Disclaimer: I own nothin'
Spoilers: Day 8
A/N: Angst seems to be my forté, I apologise if this isn't what you want to read! Slightly AU-ish but that depends on your take of things.
***
"But if the world should really pale
Dark night of the soul is real
Let me offer I've been there
And one day that darkness clears"
-Meg Hutchinson 'Home'
***
He wished she would let him help. He'd been there, he knew what it felt like to reach the edge of the abyss and feel a certain amount of release when you started to fall into it.
He knew what it was like to feel like every synapse in your brain was on fire and the only thing to douse it was the closest bottle.
He knew what it was like to feel needles poking into your arms, every inch of them crying for respite, only to look down and realise that nothing was there.
He knew what it was like to feel like everyone was looking at you, searching for a sign of failure, of relapse. Knew what it was like when they all failed to catch your latest fall.
He knew what it was like to feel like your blood was on fire, feel it soaring it through your veins increasing the power of every pump of your heart, only to think that the only release would be the knife cutting into them and relieving the pressure.
He knew what it was like to lie in bed and hope that this would be your last day.
He knew what it was like to hope that you would never have to stand within ten feet of another living being; hoping that you would slowly fade away and it would all be reconciled in your stead.
He knew what it was like to be her.
***
Holding her wrists in his hands, rubbing his hands over the remains of her scars, he amazed at the emptiness in her eyes; realising that this must have been what he looked like when he was returned from China.
She terrified him.
And every part of his soul wanted to consume her pain and watch her walk away into a distant light of release.
***