Disclaimer - I love Red Dwarf, I do not own it or any of its
characters/plotlines/humorous props etc. I am poor and make no money from
this humble piece of writing. Now leave me alone.
A/N - This is set after the episode "Legion" But before the Dwarfers meet Kochanski in series 7.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dead Man Walking
Chapter 1 - "Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your death."
Lister was in a good mood. Well, considering he was stuck 3 million years in deep space on a ship that couldn't pass an MOT at PC world, with no lager and only 10 jars of chilli sauce: it was a good mood. Legion had given Rimmer a new "hard light" body, which kept him out of Lister's way - frankly Lister didn't want to know what the neurotic smeghead was doing with his new found "physicalities." He, Lister, was much more preoccupied at the moment with the non-physical.
The fresh batch of supplies from derelicts and the upgrades made to Starbug's systems meant that he could take full advantage of the A.R. machine. Not a day went by when he didn't escape, to worlds where he was not the last human being alive, and cats did not steal his one and only blanket to make themselves a new jacket (He had never forgiven Cat for that, even though his so-called friend had insisted it was a medical emergency.) Kryten had started fussing over him again, but Lister made sure that "Wimbledon" and "Streets of Laredo" were destroyed to avoid unessecary implications. (And showdowns with viruses from hell - that was one reality he did not care to face again anytime soon.)
Lister was sensible about his time in A.R. He realised that he could not keep locking himself away in a pretend world and allow time to pass him by. When he was not seeking brief respite in the arms of the Queen of Camelot, he was heading the search for Red Dwarf - his home, though it had took him six years to realise it.
This afternoon though, it was time for some fun. A derelict Star Cruiser had yielded some new A.R games, and after a bad morning (Kryten had tried to feed him toasted space weevil in curry sauce for breakfast, and even though Cat had unpicked the stitching, his blanket was now 4 sizes too small and sequinned round the edges.) Lister was at the A.R simulation suite with a handful of games and a new Nerve Connection Processor which claimed "Maximum Sensory Stimulation." That plus a couple of editions of Beach Volleyball Hawaii and a unique game entitled "Ostrich Riding for Beginners" made for a fun-filled action-packed evening, and more opportunities for practising his serve.
Tiptoeing past the laundry room with the grace of a drunken monkey, Lister made his way to the A.R simulation suite. Once there, he swiped all the half-eaten vindaloo's off the console with one arm, and stacked the games on top of his box of Kleenex. Rummaging underneath the desk for yesterdays sugar puff sandwich, (and the groinal attachment - Rimmer found Lister's habit of storing it with his snacks increasingly disturbing) he banged his head on the console and the games came crashing down in a synthetic avalanche on his head.
"Smeggin' hell!"
Cursing, and rubbing his now rapidly-swelling forehead, Lister started sorting through the pile for "Beach Volleyball Hawaii Volume Three - Mixed Doubles!" and let loose a string of curses when he discovered that it happened to be the one that had broken his fall. His good mood ruined, he frantically tossed other games aside, searching desperately for anything that would come close to alleviate his boredom. A strange disk near the bottom of the pile caught his eye - "Dead Man Walking - An adventure beyond a lifetime" They had picked it up a few months back. Unfortunately, (or fortunately depending on how you looked at it) it had been in the pile with "Women's Zero-G Football Finals" and "Party Animal 2310" so Lister hadn't got round to playing it yet. He decided to give it a shot, after all it may even be fun.
Just as he was plugging in all the equipment, (just in case!) Kryten poked his head around the door of the suite.
"Mr Lister Sir, do you really think you should be using the A.R machine this often?"
Lister sighed and carried on booting up the new Nerve Connection processor. All his nerve endings tingled as the gadget fused to his brain.
"Kryten for the last time - This is the only source of entertainment on this Rustheap. I am not obsessed and I'll be on time for my next shift. Now go away, I'm busy."
"But Sir."
"No Buts Kryters, I'm having a look at this new game and If it is good I'll have another look, and another. Now smeg off and baby-sit Rimmer for a while. He might help you do something REALLY fun, like ironing or even cataloguing socks."
Kryten knew when he was beaten.
"Yes Sir, I'll see you at next shift change then."
Lister Shook his head in frustration as Kryten's footsteps faded down the corridor - he was only looking at one game, what harm could it do?
"Computer, run program "Dead.log"
"Initialised"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This is my first RD FanFic - hope you like it. All reviews and constructive criticism welcomed. ^_^
~Kuja7Dax1~
A/N - This is set after the episode "Legion" But before the Dwarfers meet Kochanski in series 7.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dead Man Walking
Chapter 1 - "Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your death."
Lister was in a good mood. Well, considering he was stuck 3 million years in deep space on a ship that couldn't pass an MOT at PC world, with no lager and only 10 jars of chilli sauce: it was a good mood. Legion had given Rimmer a new "hard light" body, which kept him out of Lister's way - frankly Lister didn't want to know what the neurotic smeghead was doing with his new found "physicalities." He, Lister, was much more preoccupied at the moment with the non-physical.
The fresh batch of supplies from derelicts and the upgrades made to Starbug's systems meant that he could take full advantage of the A.R. machine. Not a day went by when he didn't escape, to worlds where he was not the last human being alive, and cats did not steal his one and only blanket to make themselves a new jacket (He had never forgiven Cat for that, even though his so-called friend had insisted it was a medical emergency.) Kryten had started fussing over him again, but Lister made sure that "Wimbledon" and "Streets of Laredo" were destroyed to avoid unessecary implications. (And showdowns with viruses from hell - that was one reality he did not care to face again anytime soon.)
Lister was sensible about his time in A.R. He realised that he could not keep locking himself away in a pretend world and allow time to pass him by. When he was not seeking brief respite in the arms of the Queen of Camelot, he was heading the search for Red Dwarf - his home, though it had took him six years to realise it.
This afternoon though, it was time for some fun. A derelict Star Cruiser had yielded some new A.R games, and after a bad morning (Kryten had tried to feed him toasted space weevil in curry sauce for breakfast, and even though Cat had unpicked the stitching, his blanket was now 4 sizes too small and sequinned round the edges.) Lister was at the A.R simulation suite with a handful of games and a new Nerve Connection Processor which claimed "Maximum Sensory Stimulation." That plus a couple of editions of Beach Volleyball Hawaii and a unique game entitled "Ostrich Riding for Beginners" made for a fun-filled action-packed evening, and more opportunities for practising his serve.
Tiptoeing past the laundry room with the grace of a drunken monkey, Lister made his way to the A.R simulation suite. Once there, he swiped all the half-eaten vindaloo's off the console with one arm, and stacked the games on top of his box of Kleenex. Rummaging underneath the desk for yesterdays sugar puff sandwich, (and the groinal attachment - Rimmer found Lister's habit of storing it with his snacks increasingly disturbing) he banged his head on the console and the games came crashing down in a synthetic avalanche on his head.
"Smeggin' hell!"
Cursing, and rubbing his now rapidly-swelling forehead, Lister started sorting through the pile for "Beach Volleyball Hawaii Volume Three - Mixed Doubles!" and let loose a string of curses when he discovered that it happened to be the one that had broken his fall. His good mood ruined, he frantically tossed other games aside, searching desperately for anything that would come close to alleviate his boredom. A strange disk near the bottom of the pile caught his eye - "Dead Man Walking - An adventure beyond a lifetime" They had picked it up a few months back. Unfortunately, (or fortunately depending on how you looked at it) it had been in the pile with "Women's Zero-G Football Finals" and "Party Animal 2310" so Lister hadn't got round to playing it yet. He decided to give it a shot, after all it may even be fun.
Just as he was plugging in all the equipment, (just in case!) Kryten poked his head around the door of the suite.
"Mr Lister Sir, do you really think you should be using the A.R machine this often?"
Lister sighed and carried on booting up the new Nerve Connection processor. All his nerve endings tingled as the gadget fused to his brain.
"Kryten for the last time - This is the only source of entertainment on this Rustheap. I am not obsessed and I'll be on time for my next shift. Now go away, I'm busy."
"But Sir."
"No Buts Kryters, I'm having a look at this new game and If it is good I'll have another look, and another. Now smeg off and baby-sit Rimmer for a while. He might help you do something REALLY fun, like ironing or even cataloguing socks."
Kryten knew when he was beaten.
"Yes Sir, I'll see you at next shift change then."
Lister Shook his head in frustration as Kryten's footsteps faded down the corridor - he was only looking at one game, what harm could it do?
"Computer, run program "Dead.log"
"Initialised"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This is my first RD FanFic - hope you like it. All reviews and constructive criticism welcomed. ^_^
~Kuja7Dax1~