Hi Olivia, I wrote this for you.
I was listening to Lana Del Rey's Lucky ones and tried to match the mood of the song to the story so it's a bit light-hearted and not really Game of Thrones-y.
Since its modern day AU Joanna survives Tyrion's birth. No twincest.
If anyone asked Field Marshall Tywin Lannister what was the worst day in his life he would say September 6 and then not elaborate further. Searching through Westerosi births, deaths and marriages you would not know why.
Euron managed to, even though standing at attention, give off an air of insolence. Tywin was tired. The Greyjoys did not belong in the military they belonged in the sea preferably decomposing at the bottom of it.
Tywin was very articulate as he insulted them and called them a disgrace to the Westeros aristocracy and useless.
The door opened and in walked Cersei Lannister, tall, blonde, proud and smiling.
"Shall I return later, father?" she asked setting down a tray, "Mother is worried that you are not eating your meals on time," she admonished her father.
"No, these degenerates are leaving... the base," Tywin dismissed them and smiled at his pride and joy. His over achieving competitive daughter, what she lacked for in friends she more than made up for in glowing recommendations from all her teachers.
"This is a lemon scone," she said proudly "and I've brought salad and a chicken sandwich."
"I'll disgrace that daughter of his," Euron told his brothers who laughed nervously, no one joked about Tywin's children and got away with it.
On September 6 Cersei had gone riding with some of the girls from the club. They were all pretty, rich, awful, spoiled, bratty and wicked girls. Cersei had worked so hard to be their leader but as soon as she as sure that she was their leader she found out otherwise.
They had told her that there was a handsome stable hand who apparently fancied her and she just had to meet him in the barn for a kiss to prove that she was brave enough to be their leader.
Cersei went only when they accused her of being scared.
"I'm braver than Jaime," she thought and marched into the barn.
She only then realised that it wasn't a barn it was the grain storage room and she looked up when she heard the pitter patter of the grain being sifted through the massive sieve on the roof and falling into the room.
Cersei pounded on the door she called out the names of the girls who'd trapped her in there. She fumed taking heavy steps around the building kicking and yelling and banging her fists.
She then gave up as the dust started flying everywhere and the grain was up to her knees. She scoffed it was mostly corn it looked like gold the colour of her and Jaime's hair. Jaime her best friend, her brother, her twin, her whole world. She should have gone to France with her mother and brothers to visit relatives no she had wanted to stay and look after Father. To prove that she was his best child. Now she would be his dead child.
The grain was now up to her belly button.
"Cersei Lannister death by corn kernals, Father would give a good eulogy she thought" she mused then out of pure frustration just screamed out her name she and Jaime used to scream out their own names at each other to confuse father. She was a Lannister she was descended from Kings of the Westerlands, she'd visited Casterly Rock a castle that was their ancestral home it had made her feel so powerful. She decided to fight she wasn't going to let some grains end her life.
"Fuck this!" she screamed at the top of her lungs her throat tickled uncomfortably from all her screaming.
Suddenly the door was flung open.
"Here! I'm in here!" she called out hoarsely, as a pair of strong arms scooped her up like a baby.
He looked familiar coarse dark brown hair big blue eyes a crease in his forehead and a ridiculous looking moustache. She reached up and pulled down his face and gave him a kiss
"What's that for love? I don't need a reward for saving a pretty lass like you," his blue eyes smiling.
"They said I had to kiss a handsome stableboy in the barn," she cleared her throat lacing her hands around his neck
"I'm handsome am I?"
"Have we met before?" she asked coughing her eyes watery.
He shrugged "I don't usually look at women's faces," he said cheekily as she hatched a plan to destroy those bitches who almost killed her.
Tywin Lannister had been called by an anonymous number, some crying girl had told him that his daughter was dead at the riding club. He had driven to the club with the intention to murder someone only to see Euron Greyjoy of all people carrying his daughter in his arms she looked alive. Though he would die soon if he didn't unhand his daughter.
Euron was handing her to the paramedics when Tywin snarled in his booming authoritative voice, "what the devil is going on?"
"Daddy," Cersei held out her arms for a hug, Cersei never called her father Daddy it was always father. The last time she'd called him daddy was when she'd almost drowned when she and that fool brother of hers went jumping off Casterly Rock. Tywin had been so scared when Cersei wasn't breathing. Tywin was on the verge of uncontrollable grief when his daughter coughed and said, "Don't cry daddy. I'm braver than Jaime. I jumped from higher up than him. Aren't you proud of me?" That was the last time the Lannisters went to Casterly Rock.
Tywin was not a man to deny his daughter anything, he gave her a hug while glaring at Euron.
"Childish prank Sir," the club manager said, "some of her friends locked her in the grain storage Errol here heard her and grabbed her before she suffocated."
"Thank you Errol," Cersei said clutching at Euron's polo shirt, wiping her face, as Tywin let go of his daughter so the paramedics could tend to her.
Tywin grudgingly extended his hand, "thank you Greyjoy," he said though gritted teeth, "you have my gratitude."
"I don't suppose that could translate into something more useful," he asked as the paramedics shone a light into Cersei's green eyes.
That fucking greyjoy. Tywin glowered as he wrote a letter of recommendation to the Navy Academy for Euron and his degenerate brothers and overturned their dishonourable discharges.
Cersei then decided to disgrace the family by getting pregnant dropping out of college and then eloping with Euron. Now that Jamie had joined the Priesthood all that was left of Tywin's legacy was Tyrion who was only interested in sex and alcohol.
"She's very happy," Joanna told Tywin when he took a day off from work to sit in his study and drink mourning the loss of his least disappointing child.
A double disgrace Tywin grumbled as they attended the beach front wedding Cersei was heavily pregnant and was dressed in her university gown she had completed her course through distance learning. Cersei walked down the aisle by herself. Since Tywin had only agreed to attend the wedding at the last moment under the threat of Joanna leaving him.
Tywin cleared his throat and touched his eyes with a handkerchief during the vows
"You can cry you old sourpuss," Joanna told him
"Something in my eye," he said. "Sand," he elaborated.
The next September 6, Tywin just smiled as he held his first grandchild in his arms she had his gold flecked eyes and the unfortunate Greyjoy hair.
Now September 6 was the best day of his life.