Disclaimer – I own no one, definitely don't own the amazing lyrics that are by The Veronicas. The song is called All I Have. Don't sue me! I'm just writing because the song inspired me.
You're the One I Love
She turned in the bed, her back turned to the familiar body that comforted since that fateful night. She took a breath as he wrapped his arms around her thin waist and tucked his face into her hazel hair. She heard him whisper the all too familiar 'I love you' before he drifted off to sleep. With one last sigh, she closed her eyes trying to convince herself this is what was supposed to happen. Minutes passed as she started to feel somewhat comfortable in the strong embrace before slept overtook her exhausted frame.
"Alex!" She woke with a start, her breathing was rapid and she looked down at the slumbering body next to hers. She peered at the clock, 5:45am. Looking out the window, she noticed the sun starting to peek somewhat over the horizon. Her eyes drifted back to the bed, and she pulled her long bronzed legs to her chest, the sheet covering her knees as she tucked her chin in between them and wrapped her arms around her calves. Her long hair cascaded down her back, some over her shoulder as she looked back out the window of the pool house. Her thoughts wandered as she only thought of the blonde that left her just months before. She couldn't stop thinking about her, wondering if she went back to her parents for sure, or if she went back to Jodie, or was even still in California. Scoffing at the thoughts, she turned them into anger. She left her, gave up on her, Ryan was there for her while she decided to leave and not fight. Yes, that's right, its Alex' fault, not hers. But…why doesn't it feel that way?
I was missing you
You were miles away
He was close to me
I let him stay
Then I closed my eyes
He almost felt the same
But when the morning broke
I cried out your name
She squeezed her eyes shut, willing the tears to stop coming but to no avail they continued, maybe even more than before. Wiping at them furiously, Marissa threw her legs over the side of the bed, pulled on her jeans from the night before, found the rest of her clothing and stepped out of the pool house. How could she be so stupid? He was the reason they broke up and she knew it. And here she was, in his bed almost night after night. Why did he have to break them up? Why did he have to come between the best thing she ever had? Nothing happened with him…why did things have to end? Had she known, she would have ended her friendship with him, if that's what you could even call what the two had. They were never 'just friends'. It was always more. And now…she lost the one thing that ever really mattered to her.
If I'd only known
It would break us
I'd have done anything just to save us
Trudging up the ramp of the guardhouse, her feet were heavy. She slumped down the wall of the shack and looked out at the water. She wrapped her arms around her, and buried her hands in the pocket of her hoodie. She stretched her legs out in front of her and watched the water, the tears coming once again as she watched the surfers catching the best waves of the day in the early morning water. Grasping the hard steel object in her hand, she pulled the flask from her hodie, unscrewed the lid and pressed the opening to her mouth. Taking a deep breath, she knocked the bitter liquor back, grimacing at the first taste. She did this several times as she watched the bodies in the water move so angelic. She never drank like this when she was with 'her'. Sure, they drank, they partied, but she never drank just to do it, she had no reason to, and now her reason for living was gone.
After endless hours of sitting in that exact spot, she pushed herself from the hard wood floorboards, dusted the stray sand from her legs and butt and made her way down the ramp once more. She looked back once more before she walked up towards the mansions that filled the hills of Newport Beach. Coming to the front door of the mansion twenty minutes later, she braced herself for what lay inside.
"Marissa? Is that you?" Julie's annoying voice sounded as the front door closed.
She rolled her eyes and ignored her mother's inquisition. Pulling her heavy body up the steps she held the flask firmly in her hand in the pocket of the large Harbor sweatshirt.
"Marissa! Where have you been? Were you with Ryan again all night?" Julie's voice stopped her.
Turning slowly around, she looked at her mother, "yes I was with Ryan all night. Where else would I be mother? With Alex?"
Julie scowled at her daughters bitter tone, "if the Cohen's weren't so respectable I wouldn't even let you go over there."
She laughed sarcastically at the comment, "you can't control a damn thing I do mom. All you've succeeded in doing is making my life a living hell, taking everything away I've ever loved." With that, she turned on her heel, leaving her mother speechless at the bottom of the staircase. Continuing up to the third floor of the mansion, she reached her room and slammed her door shut before she threw herself onto her bed and buried her face into the pillow. When she Alex it wasn't like this, Alex protected her from anything harmful, even her own mother. Maybe she could get her to come back, if she just fixed all of this, maybe Alex would come back and they could be together.
Sitting up she reached into her hoodie. She crossed her legs in front of her as she sat in the center of her large plush bed. Her fingers fumbled as she crossed over the name in her contacts list on her phone. Biting the corner of her bottom lip, she decided against calling, maybe it was disconnected. Instead she hit another button that took her to a blank text screen. Typing quickly on the small flip phone, she hit that green button and snapped her phone shut.
Within minutes she received a text back, 'I forgave you along time ago.' Quickly replying, she pressed the send button again. She waited and waited, fifteen minutes passed before her phone alarmed her of another incoming text. She read it, 'do you really love me?' Typing a reply, she pressed send and snapped her phone shut.
'Cause you're all I have
When the world comes down on me
You're the one I love
And I'm begging you to see
You're all, you're all, you're all I have
You are, you are the one I love
You are, you are, you're all I have
Laying down on her bed she pulled her knees to her chest, waiting for another response. Jumping at the sudden ringing coming from her phone, she flipped it open and pressed it to her ear, not even a hello, all she heard was, "what about Ryan?" Choking back her sobs, she responded, "there is no Ryan. Just you." She heard a sigh come from the phone, "how do I know that?"
You've forgiven me
But it doesn't change
The guilt I feel when you mention his name
No more innocence
How to trust again
Wanna believe that you won't do the same
"You have to trust me, believe me. It's always been you, there was never anything with him, not while I was with you," she tried to grasp for anything. "So he was there after?" She stayed silent, that was enough of an answer for the other, "what do you want from me?" She felt panicked at the question, "just you! I just want you…"
And every time we fight
We're gettin' closer
I slowly die inside
I'm scared it's over
"You had me!" She shrunk into her bed at the angry tone coming from her, "you had me and look what happened. You aren't the only one who got hurt!" She wiped at the tears as the cascaded down her cheeks, "I just don't want to lose you for good…" She heard the girl huff on the other end, "don't you think it's a little late for that?" Thinking quickly, she replied, "I love you, you're the only one I've ever loved like this, I just wish you'd see that."
'Cause you're all I have
When the world comes down on me
You're the one I love
And I'm begging you to see
You're all, you're all, you're all I have
You are, you are the one I love
You are, you are, you're all I have
Figuring she wasn't going to object, she continued, "I was stupid, I know I was stupid, but I can't do this anymore. I can't go on thinking its going to get better because its not. It's been three months and I miss you more every day. I love you. And…and I know you love…or loved me. And I didn't care, I was selfish and I know that, Alex. But if I could, I would take it all back, everything that happened, just so I didn't lose you. I'm not a good person without you. I need you."
Your love for me was always there
Maybe too much for me to care
Now that I know I messed it up
I'd give my all to take it back
"Tell me you love me too…" she begged her.
'Cause you're all I have
When the world comes down on me
You're the one I love
And I'm begging you to see
You're all, you're all, you're all I have
You are, you are the one I love
You are, you are, you're all I have
There is a sequel, don't worry. But I like feedback.