Snuggle is copyright Snuggletime, Lever Brothers and Healthtex. Mr. Potato head and the Care Bears are copyright Mattel. Bums are copyright Seattle, Washington. Galactus is copyright Marvel, if he hasn't devoured them.
Grumpson Memorial Park, Seattle, WA
It was raining. Dark clouds loomed ominously over the towering pine trees, a fierce wind shaking the branches. Thunder echoed through the park. Lightning illuminated the darkness for brief seconds, then the light faded and darkness returned. The torrential rain poured down from the sky by the gallon. The walkways were flooded. The grass became like a soft, wet marshland.
Whether it was daytime or nighttime was uncertain. This was Seattle. It was always dark, rainy and miserable.
A small white bear lay beneath a bench, huddled under a newspaper. It wasn't very warm, and not very dry, but it would have been worse without the newspaper. He didn't feel very Snuggly soft at the moment. In fact, he felt positively Snuggly wet, Snuggly cold, and Snuggly miserable. He shivered under the bench, clutching the newspaper, curled in a ball of Snuggly damp fuzziness.
He hated Galactus. He hated his mother for being eaten by Galactus. He hated the Care Bears for kicking her out of Care-A-Lot. He wished he could just be warm, dry, and free of static cling. He sighed, rolling over on the wet grass. The trash can next to him reeked. The newspaper he held also reeked, because it came out of the trash can. But Snuggle was too cold and wet to care. He closed his eyes and slept.
When he awoke, it was still raining. He got up and went into a restroom on the top of a hill.
The restroom had a large sink, toilets, and a pair of electric hand driers. Harsh flourescent lights shined down from the ceiling.
Snuggle stood there, dripping, making a large puddle on the floor. He looked around the room. No paper towels. He'd have to use the hand drier, and it was almost two feet above his head.
He looked outside. It was raining buckets now, the handles breaking off as they slammed into the pavement. He went out and grabbed one, bringing it into the bathroom. He turned it upside down and set it on the floor in front of the drier. He pushed in the shiny silver button, and the drier started up.
He spent several minutes holding his face, his head and his paws in the path of the warm air. Once those parts were dry, he grabbed the top of the drier, hanging his body over the blower so it could dry off his chest. He climbed up higher, dangling his legs and his crotch over the blower.
"Hey, why don't you two get a room?"
Snuggle stared at the doorway. There was a bum with a scraggly beard standing there. He wore a raggedy looking black and brown plaid shirt and a ripped up, dirty pair of faded jeans. Snuggle looked down, and suddenly felt ashamed of himself. He hopped down. "I wasn't humping the drier."
"Could've fooled me!" The expression on the bum's dirty face was dead serious.
Snuggle frowned at the bum. "Your clothing needs to be washed. And ironed."
"Go to hell." The bum went into a stall.
"I hope you get static cling from your cardboard box," Snuggle muttered. He went back to the drier, running the hot air over his back. Once that was done, he curled up in the windowsill and fell asleep.
When he awoke, he found himself surrounded by a bright, multicolored light, like a rainbow. He felt himself rising in the air, drifting through the ceiling of the restroom, soaring up, up into the air, beyond the clouds, into the sky, until he was in outer space. For some reason, he didn't implode, and he could breathe, which was really weird. He knocked a sensor off the International Space Station and continued flying upwards.
The stars thinned out. He found himself floating through a vast, empty void. He drifted upwards, and he saw the Potato.
The Potato had no eyes. It had a large, goofy nose and a stylized pair of lips. Two thin, bendy arms were positioned on either side of its body. Its feet was a single stubby unit made to resemble a pair of tennis shoes.
Snuggle drifted through the void, unable to control his movement. He tumbled and rolled in the vacuum, staring at the potato.
"Welcome, Snuggle, my son," said a voice from somewhere.
"What?" Snuggle stammered. "What are you? Who are you?"
"I am Mr. Potato head," said the potato. "I created your ancestors by pulling my eyes out."
"Ummm...that's nice!" Snuggle said with a sheepish grin.
"I also created the world by having sex with an ice scraper. I just thought I'd mention that."
"Ummm...you really didn't have to," Snuggle muttered. "It's okay."
"Actually, I did have to mention it, because you are my son, Snuggle, and I tell my sons everything."
Snuggle frowned. "Well, okay."
"Why, last night, me and Groucho Marx..."
"Sir, could I be so bold as to ask you why I'm up here?"
"Well, you see, my son, I created you to bring Snuggly softness to the world."
Snuggle squinted at the potato. He found its lack of eyes unsettling. "Um, what? Snuggly what?"
"Snuggly softness. It's a technical term. Basically, I want you to go out there and make stuff warm and soft and static free."
Snuggle frowned. "And how am I supposed to do that?"
"Well, you see, Snuggle, all my sons have magical powers. Funshine bear, for example, can shoot a rainbow beam out of his belly, and it's really cute."
"That's great," Snuggle said with a frown. "My mom said it was really cute when he..."
"Snuggle," the potato sighed. "The reason why you are up here is that you haven't received your magical power yet."
"Um, okay."
"Would you like to have a magical power?"
Snuggle shrugged. "I dunno. I guess it would be nice."
"Of course it would be nice. And who wouldn't want to have the power to refresh fabrics just by touching them?"
Snuggle's jaw dropped. "What? Fabric refreshing? That's a power?"
"It is now. I just pulled it out of my butt. You know I've got a panel back there, and it stores a lot of stuff. In fact, my Wife came out of there. She's an ice scraper, you know."
The bear winced. "So, about this fabric refreshing thing..."
"I also pulled the entire universe out of my butt. And Groucho Marx. Did I mention that I...?"
"Sir, what about this power?"
"Oh. Right. I'm giving you a power, Snuggle. I'm giving you the power of Snuggly Softness. Once you receive this power, you will only have to touch an object and think soft thoughts, and the object will magically be given a soft, downy fluffiness that will make you the envy of all your competitors."
"Competitors?" Snuggle blinked. "I have competitors?"
"Snuggle, I am sending you into a world that is filled with fabric refreshers. It is one of the hazards of having a capitalistic free market system. So, naturally, as you begin to share your powers of softness with the world, you will have enemies."
"Sir, I don't even have a company."
"Snuggle, listen. Wherever you are, wherever you go, that's where you'll be."
"Um, you didn't answer my question."
"Well, some questions don't need answering."
"But still, I mean, you said I'd have competitors, and that implies that I have a company, and I don't have a company."
"Snuggle, you are your own company. Recieve now the powers of softness!"
A glowing, rainbow colored light surrounded the bear's body, infusing it with Snuggly softness. The power merged with Snuggle's soul, filling his very being with the things of wrinkle free fluffiness.
"Go forward, my son, and share your Snuggly softness with the world!"
There was a flash of light, then Snuggle found himself back in the restroom windowsill. He sat up with a start.
His paws were glowing. He lifted them up, staring at them with awe and wonderment. "Wow," he breathed, turning them from side to side, spreading his chubby digits.
A stall door came open and the bum stepped out. "Feels like I just gave birth in there!"
Snuggle stared at the man for a second, then began thinking about softness. The glow in his paws began to spread up his arms, until his whole body was encompassed in a white glow. He slowly walked over to the man, raised his paws, and grabbed the corner of his raggedy shirt.
There was a brilliant flash of multicolored light. Giant cartoony stars, hearts and rainbows filled the room. The bum's clothing and hair flapped around like he were standing in a wind tunnel.
Soft, Snuggle thought. Soft!
A warm glow suffused the entire room. The graffiti on the mirrors changed from curse words to smiling happy faces. The floors became polished and clean. The sinks gleamed. The big mints in the urinals refilled themselves, the sagging stall doors magically repairing themselves. All the toilet paper changed from 1 ply industrial paper to Kleenex Cottonelle.
The bum's appearance changed. He became plump, and his clothing suddenly fit. The wrinkles disappeared from his shirt. The plaid on his shirt changed from black and brown to its original red-black color. The stains were gone, and the holes were gone. His jeans transformed into brand new Levis. His beard, which had once been matted and scraggly, was now soft, smooth, and well trimmed. He looked like a new man.
Snuggle's legs wobbled. His arms trembled. He began to feel faint. He let go of the man's shirt, stumbled sideways, and fell.