Chapter 1 - Chapter 1
As I lay next to what at one point was a very fine pit-bull, I realize that nothing had changed. After all that I had done, everything was still and normal. The course of my life had not been rearranged a bit. Damnit!
I get up, realizing that I would yet again have to go barefoot because of all the blood that stained my once perfect converse. Those shoes had reminded me so much of "home" and I didn't want to leave them, but I had no choice. If I didn't leave soon, someone would walk past, eyeing the slaughtered pit-bull. Which in my eyes, looked rather good. Possibly at one point used for breeding, but no longer.
That's what I do with my time, slaughter any animal that crosses paths with me. I got lots of inspiration from 'animal cops'. Don't they realize they give people such as myself the most beautiful ideas? But then again, they probably believe a person like me would only exist in their nightmares. If they ever actually saw me, it would probably be a nice slap of reality on them.
For the most part, I prefer dogs. But something's better than nothing. I usually do something creative with the animal's internal organs, but this one pit-bull looks beautiful the exact way it is. To me, it's not slaughter, but more an art. But of course no one would appreciate my talent for dismembering animals and such things.
Now I need to figure out where I'll sleep tonight. I usually just fall wherever, but not tonight. I'm going to find a bed tonight… I tell myself that just about every night, but tonight I for some reason feel as if my luck will change. So I wander around and wait, and wait, and wait… But of course nothing, so I collapse onto the ground and sleep.
Nearly every night I have the same dream; the day I slaughtered my first animal. I remember it second for second, breath for breath…
" I was with my old (and only) friend. As I entered Jill's garage I sensed something was wrong, but said nothing… I walk in towards the middle of the room, and there lay a mole. This was quite amazing to me, for I had never seen a mole. That's when I realized that the mole should have ran away by now for cover in one of many boxes surrounding us.
As I creep up closer to it, I also notice that it's limbs were detached from it, which would also explain the mass amount of blood surrounding it. With the sighting of that, I look up at Jill, who's only reply was " Stupid little piece of shit." As she had her long and full laugh, I was handed a knife and told to "release my emotions" on the mole.
Soon enough, there was a large gash in the mole's stomach and it's insides were spread out on the ground. Blood was everywhere, and the mole was still alive. It was on the ground, squealing in pain, attempting to move. But since it had no limbs, all it was really capable of doing was a type of slither. Almost like a snake. It was quite a breath taking sight.
Eventually, Jill became bored of watching the mole attempt to move. So she then stepped on it's head. Everything was silent as she did so, so there was a very distinct crunching sound. As I heard that, I then realized what my new hobby was."
After that evening we began taking turns taking random animals to Jill's garage and torturing them. But after a couple weeks, we started getting dirty looks from neighbors who had "missing" animals. After that began we started to set animal traps in parks and such places. Business was booming! One day we'd have a squirrel, the next day, a fox. The only problem was what to do with the carcasses.
At first, we'd just dump the "bodies" in a nearby pond. But when that became the headline of the news, we knew we were screwed. After the news settled down, we had to take a break from our hobby in order to think of a new site for the remains. But no matter how hard we thought, we couldn't come up with anything.
One night, when I was watching Law & Order, I finally found an idea. The episode was about a man who killed people and hid their remains in his backyard. With that, I immediately call Jill and we both agree that since one of our neighbors has very little grass, we'd bury the remains there. So yet again, we continued the normal routine of catching animals and…
A snapping of a branch woke me up. I hurried myself up and began to jog off. I was in absolutely no mood for jogging, but I couldn't risk it. I can easily imagine the police have been following me for awhile now.
As I walk by a Taco Bell, I wonder when I'll have my next meal. I haven't eaten in only a few days, but to me that was no big deal because I hardly ever get hungry. I suppose I've lost interest in food.
While I'm walking down what seems to be the longest road I have ever seen, I suddenly remember my dream. With that, I wonder to myself what has become of my family and Jill. I haven't spoken to any of them in what has seemed to be many, many years.
With that thought, comes one of my many guilt trips. Whenever I think about my past I get the feeling that I have ruined everyone's life's. As always, I wish to myself that I could go back in time and change everything. My memory is somewhat clogged. There is just so much I wish I could remember…
Chapter 2 - Damn Potheads!
As I walk past a liquor store, I can't help but notice the various "Missing Animals" board. I laugh to myself, because I recognize each of the animals. As I slowly walk away, still snickering, I see the most beautiful sight. In front of a grocery store, is the best damn German shepherd I've ever seen. It's tied to a bike rack by the side of the store, and to my luck, when I make my move, the dog doesn't bark. This was almost too easy…
As I ease my way towards a clearing where there are many trees and bushes, I think of what I can do to this lovely creature. When I find what I think is a good spot, I look at my surroundings to see if there is anything nearby I could use as a tool. To my amazement, I find a small bit of barbed wire. At that instant, I spin around towards the dog and, with all I have in me, I throw it at the dog. The dog instantly whimpers and jumps back, but I jump on his leash so he can't run off. Before he has the chance to eat me, I rip the barbed wire from his side. With the barbed wire, comes many other bloody substances. My guess is fur, skin, and some muscle. But I continue to throw and rip.
Once it seems as though there is no more skin on the animal, I wonder to myself how the creature is still alive. I approach the animal one last time. This time I set the wire down and hold the dog by it's mouth and force my hand into it's stomach. I don't pull my hand back out until I'm certain I have hold of an important internal organ. As I forcefully tear my hand from inside the dog, I quickly looked to see what organ I had introduced to the sunlight. It was what seemed to be a lung.
As soon as my hand exited the dog's body, he dropped dead. Quite proud of myself, I stand up and attempt to clean the blood from my hands. I look around to make sure the coast was clear, and to my horror there stood two teenagers. Two males, to be exact. I looked straight at their eyes, and to my luck, they were bloodshot. "Holy shit! They're high!" , I think to myself.
The two boys look back and forth, from me, to the German Shepherd. After what seemed like hours, one of them looked at me "Is that a dog?" , he ask me. "It was" , I reply. He looked at his friend, and to my amazement, they both laughed their asses off. I knew what I had to do, but I just couldn't figure out how to do it.
I turn back to the boys, who look right back. "You wanna play a game?" , I ask them. Thankfully, they laugh and reply with a "Totally". I told them to sit down next to each other on the grass. I turned around a whipped out my emergency match. I saved it for an occasion such as this one.
I turn around and the boys look up at me excitedly. I tell them the game was to see who could sit perfectly still for the longest. They agreed and told each other they were going down. I had them sit for maybe twenty minutes and they began to look bored, so I stood up and told them I was going to make the game more exciting. They looked at each other and agreed happily. I lit the match and waited to see how the boys would react, and to my luck, they just started laughing again. As I drop the match into the grass between them, I desperately hope they won't get up and run. As the fire got bigger and soon spread onto them, they stayed put. I start to walk back into the town, and as I got farther, and farther I could start to hear their laughter turn into screams of pain.
When I got back to the front of the liquor store, a bright red fire truck passed me and headed to where I had just came from. At that moment I knew I had gone to far. This meant I would have to move again. And off I was. On yet another epic journey…
Chapter 3 - The unfortunate baby
I walked on and on until I finally found the entrance to the highway. I walked along side it for a couple days, wondering where I would end up. The whole time I was walking, I thought if the same thing, the past… I know I need to forgive and forget, but I'm stuck in my past. What I can remember of it, anyways. One night as I lay under a tree, I stayed up all night wondering where I'll end up. This must have been at least the eleventh time I've had to move because of my many victims. As soon as I begin to get weird looks, the fear of jail dawns upon me and I leave.
I know I'll eventually get caught in the act, unable to burn the witnesses alive. But that's not going to happen any time soon. I'm almost certain of that. All I have to do is keep moving, right…?
They have no way of tracing me, considering my lack of traceable technology. As I begin to slowly, but surely fall asleep, I wonder if I'll ever return home. If I can even call that home any longer. I haven't had any of keeping track, but I'd say I've been on the run for atleast a couple years. I'm not even sure how old I am anymore. I've lost track of my birthday and forgot my parents' names. Now that I think about it, I can't remember my parents at all.
You would probably think it horrible that I can't remember my past, but I have a sickening feeling that I did something really bad. At times I wonder if I might have killed my parents, but that's just to horrible to think about.
I remember the night I was thrown out of the house, though. I remember that as I remember my first slaughter…
" I was out with Jill one night and we went to see some movie. As I slowly returned home, I decided that this would be the night I tell my parents I'm pregnant. I had been pregnant for atleast four months already, and of course my parents hadn't noticed a damn thing. When I walk in the house, to my luck, they're already sitting, talking on the couch. I sit between them and I unexpectedly just blurt out " I'm four moths pregnant". I hadn't expected to say it like that, but I couldn't control myself. I needed to tell them.
My mom immediately slaps me. It didn't really hurt, but it sure did catch me by surprise. My dad yells at me, and all I hear from his shouting is " You stupid fucking slut! ". With that, I get up and walk outside. My dad follows me out the door and as I walk down the sidewalk, I can hear him yell " Don't come back, you whore! ". And of course the first thing I do is go to Jill's house. She opens the door and stares at me. She knows what I did. Jill shakes her head and laughs " You're really fucked now" , she says. Then she slams the door shut. " You bitch! " I scream at her door. How could she do that? Not only did I have nowhere to go, but I also had a fucking baby on the way. That's when I began my routine of wondering around.
As for the baby… One day when I felt as I were going into labor, I made my way to a river. The current was really fast this particular this day, which was very good news for me. I had planned this day out in detail a couple of weeks ago.
I take my pants and underwear off and squat over the river. This was the most painful process of my life. After much pushing and screaming, the baby comes out. I bite the umbilical cord in half and throw the crying baby into the river. I watched it get pushed down the river and started putting my clothes back on. Then, as I was zipping my pants, I saw the most beautiful thing. The force of the current throws the baby into the air and on it's way back down, it bashes it's head into a rock. After that, the baby stops crying and drifts off peacefully. That day the river was drenched in blood."
As I slowly yawn in awakening, I look around me. The traffic is unbelievably slow this morning. I get up and begin walking.
Chapter 4 - Johnney
The thought of " Home " haunted my thoughts throughout my days of walking. I just couldn't begin to imagine myself going back. I don't even know where I am.
One somewhat foggy day, I was walking and a car pulled over. There was a young man in the driver seat. He turned to me and asked "Where ya headed?" I reply with an honest " I don't know ". He laughed and asked if I wanted to ride with him to his destination. I quickly agree. Anything to get out of walking. " where ya headed? " I ask him. He said the name of a town that sounded oddly familiar. I learned that his name was Johnney and that he recently broke up with his girlfriend, and has to move back in with his parents. I shudder as I hear him speak of his parents. I desperately hope he won't ask me too many questions. I don't plan to, in any way, give myself away.
After listening to him bitch about his life for what seemed to go on for hours, he turned to me and asked why I had been walking aside the highway. I made this convincing story about how I " had a divorce, and tried to commmit suicide, and got kicked out, ect… " and he stupidly bought it all. After giving me a very apologetic look, he asks what I want for dinner. I looked out the window astonished. We'd been driving all day! I hadn't even noticed… " I don't care ", I tell him.
We ended up going to some reaturaunt called " IHOP ". He was amazed when I told him I had never heard of such a place. As we ate, we spoke of the most random things. As he brought up subjects such as TV shows, and movies, I couldn't understand what he was talking about. I hadn't watched TV since who kows when… He seemed to be so fascinated by my lack of knowledge of everyday things. It's been years since iv'e actually had a conversation with someone. And with that, I realize that if I ever reveal my true self to him I would have to kill him. I'm gonna have to be especially careful with the words that come out of my mouth while I'm talking to him.
I stayed with Johnney for what seemed to be a week. I began to trust him more and more each day. At times I would kind of bad though, because most of what I told him was complete bullshit. And since I got in the car with him I haven't slaughtered any animals, and by not doing so, I didn't feel at all like myself. It seems as though everyday I spend with him, the more I felt like the person I told him I was.
One morning I was awakened by Johnney vigorously shaking my arm. He smiled at me excitedly and said "We're here! ". I look up, barely conscious, and looked at a sign. I stare at it as we drive trying to comprehend, but I'm to sleepy… What did the sign say? I look around the small town for a bit. Wait a minute… I know this place! Without realizing it, I had accompanied Johnney all the way back to my home town.
I begged and pleaded, in tears, continuosly telling him to turn around. I told him I could never return to such a place, but of course I couldn't explain why. Johnney began to get really confused and frustrated. He unexpectedly stopped the car and told me to get out. I quickly jumped out and began to walk away. As expected,, he follows me, begging me to get back in the car. I turned to him and shouted " Fuck you! ". I hadn't expected to do such a thing and felt fucking awful afterwards. But deep down I knew that he'd be better off without me.
He finally gave up and angrily drove off. I know I have no choice but to go into the town, this to me is as close to hell as I've ever been. The fear of running into someone from my blurry past nearly made me piss myself. But what could I do? The option of walking on wasn;t even a possibility.
I enter the town ever so hesitantly and my eyes go off in every direction. Not one building that I passed brought back any specific memories at all. I continued to walk on though. Turning back now would be absolutely pointless. I desperately hope I'll run into Johnney somehow. I really need to oplogize for my bitchiness.
I walk on, and on until I finally found a street that sounded oddly familiar " Oak St. " I walk down the street slowly looking at every house very carefully, until one catches my attention. It was a yellow house with a blue garage door. Was this my house? I sit on the curb starring at it for what seemed to be hours, wondering.
I suddenly spring up. Why had it taken me so long to figure it out? I have been sitting in front of jill's house all this time. I hadn't seen her since the day she slammed the door in my face. I quickly jog to the door. But before I knock I realize that she probably won't be there. It has been many years, I think. But what do I have to loose?
I knock on the door, not knowing what to expect. After awhile, a woman, that at one point was jill's mother, opened the door. She starred at me for a long time, speechless. " Dottie? ", she finally asks. " Yes, it is I, Dottie. Is jill here? " I ask. I try my best to sound polite and formal, but by the face she made at me, I'd say I failed miserably. She went inside for a pencil and paper. She jots down an adress and throws it at me. Why is shse acting so weird? " Now don't bring your murdering ass back here! " with that, she also slams the door shut. Now the question I had asked myself so may times was yet again replayed in my mind. What the fuck did I do?
I walk down the sidewalk and realize that I'm on yet another epic journey. But this time I actually had a goal: to find where this piece of paper led me to.
Chapter 5 - That son of a bitch!
I walked until nightfall looking for the street that was written on the paper. No luck at all. As I walk along I think of all the questions I will ask jill. There are so many. I eventually give up and find the nearest park so I can get a good night's sleep. Tomorrow would be another day of searching for the street.
The beautiful sound of barking dogs wakes me up. I stretch and get up realizing that I have a small audience. I laugh a bit and start to walk away. I get the paper out of my pocket and read it again to make sure I wasn't mistaken, " North Q " it said. I walked on and even found a five dollar bill on the side of the road. I wasn't hungry at the moment, so I just put it in my pocket. I'll find something useful to do with it.
After what seemed to be an hour or two of walking I gave p and promised myself I would ask someone for directions. I sat on a bench and waited for a friendly looking person to walk by. In almost an instant, a woman walked by and waved to me. I immeadeatly get up and catch up to her. "Sorry to bother you" I say, showing her the paper, " but do you by any chance know how to get here? " I desperately hope she does. She looks at mee and says " Yes, I actually work in the building next to this one. " She smiles at me " You can follow me if you like. " I feel so relieved and happily follow her.
She makes small talk with me for awhile and even stops at a star bucks and buys me, and herself a coffee. In almost no time at all, we've stopped in the middle of a sidewalk. She pointed to a building " that's your building " she said. I thank her for the coffee and we went our separate ways. As soon as she crosses the street, she yells back at me "I'm Miranda, by the way. " I smile and reply " I'm Dottie." She smiles and walks off.
As I approach the really nice looking building, I wonder what I'll do when I get inside. Hopefully, if I'm lucky, there will be some kind of front desk where I can ask to see Jill. I walk into a 'lobby' type room where, to my luck, is a front desk. There is a grumpy looking lady sitting there applying lipstick.
I walk up to the desk and the lady looks at me and says " Hello, how may I help you? " She says it as if she is the most unhappy person alive. It almost makes me mad. How could she be so unhappy? " I need to speak to Jill " I tell her. She looks att me almost as if she's shocked. "Uhhh…" she studders " I'll call her. What's your name? "
" Tell her Dottie has come to speak to her " I tell the lady, and she almost immedeatly picked up the phone. Before she dials the phone she looks back at me " Please take a seat " she says, motioning to the 'lobby'. I take a seat on a couch and stare at the lady, attemping to read her lips because I so badly want to know what she is saying to Jill. After a couple of minutes she hangs up. I spring up from the couch and rush over to her to hear the news. She smiles at me and tells me to wait for another lady, who would take me to Jill. I sit back down and nearly piss myself in excitement. It seemed to be centuries until the other lady, who's name is Jen, came out of the elevator. She waalks towards me and didn't look very happy doing so.
She looks at me in an almost disappointed way and tells me to follow her. I bolt up and try to keep up with her freakishly fast pace. I nearly have to jog to keep by her side. As we walk past many doors and hallways, all of the many questions I had planned to ask Jill faded away. I was completely numb inside. I start to sweat and felt as if I was going faint at any second.
We finally stop in front of a door. The grumpy looking lady grabs my arm and throws me into the room. As she does this, she smiles at me in the most evil way I have ever seen. I fall on the floor, and there sitting in front of me, is a person that I hardly recognized at all. But I know that under all that makeup and fancy designer clothes, there is still the same Jill that used to slaughter animals with me in the far off past.
I sit in the chair across her and we stare at each other, almost as if we were trying to read each other like books. After awhile of staring and reading, she breaks the silence " I must say, I didn't expect you to live this long " she says coldly. I look at her shocked, not able to understand why she would say that. I finally put it behind me " Why did you do that? " I ask her. By the look she gave me, I could tell she knew exactly what I am reffering to. She smiles " I couldn't take your shit anymore. " After she said that, I was filled with rage. But I of course kept this inside. I could take my anger out on some animals later.
I suddenly remember one of my main questions. I push my anger aside and ask " Jill, what became of my parents? " The laugh I heard next was absolutely unforgettable. She laughed, and laughed, and laughed. I just didn't understand her laughter. What was so funny? She then stops and looks at me " You do not remember? " I shake my head and look into her eyes, hoping to receive some kind of message, but nothing.
She instantly got a serious look on her face and she then leaned close to me and looked into my eyes. " You killed them, Dottie. " I couldn't believe it. After all these years of hoping I had never did anything of the kind. " How? " I ask her. " You remember that first mole? " she asks me. " They ended up like that poor mole. " I shook my head. No! That's not possible! I couldn't exept that answer. Jill noticed my harsh reaction, and she quickly changed the subject. " So what ever happened to the baby? " she asked me. I almost laughed at her question. I knew I couldn't take the chance of telling her the truth, so I quickly made up the lie of how it 'came out dead'. She said she was sorry and bunch of other shit, but I figured she knew it was a lie.
After awhile of yet another long, awkward silence, she started speaking of her great job and how she intended on purchasing a house near here. Jill the turned to me " You have a job, don't you? " she asked in a way that made it sound as if she were actually concerned with me. I shook my head. She suddenly looked angry " Jesus, Dottie! You're not still slaughtering animals, are you? " I look down, unable to respond.
She immedeatly seemed to understand. She looked at me disapprovingly and shook her head. " How are you still roaming the streets freely?" she asks randomly. " I don't know " I answer her. She shook her head again " What am I going to do with you, Dottie? " She looks at me now, almost in tears. I stand up and throw the chair against the wall. " Nothing! " I yell at her. " You've never done anything! Why start now?" I walk out the room angry as fuck.
Jill follows me down the long hallway, begging me to turn around. But I keep walking. I finally find the elevator and push the close button. She runs towards the elevator and begs me to come back. I start laughing at her just as she had at me.
While I wait in the elevator, I think of where I'll go next. I wonder what Johnney is up to. Will I ever see him again? I try and push Johnney to the back of my mind, but I can't. I don't understand. I've never not been able to just forget about something.
I try to push the thought aside as I walk out the elevator. I walk out of the building and head towards the park. It would be nice to spend some quality time with an animal to clear my mind.
I go through my usual process of scooping out decent dogs. It looks as though this was going to be a fun day. There was all kinds of dogs everywhere I looked. It was a very busy dog-walking day. All that I had to do was sit on a bench and wait for one to break free from it's leash. So I sit and wait…