Lions and Tigers, and Bears, Oh My!
Sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast. ~Lewis Carroll
These good fellows don't belong to me but I promise when I'm done to pick um up, dust um off and with a kiss on the cheek return them safely home.
A/N: Just a one shot for fun that came to me as I scheduled my next month of activities.
The men stood at the railing and looked down into the vast lobby below with fear and trepidation on their minds.
Hank ran his fingers through his hair. "Kelly, so help me, you are never in charge of making reservations again!"
Chet was leaning over the railing waving at the throng under them, smiling like a Cheshire cat. "Aww come on Cap. This is going to be great!"
Johnny inched closer to Roy. "Twenty that we will be bailing Chet out of jail before Sunday."
Roy rolled his eyes and shook his head. "If he's the only one in jail we'll be lucky." He quickly turned to his partner. "And that means you."
Johnny leaned back feigning shock with his hands pressed on his chest. "What? Why me?"
Marco laughed behind him. "Cause you look like a kid in the world's largest candy store Johnny."
He couldn't help but laugh out loud knowing how right Marco was. "I can't wait to get down there." Turning around he looked for Mike who had volunteered for elevator duty.
Even the hotel hallway they stood in was swamped with people and Hank had to look over their heads to see if Mike had managed to capture an elevator down yet. Finding the tall figure leaning against the wall, repeatedly hitting the down button gave him his answer. He turned back to the others.
"If this is as close as we got, I'd be happy," Hank mumbled under his breath.
"Is he still waiting?" Roy asked.
Hank nodded. "Apparently it takes an act of God to get an elevator around here."
Chet whipped around. "Let's take the stairs."
Roy and Hank looked at him with incredulous expressions only to find Johnny beginning to bounce up and down like his little friend.
"Are you insane? We're on the 38th floor you twit!" Hank barked at him as he looked up and down though not really wanting to stand too close to the railing.
The entire center of the hotel was open from the lobby up to the sky lighted ceiling above them. Glass elevators faced into that space revealing the massive and elaborate structure as you journeyed up and down.
The view was nothing short of incredible.
But that wasn't going to slow down the excitement of the lineman. "We could pace ourselves."
Roy chuckled. "I don't care if we take the stairs, couldn't be any more crowded than waiting here. I…." Roy fumbled over his words as a scantily clad woman with bells on her hips sashayed by him with a big smile to the elevator.
"Roy?" Johnny said trying to not laugh.
"Huh?"
"You were saying you wanted to avoid the crowd today?" Johnny tilted his head and waited for his friend to re-gather his composure.
With slightly flushed cheeks he cleared his throat and started to talk, but Hank held up his hand. However, before he could gain some control over the group he saw Marco following the woman with bells towards Mike, and the elevator.
Mike was waving frantically to them as he held the door open despite the grumblings from the inside.
"I'll get the next one," Mike said as he watched the others squeeze in.
Hank grabbed the front of his shirt and pulled him onboard. "I don't think so pally."
Johnny just prayed the elevator kept moving at a steady speed as he looked up to the large very furry, and very tall man standing beside him with an uncomfortably real looking giant gun. His eyes cut over to Roy who was crammed right next to him only to follow his eyes to the two teen boys who were dressed in rags with bloody weeping scars all over their faces and necks.
Chet was busy striking up conversation with the beautiful woman in red and bells while Marco was trying to keep his hands off the couple in doctor's lab coats and scrubs squeezed in next to him.
"Want your fortune read?"
Chet smiled. "Tell me what room you're staying in and I will know what my future holds."
She laughed as Hank looked appalled at his co-workers womanizing in full stride.
"If you're so wise, then you already know the room," she winked at him.
He shook his head. "Oh, you're a sneaky one. I like that."
However, it was Hank's eyes that Johnny watched as his Captain continually scanned the crowd with a hint of anxiety. It was obvious that the man was not enjoying the scenery as much as they were.
The elevator stopped at the very next floor where the sexy woman got off, much to Chet's disappointment and Superman boarded. Chet shook his head at not only the odd sight of sharing an elevator with Superman, but he had to stand super close to him.
"What are you doing here?" Chet asked casually.
"I'm fighting for truth, justice, and the American way," the man in the red cape replied.
Chet nodded. "Good thing I left my Kryptonite at home then."
When the elevator opened up at the next floor Superman turned around to him. "Next time you might want to leave the Scooby Doo boxers at home." He then promptly exited.
Just watching the shocked blush come over Chet expression sent Johnny and Marco bursting out with laughter.
Chet looked horrified. "How did he know?"
Johnny made a peace sign with his fingers and pointed them at his eyes then to Chet.
"Will you two tone it down?" Hank asked through gritted teeth.
The next man that forced himself on was tall, very bald and sharply dressed in a western outfit complete with a loaded gun belt who wound up next to Roy. The large furry guy was shifted closer to Hank who now seemed to hold his breath while Johnny found himself face to face with a brunette beauty in white.
"Nice rack," he said with a smile.
She glanced down to her large black belt that held an as sundry of weapons. With a sexy smile and weave of her head, "thanks good looking."
He tried to shift and look casual, but it was an impossible task in the tiny space allotted to him. "You're very welcome. I'm from LA, where are you from?"
Roy rolled his eyes.
She giggled. "A whole lot further than you."
He laughed back. "So where ya headed all dressed up?"
"Lobby," she said as she took in his jeans and polo shirt. "Who are you?"
"Johnny," he answered.
"No, I mean who are you?"
Before he could answer the doors opened at the next floor and another floor shift occurred as more body's squeezed in. Now, Mike was facing a tall fair skinned man with short dark hair.
"Sorry, this is so irritating," Mike mumbled under his breath.
"Irritation," the man simple stated.
Mike grinned. "Yes, a human emotion, sorry."
The man remained stoic. "Regret, another one."
Mike removed the smile from his face as the elevator dinged again. "I endeavor to be accurate."
The man fount the smile that tugged at his cheeks as he shifted to make room as the flux of people once again changed.
"If you're hunting the Zombies they went that way," Roy said to the bald western man.
"Draw," the man said seriously with a flat tone.
Roy looked at him then at the others who were now seriously questioning what Roy said to make the guy/thing unhappy.
"What?" Roy said back.
"I said draw Mister," he answered.
"Too crowded here and besides I'm opposed to bloodshed," Roy replied.
The man turned away from him and Roy had to suppress the chuckle as Hank mouthed "stop talking to them".
By some miracle they actually skipped three floors of waiting folks cause there was no more room. By now the men were adjusting to the elevator shuffle and quickly moved with the flow of traffic.
"Nice," Chet said to the younger man standing beside him. He looked to be around 18 with dark curly hair.
The kid hugged the handmade sculpture closer to him. It was on a piece of wood, with a rectangle structure that seemed to be made of mud and had scattered plastic trees around the base. "Thanks," he smiled back to the mustached man. "Worked on it all night."
Chet slowly nodded his head up and down in understanding as he reached over and stood a fallen plastic cow back up.
The boy laid it back down. "Anthrax," he said.
Chet slowly wiped his fingers off on his shirt. "Sorry to hear that. Better luck next time."
Hank cringed as the giant fur ball next to him let out a bellowing cry.
"What that really necessary?" Hank asked him looking up to see his towering face.
The furry one whined and tiled his head, pushing his eyebrows up with a worried look. Hank felt guilty for biting his head off, especially seeing how the thing was big enough to bite his own head off.
"Sorry, it's just a little crowded in here for me," Hank said with apology in his tone.
The Furry head nodded his understanding and patted Hank on the head with his paw in a consoling manner while growling out an answer.
Hank smiled, "Thanks, I hope you have a good day too."
With the next ding Chet and Johnny were smashed facing each other. While Mike had to make room for something with a long spiked tail and a giant metal head filled with sharp teeth.
"This is going to be the best weekend ever," Chet said.
Johnny's eyes were all lit up like it was Christmas. "Do you think Cap will let us hang out here instead of the Firefighter's Convention?"
"NO!" Hank barked at the exact same time as the tall Furry wonder let out a quipping growl.
Johnny and Chet tried to turn away from the two.
"Like taking children to a toy store, they won't listen to anything you say," Hank said with exasperation.
His new support team nodded and growled something in a long string of noises.
"You said it pally," Hank said with a sigh.
"New around here?" Mike asked the monster.
It seethed and hissed at him. He nodded. "Yea, me too." He looked at the elaborate plate armor and green glowing eyes. "Hope you're not hungry," he said sarcastically.
Once again it hissed at him and made odd noises as it pointed a long boney claw at his stomach.
Mike looked down. "Don't even think about it. My mother gave me this shirt."
The elongated skull dropped down and sulked.
"Sorry, but maybe tomorrow."
The head popped back up and gave him a boney thumb up signal.
Another ding and another shifting of bodies and feet left Chet facing a young blonde headed man dressed in a white karate looking outfit. The loose belt around his waist held a fancy metal stick.
"She went that way," Chet said dryly.
"Who?" The fella said unsure of whom Chet was speaking of.
"The princess. 30th floor I think."
The man smiled. "Yea, she's hot."
Johnny twisted his neck to look over Chet's shoulder. "Don't do it man, you'll regret it later, trust me."
The man rolled his eyes along with Roy.
"You're enjoying this way too much," Roy shouted over to Johnny.
His partner just grinned.
Hank had said goodbyes to his new friend and now faced a clean shaven man with wild dark curly hair and a big smile on his face. He was wearing a full length brown coat with a stripped scarf that hung down to his knees with colors of brown, red, green and yellow.
"I think you're in the wrong box," Hank said with raised eyebrows.
The man tilted his head and smiled. "Well, seeing how I'm not human and I walk in eternity this seemed an interesting mode of travel to try. Would you like a jelly baby?"
The man stood waiting for Hanks reply. "Hello-o-o-o," he said and Hank smiled.
"No, but thank you anyway. Is this the most interesting place you've visited?" Hank asked.
The man paused and pursed his lips together. "Despite hundreds of years of travel I have to say this is one of the most unique."
Hank let out a big sigh. "I believe that one."
"Good, because I'm right."
The next ding brought pirates on board who endlessly waved a skull and cross bone flag while going arrrgg for the next three floors.
"Feel free to eat them," Mike said to the toothy creature next to him and watched it nod back.
As Johnny watched the lobby floor grow closer and closer the next pause let on the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. She was fair skinned with dark eyes and dark shoulder length curly hair. Her outfit was a grey jumpsuit littered with various patches and insignia with a white collared shirt underneath.
"Hey good looking," she said.
He swallowed hard. "Hey," he stumbled out.
Her eyes changed position to meet his. "Not you, him," she pointed next to Mike.
The creature waved to her and laughed with a hissing sound.
"Good job Johnny," Chet chided him. "Hot woman would rather go for the monster than you."
The woman looked at both men then pushed back a pirate to come face to face with Johnny. He was speechless at who she was.
"Sorry," he muttered.
She leaned in and wrapped her arms around his neck and seductively smiled at him. "This time its war."
The elevator had grown completely quite by now and Johnny realized he was the center of attention. As Chet's mouth dropped she planted a kiss right on his own shocked lips.
By the time the doors closed again Johnny was recovering from the close encounter.
"Number 18 off my bucket list," he said to Chet.
"I don't want to hear it," Chet whined.
"I'll kiss you honey."
Chet looked up to see a tall woman, a tall blue woman of at least six feet standing beside him. Her dress was long and flowing, her eyes a sliver white with glittery eye lashes.
"I'm good, thanks," he said then shuffled back towards Roy.
"Problem Chet?"
"Things are getting weird around here," he answered.
"You're just now figuring that out?" Hank said with raised eyebrows.
The last ding dumped them on the lobby floor as they were shoved out of the elevator by the crowd and swept down the path quickly in different directions. Roy grabbed Johnny's shirt by the back, but didn't reach Marco in time.
When they emerged from the throng they found themselves pressed against a far wall, on the other side of the hotel lobby.
"Great, now what?" Johnny asked as he worked at brushing off chicken feathers off his shirt.
"Everyone knows where to go; we'll just meet them there." Roy tried to look above the immense crowd that swirled around them. "I can't see a thing."
Johnny moved closer to the waterfall structure and hopped up on the ledge to get a better view of which direction they would need to head to.
"Hey look, it's Darth Vader, can we go get his autograph?" Johnny paused. "Oooh look, I think that's William Shatner." Looking down. "Bet you didn't know I grew up watching Star Trek." Without taking a breath he continued. "Well, if I didn't see it I wouldn't have believed it."
"Will you please focus here," Roy said.
"You're just jealous that Sigourney kissed me," Johnny smirked as he looked down.
"Sorry to disappoint you but I'll never be jealous of a cross dresser in drag."
Johnny laughed then got pale. "You're kidding right?"
"Now, you'll never know."
Johnny mumbled something about putting number 18 back on the list and continued looking.
"There ya go, and you make fun of me."
Roy hopped on the ledge beside him and looked to where he was pointing. Once the laughter started it was hard to stop.
Hank was deep in conversation with a howling fur ball, complete with waving arm motions and some form of posing with the gun that could never be aptly described. Chet was running from flesh eating zombies through the small forest of trees beside the elevator with a look of panic on his face. And with a little more searching from such a good vantage point they found Marco putting the moves on some woman with purple polka dot skin and spiked hair who was wearing more on her ears than on the rest of her body.
A quick point revealed Mike acting very suspiciously. He was moving through the crowd looking around and watching over his shoulder. When he came up to a large blue phone box he stepped inside it and closed the door after making sure no one was around.
"What was that all about?" Roy asked.
Johnny shrugged. "Who knows with Mike. Let's go get them all before Cap starts yelling at us for being late to our own convention."
"I'll get them, you get Mike and we'll meet you there," Roy said.
Working their way through the crowd he finally found Hank and managed to pull him away from his deep one sided talk/growling conversation. Roy then grabbed Chet's arm and stopped him. When the zombies ran up to him he quickly pointed to the grouping of child size aliens with long arms and big heads that were reaching out and touching everyone. They grunted and ran off after fresh meat.
Marco was still in his spot, leaning in closely to the woman and Hank had to motion for him to remove the purple coloring from his lips with a not so silent tisking of his tongue. Working sideways and all ways they found their way to the telephone box with the light on top.
However, Johnny was alone.
"You were supposed to get Mike," Roy questioned the perplexed looking man.
"I came straight here, but there was no one inside."
Hank looked around. "Great, now we have to find him."
Roy shook his head.
"I swear Roy; I never took my eyes off that thing." He stepped back and looked dead serious. "There was no way he came out."
Chet laughed. "Johnny boy, you do know none of this is real, right?"
"Well, he didn't get past us," Hank said.
"How in the …." Marco said as he pointed up to a balcony and could see Mike standing there looking down at them.
Johnny was counting. "How did he get to the 20th floor that fast?"
"These nifty things called elevators," Chet smartly said.
But when they looked at the elevators they found massive crowds trying to get on, packed inside, in many ways worse than the long journey to get down.
"Stairs?" Roy said to Hank.
"Why stairs?" Mike asked from behind them.
"Mike?" Johnny stuttered as they all looked back up, to him and then back up again.
"Yea?" He said nonchalantly.
"How did you?" Johnny pointed up then down.
Mike shrugged then opened his hand to them. "Jelly baby?"
Getting no response from the slack jawed speechless group Mike headed to the front doors with a smile on his face.
A/N: Labor Day weekend 2012 Dragon Con…..oh yea…..here I come ;)