Fat Chance at Love, a screenplays fanfic

"Fat Chance At Love"

By: Kevin Adriano

Characters:

Chuck Main Character, fat, and love deprived

Buddy Main Support Character, suave, blunt, and a lady's man

Tess Support Character, Buddy's cousin.

Lynn Support Character, Tess' friend

Rose Chuck's former love interest.

Scene: Chuck wakes up to the alarm of his cell phone. Proceeds to his washroom while "All Star" by Smashmouth plays. Door closes, emerges out all dressed for the day. Proceeds to his kitchen and whips up a breakfast.

Chuck: (voice over.) My name is Chuck- 16 years old and 16 years without a date. Oh, I've tried, lots of time before... but it never really works out. Life likes to put the things I want just above my reach. That's why I've been depressed lately. No money and no gal. But, when life gives you eggs that doesn't become chicks, you make scrambled eggs. And bacon. And French toast. And pancakes and a nice cool glass of orange juice. Complete with a crunchy bowl of cereal in cold, sweet milk. (Smile)

Door rings while Chuck is eating. Chuck gives out a long sigh and opens the door.

Enter Buddy, Tess and Lynn.

Camera focuses in on Buddy while he does a "fonz" pose. Introduce Buddy.

Chuck:(voice over.) This is my friend Buddy. We've been best buds for ages. And from the moment we met, he was always a smooth talker and knew his way around the ladies. Even right now. (Zoom in on Tess.) That's Tess, Buddy's cousin. Always in the fashion trend. (Zoom on Lynn) That's Lynn, Tess' friend. Quiet, but really smart.

Buddy: Hey bud! Mmmm, smells like breakfast. (Enters.) Nice, eggs. I'm starving.

Tess: Hey Chuck. (Enters)

Lynn: Good morning Chuck! Sorry to barge in. (Enters)

Chuck hangs his head with the door open. Sighs, closes it, and heads to the kitchen, where Buddy and Tess are eating his breakfast. Lynn waves hi to him. Chuck looks slightly annoyed at Buddy. Buddy winks at Chuck, Chuck sighs, and sits down.

Buddy: So, what's with you lately man? Haven't seen you in awhile. Got any ketchup?

Chuck: (gets ketchup) Ah, well, I haven't been feeling well lately.

Buddy: Is this about Rose? You got to let her go bud. I mean come on. She was waaaayyyy outta your league.

Chuck: Well, that's exactly my point! Every girl is out of my league! I just can't seem to find a date!

Tess: I think I know why.

Buddy: She, uhh, means that you just need some help!

Lynn: Yeah! Totally! Buddy can help you out!

Buddy: So, how about it Chuck? Want to know how to get a date?!

Chuck: Seriously?

Buddy: Yup. Meet us at (insert store) tomorrow at (insert store opening). Got anymore food?

End scene

Scene: Day cycle. Lynn, Tess, and Buddy are waiting in front of said store. Enter Chuck.

Chuck: Hey guys! Sorry I'm late.

Buddy: Its k. Come, let us show you your first lesson. Dressing the part.

Tess: First impressions are important. You want to look like good. And not look like a total douche bag. ahem (looks at Buddy- who is wearing what Sean wears.)

Lynn: Ok! Let's get started!

Clothe Montage.

Scene: Board Room. White Board with "Pick Up lines 101" Lots of pick up lines.

Buddy: Alright. Now that you're all dressed and ready, let me teach you your greatest arsenal. Pickup lines. Let's start with the basics. First, remember the line. BE THE LINE. Next, like a joke, your timing has to be perfect. Say it too fast, and it will lose all meaning. Say it too slow, and you look like you got distracted by her boobs. And finally, your body language. Look at her with lust in your eyes. Now, let's go try it out. (Fade out)

Buddy: OK, let me give you a demo. (To Lynn) Hey baby, do you have a band aid?

Lynn: No...Why?

Buddy: Because I skinned my knee when I fell for you. (Lynn looks flustered). See? Easy. You try.

Pick up line montage.

Buddy: Ok. Obviously, we need more work on that. Ok, let me teach you more about the complex enigma that is the female kind. They say women are from Venus. Well, I'm no astronomer, but from what I've seen, that saying is true. Venus looks beautiful, and that's because of the sulphuric gases that the volcanoes give off! Yes, 'tis true. Also, women are like fire. They warm you up, but get too close and they burn you! And remember the saying old and true. Hell hath no fury than a woman scorned. What I'm basically trying to tell you man, is that girls are like roses! They have thorns. So watch yourself.

Chuck: Dude...I thought you were helping me get a date.

Buddy: Yeah! That monologue was to encourage you!

Chuck: That monologue scared the living crap out of me.

Tess: Chuck, Buddy has a point.

Lynn: But not all girls are like that! We just want to be appreciated now and again. Maybe get complimented on something rather than our looks. And sometimes, when we seem angry, maybe it's because the things we fuss over too look our best goes by unnoticed.

Buddy: Soooo, girls want attention. And attention is what we shall give them. Let's go and try out this new information.

Pick up line montage ii

Buddy: Ok. Desperate times call for desperate measures. There is one more secret I can tell you. But, I can only show you the way there. And before that, I must test you.

Chuck: Test me?

Buddy: Yes. I must test your strength. LET US COMMENCE BATTLE!!

Fight Montage.

Buddy: You...you beat me. Fine...you deserve to know. Here, the secret of how to get a date.

(Hands Chuck a mirror)

Chuck: A mirror? That's it? That's the big secret? Geez... you know what? I think I'll go get a medical advice.

Exit.

Scene: Office. With Doctor and Chuck.

Chuck: So Doc, give it to me straight. What's the diagnosis?

Doctor: Well, you are a class 2 obese.

Chuck: Doctor, I didn't go to med school. Talk to me in English.

Doctor: Well, Chuck, you have extra weight.

Chuck: I see. Hmm... could you possibly dumb it down a bit?

Doctor: Youre fat.

Chuck: Still dont get it.

Doctor: Get out of my office.

Scene: Chuck is on a tree looking at the river. Sadness and Sorrow plays. Sighs.

Pump It plays. Hot Chick comes enters. As she walks, guys fall down when "pump it louder" is said. Then she approaches Chuck.

Chuck: Rose...

Rose: Chuck, you are fat. That's why you're not getting a date. If you really want to get laid, drop some lard! So pull you're fat ass together! I got you a date with one of my friends!

Chuck: ...wow. Thanks Rose! Hug?

Rose: Uhhhh... no.

Chuck: (voice over) So... I followed Rose's advice and decided to drop a few pounds before my date.

Scene: day cycle. Wakes up to "eye of the tiger" ROCKY TRAINING MONTAGE.

Scene: Outdoor restaurant. Rose is waiting. Enter Chuck. Looks the same.

Chuck: (voice over) well? What did you expect? It was a 30 seconds workout montage. But... Rose?! What happened to your friend?

Rose: Well, I didn't want her to suffer going on a date with you. Well? Do you still want to go?

Chuck: Yeah...

Rose: Alright! C'mon!

Date montage

Scene: Walking on a sandy beach, holding hands, laughing. Sunset.

Rose: (takes Chuck's hands and faces him) Chuck... you're a good guy. You don't need pick up lines or fancy clothes. You just need to be you! You just need to be more confident in yourself! Because you're funny, charming, and... in your own fat way... kinda cute. (Kiss on cheek) Rose Exits.

Chuck: (touches his cheek and looks into the sunset, voice over) It's true what they say. "Every rose has its thorns". But you know what? I'm willing to hold on to that stem of thorns, just to hold a flower that beautiful.

FIN