Ever wonder what happened to Carver? Or the Santa cup? Or what Alex's nephew's name is? Well, I have. So I wrote this parody! Enjoy, and please remember to review!

Disclaimer: Not mine!

CICICICICICICICI

It was an unusually quiet day at One Police Plaza.

Bobby Goren was brooding at his desk, occasionally pausing to stare longingly at his unobtainable partner, Alex Eames. But he was too worried about which father was which and the long lost Santa cup to act on the feelings that burned at him every day of his meaningless existence.

Alex sat across from him, pondering her husband's death and the nephew she had never wanted to give up. She reached into her desk drawer that contained hundreds of bags of skittles and grabbed one, ripping it open. Her partner kept staring at her, and she kept pretending not to notice. Who would be stupid enough not to notice? The man was hot, except for that damn carpet on his face. If she tried to kiss him now, she'd get some serious rugburn. Ouch!

The doors opened, and Bobby and Alex were incredibly surprised when Mike Logan swaggered into the squadroom. "Logan!"

He smiled. "Hey, guys. I'm back!"

Alex raised an eyebrow as she popped another skittle. "Where did you go?"

He shrugged and held out his left hand. "Well, I married Carolyn, and we had a few kids."

"What?"

Carolyn followed him, holding a three year old by the hand. A younger child was cuddled in her free arm, and it was obvious that she was pregnant again.

Both Bobby's and Alex's jaws dropped in complete shock and surprise.

Mike nodded proudly as Deakins appeared, and Bobby and Alex were even more shocked.

"Captain?"

He nodded. "I heard you guys were having some problems with the new guy, so I came back to help!" He marched into his old office, reemerging a few moments later and dragging Ross by the poodle hair that he had on his head. He shoved him out of the squadroom, then wiped his hands together. "I'm back!"

"So am I," Carver announced, walking into the squadroom.

All eyes were suddenly on him, and Mike raised an eyebrow.

"The captain and I left for good reasons. Well, the captain did. I don't know why I left. But where the hell did you go?" he demanded.

Carver laughed. "Well, somehow I wound up in Amarillo." He held up a suitcase.

Deakins lit up. "My luggage!"

Bobby and Alex exchanged glances. What the hell was going on here?

There was silence for a moment, until Deakins finally said, "I'm going to my office." He walked away.

Carver nodded. "I'm sure you have a case for me to prosecute somewhere."

Mike sat down at his old desk, while Carolyn left to find a nursery for the babies.

Alex finished her skittles, then leapt over the desks, landing on her stunned partner. Then she started kissing him.

He pulled back a little, stunned and tasting skittles. "I'm tasting the rainbow."

She smirked and pointed in the direction of the interrogation rooms. "Wanna taste my rainbow?"

"Oh, God, yes!" He scooped her up into his arms and took off with her down the hall.

Mike was all alone in the squadroom when Tony Cragen and Alex Cabot walked in. He looked up at them and raised an eyebrow. "I think you guys are in the wrong precinct."

They looked around. "I guess we are," Alex sighed. They walked back out.

Next Alex's nephew walked in, and Mike looked at him. "Who are you?"

He frowned. "I'm Alex's nephew, Matt!"

"Oh! She talks about you all the time, but she never says your name!"

He huffed, looking annoyed. "Well, my name is Matt. And I'm goin' home." He stormed back out.

Mike shook his head.

And on Alex's desk, the Santa cup finally reappeared.

The End!

A/N: I was laughing the whole time I wrote this! I think I covered everything, but if there's something I missed, let me know! Thanks for reading, and please remember to review!