A/N: Ha. Haha. Hahahaha. Hah... Yeah, no I'm totally not just now posting this story that was supposed to go up six years ago before I vanished from the face of the Earth. It's most definitely still 2012, right? *ahem*

"Are you serious? If anyone is gay, it's Gaara. I mean, he has the character for 'love' tattooed on his forehead!"

"Deidara looks like a girl. A man cannot be as pretty as Ino, and not be gay!"

"You, shut up! Deidara is older, so Ino looks like him!"

"Well, I guess it only makes sense that you would like such a girly-looking guy—"

"No, Ino just looks like a man! So he's a manly-looking man!"

"—since you're practically half-man anyway, Matthias."

"Don't bring my name into this! It's not my fault my parents were expecting a boy and got too lazy to pick a new name."

"And sometimes you act like a man too." And with that, a pillow found its way to Chyna's head. "Ow! Mattie, I'll kill you!"

"Just try it. You've already made me miss half the episode with your stupid arguments."

Chyna shrugged. "We'll just watch it again. We have plenty of time." Mattie nodded. "Not like it matters, you've seen this episode twenty times already."

Mattie chose not to reply.

The two girls had been sitting on their respective bean-bags for the past three hours, watching every single episode of Naruto over again. With Mattie's laptop hooked up to the television, not only were they able to view Naruto upon flat-screen goodness, but they had every episode up to that point available for them to watch—thanks to the internet. Chyna and Mattie—even though they were consciously trying to cut down—were absolutely obsessed with Naruto. Mattie owned every volume of the manga available, and Chyna had at least three Gaara plushies. It only made sense that when they had the occasional sleep-over that they would pass time with a Naruto marathon. But, unfortunately, Naruto marathons usually meant petty quarrels over whose crush-character was better.

Mattie tossed some popcorn into her mouth. "Even if Deidara were gay—which he's not—he's still infinitely times sexier than Gaara."

"What!?" Chyna nearly screeched. "Deidara is nowhere near as hot as Gaara is."

Mattie rolled her eyes as she replied, "He's not called 'The Sexy Beast of the Akatsuki' for nothing."

Chyna nearly gagged. "You're the only one who calls him that!"

Mattie shot up from her bean-bag. "Am not!"

Chyna stood up as well. "Are too!"

"Well, at least I don't like a psychopath."

"Yes, you do!"

"Panda-face!"

"Pandas are cute."

"They're fat!"

"It makes them cuter!"

Mattie's voice dropped dangerously low. "No. Pupils."

Chyna gasped, but when she opened her mouth to respond, the door slammed open. Both girls momentarily ceased their insult-flinging and turned to face the intruder. Standing in the doorway was Chyna's older sister, Reyna, with her iconic "puppy-dog pout" plastered to her face. Immediately, the bickering girls forgot about their fight. "What's wrong?" Chyna asked. Reyna just stood there. "Did something happen?" her sister continued. Reyna nodded slowly, her pout never wavering. "What is it?" Chyna asked once more.

Reyna opened her mouth and whined, "I just broke up with my boyfriend."

Chyna's "sister switch" flipped on. "Aw, Reyna. It's okay. You can always find a new one. And besides, he was a jerk anyway." She glanced at Mattie.

Catching her hint, Mattie nodded and added quickly, "Yeah, and he wasn't too good-looking either."

Chyna continued, "And we all know he didn't deserve you."

Mattie crossed her arms and shook her head. "He wasn't man enough."

"And, he had a big head."

"Both literally, and figuratively." They both nodded knowingly.

Reyna sniffled. "Thanks guys."

Chyna shrugged. "No problem."

Reyna looked around the room. "So what are you doing?"

"Watching Naruto," Mattie answered as she and Chyna re-seated themselves in their bean-bags.

A look of confusion made its way onto Reyna's visage. "What's Naruto?" she asked.

Chyna and Mattie stared at her in horror. "Only like, one of the most epic anime ever," Mattie said.

Chyna nodded. "Yeah, it's really cool. There's like, action, hot guys, and stuff…."

"Can I watch?" Reyna asked. The girls told her there was no reason they would refuse, so Reyna grabbed a bean-bag and plopped right down next to them. They had hardly watched half an episode before Reyna burst out, "Who's that?" Chyna and Mattie looked in the direction Reyna's finger was pointing, only to find a certain masked, white-haired shinobi quite easily taking down his enemies.

"Kakashi," they answered simultaneously.

Reyna smiled. "He's really cool."

Chyna shrugged as Mattie said, "He's just Kakashi."

Reyna looked at her Naruto-watching companions. "So you guys don't like him?"

Chyna commented, "There's just people I like better."

Mattie shook her head. "Nah."

"So when you said, 'hot guys' you weren't talking about him?"

"Well," Mattie began. "He was included, but it wasn't necessarily directed at him specifically."

Reyna snuggled deeper into her bean-bag. "I don't think that there could be anyone better than Kakashi."

Immediately, Chyna and Mattie rushed to show Reyna their crushes, telling her of all the things that were awesome about them. Reyna only scoffed. "These guys don't even measure up to Kakashi."

Chyna scoffed right back. "Puh-lease. Gaara is the friggin' Kazekage. What do you think about that?"

Mattie blew a raspberry. "You wish. Kakashi went after Deidara with Naruto and still couldn't beat him."

Reyna rolled her eyes. "Deidara looks like a girl."

"He does not! He's a very sexy man!" Mattie growled.

"Sexy if you like girls," Chyna mumbled.

Mattie glared at her, "I thought we were being a team right now!"

"It's not my fault it's true," Chyna said.

"If it is true then I guess I won't have to worry about Gaara making a move on Deidara, since Gaara is so obviously into guys."

"Yeah," Reyna piped up. "He's got it really bad for Naruto."

"You can't talk," Mattie turned on Reyna. "If that mask wasn't in the way, nothing could stop Kakashi from suckin—"

"Mattie!" Reyna gasped.

"Like Deidara isn't dying to screw Sasori," Chyna stated.

"You're just mad that Deidara owned Gaara's sandy butt!"

"Yeah well, Gaara crushed Deidara's arm," Chyna pointed out.

"And even after having done so, he still lost to Deidara." Chyna suddenly wanted to slap the ever-growing smirk off of Mattie's face.

"You're both being stupid," Reyna interrupted. "Kakashi is obviously the best." Reyna's face met two pillows.

Eventually the squabbling died out and the girls passed out around midnight—exhausted after constantly defending the honor of their characters of choice.

"Don't even try it, un!"

"Look, it needs to be done! You've got split ends."

"So why do you have to take so much off?"

"Because you don't take care of it, I'm teaching you a lesson."

"There's no way I'm gonna—"

"Deidara. Just stop." Mattie held up the scissors. "It's for your own good."

"It would be for your own good if you just gave up, un." The scissors inched closer to his hair. "I'm warning you!" Closer and closer. "That's it!" Mattie realized too late. "KA—!"

Suddenly, the scene froze. Mattie heaved a sigh of relief when she noticed that she was not going to be blown to smithereens. Even though she knew vaguely that she was just dreaming, the situation was still pretty scary. She looked around briefly, and seeing nothing else wrong, she just shrugged her shoulders. She then decided to take the opportunity to give Deidara his haircut—she had nothing better to do. She had just raised the scissors again when she heard a voice speak. "Matthias." Mattie looked around the room once more. A sudden feeling of anxiety washed over her.

"Uh, yeah?" she answered.

"Do you wish to be united with your true love?"

"Oh, that's all you wanted?" Mattie allowed herself to laugh shortly. "Sure. Why the heck not? I don't have anything to do."

"Your wish shall be granted." And then everything faded to black.

The next thing Mattie heard was someone's excessively loud snoring. As she sat up, she felt something distinctly wet slide down her face. She lifted a hand to her cheek and carefully wiped the saliva away. I must have been sleeping pretty well if I drooled that much, she thought as she opened her eyes. "I don't remember Chyna's room being so green…." Mattie surveyed the area, and eventually a realization came to her sleep-ridden mind: she was no longer in Chyna's room. "Oh my—" Fully awake now, Mattie scanned her surroundings once more. She caught sight of a snoring Chyna and rushed over to her. "Chyna. Chyna!" she hissed as she shook the sleeping girl.

Chyna slowly opened her eyes. "No more junk food before bed."

Mattie stared at her. "What?"

"Well," Chyna began, "I was having this really good dream, but all of a sudden it froze and this random voice asked me if I wanted to be 'united with my true love.'" Chyna scratched her head. "I blame the junk food."

Mattie's eyes widened. "Are you serious? The same thing happened to me too! And we're like, not in your room."

"What?!" Chyna looked around and screamed. "How'd we get out here? And why is my arm wet?"

It took Mattie a moment to register her last sentence. "Oh. Sorry. I forgot to wipe my hand on my pants."

Chyna chose to ignore Mattie's comment as she stood up. Mattie followed suit. "There aren't even any buildings in sight. How did we….?" Her voice trailed.

"Don't ask me. I have no idea either."

"What do we do?"

"I don't know!"

"Why are we—?"

"Stop asking me questions I don't know the answer to!"

Chyna was quiet for a while. "Okay…. Then how about this one: wasn't Reyna in the room with us when we passed out?"

"Uh, yeah…."

"So where is she now?"

Mattie was silent. "I don't know," she said at last.

"Should we go look for her?" Chyna suggested.

Mattie shrugged. "Sure, why not?" The two walked around, searching the area for Reyna. The older girl was nowhere to be found. "Maybe she didn't come with us," Mattie suggested after a while.

"It's possible—" Chyna was interrupted when the two heard a series of odd noises. As the sound was coming from above, they looked up.

Thud!

"I think we found her," Mattie said.

Chyna groaned, "You didn't have to fall on us, Reyna."

"I think I broke something," Reyna mumbled.

Mattie replied, "Yeah, my spine." It took a few moments for the three to get on their feet again, but when they did, the girls tried to figure out where they were—to no avail.

"So we're stuck in the middle of nowhere with nothing but the clothes on our backs?" Reyna asked incredulously.

"Oh, no wait," Chyna said as she reached into her bra and pulled something out. "We have my cell phone. I always sleep with it."

"Why didn't you whip that out before?" Mattie exclaimed. "Call nine-one-one!"

Chyna immediately dialed the numbers on her phone and pressed the "call" button. And then she groaned.

"What? What is it?" Reyna asked.

"No service," was her answer. The group shared a collective sigh of frustration.

"So," Mattie started. "Bottom line is, we're stuck here?"

"I guess so," Chyna murmured.

"Well, if we have to live in the forest, I'm in charge," Reyna declared. She then began listing the things they would need to survive, the jobs they would need to do, and so on and so forth. The younger two listened to her rather well for the most part, but after awhile their minds were elsewhere. Chyna was reliving her dream in her mind and Mattie entertained herself by looking around. Then, all of a sudden, something she did not want to see caught her eye. Just the sight of it began to affect her—her throat seized up and body began to shake. She slowly backed away from Reyna, and her movement grabbed Chyna's attention.

"What's wrong with you?" she asked. Mattie could not speak a word past the lump in her throat, so she just pointed to Reyna's shoulder. Chyna looked to where she was indicating, and her eyes widened immediately. "Wow, that's a big spider."

"What?" Reyna looked down. Hardly a second passed before she screamed. "Get it off of me!" she shouted as she ran in circles. "Get it off of me!" She flailed around helplessly before she gathered the courage to swat it off of her… and right onto Mattie.

"Mother fucker!" Mattie instantly wanted to die. "Get the fuck away from me! You whore, I can't believe you—" Mattie jumped around—all the while emitting a flurry of curses, desperate to fling the arachnid off. "Bitch, get it away!" Mattie squeezed her eyes shut and flicked at the thing. When she peeked down at her shirt, she was comforted to see the spider gone.

And then Chyna screamed. "How the heck did you get it on me!" Chyna screamed and ran in circles, zigzags, and criss-crosses until…

Whack! She crashed into a tree.

A/N: If you made it this far, thanks for reading! This story is co-authored by it's Raezilla , who is also here on FF. We started writing when we were 16, so there may be a noticeable difference in style once we reach the later chapters. Hope you enjoy anyway!