*Note: This episode was inspired by the Batman:The Animated Series episode "Almost Got 'Im"
"Hurry up, Lobe!" Joker yelled. "We're waiting for you so we can start!"
The Lobe ran into the room where the other villains sat at the table. He carried a plate full of cookies and other sweets.
"Terribly sorry" The Lobe said. "I was just putting the finishing touches on the food for tonight's activities".
The five villains sat at the round table. But on this night, they weren't plotting any schemes. Instead, they were gathered for their weekly poker game. They had started the tradition since they first created Arkville, and it proved to be a fun getaway from their villainous schemes and such.
As The Joker shuffled the cards and passed them out to the other four players, he said,
"Say, you know what would make this game even more interesting? Hows about each of us tell our own little 'almost got 'em' story about each of our nemeses. Trust me, I've done it before with the villains of Gotham, and it's loads of fun. So, what do you say, fellas?"
The other villains agreed that it seemed like a good idea and decided to tell their own stories about the heroes they despised.
"I'll go first" Discord said happily as he scanned over the cards in his hands.
"It all started in Ponyville a while back. I was able to escape from my stone prison and steal the Elements of Harmony. So the 'great and powerful' leader Celestia got six of her loyal subjects (you know, those colorful ponies) to get them back from me. Little did they know what kind of power I had, and how I just loved to cause a little chaos".
He chuckled to himself as he drew a card from the deck.
"So, anyway, I fooled the ponies into thinking that the elements were in a hedge maze, and while they were looking for them, I corrupted each of them and turned them against each other! Ha ha, it was the most fun I've had in eons! So, I caused Ponyville to be consumed by chaos until somehow the six ponies found a way to defeat me and turn me back into stone. That just ruined all my fun".
"Ah, I suppose it's my turn now!" Eggman said with delight. "My story starts when I discovered this ancient creature named Chaos. And no, Discord, he wasn't like you at all".
Discord gave a slight smirk and looked back down at his cards. Eggman continued,
"I was able to put him under my control and found out that he grew stronger with every Chaos Emerald he absorbed. Therefore, I had him go out and find the seven emeralds so that he would become unstoppable. And I would have had world domination with him, had that blasted hedgehog not come and ruin everything! He defeated Chaos so many times that Chaos was able to break free of my control and went on a rampage through Central City. By himself at that! Not to mention he destroyed my beautiful Egg Carrier too!"
The villains each studied their hand as Doofensmirtz said,
"I guess I should tell my little story now, huh? Well, first let me give you gentlemen a little fact. Those two super-intelligent boys that are part of the Cartoon Force aren't actually my nemeses. No, my nemesis is a secret agent platypus. Perry the Platypus, to be exact!" And well, I don't have only one story where I almost got him. Everytime I see him, I capture him in some elaborate trap but he always finds a way to get out of it and defeat me. I don't know how he does it!"
The other villains stared at him blankly.
"Really?" The Joker said. "Really? Your nemesis is a platypus? You've been defeated time and time again by a platypus?"
"Hey, he's a secret agent platypus!" Doofensmirtz said in his own defense. "There's a big difference!"
The Joker facepalmed and turned to The Lobe.
"Lobey, please tell your story before I slap Doofensmirtz across the face" Joker said as he drew a card from the deck.
"Certainly" The Lobe said as he put his chips in the center of the table. "My story begins on Freakazoid's birthday. He thought that because of some rule in the 'superhero codebook', on his birthday he had to do favors for anyone who needed one. But, here's the funny part: I was the one that wrote the superhero codebook and put that rule in! So, seeing my opportunity, I told Freakazoid to leave me alone. Because he abided by the book he had to do so. So I was free to terrorize the city and declare myself mayor! And he could do nothing about it! And I also didn't have to worry about any other superheroes because they had been on a conference on some moon".
He looked over his cards and laughed to himself.
"But, eventually Freakazoid found out that I was the one who wrote the codebook and after a rediculous car chase, he threw me in jail. In hindsight, maybe it wasn't the best idea to put the title 'Lobe Industries' on the back page of the book".
The Joker looked around at the four villains and gave a loud groan.
"Wow, I never realized how pathetic you four really are! I mean come on! Discord, you were defeated by colorful ponies! Eggman, you were defeated by a work of your own creation! Doofensmirtz, you were defeated by a platypus! And Lobe, you were defeated by your own stupidity! Why did I think it was a good idea to team up with you four in the first place!"
"Well, what's your story then, mister 'I'm the best villain around'?" Discord questioned.
Joker raised and eyebrow and said, "I don't have just one story. Everytime I have a perfect plan, one that can't possibly fail, Batman comes along and ruins everything! I can't count the amount of times I've come so close to victory, just to see it fall out of my grasp. All thanks to the Dark Knight himself. Ooh, it just makes me so angry!"
He slammed his fist on the table and the chips went flying. He looked around and saw the other villains were a little frightened. Joker laughed and said,
"Well, that little rant was fun! Now, let's finish up this game!"
After a few minutes, Joker threw his hand on the table saying,
"Royal Flush, I win! Pay up, losers!"
The other villains reluctantly reached into their pockets and pulled out twenty dollars each, giving it all to the Joker.
"Pleasure playing with you gentlemen!" Joker laughed. As he stood up, several cards fell out of his sleeve.
"You cheater!" Eggman said and pointed at Joker. As he pointed, a few cards flew out of his sleeve as well.
Joker smiled and said, "Well, looks like I'm not the only one who's been cheating! Anyone else want to fess up?"
Lobe and Doofensmirtz looked at each other and emptied their sleeves of cards as well. Even Discord pulled a couple cards out from behind his own ears and layed them on the table.
The Joker laughed, "Say, maybe you fellas aren't so bad after all! Good to see that I'm not the only deviously sneaky villain here! So, another game, same time next week?"
"Absolutely!" the other villains said together.