from her cup to see Harvey arriving as well. She knows he hates these kind of gatherings, especially during that time of the year, but he is here nonetheless and her heart skips a beat at the prospect of having him close. She curses herself then, doesn't want to have these kind of thoughts and reactions when it came to him but he's there and smiling at her warmly and she can't do anything about it.

It's in that moment that Samantha walks up to her with a cookie in her hand. "This is lovely, Donna. Thank you for putting it together." The two women talk and while Donna pretends to listen, she can't shake the sensation of feeling Harvey's eyes on her.

As the evening drags on, one force or another always keeps them apart. It's not like they are consciously trying to get towards each other and neither of them would even admit if they were but being constantly pulled apart by colleagues and conversations is getting harder and harder to bear. It isn't before the party draws to an end, the first attorneys and associates already having said their goodbyes, when Harvey finds Donna leaning against one of the bookshelves.

"Donna," Harvey greets her, as he comes to a halt next to her.

"Harvey," Donna replies with a slight nod and small smile. For a few moments, they stand together in silence, watching the gathering before them like two proud parents watching their children at a soccer match.

"This is nice," Harvey says quietly as to not draw anyone's but her attention to him.

"Nice?" Donna asks, looking up at Harvey surprised. "Not a word I would have ever believed to hear from you when describing anything to do with Christmas."

"Hey, I'm not as cold-hearted as you think I am," Harvey responds, smirking at her.

"I never said you're cold-hearted, Harvey. Just that you hate Christmas," Donna explains. "And that I know for a fact. From thirteen long years of close and personal experience with the Grinch."

"Yeah, well," Harvey says and shrugs, his hands shoved into his pants. "This one's different."

"Why's that?" Donna asks curiously, turning slightly into his direction now to get a better look at him. He keeps staring at the group for a few more moments, before finding her eyes.

He shrugs again. "I don't know. Just feels different. Everything…", he says but stops midsentence.

"Everything…?" Donna urges him on, as he doesn't show any sign of continuing his sentence.

"Everything just feels different these days," Harvey explains ominously and Donna can't help but feel that he wants to say more than he is actually saying. She studies him, contemplating if she should keep pushing him or let it be. His expression is unfaltering, his eyes open and honest and even though Donna knows better, does know from thirteen years of close and personal experience that trying to make him admit things he doesn't want to talk about had never lead her anywhere, the words leave her mouth before she can stop them. "What do you mean, everything?"

As Donna keeps looking at him, sees his mind reeling, she hopes against hope that he would let her in for once. No superficiality. No ambiguity. Just truth. She doesn't even know what she wants to hear, definitely doesn't expect his words to have anything to do with her and still… In the deepest, darkest corner of her soul, after all of their little and not so little moments these past couple of days, she can't help but feel it. Hope.

"I don't know, Donna," Harvey sighs and something close to regret is shimmering in his eyes. "I'm not saying that to avoid your question. I'm saying it because I truly don't know. There's just so much going on in my heard right now."

"Is there anything I can do to help?" Donna asks carefully, the both of them almost whispering now as to not let anyone overhear them.

Harvey gazes at her intently and once again, Donna's heart skips a beat. She had never felt closer on the verge of something and never farther away at the same time. Donna can feel it, though 'it' has no name, but it's right there underneath the surface and on the tip of his tongue.

"I think I'll have to figure it out myself first," Harvey explains with an apologetic smile that doesn't quite reach his eyes.

"Sure, Harvey. Just… you know I'm always here for you, right?"

"I know," Harvey responds, apology turning into gratefulness. They look at each other for a moment and then a moment longer. And there it is again. That feeling. A little stronger this time. Nudging her heart softly. Hope.

Time slows down. People disappear and music dies away. It's him and her and everything that should be but isn't between them. The moment drags on and on and on until at last, he breaks the spell. Donna chuckles nervously and Harvey clears his throat, looking away for a moment to catch his breath. A second later, he focuses on her again. "Listen, I gotta go. Early start tomorrow."

"On a Saturday?" Donna asks surprised, still trying to calm down her heart.

"Yeah. We need to finalize those Henderson contracts before Monday or we won't get a signature on it before the year ends."

"I'm sorry," Donna apologizes.

"Don't be. That's the job. It'll all be worth it when we get those revenues in our bank account," Harvey says with a smile. Then he touches her elbow with his hand, the contact of skin on skin sending goosebumps down her spine and it takes everything she has in her not to tremble. "This really has been very nice," Harvey thanks her and she is no longer sure if he means the party or something else entirely. Before she can dwell too much on it, they exchange their goodbyes.

Donna stares after him as he leaves, a profound restlessness settling in her heart.

"How was the party?"

"It was really nice. Donna made a lot of people happy with the gesture."

"Did she make Harvey happy as well?" Mike asks, and Benjamin can hear a giggling sound in the background. „Rachel says 'hi'"

"Hi back to Rachel. And no, I don't think so. But something definitely was going on."

"Why? What happened?"

"I don't know. They barely talked all night but it still felt like they were drawn to each other the whole time. There was this invisible force between them. I can't explain it. And I'm a scientist, I shouldn't even be saying that in the first place. Invisible forces don't exist."

"But they do, Benjamin. One of them is called love."

The line goes silent for a moment.

"Anyway. Everything is set for the last round of their solo missions, right?

"Yes, Harvey will receive his tomorrow. Donna the day after."

"Perfect. Thank you so much, Ben. We'll talk again before the big finale."

"We will. Bye, Mike."

"Good bye, Benjamin."

In the spirit of Christmas, do something nice for your fellow human beings. Donate to a charitable institution. Either your time or your money, that's up to you. Have fun! xo SS

Harvey is sitting at his table in the living room, absentmindedly looking outside and sipping on his espresso, as the oh so familiar beeping sound announces an incoming e-mail. „It's fucking Sunday…" Harvey mumbles under his breath, pulling his cellphone out of his pocket and reading the new challenge his Secret Santa had sent him.

"My time? Yeah, right…" he says with a shake of his head as if the sender could actually see or hear him. Despite all those warm and fuzzy feelings that are coursing through him these days, feelings that he still had a hard time naming – even though the word "accepting" would probably be closer to the truth – he just does not see himself handing out soup or presents or doing any of those other jobs one did when volunteering. So instead he hits speed dial #1.

"Donna, I need your help," Harvey greets her without any deviation as soon as she picks up.

"Good morning to you, too," Donna replies, trying to stifle a yawn.

"Oh sorry, did I wake you?" Harvey asks apologetically, only just then realizing that he hadn't even thought twice about the time or the date once his mind had been set on her.

"Harvey. It's 8 o'clock in the morning. On a Sunday. What do you think?" Donna shoots back, sounding a lot less angry or annoyed as he would have expected under these circumstances. Instead, pictures of her lying in bed, hair tousled and eyes sleepy fill his head. That familiar feeling of warmth floods his veins, rushing his blood through his heart like a tidal wave.

"Sorry, Donna. I didn't think… sorry," he apologizes.

"Never mind, it's okay. Don't worry," Donna replies and there is a smile in her voice. "So… What do you need help with?"

"I want to donate money to a charity."

"Excuse me?" Danna asks surprised and Harvey can practically hear her mouth hanging agape.

"One of my investment fonds made a lot of money by selling a building in Uptown Manhattan. So there's an extraordinary distribution of earnings. And I wanna donate it."

"Uhm… okay. Well. Why don't you give it to the clinic?" Donna suggests matter-of-factly.

"No… I'll send them their regular check in January. I wanna do something else. Something with kids. Or dogs. Or whatever."

Donna laughs. "Something with kids? Or with dogs?"

"What's so funny?"

"Nothing… it's just… what's going on, Harvey?"

"Nothing's going on. It's Christmas. I wanna do some good. Is that so surprising?"

"No, of course, it isn't. Sorry," Donna replies truthfully. "I guess there is just this new side to you that I'm discovering that's surprising me. That's all."

"What do you mean?" Harvey wants to know, scratching the shadow on his cheek as he watches the first snowflakes floating down from the sky.

"First the Christmas market. Then the snow globe. You actually enjoying yourself at a Christmas party. And now this. Is Harvey Specter Scrooge actually experiencing the Christmas spirit?" Donna laughs again, the sound like a blanket around his heart on this wintery morning.

"First you compare me to the Grinch and now to Mr. Scrooge? Didn't I just tell you that I actually wanted to donate money?" Harvey responds seriously, has to bite his tongue to keep himself from laughing though.

"Right," Donna chuckles and Harvey can hear the ruffling of her blanket through the telephone. Immediately, new pictures form in his head that morph from innocent to forbidden in a matter of heartbeats, if his heart had actually been beating. He closes his eyes, her laugh still vibrating through his cells, as a longing takes a hold of his whole body, so profoundly that he doesn't know how to deal with it all. The blood that had been gathering in his heart rushes south, his pants becoming uncomfortably tight all of a sudden. He wants to move, release the pressure but he's constrained to his chair.

"Harvey?" Her voice is concerned, soft, warm. Too warm. And he wants her. God help him but he wants her more than he has ever wanted her before. And for just a second, that single moment when his name rolls off of her tongue he lets himself hope. Hope, that the warmth in her voice isn't her normal but more. That hope and everything else that he is feeling is too much for him to handle. What the hell is he supposed to do now? He lets out that breath that has been stuck in his throat, filling his lung with fresh oxygen.

"Sorry. I was lost in thought for a moment. Anyway. So. Kids or dogs. Do you know any charity that could need my money?"

Donna suggests a few and Harvey tries to concentrate as much as possible. They decide on an institution that helps fulfill dying children their last wish and after they hang up, Harvey spends an hour informing himself about the organization and its cause. A deep and somber sensation settles in his heart, freeing him from everything that he had always believed had been important and replacing it with everything that truly is.

Four more days! After treating everyone at the firm, it's your turn now. Don't work through the day today. Use that lunch break. Go out and get yourself the most delicious Christmas-themed coffee that you can find. Starbucks is always a good place to start ;) Have fun and enjoy! xo SS

Donna peeks into the right corner of her laptop screen, looking for the time. 11:55am. It's the first time that day that Donna even checks the clock, having been so wrapped up in work that Monday morning had just rushed by. Only the e-mail of her Secret Santa had pulled her out of it and only then does she take what feels like the first deep breath of air all day. She sits in front of the files on her desk, looking down at them once more but her concentration is gone now. With a sigh, she closes her laptop and grabs her purse from under the table. Without another word, she heads for the elevators. Walking for a couple of minutes and getting herself a nice cup of coffee might just be what she needs now.

In only one more hour the courier would finally pick up the Henderson contracts and then the whole firm would be able to breathe again at last. Especially Harvey, who had been the direct contact of Mr. Henderson and who had therefore lead the whole project. The second he crosses her mind, her heart starts speeding up again. Just like it always does these days and she has no idea how to stop it this time around. The realization that she might always be stuck in that vicious circle of push and pull, of closeness and distance, of wanting too much and not receiving nearly enough, hits her like a punch in the gut. How did she always end up right in the same position every single time? Where they gravitate towards each other, ending up feeling closer than ever before only to be ripped even farther apart the next time around.

And yet, something feels different this time. Something is going on with Harvey, something inside of his mind that she can't quite figure out. It had always been easy for her to read people, to feel them and their emotions. Except for Harvey. He had always been this huge, black hole in her universe. And this time is no different. Before Donna can get lost in thought any deeper, she reaches the Starbucks store two blocks down the road. As her Secret Santa had predicted, they do indeed have many different Christmas-themed coffees and a mild pinch of cinnamon floats through the air. She orders herself a gingerbread latte and before she can think twice about it a second coffee spiced with tonka bean and vanilla. With the two cups in her hand, she heads back to the office.

Donna finds Harvey sitting on his black leather couch. He looks relieved and relaxed, no files or telephones nearby. His eyes are closed as he takes long and even breaths and it's so mesmerizing to watch him that she almost forgets that any second anyone could catch her staring.

"I smell vanilla," Harvey pulls her out of her daze, one eye open and peeking in her direction.

"You got that right," Donna laughs nervously, walking into his office now and taking the armchair next to his sofa.

"Is that one for me?" He asks cheerfully. "I hope it's spiked with something stronger than vanilla. We need to celebrate."

"It's barely lunch time, Harvey," Donna replies with a smile.

"When has that ever stopped us before?" Harvey responds, winking at her.

"True. Well. This one isn't spiked. But it has vanilla and an extra dose of Christmas spirit in it."

"Oh great. I'm not feeling any of that yet as it is," Harvey says and rolls his eyes. "Speaking of lunch break. Did you have any yet? Lunch, that is."

"No. I spent my lunch break in a line at Starbucks to get us these," she explains, pointing at the two cups of coffee.

Instead of saying anything, Harvey gets up and walks over to his desk. From the top drawer, he pulls out a paper bag, before he returns to his place on the sofa. "Wanna share my bagel?" Harvey asks, holding up the bag.

"Sure, some carbs never hurt anyone, right?" Her comment earns herself another roll of his eyes but she can see that he's only halfway serious. She watches him as he breaks the bagel in two, handing her the bigger half of it.

"So, still in a sharing mood, I see?"

"No. That ended yesterday after I transferred the money. But I figured you'd just take all of the bagel if I started eating without asking. This way I get at least half of it," Harvey explains, before taking a bite. If he had been sitting closer, she would have hit his shoulder.

"Right. Back to Mr. Scrooge it is then."

They look at each other quietly for a moment before Harvey's lips form a huge grin, lightening up his whole face. It's warm, cheerful and infecting and Donna can't stop a mirroring expression from her own face. Back is that feeling of closeness that she longs for more and more and that she doesn't know how to handle. It's a soft tab against the glass door that pulls them out of their spell. Emma comes inside, announcing the arrival of the courier. Harvey is quick to hand over the documents, asks the driver to be quick but careful and tips him on his way out for not taking any detours. Donna stays seated, awaiting his return. When he does, they actually do clink their coffee cups in celebration. Conversation flows easily then and before they know it the bagel is gone and the cups are empty and an hour had passed. By the end of it, both are reluctant to be the one to break up their time together.

Donna mentally prepares herself to go back to her office, when his voice stops her before she so much as moved.

"What are we doing here, Donna?"

"Uhm. Having lunch?" Donna replies even though she has an inkling feeling that he is asking more than that. So what exactly is he doing?

"We never have lunch. Not like this" Harvey assesses. "It feels different. Everything feels different these days."

There are very few words in Donna's world that evokes so many memories, holds so many connotations and especially so much meaning than this one simple word. "You said that already… Have you figured out yet what 'everything' actually means?"

"The picture is getting clearer, yes," Harvey replies honestly.

Donna watches him, waits for him to say more, to explain. To do anything. But he just leaves it at that. As he and she and both of them so often did.

"Harvey Specter. As ominous and ambiguous as ever," Donna sighs, getting up from her chair at last. This is not going to lead anywhere, she realizes once again, her heart breaking.

"Have dinner with me Thursday night," Harvey says, before she can leave his office. Donna stops in her tracks, her traitorous heart beating loudly against her chest. She turns around to look at Harvey, who had just risen from his seat as well. His posture is strong and confident but insecurity is creasing his face.

"Why? So things can get even more complicated than they already are? Again?"

"No. So I can explain 'everything' to you. I'm not an expert in these things but I believe it's not the kind of conversation you usually have in an office. In the middle of the day," Harvey replies with a shrug.

Donna's urge is to protect herself against the hope that is consuming her once more, to reply with a quip remark to lighten the situation. And yet all she can do is stand there and stare at him. Would this really be it? Would they finally figure everything out?

"What do you say? Del Posto, 8 pm?" Harvey asks again, taking a step in her direction.

"Alright," Donna finally agrees, after weighing her options. Not that there really are that many options to begin with. "You better not chicken out of this one, Harvey," she warns him and she probably sounds a lot more sternly than might have been necessary. But she wants him to know that she is not taking this lightly.

Harvey gazes at her intently, nodding his head. "I promise."

"We're nearing the finishing line now."

"I know. You still believe this will actually work?"

"Absolutely. If they don't end up together after this, they never will. And then all of us can finally move on from all the what ifs."

"You're right. I do still hope it'll work out though."

"So do we, Ben, so do we."

"I'll send out their challenge tomorrow morning. So they have all day to make the best out of it."

"Perfect. I hope we'll find out what they end up doing."

"So do I. This might just be the most exciting of all the tasks."

"Yes, we thought so, too. Is everything set for the big finale as well?"

"Yeah. I had to ask Louis for help because it wouldn't have worked otherwise on such a short notice. But he was sworn to secrecy and he's out of town this week, so there aren't a lot of opportunities for him to mess it up."

"Awesome. Really, Benjamin, we can't thank you enough for your help in this! I'll make them name their firstborn after you, promise!"

"Let's not get ahead of ourselves. First it has to work."

"It will. Look, I gotta go now. My next appointment is here. But we'll talk again soon! And a very merry Christmas to you!"

"Merry Christmas, Mike."

Buy a Christmas present for the person you love most. Easy, right? Two days to go! Have fun! xo SS

It was both the easiest and most difficult thing the two of them ever had to do. Easy, because it took neither Harvey nor Donna very long to figure out for whom they were going to buy a Christmas present for. Difficult, because what are you actually going to give the person you loved the most when they already owned the most precious gift you can give? Your heart?

But in the end they were both thankful for the distraction, keeping their minds busy with something else than obsessing over their date, that neither of them had named like that but both knowing that it was exactly that.

So the pair gets busy with the next challenge and once they had both set out, separately, during different times of the day – she during lunch break and he after work – neither of them knowing what the other was doing, they realized that the difficult part hadn't been so difficult anymore.

Do you feel the warmth and the joy? That air of excitement? The prospect of something amazing happening? That's the Christmas spirit. Or is it something else? One day till Christmas! But since you've done so incredibly well, you'll receive your gift tonight. Be at The Park at 6:30pm. This will be the last one, so please, enjoy yourself! xo SS

"Shit. Shit, shit, shit," Harvey curses as he reads the e-mail that had just arrived. "Shit." He sinks back in his chair, letting out a frustrated groan. And another one as he realizes that he is actually angry that he won't be able to finish off the last challenge. Won't figure out who is behind all of this this. And when had this whole Secret Santa slash scavenger hunt thing even become so important to him anyways? But still, it would never ever come close to the importance of taking Donna out tonight so in the end, it was a small price to pay.

On the other end of the hall, similar curse words are floating through the air. And similar thoughts are filling her head. Only that for Donna, after looking up The Park and working out the distance to Del Posto, it quickly becomes clear that she wouldn't have to chose either because she could just stop by at the first restaurant on her way to the second, the more important one.

And once again she is thankful for the distraction. After she had barely been able to find any sleep last night, a nervous tingling sensation has had her on alert all day long. All day, every day for the past two and a half days. She feels stuck. Like she can't move forward but there is no going back now either. In her head, she has lead at least seven hundred and forty eight different conversations with Harvey, while at the same time she is absolutely certain that it will turn out to be the seven hundred and forty ninth version in the end.

Back up the hall, Harvey is calm and quiet again. He finally knows what he needs to do and even if things wouldn't go as planned, if Donna didn't feel the same way as he did, after this night the uncertainty of it all, of those past thirteen years, it would finally come to an end, one way or another.

"Emma?" Harvey says through the intercom.

"Yes?" comes the reply immediately.

"Can you please look up the route from the office to The Park and from there to Del Posto? Thank you!"

From there on out, the day drags on in slow motion. While Harvey fights with nervous anticipation in the light of his dinner with Donna, the woman in question wrestles with fear and hope, both powers fighting for dominance. At 5 pm, she finally has enough and leaves the office, wanting to have enough time to get ready for meeting her Secret Santa and especially for her dinner with Harvey. Would he really go through with his promise? Would they finally define 'everything'? Would both their definitions even match? Her heart clenches at the thought. There was so much to lose. And so much more to gain.

By the time Donna has slipped into her mossy green cocktail dress and refreshed her make-up, Harvey has only arrived at home. He quickly jumps under his shower and into new suit pants, once he is finished. A black Cashmere sweater rounds off his outfit and half an hour later he is already on his way again, with a first stop at The Park. Ray drops him off and Harvey asks him to wait for him. Even though it's only a five minutes' walk from The Park to Del Posto, he doesn't want to take any risks. He had promised Donna to not chicken out of their night and he definitely isn't willing to take the chance that she might think just that if he were late.

Taking a deep breath, he enters the restaurant. Even though he had kept guessing who might be behind all of this, he never could quite figure out who would actually be crazy enough to do something like that to him. Louis maybe. With the help of Sheila. But they had by God hopefully better things to do than send him on a hunt for his Christmas spirit. And there was this tiny hope… that tiny hope that Donna was behind it all as her way of showing him…. Yeah. Showing him what exactly? A waitress comes up to him in that moment, chasing away all of his thoughts. He is lead to one of the secluded areas of the restaurant, in the far right corner of the room. When he rounds three, tall marble figures that function as blinders, his eyes widen in shock and relief all the same.

"So it actually was you?!" The words are out of his mouth before he can stop them.

"What the hell are you talking about? And why are you even here?" Donna replies confused, getting up from her chair.

"I could ask you the same question," Harvey replies but before any more is said between the pair, a waitress appears next to them.

"Mrs Paulsen. Mr Specter. This is for you," the young woman says, handing him a bottle of white wine and her a red envelop.

Dear Donna, dear Harvey, this is my gift to you: time and opportunity. The bottle of Chardonnay and dinner is on me. If you need Macallan, that can be arranged as well. You will only be allowed to leave this room if you talk. About everything. Don't be stupid any longer and open your goddamn eyes to the truth that everyone but you is seeing. This is my gift. Use it wisely. Love, your Secret Santa(s)

Donna hands the card to Harvey, whose eyes immediately fly over the words written on it. When he is finished, he looks up into Donna's face.

"I'm going to kill Mike and Rachel," Donna curses under her breath.

"What are you talking about now?"

"This!" Donna says exasperatedly, taking the card from Harvey's hand. "This has their names written all over it!"

It suddenly dawns on Harvey. All the clues. The wording. It does have Rachel and especially Mike written all over it. "Oh my God. You're right!" Harvey finally agrees, sitting down at the table and filling their glasses with wine to keep him busy with something. Anything. "And up until a few minutes ago I would have bet all my money on you!"

"On me? Why? Why would I do something like that?"

"Well, I don't know… I thought… maybe… I don't know," he replies, taking two or three huge sips of wine. He can feel the liquid traveling down his throat, the soft burning of alcohol a welcoming sensation.

"But you do. Tell me."

"No… I realize now that it was stupid. You… I mean, you told me as much," Harvey shrugs it off, not knowing what else to say without saying it all. Could he still go through with it? Should he? He felt stupid all of a sudden. Stupid, stupid, stupid. That damn Secret Santa and his damn Christmas spirit. It had clouded his judgement and his reason. What was he even thinking? He has to take deep breaths as fear and uncertainty cloud his up until then clear thoughts and purpose.

But of course, Donna is Donna and if they hadn't been in a similar situation numerous times before, he would actually be surprised that she kept pushing. "Told you what exactly?"

Harvey contemplates his next answer, that first half of the glass already making him light-headed after not having eaten anything all day. He takes more deep breaths, tries to chase away the fog in his head. There is a very good reason why he had invited her for dinner tonight. He thinks back to the last couple of days, ever since that Secret Santa thing had started. The way she had made him feel. Had brought all those feelings that he had tried to bury and ignore time and time again right back to the surface with simples words and touches and glances. And he knows it would always be like that. No matter how much time would pass and how often they would tell each other that they were back to normal. They would never be normal. And he would never not feel everything. So what would be the use in lying? Hadn't they done that enough already?

"Told me, that you didn't feel anything. And that we're just friends. I shouldn't have hoped… I mean… assumed… shouldn't have assumed that this was your way of telling me something."

"And you actually believed that?"

"I know. Like I just said, I'm stupid. You've never been anything but honest."

"No… I mean… you truly believed it when I said I didn't feel anything?"

"Yeah. Of course. You practically yelled it at me. What was I supposed to believe?"

"I yelled at you because you yelled at me!" Donna replies defensively.

"I wasn't yelling at you! I was yelling at myself! For kissing you back. For wanting to do so much more than just kiss you in that moment, despite being with Paula. If you hadn't left…" Harvey sighs, a heaviness about him that Donna hadn't seen in a very long time. "That thought killed me. I couldn't think and I couldn't sleep, constantly trying to shake that bone-aching need for you that I had buried for so long I had almost started to believe it was gone. And I was so fucking angry at myself for not being able to control it once it resurfaced. So I turned it into anger against you. And then it all went terribly wrong from there, as it seems."

"No kidding, Sherlock," Donna replies, caught between wanting to laugh and wanting to cry at the same time.

"I'm sorry. It was really unfair of me. I know that."

"No, I'm sorry. I really am. I never should have put you in that position. I never should have put us in that position. Not like that, at least," Donna says, a regretful sigh leaving her parted lips. "I heard communication is supposed to be a good way to figure things out."

"No kidding, Sherlock," Harvey uses her words against her, taking another sip from his glass. "Wow. This is not how I pictured this night to go."

"No? How did you picture it to go?" Donna wants to know with a smirk.

"Well… for one, I thought we would be at Del Posto, drinking our favorite wine and not this thing here that gets to call itself wine," Harvey explains, eliciting a low chuckle from Donna.

"It's not that bad," she replies, waiting for Harvey to continue.

"But it's not good either," he makes his point by taking another sip and grimacing at the taste. "Anyway. I thought we'd sit down, have a lovely dinner and slowly ease into the conversation. You know. Like normal people do these things."

"Harvey. When has anything between us ever been normal?"

"Yeah… I know… that probably stopped the night you walked up to me in that bar with that plaid cardigan and black skirt, honest smile and mesmerizing ambition of yours."

"You remember what I was wearing?"

"Of course, Donna. I remember everything," Harvey admits openly and honestly and if there is any doubt left inside of him that what he is doing might be a mistake, it's beaten by the need to finally make everything right.

"You do realize that that's not normal either, right?" Donna replies, who is fighting her own battle to push away those protective walls and insecurities in order to finally move somewhere. Anywhere but this carousel of ambiguity and missed opportunities that has been their relationship for thirteen years.

"I know… but if we are not normal… Where does that leave us?" Harvey asks, looking straight at Donna, knowing that she will not leave him off the hook that easily, yet still hoping that she would at least help him along.

"Where do you want it to leave us?" Donna counters his question, coaxing him into defining what he really wants. And it had been the purpose of this evening after all. If only he was a better man, not this partly broken, partly mended guy that had never allowed anyone as close as he let her. If only he knew how to say the things he wanted to say without having to worry to mess it up. He lies his hand on top of hers in the middle of the table. Not to keep her from running away, even though that thought crosses his mind for a second. But to show her that he is in this, with her.

"I know what I want, Donna. It's what I have always wanted, since the first day I met you," Harvey replies truthfully, squeezing her hand.

"You want to have sex with me?" Donna chuckles nervously, still in disbelief that they were actually going to have this conversation now. That Harvey is finally willing and open to talk about it all.

"Very funny," Harvey responds, rolling his eyes in mock annoyance. "Well, actually yeah. I want that. But not only that. I want you. And I want all of you. I want the days and the nights and I want everything in between. I want to be with you, kiss you, make you happy and smile and hold you when you cry. I want to fall asleep next to you and wake up with you in my arms. I want the house and the kids and the dogs and whatever else it is you wish for. I want you, Donna. And I love you. In all the ways you can imagine," Harvey admits at least and immediately he can feel the weight being lifted off of his shoulders. It had actually been a lot easier to formulate the words just then than when he had been at home, trying to come up with what he wanted to tell her.

"I… I don't know what to say…" Donna responds, tears welling in her eyes as her heart is about to explode for the man before her. Only now does she realize how much and for how long she had it all kept bottled up inside, emotions spilling now like champagne released from its vessel.

"Harvey, I love you, too. And now take me home so we can make love all night long?" Harvey suggests, trying to lighten the mood that had been too grave for too long anyway. Donna looks at him with wide eyes. One heartbeat. Two heartbeats. Three heartbeats. And then she laughs. Loud. Joyful. Heartily. And she keeps laughing and laughing and it is the most beautiful sound Harvey has ever heard. She flips her hand under his so that their palms are touching. Warm. Soft. She entwines their fingers, watching them for a second in disbelief and relishing in the feeling of skin against skin. With him. Then she looks up, the smile ebbing away until only a somber expression remains.

"Harvey… I love you… will you please take me home now?"

There is no doubt about whether she is joking or being serious, so he gets up from his chair and rounds the table, coming to a halt right in front of her. With the hand that is still holding onto Donna's, he gently pulls her up from her seating position until she stands before him. Eye to eye. No more barriers. His free hand comes up, touches her cheek gently and she closes her eyes for a moment. He watches her carefully, looking for any sign of doubt or regret but when she opens her eyes again, love and warmth sparkling in endless emerald, he finds none.

When he kisses her then it is everything they have both always dreamed of. It's fireworks and earthquakes and it's as stormy as the sea and as calm as the night. It's making them soar through the sky and grounds them to earth. It's burning and making them shiver with coldness and hotness all at once. It's uncertainty and reassurance and safety. It's slow and gentle and tentative and it's passionate and hasty and intense. It's filling their lungs and robbing their breath. It's almost too much and not nearly enough. Never enough. It's a million words turned into one single gesture. And another one, as he enters her welcoming body, half an hour later in her apartment, at home, in her arms. Her warmth wraps around him like a blanket, pulling him in. She feels hot and wet and tight and he feels hard and rigid and powerful and it's the perfect match. Had always been the perfect match. They move in unison, first slow and gentle, hands touching and lips kissing, their hips setting a rhythm that is driving them both out of their minds. It's natural and familiar and it's new and exciting. He worships her, kisses her lips and neck and breasts and his tongue and teeth are leaving loving marks all over her body. He drives her wild, becomes wild himself, when she wraps her legs around him, letting him even closer still. Words are whispered and a glances are shared, that turn into sighs and moans as their love making becomes more intense. She can feel him everywhere. Around her, on top of her and inside of her, body and soul and when she realizes that this is only the beginning, it's robbing her breath all over again and tears well up in her eyes, that he kisses away. She whispers 'I love you' and his hips jerk stronger, quicker, pushing something deep inside of her. They are nearing that cliff, together, hand in hand and when they're there and when it's all too much and still not enough, they jump, no longer afraid of the fall. It's explosions and waves and blinding light and then it's quiet and dark and heavy breathing.

She moans silently as he rolls off of her and out of her, the lost contact a sting in her soul that is quickly healed when he spoons her from behind, one arm beneath her neck, the other securely locked around her torso. His whole length is pressed against her and she has never felt more save and more loved than in this very second.

They are quiet for a very long time, enjoying the intimacy of the moment. Only when their breathing has returned to normal, does Donna finally speak up.

"Look at us… having open and honest conversations about our feelings like two adults. And suddenly it's all so easy. What's happening to us?" Donna chuckles breathlessly, enjoying the feeling of Harvey wrapped around her.

"Must be the Christmas spirit everyone keeps talking about?" Harvey suggests with a shrug and a smirk on his face, earning himself a low chuckle from Donna.

"Well, merry Christmas then. I love you, Harvey," Donna whispers into the darkness of her bedroom. Harvey pulls her even tighter against his body, hot skin against hot skin. He places a kiss on her shoulder, making her shiver in his arms once again.

"And I love you. Always."

- And Forever -