Five years of my life have passed while I slept locked away in my prison. The world I once knew is no longer here, but in ruins of what it once was. I was saved to change the course of the war and to be honest I don't think I can do it. I have lost so much already and I am afraid to admit it, but I'm scared. My companions are not here. Quin is gone and yet a part of me in relieved to not have him around anymore since I no longer have feelings for him. I haven't since the day I left Yavin when a part of me felt like it went with Theron Shan.
Sitting on the Grave Stone in the Med Bay I found myself watching hyperspace pass on by. We just barely made it off that platform and I lost the HK-55 unit...He protected me and despite it being a machine I was angry his unique rendering was in ruins. Lana promised they would send a crew back to get him having noticed my anger peak to such a point I didn't want the machine to be left behind.
I was not acting like a Sith...
My emotions we're off the charts. All of this was being thrust upon me and it was too much. I was not mentally prepared for this or having my former Master take up residence inside my body. Even though Darth Baras the disgusting creature had been the one to take me as his apprentice, my true Master I served had been the Sith Emperor. He was my current reason for being here in the med-bay.
"You look like hell." A calm voice said from the doorway.
"I feel like I've been drug through hell and back, is their someone that needs killing or to yell at me for something Koth?"
He held up his hands and grinned a little, "Nah, nothing like that. I just came ot check up on you, you've got Lana pacing around all worried since you collapsed in agony on the bridge and we had to sedate you. I have a feeling this is too much for you to handle Outlander." He said moving closer to her as he took a seat.
"Samsara...I have a name or Lord Sigma."
"Alright, alright, no more Outlander. Samsara is a nice name, never heard of it though. What's it mean?" He asked curiously.
"My father picked it out my mother never approved of it being a natural born Sith on Dromund Kaas. It means the cycle of rebirth and death. When the soul had completed it's journey in life it is taken back to Samsara to be reborn. I feel like that is my current state. Ironic my father the last of the Jedi Exile's and Atton Rand's bloodline should name me as such..." She smiled bitterly. "I blame that blood that flows through me, it makes me weak...I have never looked at myself in such a way that I find myself being very un-sith like."
Koth was silent as he let her vent seeing the state of distress she was in by her body language and her eyes and how she seemed to hate the ones who she was connected to. "I think it's a nice name and if your father gave it to you for a reason, their must be one. Though I don't know much about Jedi and Sith, other then Lana's tiny summary of both. Jedi are good and peaceful and Sith like to conquer and destroy and kill, but you are different from Sith, but not Jedi from what I have seen. You risked your life to help save my people Out-Samsara and I was not expecting that from a powerful Sith like you. Maybe you are beginning your rebirth into something else. You just need time to find it."
"My hands have taken many lives...The only times I showed mercy was to younglings and mothers...I know what it is like to not have parents and to be utterly alone...I feel that way right now. My closest Companions are all gone and for what I know dead, to be honest a part of me will be relieved if my husband is dead or gone. I stopped caring for him since Yavin. Mean to say but it's true."
"I heard about that from Lana, seems you got too attached to some Theron Shan. She told me she was surprised you didn't leave with the Jedi that day. Why did you stay?"
"I was doing my duty and helping the Empire. I believed Darth Marr was the future of my people and would become a great ruler of the Sith. Under him I have no doubt we would have been unified properly and that we would have made the Sith better. Instead I had to watch the man I considered a parental figure and a hero to me die at the hands of a monster that consumed millions of lives and now I'm reminded of it every time I walk and breath he is inside of me. Listening, watching, and most likely trying to plan when he can steal control of my body."
"If The Eternal Emperor had wanted your body I think he's had many chances now to take it over Sam. I hope you don't mind I call you that..." Koth said holding up his hands quickly in hopes she would kill him, when he saw the look of amusement cross her face as her brow raised at him he lowered his hands seeing she wasn't going to hurt him. "I think once we get to Odessen and your able to walk around without someone planning to kill you, you can relax and unwind a little. Maybe your companions will be their with the others Lana's gathered. Right now though I think you should lay down and rest. At least if I let Lana know your sleeping peaceful and not walking around doing that force stuff she'll settle down."
I found myself looking at Koth with mild curiosity. "Are you and Lana dating?" The question was bold, but it had been piping my interest for sometime.
Koth raised his hand the back of his neck looking away as he rubbed the area in an uneasy way. "Well, it's hard to say. I say yes, but she deny's it. I'm waiting patiently for her to come around and say yes."
A smirk crossed my lips, "Lana might be all tough and bossy, but she likes rare flowers I noticed the few times I flirted with her. If you find any and have some private time, give them to her."
Koth raised a brow as he attempted to picture Lana getting happy over a simple item. "So she is human after all." He smiled and stood up holding out his hand to Sam. "Thanks for the advice, I'll have to try it. Now do like I said, lay back and relax. You've been through enough and need to relax some yourself or you are going to fall apart."
Taking Koth's hand I shook it in agreement. "Very well, I guess some sleep won't kill me. I shouldn't want to sleep, but I can feel my body is beyond it's point of tolerating the amount of pain and pressure I've put it through. Thank you Koth...I needed to vent some of that off my chest."
"Anytime, now I'm going to go make sure Lana isn't pacing holes in my ship. I'll see you when you come around." With those words Koth left the medbay leaving her alone.
It wasn't long after Koth left that I returned to slumber. My mind drifting back to memories I had before the Emperor tore them away. Theron Shan and I and the life I wanted with him away from wars...hidden on Naboo raising our family and his Jedi mother on diaper duty as the cleaning maid...At least it was better than killing the poor woman.
A month went by as we built the base on Odessen. I don't know why, but I had a feeling Lana was setting me up for something and I let it slide for now. I saw people from the Empire, The Republic. Jedi, Sith, soldiers, special operations, smugglers, pirates all look to me that day I had to give a speach before the ground work began for our base into the mountain. I hid on the Gravestone from these people. I was not prepaid to be around so many looking to me for hope. I was NOT a savior of worlds...I was a Sith. A killer, a murdered, a destroyer of worlds.
This was the lie I kept repeating to myself. I was not that woman anymore and yet a part of her lingered.
As I stood on the platform I had ignored the ship that landed behind me on the platform, looking at how everything had come along so smoothly, and it was the safest place to be away from everyone. I almost sent a poor Padawan to their death a week ago by throwing them off the side nearly.
Theron stepped off his ship as he looked at the woman in the distance. He had not seen her since the three of them watched the planet they had attempted to save perish under the hand of the Sith Emperor. He had come as soon as Lana informed him of what had been happening with her. Looking over the sites she was eyeing he slowly made his way over to her. "I like what you've done with the place."
That voice..."Theron Shan." It was the only words I could utter calmly as I turned to look at him. I had not aged a day and yet I could see he had aged a little himself.
"Hadn't seen you in awhile. I wasn't sure you would remember me."
"I don't think I could forget you Theron if I tried..." I found myself admitting as I looked away from him unable to meet his eyes.
He was silent as he took in her current state. Tense, afraid, alone, lost...Yet he saw hope in her eyes at seeing him. Even if it was brief. "You know...Quin found me a year into the war. He told me if I found you to not let you go again. Since we met on Yavin you could only think of me when you we're with him. Is it because I'm connected to Revan you are infatuated with me? Or was it just a passing thing?"
"At first I hated you, but then the day Revan and his people took you I was afraid for you. I don't know why, it was not Sith emotions. Perhaps the cursed Exile and Rand blood that flows through me that is making me weak. I have always known I was not like the other Sith and my father was no Sith. He was warm...kind, caring...My mother drilled into me to not let such emotions get attached to me. That men we're just a means to secure and prolong our families Legacy. Yet I know she loved him and gave her life as he did his to help the Jedi free Revan from his prison. I was not so lucky after that. You know about my past Theron. You looked at me with pity once back on Rishi. You know what I endured to get to where I was before I lost five years of my life."
"I know you we're shunned, beaten, raped...used like a toy by your own master. I was supposed to kill you and had a clear shot, but I didn't do it. My mother and I ran into one another on different missions. She noticed how you looked like your father. My mother is the reason you are alive still and I'm glad she did stop me from my mission. I got to learn about you more and work with you. Your methods I will not agree with, but you showed mercy to some which is not a Sith. In a way you remind me of Revan. You are conflicted of what path to walk. Is that how you feel now along with your heart?" He asked.
"I am conflicted. I have been since we parted on Yavin, but I know I have feelings for you. Each time you and I parted I felt like a part of me was gone. With Quin I used him, at times I pictured he was you..." I found myself smiling bitterly. "I regret not going with you."
He was caught off guard by that comment and took a step closer to her. "You we're seriously thinking of returning to the Republic with us?" He asked resting a hand on her shoulder.
"I was...I almost turned my ship around to go to Coruscant despite the consequences that would have come of me begin their. Vette saw me hesitating with the navi computer. She knew all to well what I felt. I've had her with me since I started my rise to power. I trusted her like a sister. I never saw her as the slave I picked up. She told me to go to you, but I didn't. Instead I ran to hide from my emotions and seal them away thinking they would go away and then I caught myself looking for you. You vanished."
"I know you we're. I tracked your ship down more then once each time I saw you were trying to find me. You need to learn some better slicing skills so nobody finds you. At least I know now you felt the same as I did that night." He raised his hand to her face and cupped her cheek looking at her. "How about we start over Samsara Sigma?" He asked as me locked his eyes with her.
'How about we start over Samsara Sigma?' The words echoed in her mind as she felt his hand resting on her cheek causing a fire to burn inside of her as her own hand moved to his, her fingers enclosing around his own. "I would like that Theron Shan." A smile spread over her face as it reached her eyes looking dead into his.
"Oh and I forgot something..." Theron grinned as he leaned in a pressed a kiss to her lips only to pull back as he tapped his ear piece and wrapping an arm around her waist pivoted Sam's body to look out in the distance. "Bring her in." He ordered.
"Hey just so you know this ships going to need a lot of work to get it back to what it used to be!" Hylo Viz voice boomed over the communication device loud enough for even Sam to hear.
In the distance an old site loomed in her eyes as she saw her ship being returned to her. "That's a site I missed." Sam said breaking away from Theron to the guard rails leaning into them so she could watch as her ship was brought in and being landed below. A small crew down below already awaiting it to work on it for her.
Lana and Koth stood watching the two from a clear vantage point they had grown worried over Sam's behavior and distance to everyone. After much pushing, arguing, and poking Koth got his way and Lana reached out to Theron to come join them. "I think you did the right thing, she was a mess and clearly needed him beside her." Koth calmly said as he kept his eyes on how the two we're almost glued to the others side.
"I don't like admitting when I'm wrong, but you we're right, she was a mess without him. I'm surprised she opened up to you." Lana said.
"The poor woman lost five years of her life. Everyone she knew that we're with her are gone and even you can't locate them. He was the only one we could reach that she has a stronger connection to him and if you intend to force the role of Commander on her...We need her thinking straight and clearly or what is to come." Koth said as he watched the two head inside the base.
"You're right Koth...I do need her thinking clearly. She almost killed people we cannot afford to lose. I could take the role of Commander, but the people want The Outlander, The Emperors Wrath to lead them into glory. As long as Theron Shan breathes she will do anything in her power to protect the one thing she cares about." Before Lana could continue she saw a flower thrust into her vision and looked at Koth curiously. "Where did you find this?" She asked taking the flower and examine it carefully.
"I went for a walk and found it. It reminded me of those pretty eyes you got." Koth said starting to walk away from her.
Lana felt her face flush as she hurried after Koth to finish the supervising of the other rooms in the base that we're nearly done.
Later that Night...
Theron had pulled Sam closer to him as both of them lay covered in sweat panting as their bodies seemed to mold as one. "I won't let you go again...Where you go I will go. That is a promise." Theron spoke as he curled his fingers around hers.
"What if you can't be beside me?"
"I will whisper words of encouragement into your ear so you know I'm still with you." He smirked as he ran his finger over her ring finger.
"A day will come though when we have to part ways, the question is, who will depart from the mortal world before the other?"
"Not for a long time I hope...60, 70, maybe 80 years? I can wish right? Now; is what's important is the here and now, as long as I have you I think I see a ray of hope in the darkness. You will be the one to change this war around and when it's over maybe we can leave all of this behind us and settle down on a planet and have a small simple life with lots of kids."
"Five...And Naboo would be nice."
"Five eh? I think we can handle that and Naboo is a nice place with lots of water and the weather is nice all year around. I think we can do that." Theron agreed.
"None of our kids will join Jedi or Sith...I will teach them the force, but I will not make them choose one side."
"Make them learn the gray path. It's what Revan used to follow. If I could find my mother she has access to all of Revan's teachings. They would be of use to you now in your state. If you ever need to talk come to me. I'll be here for you when I can and all I ask is you e here for me when I need you."
"Just don't leave me alone again. You we're all I thought about when I rammed Marr's ship into the Eternal Fleet in hopes too take them out with us. I had only you in my thoughts to such a degree when I was locked in my prison I dreamed of us. A world free of war, where Jedi and Sith didn't exist, but the force still did and it was balanced. We we're happy and free of our chains."
"I like the sound of that...Lets hope when this war is over such a world can exist." Theron smiled as he felt her start to drift off as her breathing became even. "I love you." Theron whispered into her ear as he laid his head down to sleep with her, the two of them drifting off into their own dreams of a world that was better then the one they lived in now.
-Fin-