SILENT HILL IS OWNED BY KONAMI!
Hurrrrrrr... I'm BORED dammit!
Based on the UFO endings in SH 1, 2, Origins, and a little bit of Homecoming.
Because Harry/James fans, no matter how small, knowz what REALLY happened. 8D
WARNING: The timelines for the games and such are kind of made up to make this fucked up story work.
Also warning: THIS IS PURE CRACK AND IS NOT TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY!
"I think..." James Sunderland, a blonde idiot, started kissing Harry Mason's, a brunette writer and father's, neck in between words. "...You should... Take a break from... Looking for your daughter..." At this point, the blonde idiot's lips reached the other's shoulder. "...And look for something else. I'll give you a hint- it's in my pants."
"James, have you ever had a child?"
"Nope."
"Exactly. You don't understand the emotional pa-ain!" James cupped Harry's jeans with his right palm.
"I do understand emotionally sexual pain..."
"Does that even make sense?"
"Will you two be quiet? I'm trying to concentrate, and I swear to Alesssa, if you mess me up..." Travis Grady, a... Driver of trucks and UFO's, screamed at the other two. "I will just use one of you as a subsitute and pretend you're Alex..." He muttered under his breath.
"Well, we wouldn't want to disturb him! Let's go to one of the bedrooms to leave him alone, Harry!"
"...Only if I'm on top! And no pillows!" Harry gave in, eventually... Kind of...
"But you're ALWAYS on top..."
"Too bad. If you want sex so badly, you'll have to take it in the ass."
"Still trying to concentrate..." Travis said, now annoyed.
James muttered under his breath. "Fine... But you better not tease me and actually make me cum this time!"
"Shush, James! Don't go and blow up children's mind!"
"What children?"
"The children that are pretending to be eighteen to read this!"
Elsewhere...
Henry woke up to a noise that sounded kind of like crashing. He left his room only to find that his wall broke, and the smell of a rotting corpse filling his nostrils. "What the hell? Who broke my wall?"(1)
Back in the UFO...
"Ah... Ah! Yes! Yes! Harry!" James moaned.
"James..."
"Yes! Oh my God!"
"James!" Harry screamed.
"What?"
"I haven't done anything yet!"
"I'm just praticing..."
"Praticing... Your moaning?"
"Yep."
"...Just bend over."
"Fuck yes!"
Freak: "I don't really enjoy writing smut sex, so lets just go right into a few months later."
"Harry... Have I been gaining weight?" James poked at his buldging stomach.
"Hm... Maybe."
Another month or two later...
"Okay, now I'm really freaking out." An alien placed it's hand on James' stomach.
"Congratulations, you're pregnant with Harry's baby!"
"WHAT?" Both Harry and James said almost in unison.
"And it's a girl!"
"Wha- But... Cheryl... And he's... A he!" Harry mumbled around confused.
"FUCK YES! A girl! Isn't it great, Harry? I'll name her after my best friend who died... PYRAMID HEAD!" James smiled like the idiot he is.
Harry sighed. "Let's instead name her... Heather. I like that name."
"Heather's good too... WHAT DO YOU HAVE AGAINST THE NAME PYRAMID HEAD? Looool caps!" James said in a bipolar attitude.
Seven months after being pregnant-
"I'm hungry..."
"You just ate! A whole lot! And you just puked from over stuffing yourself!"
"I know! That's why I'm hungry, dammit! Get me some food!"
"You guys are REALLY ruining the mood here!" Travis yelled across the ship.
"Who let the chick in here?" Harry asked.
"Hello, I'm Elle." She waved at them.
"'Don't care!" Harry tossed her back out and into Shepherd's Glen.
Elle gasped. "No! Give me back my Alex!"
"You're Alex?" Travis yelled from a window.
"Bye Elle! I promise to send you a post card or something!" Alex waved to her.
Nine months after getting pregnant...
"How am I supposed to give birth, exactly?" James freaked out.
"C-Section!" An alien chirped. "But we don't have sleeping gas. Just morphine."
"Oh... Shit..."
After many hours of screaming, crying, and getting every bone in Harry's hand crushed to the point where it's broken, HEATHER WAS FINALLY BORN!
"Well, it would be strange for her to have two fathers, so I'll go down to earth and raise her my self. I'll tell her that her mother died or something."
"And that's the story of how you were REALLY born!"
"Thanks... Travis..." Heather took some steps back. "I'm gonna go now..."
"It was nice having you here!"
"Travis! Help me out with the quadruplets already!" Alex shouted.
"All right, all right! Jeezus... If you want to know any more stories about your dad, just..." Travis turned around to see that no one was there. "Oh, she left already."
Freak: "Now at the scale from one to ten, ten being the highest, how much did you hate this story!"
Everyone else: "Eleven."
I've just been writing too much angst lately that I needed to finish up this CRACKTASTIC fic!
(1) That kind of happened in Silent Hill 4... Kind of...